Disintegration
by VeraRose19
Summary: Sequel to "You're There for Me". Ten years of marital bliss is shattered, when Red receives news of a life altering diagnosis. "I shouldn't be here," she said. "I'm not like that." [Complete]
1. Chapter 1

_I consider this story to be a sequel to the three-part story "You're There for Me" but you don't have to read that one in order to follow this one._

 _It will include a lot of Nicky & Lorna, Gloria's sons, Red's sons, Red's daughter-in-law Lida (Vasily's Wife), and their grandchildren. I always imagine Red and Gloria being closer in age than they are on the show. For this story, I picture Red being in her early seventies and Gloria mid-to-late sixties. They have been in a relationship in the real world for about ten years, and got together while still inmates in Litchfield. _

_Warning that this story will be sad. It involves Red's journey with a serious condition. If you can't bear to read about sad things happening to her then you might not like this story, but my goal is to make this very true to the reality that many elderly people and their caregivers/families endure every day._

 _I always appreciate constructive feedback and hope you review. If you have any suggestions about things you would like to see, let me know and I'll do my best to include them. Thanks for reading!_

 **I do not own Orange is the New Black**

It was a waiting room no different from any other. Magazines cascaded across the tables, potted plants were set in the sun, and information pamphlets for various ailments were on display. Green anti-slip matting covered the floor and on the pristine white walls hung framed black and white photographs of flowers, kittens, and the sea. It was clearly intended to be a soothing place for people to sit while they waited for potentially life-changing news, but all Red felt was restlessness and agitation.

"I shouldn't be here," she said in a soft voice that Gloria needed to strain her ears to hear, "I'm not like that-". Her face was stiff and unreadable, but her eyes flickered anxiously around her surroundings. The room was overcrowded with walkers, canes, and two patients were even strapped into these large forbidding wheelchairs. Nearly everyone appeared to be accompanied by a support person or caregiver, and they all visibly looked to have something severely wrong with them.

The realization that she had been grouped in with people like that was incredibly unnerving to Red. She still couldn't fully comprehend the dramatic turn her life had taken in just a short matter of weeks. She had had the nagging suspicion that something was wrong for awhile now but ignoring it hadn't made it go away and she had finally conceded to have a check-up done by her primary physician. That had led to blood work, MRI scans, and ultimately with a referral to see a doctor who specializes in neurological disorders. It was all moving so quickly and it was distressing to realize how serious everyone was taking her symptoms. As she sat, looking around at the other waiting patients, Red's hope that she would be given a clean bill of health and sent on her way was diminishing. She wouldn't be here if there wasn't a problem.

"We're going to figure this out," Gloria said calmly. Putting down the magazine that she had been pretending to read, she brushed back Red's hair from her face and kissed her forehead. "Whatever they say-at least we'll know what is wrong and we'll figure out what to do about it."

"And if there's nothing that can be done?" Red said quietly. Her eyes were intently fixated upon an elderly man who was hunched over in his wheelchair as a pool of saliva drooled into his lap. "Well, then I'm better off just walking straight into oncoming traffic once we leave here."

"I don't think so," Gloria's wrapped an arm around Red's shoulder. "But now that you've said that, I'll be sure not to let go of your hand while we're on the street-not that I mind, I like holding your hand."

She gave her a warm and reassuring smile, but Red merely scoffed at her words and looked back down at the forms on her lap. Gloria looked down at them also. "How well are you making out on the paperwork?" she asked quietly.

"Mmm," Red uttered a low sound of frustration, and automatically covered the papers with her arm. Her posture was stooped and her upper body hid it all from sight. "I'm not done yet," she admitted quietly.

"Would you like some help?" Gloria asked, knowing very well what her response would be before she even said it.

"No," Red said stubbornly. Reaching for the pen that she had rested on top of the metal clipboard, she held it in a trembling hand and brought it to the paper so that she could finish filling out her forms. Gloria watched painfully out of the corner of her eye, as Red made a single mark with her pen before it slipped out of her shaking grasp and fell to the floor.

"I've got it," Gloria said casually. Her short grey hair brushed across Red's face as she leaned over her to retrieve the pen. When she straightened herself, Gloria held out a hand for the papers and gave Red an imploring look. "May I see them please?" she asked politely. "There's no shame in accepting a little help now and again."

A shadow came over Red's face, although her features seemed frozen as they were. There was no shame is accepting help, but Red had always been better about giving assistance than receiving it. She had always had a resounding need to be needed, and a chronic fear of being needy. It didn't bode well for her in circumstances such as these, even with Gloria, whom she trusted and loved with all of her heart. Nonetheless, she picked the clipboard up off of her lap and begrudgingly offered it over with a trembling hand.

"Thank you," Gloria said quietly. She accepted the papers and then adjusted her clear framed glasses, which sat on the bridge of her nose.

Her eyes glanced over the first page to see how far Red had gotten. The penmanship was small, cramped, and nearly indecipherable. The name at the top of the page, Galina Reznikov, looked as though a child just learning how to print had written it, but it was the best she could do. It was impossible to write neatly when your hand would not stop shaking.

"Okay," Gloria breathed, her pen posed in anticipation. She discreetly re-wrote what Red had already filled out so that it would be legible. She filled out their contact information, insurance, and listed herself as Galina's common-law spouse and next of kin.

The next page was a questionnaire about family history and asked her to specify the symptoms she was experiencing. Tremors, stiffness, difficulty getting out of a chair without something to brace herself on, softer speech, and sporadic experiences of being frozen into place. Red had been enduring all of these for close to a year and trying unsuccessfully to ignore. They had severely worsened in the past month, which is what had finally convinced Red to get herself checked out. Gloria's urging had at last worn her down.

Gloria stood up to hand the paperwork back into the receptionist and then returned to her seat. Red was stooped over in her chair and had her hands clenched tightly together, as a bid to control the tremors. It wasn't working though, and her head would not stop jerking, making it seem as though she were saying 'no' over and over again. She didn't look well at all, and Gloria had no false sense of hope that what they learned today would not be completely devastating. She took a deep breath and called upon her strongest and bravest self. Today, she needed to be the rock.

"I don't like that picture," Gloria said lightly, as she sat back down in the seat next to Red. They were both looking up at a large black-and-white image of a bouquet of wildflowers. "I mean, the prettiest part of a flower is its colour. You take that away and what's the point?"

"Huh," Red murmured.

Gloria gently pulled Red's hands apart so that she could hold her trembling right in her own. "The secretary reckons the wait won't be too much longer," she said quietly. "Are you thirsty? I could get you some water."

"No," Red replied.

"Look, I know this is scary," Gloria whispered, "it is for me too-but no matter what we find out in there, it's not going to change anything overnight, you know."

Red shrugged impassively. Gloria sighed and brought her hand to her lips for a kiss. "And _if_ it turns out to be something, well then we'll be able to get you started on a treatment plan which will make you feel much better."

"There's no cure, Gloria," Red said in her soft and wavering voice. "If it is what the doctor suspected it was...well then I'm completely f**ked."

"No, you're not," Gloria replied, "there's therapies, medications-you'll have a lot of options. We just have to wait and see...and I'm going to be with you every step of the way."

"Not-uhh," Red hesitated, "will you wait out here though? I just-if it's bad news...I need to hear it by myself first."

"You don't want me to go with you?" Gloria asked disbelievingly. When Red refused to meet her eye, Gloria sighed and nodded her head. "If that's what you want," she said quietly, trying to be understanding.

It was impossible for anyone to know how they would react if being faced with the prospect of a serious and debilitating disease, but Gloria thought that if their positions were reversed she'd be taking comfort in Red's presence, not asking for space. Red had always been a very independent person though, and as close as they had become in the past ten-years of domestic bliss, Red still seemed to have the tendency to initially withdraw into herself when upset. It was important to let her come in her own time.

"Galina Reznikov," a nurse called as she walked into the waiting room.

Red's hand tightened in hers severely, as Gloria placed her other on the small of her back and helped her to her feet. The nurse gave her a sympathetic smile. "Follow me," she said. Red walked slowly, her feet shuffling so that they barely lifted off of the floor.

Gloria watched her leave anxiously and then pulled out her cell phone. She had no messages aside from a good morning text sent from Julio in California. None of their children or grandchildren had been told anything. Red didn't want them to know and they knew better then to mention their growing concerns to her directly. Gloria had been interrogated by them all several times and it bemoaned her to keep them in the dark. She could have used some support herself right about now.

She was in the process of typing out her reply to Julio when she felt a shadow cast over her and looked up to see the nurse standing there.

"Is she okay?" Gloria asked concernedly, shoving her phone back into her bag. "What did the doctor say?"

"The doctor hasn't seen her yet," the nurse replied, "but she's very nervous and I think she'll do better with you in the room. She asked me to come get you."

"I guess she changed her mind then," Gloria said, getting to her feet. "She asked me to wait out here."

She followed the nurse down the corridor and into an office with two chairs and an examination table. Red was seated alone in the room, staring blankly at the wall as Gloria sat down beside her. Wordlessly, she rested her hand on Red's arm, and instinctively, Red angled herself towards her and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Asking Gloria to wait outside had been a mistake. Red had felt like she was drowning alone and knew she had never needed anyone more. Neither said anything, but Gloria held her tight as they waited several long minutes for the doctor to finally arrive.

Doctor Khan was an bespectacled man, with salt-and-pepper hair, and a small goatee. He shook both of their hands and then opened up the file that had all of Red's information and test results inside. They had sent her for blood work and a MRI scan last week, mainly to rule out any other possible reasons for her symptoms.

"Alright, Ms. Reznikov," Doctor Khan said in a deep voice, "I'll ask you to stand up for me, just like how you would if you were alone at home."

Red's eyes darted uncomfortably side-to-side, as the doctor looked at her keenly. She hadn't been expecting to have to move around. She gripped the arms of her chair and heaved herself, with difficulty, to her feet. Her back was hunched over and when the Doctor asked her to stand up straighter, she was unable to do so. He had her walk from one end of the room to the other, observing the way her feet shuffled and how slowly she moved. He determined that her balance was compromised and that her arms hung stiffly at her sides and did not swing. As she stood unassisted, there was a moment when her right leg felt frozen in place and it took a couple of minutes for her to be able to move it again.

"Okay," Doctor Khan said quietly, making notes in her file. "You can have a seat. "

Gloria lips were compressed in anxiety and her entire body felt numb. It was an awful thing to witness. Even though she had been watching these symptoms evolve for awhile, there was something about observing Red in this clinical setting that made it all seem worse. There was nowhere for her to hide anymore. It was time to face the truth.

Red slowly made her way back to her and Gloria patted her thigh supportively when she sat down. Gloria didn't want Red to realize how scared she was. She needed her presence to be strong and soothing right now.

The doctor wheeled over his own chair so that he was directly in front of Red. Her stared at her with a furrowed brow and then cupped her chin firmly in his hand. With his other hand, he tugged on her lips and cheeks, studying her reflexes and muscle control.

"Try to smile," he told her softly, keeping a light hand over her face. He could feel some twitching around her lips but her features remained resolutely stiff and expressionless. She couldn't smile. Releasing his hold, Doctor Khan wheeled himself a bit further back. He made some more notes in her file while Red stared resolutely back at the wall, and Gloria took her hand.

"Ms. Reznikov," Doctor Khan began quietly. "From observing you here, and from the other tests we have performed, I can affirm that you are in the early stages of Parkinson's disease. Have you heard about this condition before?"

"We have," Gloria spoke up, when Red didn't say anything or show any signs of reacting. "Our family doctor-he mentioned it was a possibility."

"Parkinson's is a progressive disorder that affects movement," Dr. Khan said matter-of-factly. "It gets worse with time, and there is no cure."

Red shifted restlessly in her chair and the hand that Gloria was holding began to tremble its hardest yet. Red still hadn't averted her eyes from the wall or given any indication that she was even listening. Her face with still determinedly frozen.

"But, the good news is that a diagnosis means we are able to begin treating the disease and that will help alleviate a lot of your symptoms," Dr. Khan continued to say. He reached for his prescription pad and began to scribble something onto it.

"What are you prescribing her?" Gloria asked calmly.

They had known Parkinson's disease was suspected, even probable, but there was something so final about actually hearing it in such a matter-of-fact and official tone. This doctor examined people like Red all-day long. It was just another case for him, but for Red, it was the end of life as she knew it. And Gloria knew she needed to be strong for her.

"So, we're going to start off with a very effective drug called _Levodopa_ ," Doctor Khan said casually. "It will help reduce your trembling and make movement easier. The medication has the habit of becoming ineffective over time and a higher dosage also increases your side effects, so I gave you a low dosage for now and we will adjust accordingly as we go on."

Ripping the page from his prescription pad, the doctor handed it to Gloria. "I understand that this isn't what you were hoping to hear, but the important thing to keep in mind is that nobody actually knows for sure how this disease will progress. Every case is different. You could stay in this same stage for years."

"But it will...you can't stop it from getting worse, can you?" Red asked in a shaky voice.

"My goal is to keep you as comfortable as possible," Doctor Khan replied. "With modifications, I don't see why you won't be able to lead an almost normal life for a good while yet." He nodded at Gloria, "it seems as though you have a very good support system. That will be invaluable to you. Do you have anymore questions for me?"

"No," Red said faintly, "I just need to get out of here." Placing her trembling hands anxiously on the arms of her chair, she began struggling to pull herself into a standing position.

"I'll see you again in two weeks to determine how the medication is working for you," Doctor Khan said, also standing up. "If you have any questions before then, you can always call the office."

"Thank you," Gloria said softly. She too got to her feet, but the doctor motioned for her to remain behind and give Red a head start out of the room.

"My nurse will give you some information about safety proofing your home to prevent falls and to make it easier for her to manage," the doctor said. "Do you have a lot of stairs?"

"No," Gloria told him. "We live in a bungalow."

"Well, that certainly simplifies things," the doctor replied. "Especially once you need to make modifications to account for a wheelchair-although that is probably a long way off."

"I hope so," Gloria said faintly, feeling as though she were a million miles away. "Thank you," she said again, and turned to walk out of the office and see where Red had gotten to. She felt as though she might explode if they didn't get outside soon.

XXX

They had taken a taxi to get to the doctor's office downtown and the ride back home was filled with a painful silence. Red sat staring out the window. Her hands were neatly folded together and she barely acknowledged Gloria's existence, so completely lost in her own thoughts she was. Gloria watched her out of the corner of her eye anxiously, as the driver turned down the quiet street to the pretty little house they had bought together almost five years ago.

Gloria paid the cab fare, then opened Red's door and helped her out. They walked up the path to their front door. They had a small lawn out front with green grass and bare garden beds that Red would ordinarily have already had flowers blooming in by this time. She had dedicated herself to making the front of their home picturesque and inviting since they had first moved in but hadn't been feeling well enough to tend to things this spring.

"That's something we could tackle together this weekend," Gloria said casually, motioning to the sparse garden. "Go to the store to decide on the flowers you want to plant this year. I'll help."

"I don't think I'll be feeling up to it," Red said sadly. She reached into her purse for her keys and then brought them towards the front door with a trembling hand. After bumping her house key unsuccessfully around the hole a couple of times, she sucked in her breath and held out the keys for Gloria.

"I think it would be good for you," Gloria replied, accepting the keys and swiftly unlocking the door. "We'll see how you are once the medication starts kicking in, but I expect you're going to start feeling a lot more energized soon." She held the door open for Red to walk in first.

"Until it stops working and I end up like those people in that waiting room we saw today," Red said miserably. Bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, Red sat down heavily upon the bench that was set by the door. "I just-I don't-"

"You can't think that way," Gloria pleaded. "Nobody can predict what is going to happen, but the doctor seemed hopeful that things could stay the way they are for a long time. You might never get to that stage, who knows? Let's just take this one day at a time."

Red looked up at her with misty eyes, "I knew that it was going to be bad news today."

"Honey—" Gloria sighed and crouched down on the floor so that she could help Red off with her shoes.

"This isn't what you signed up for," Red said, and her head started jerking back and forth more rapidly the more anxious she became. Her breath was quickening and as her chest began to heave, it became clear that she was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Hey, hey, hey," Gloria called, squeezing Red's kneecaps with her hands she looked up at her from her place on the floor, and willed for Red to return her gaze. "I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere and I never will."

As Red stopped looking wildly around and stared down at her, Gloria breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm in love with you," she reminded her. "And come what may, we're going to face it together. _That_ 's what I signed up for, and there's nowhere else I'd want to be because I belong with you. Do you understand me?"

"I don't-I don't want to ruin your life," Red whimpered.

"That would be impossible," Gloria told her. Climbing back to her feet, Gloria took the spot beside Red on the bench. She wrapped her into a hug and kissed her cheek. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You _are_ my life."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ma, you still doing okay?" Benny Mendoza asked. Walking into the kitchen he plucked a piece of cauliflower from the tray of sliced veggies. Crunching it between his teeth, he came over to the kitchen counter where Red was using her hands to shred lettuce into a large salad bowl. "I wish you'd let me help you-"

"Stop it," Red said softly, not looking at him.

"Stop what?" asked Benny innocently, "being nice?" Opening up the utensil drawer he reached in and grabbed a sharp vegetable peeler.

"You never offer to assist me in the kitchen," Red said, giving him a pointed look. "I let you in on a little secret and all of a sudden you want to help?"

"That's not why," Benny protested, "maybe I just decided that you and mom had a point about a twenty-seven year old man still living at home rent-free, and now I'm trying to earn my keep." Reaching for the bag of carrots set on the counter he began to peel them, ignoring the look of protest that his stepmother was shooting at him.

"Honey, you can live at home for as long as you want provided that you're working," Red reminded him. The smallest tug on the corners of her mouth suggested a smile, although her facial expressions were still resoundingly stiff. Benny grinned up at her, and then placed his peeled carrot off to the side before reaching for another.

"And besides," Red added in her quiet voice. "I wouldn't charge you rent considering that you're hardly ever home anyways."

Benny worked as a cross-country transport truck driver. He was often gone for weeks at a time and lived in various motels in different states. He kept Red and Gloria's house as his home base though. It didn't make sense for him to put money down on a place that would mostly sit empty.

"That is of course under the condition that you continue being excellent at completing all the little tasks that I come up with," Red added with a twinkle in her eye.

"Yeah, how are you liking the new hardwood flooring in the living room?" Benny asked jovially.

"It's beautiful," Red told him. "You did a great job."

"Especially considering the fact that I had no clue what I was doing,' Benny joked. "I made friends with everybody down at the hardware store though. I kept coming back with questions."

"Soon you'll be using all your carpentry expertise to build me a wheelchair ramp," Red said forlornly. A silence fell between the two of them of an ominous kind at the mention of the giant elephant in the room. It was a reminder that even on her good days, there would be darker times to follow. It could not be prevented and Red struggled to keep it out of mind.

"Well, at least you know I'll do a stellar job," Benny teased her. Joking because there was nothing he could say to contradict her. In all likelihood she would be in a wheelchair someday and there was not a damn thing she or anybody could do to prevent it. The disease would progress and grow stronger until it consumed her entire body. This could be years and years away, or it could be soon-nobody knew.

"I'm just kidding," Benny told her quickly. "That might never even happen. You're looking great! I can see definite improvement now that you're on the meds."

"They make me dizzy and I'm nauseous almost all the time," Red complained.

"Have you told your doctor that?" Benny asked, "maybe there's something that can be done."

Red's hands trembled as she scrunched the lettuce leaves between her nimble fingers. On the spot she seemed as though she was vibrating ever so slightly. The medication was doing a great job of dissipating her tremors, but she was due for another dosage soon and the way that they returned in the minutes leading up was a reminder of how dependent on the drugs she was for any sort of normalcy. For a woman who hadn't even liked taking pain killers for a broken eye socket years ago, it was an adjustment to accept just how in need of pharmaceuticals she now was.

"Alright, that's enough," Red said crisply.

"What? Enough carrots?" Benny asked blankly, looking down at the still half-full bag in confusion.

"Enough talking about those sorts of thing," Red clarified. Her hands were trembling but she continued to work them to shred more lettuce leaves. Sometimes giving them a project helped keep symptoms to a minimum. Resting seemed to aggravate them, or perhaps it was just impossible to ignore them then. It made it difficult to fall and stay asleep at night. Red was nearly always tired.

"Sure," Benny shrugged nonchalantly. "But isn't that why everyone is coming over today anyway? So you can tell them?"

"That was your mother's idea," Red replied. "She can do the talking...although if what you're saying is true and I do seem a lot better, then I don't see the purpose behind upsetting them. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Why'd you tell me then?" Benny asked curiously. "You don't care if I worry? Or am I just your favourite person to talk to?"

"I don't know," Red replied. She'd told Benny about her illness casually during the commercials of Survivor-a show they always watched together when he was home. Gloria had already gone to bed, and Red had casually mentioned that a doctor had figured out what was wrong with her and now she was on pills so she hopefully wouldn't tremble as much. Benny had been shocked, but grateful to be in the knowing. After telling his stepmother that he would help her in any way he could, the show had come back on and they had both returned their attention to the T.V like nothing had happened.

"I suppose I just needed to tell somebody and I could count on you not to act differently once you knew," Red said honestly. "Although this sudden helpfulness in the kitchen without me having to ask first is sort of freaking me out."

"Well, I've always been honest with you,' Benny reminded her. "So if I think you're overdoing it, I'm going to let you know."

"Oh, really?" Red said quietly.

"Yeah," Benny nodded. "And I don't want you to take that as me treating you differently-because you were right to count on the fact that none of this would change the way I see you. You're still one of the toughest people I know...actually, this is the strongest I've ever seen you."

"I don't feel strong," Red admitted quietly. "I feel like a pitiful old lady and I can't stop thinking about what's to come, and what that will do to you kids and your mom-I don't want to be this big burden on those I love."

"You're not!" Benny insisted.

Red stared at him with worried eyes, "maybe not yet," she said shakily, "but I don't know what tomorrow brings."

"None of us do," Benny reminded her. "But if you want my opinion, I don't think ignoring the disease is the way to go. You should work with the Parkinson's and listen to what your body is trying to tell you. So if you start to feel tired, then you need to take it easy...and when you have a really good day, then live it to the fullest."

"Yeah…" Red said hesitantly.

"So are you sure that you don't want to rest for at least a few minutes?" Benny asked her. "I promise not to mess up the salad if you let me take over."

"Fine," Red gave in. She shook out her hands and then stepped away from the counter. "I need to take my pills now anyway."

"Sit down and I'll go get them for you," Benny urged. "Where are they?"

"On my dresser," Red told him begrudgingly. She shuffled out of the kitchen slowly and into the living room where she all but collapsed onto the sofa. Her stepson was right, she silently acknowledged to herself. She had been struggling to even keep her eyes open when he had walked in. It was instinctive for her to fight and resist the terrifying changes that were occuring to her body, but it was a battle she was never going to win.

Benny went down the hall towards Gloria and Red's bedroom and immediately spotted the small blue pill case set exactly where she had said it would be. He took out the pills scheduled for now and then went back to the kitchen to get Red a glass of water. When he joined her in the living room, he found her lying down on the couch with her head rested on a small decorative pillow. She worked to sit back up once she saw him, and Benny placed his hand on her shoulder to assist.

"Thank you," Red said quietly, as he handed her a small blue pill. She put in in her mouth and then took a sip from the glass of water that he held out. She gagged as she swallowed the tablet before holding her hand out to accept another.

"You know that nobody is going to be here for at least another hour, right?" Benny said, setting the water glass on a coaster on the coffee table. "So, you have time for a nap if you'd like. I'll finish making supper and mom will help once she gets back from the store."

"Maybe," Red said vaguely, not wanting to admit how tired she was but knowing it was written all over her face anyway.

"I'll wake you up before they get here," Benny assured her. "Do you want to stay on the couch? I'll go get you a blanket and a better pillow…"

"Okay," Red relented.

As Benny went down the hall to the linen closet, Red lay back down and closed her eyes. There hadn't even been much choice involved-It was getting more and more difficult to stay awake for an entire day and if she hadn't consented to nap now, she'd probably have wound up drifting off at the dinner table which would do nothing to reassure her children and grandchildren that she was doing alright for now. Already on the brink of sleep, Red was vaguely aware of somebody covering her with a blanket and then tucking a pillow ever-so-gently beneath her head. Snuggling deeper under the covers, Red was fast asleep before Benny left the room.

XXX

"Galina, love?" Gloria's voice called. Sitting on the edge of the sofa she ran her hand through Red's hair and then down the curve of her waist. She felt frailer to Gloria somehow. The medication she was taking severely impacted her appetite and Red had already lost a fair bit of weight. She stirred at the sound of Gloria's voice and her touch, and Gloria smiled.

"Hey, you," she greeted, when Red finally opened her eyes and blinked up at her confusingly.

"Miss. Millie has really been loving you today," Gloria observed. She motioned to their cat who was curled up on Red's feet and purring loudly. They had adopted her when they had first moved in together and the cat had been with them ever since.

"I remember when I used to be your favourite person," Gloria teased the cat, stroking the top of her head gently.

"I think she just considers me to be a comfortable bed," Red said softly. "Since all I do now is lie around."

"That's not all you do," Gloria protested. "If anything, you don't rest near enough. I'm glad you took a nap this afternoon, though. You kept waking up last night."

"And each time you woke up with me," Red reminded her guiltily. "You must be tired too."

"Not really," Gloria said reassuringly, as Red reached her arms up for assistance sitting back up. Gloria squeezed her hand tightly.

"You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you," Gloria said apologetically, kissing her forehead. "But your kids will all be here soon-Nicky just sent me a text saying that she and Lorna were on their way. I thought you'd probably want to get up before they arrive."

"Yes, I do want to," Red agreed with a nod. She yawned loudly and then dropped her head against Gloria's shoulder.

"You feeling okay?" Gloria asked. She ran her hand in a circle against the curve of Red's spine. Even from a sitting down position, her posture was stooped.

"Yes, I'm fine," Red replied. She tilted her head back for a kiss and then wrapped a steady hand around Gloria's neck. 'I love you," she said softly.

Gloria kissed her lips and then leaned forward to kiss her neck. Inhaling, she breathed in the familiar scent of Red's skin which always calmed her. She needed that now. It wasn't always easy to be the strong one. Though she'd been feeling quite reassured ever since Red had begun taken her prescription. Red still was struggling, but it was nothing compared to how she'd been before beginning treatment. Gloria knew these days wouldn't last forever, but she saw no sense in worrying about what was to come. She lived in the moment.

"You're so cute," Gloria told her fondly, and Red rolled her eyes. "No, I'm serious," she said. "You look beautiful."

The look in Red's eye was still one of disbelief but the faintest blush appeared on her pale cheeks. "Well, thank you," she laughed softly.

"And I promise you that you will feel much better once we get everything out in the open," Gloria told her. "And I'll make sure everyone leaves by a reasonable hour so they don't wear you out."

"I wish you hadn't asked them at all," Red said quietly, with a faraway look in her eyes. She focused them back on Gloria and bit her lip anxiously.

"What are you afraid of?" Gloria asked her softly.

"I'm not afraid," Red scoffed. "I just don't feel like this is necessary-I'm much better now, you and Benny have both told me that. So why do I need to upset my children?"

"Because they need to know what is going on, love," Gloria said in a matter-of-fact tone that left no room for discussion.

"Why?" Red asked in annoyance.

"They've been concerned about you for awhile," Gloria reminded her. "And you owe it to them, and to yourself, to be upfront and honest. This isn't something to be ashamed of."

Red clicked her tongue impatiently but did not argue. She couldn't imagine anything worse than seeing the looks on her children's faces when they learned about how sick their mother was. It was reminding her about how terrible it had been to tell Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily how she had messed up and was going to be locked away from them for a long time because of it. Red could never have imagined that anything could draw comparisons to that painful chapter of her life, but this was close. Although innocent of fault this time, Red couldn't help but hate herself for having to break their hearts again.

"So, is everything finished?" Red asked with a relenting sigh.

"Yes, it's all done," Gloria replied. "Benny took care of it all and I picked up some ice-cream at the store for dessert."

"My boys are coming over for dinner and I didn't even bother to make them a special dessert that they love," Red said guiltily. "That's going to tip them off about something being wrong pretty quickly."

"They're not coming over here for a special dessert," Gloria reminded her. "They're coming over to hear what the doctor said so that they can support you through this. They're lucky to be fed at all. Don't worry, okay? You've done more than enough."

Red nodded her head in understanding. "What kind of ice-cream did you buy?" she asked finally. "Vasily likes heavenly hash…"

"Well today he's going to like chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry," Gloria replied. "You know, the normal kind?"

"I'm sure that will be fine," Red said softly, and she kissed Gloria's lips. "Do you promise to handle explaining it?" she pleaded. "I don't know where to begin-"

"I'm going to take care of everything," Gloria promised, just as they heard the sound of the doorbell ringing. "Starting by answering that door."

XXX

Everyone had happened to arrive on their doorstep at the same time, and within minutes the house was overflowing with family. Most congregated into the living room with Red. They spoke animatedly with her and each other like there were no pressing questions on their minds. Nicky, Lorna, and Red's ten-year-old granddaughter Emilia squeezed onto the couch with her, while Maxim and his boyfriend Luca sat in the two matching arm chairs and took over the television. Yuri, Vasily, and Vasily' son, Alexei, were downstairs in the finished basement checking out the pool table Benny had recently purchased on ebay. Whilst in the kitchen, Gloria was busy putting the finishing touches on their meal with help from twelve-year-old Vera, who hadn't stopped talking her ear off since they'd walked in.

"So, all-in-all, I think the best thing about our trip was Lorna finally accepting that there are only two Bora's in _Bora Bora_ ," Nicky laughed, as she concluded her description of her and Lorna's recent vacation. She leaned back in her spot on the couch beside her mother, and smiled expectantly at Red who was wearing the coral necklace that Nicky had brought her back.

"I know there's only two," Lorna swatted at Nicky's arm. "That was a long time ago.."

"Yeah," Nicky nodded her agreement, turning her attention to her girlfriend. "You've wanted to go there for ages. Did I plan the perfect birthday getaway for you or what?"

"It was supposed to be a honeymoon trip," Lorna reminded her.

"Not with me though," Nicky replied. "When we go on our honeymoon it needs to be somewhere that's completely _our_ place. How about South Africa? I've always wanted to safari."

"You've never gone on a safari before?" Maxim asked in surprise. "I thought you've done everything..."

"No," Nicky shook her head, "my parents were always more of the lie on the beach and go to the spa type of people. They didn't do much by wilderness adventures-so I was always curious how Paolo managed to convince Marka to move with him to Brazil in the first place."

"She's happy to be living back on American soil again now though, right?" asked Red softly.

"Oh, yeah," Nicky nodded. "Another silver lining to that prick finally kicking the bucket."

"Nicky," Red scolded.

"What?" asked Nicky.

"Don't talk ill about the dead," Red reproached her. "Even if they were...you know, while alive."

"Evil?" Nicky suggested, but at the look in Red's eyes she hung her head meekly. "Sorry," she muttered. "Anyway, I spent a lot of time in Europe as a kid."

"And soon Alexei will be," Red said softly, just as her grandson entered the room.

"Soon I will be what, Grandma?" Alexei asked, sitting down on the floor by Red's feet because there were no available chairs left.

"We were talking about Europe," Red said, as Alexei leaned his back against her legs. "And I was just telling Aunt Nicky and Aunt Lorna about how you'll be going there soon."

"I can't wait," Alexei told them happily. "It will be my first time on a plane!"

"I think you're more excited for the plane ride than actually visiting the foreign country," Luca teased.

"Nah," Alexei shook his head. "Well, maybe a little. I've never flown before."

"It's going to be amazing," Red said, smoothing Alexei's hair back with her hand. "And I'm so proud of you for working so hard all this past year to save up the money to go."

"Yeah, every hour I spent bagging groceries for grumpy customers suddenly feels worth it," Alexei replied.

"I didn't think you minded work too much though," Vasily teased, as he came into the room with Yuri and Benny on his heels. "There were some compensations."

"Like what?" Yuri asked, with a grin.

"Like a pretty little cashier named Amber, who just happens to be in Alexei's French class, and going on the trip also," Vasily grinned.

"Seriously, Dad," Alexei groaned, tilting his head back to look up at his Grandmother. "He never stops," he complained to her. "And the worst part is, he thinks he's funny."

"Don't pay him any attention," Red advised her grandson. "He just is jealous because he never had the courage to ask out any girls while he was in high school. I don't think he went out with anyone until he met your mother."

"Aww, so Lida was your first love and your forever love?" Lorna gushed. "I never knew that."

"Yeah...one night Vasily came into the diner I waitressed in and struck up a conversation with me," Lida said, catching the tail-end of their conversation. She wrapped her arm around her husband's waist and smiled. "He asked me out, and I never looked back."

"Sure you did," Nicky retorted with a grin. "You're forgetting all the on-again, off-again years you two had in the beginning...not to mention the bag of change you hit him in the face with for coming home drunk that time." She'd heard all of these stories from Red before and was still highly amused by them.

"I never knew that," Benny looked impressed. "Although I suppose I met you guys once life was settling down…"

"Mom, you did that to Dad?" Alexei asked in astonishment.

"It's called passion, sweetie," Lida told her son, while throwing Nicky a reproachful glare. "And maybe a bit of immaturity. But we figured it out, didn't we? We make a good team."

"We do," Vasily agreed, kissing his wife's cheek. "Best life partner I could have asked for."

"Which reminds me, partner," Lida said, her face evolving into a frown. "You need to deal with Vera tonight, because I am done."

"What do you mean 'deal with her'?" Vasily asked in surprise. "She's being a perfect little angel, she's helping Gloria with supper."

"Well, yeah, she's an angel for Gloria," Lida complained, "but do you hear the way that girl speaks to me? I can't ask her to do a thing without it turning into a fight."

"That's every teenage girl and her mom though," Vasily soothed. He glanced around the room inquisitively. "Isn't it?"

"Well, I mean….I hate Marka," Nicky spoke up, "but that wasn't exactly a phase-so probably not what you wanted to hear."

"No, it isn't," Lida sighed. Her eyes landed on her youngest daughter, Emilia, who had her nose stuck in a book while she rested her head on her grandmother's shoulder. Red was experiencing the lightest of tremors, which were jostling Emilia while she cuddled up with her, but the girl paid them no mind. She just wanted to be close to her Grandma.

Watching them, Lida smiled. "Em, honey?"

Emilia's eyes peered up from behind her book. "Yeah, mom?"

"Do you promise not to hate me once you become a teenager?" Lida asked.

"Okay," Emilia replied with a shrug. Giggling slightly at the madness, she once again disappeared behind her book..

"I don't think you have to worry about this one," Red said fondly, patting Emilia's thigh affectionately. "She's never brings any trouble."

"I don't either," Alexei spoke up.

"No, you're just travelling across the world without your mama," Lida said emotionally, "I'm going to be sitting at home, a nervous wreck the entire time."

"Oh, mom," Alexei rolled his eyes, "it will be fine."

"Which country are you visiting, Alexei?" Lorna asked.

"France," Alexei replied. "We're going to spend five days in Paris and then take a train down to Provence for the rest of the trip."

"You're going to have a wonderful time," Red said quietly. "I can't wait to hear all about it! I always wanted to see Paris."

"You never told me that," Nicky exclaimed "you should go-I'll take you! You wanna fly out there for your next birthday? We can bring Gloria too-"

"I don't think so, honey," Red said quietly, not elaborating her reasoning why.

A pause fell through the room and Red purposefully averted her eyes and pretended to suddenly be fasciated in the book Emilia was reading. She could feel all of her children looking at her and refused to meet their gazes. Everyone was acting like this was just a normal gathering. They were a close knit family and getting together to share a meal occured at least once a week. However, when Gloria had phoned to ask everyone over for this afternoon she had purposefully said that there was something important they needed to talk about. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that it involved their mother's health, which had been an unspeakable concern for them all for awhile now. It seemed they were at last to be given answers-even if Red still seemed most reluctant to talk about herself.

"Nonna said to tell you all that supper is ready," Vera announced, walking into the crowded living room.

"Great," Vasily exclaimed, stroking his daughter's long red hair. "I'm starving."

"That's good, Daddy," Vera told him. "Because there's lots. I helped make a special dip for the _Pernil Asado_ ," she said, using the spanish term for a Puerto Rican variation of roast pork, which Gloria had taught her.

"Did you, honey?" Red asked softly.

"Yes, Grandma," Vera nodded. "I learned it in my cooking class at school."

"Well, I can't wait to try it," Red told her.

She tried to stand up as inconspicuously as possible, but the couch was soft and sunken, which made it much more difficult for her to manage. She waited until the room was nearly empty before attempting to move. Gripping the arm of the couch, Red swung herself forward into a standing position. Her back was curved, but she held her head up as high as she could and tried to exhibit confidence. Nicky and Yuri had both hung back to wait for her, and she didn't want them to think she was weak.

"Easy," Nicky murmured, wrapping an arm around Red's back as though nervous she might fall over without help.

"I'm alright," Red said lightly, attempting to sound upbeat.

"Yeah, you are," Nicky agreed, though she still couldn't help but share a look with her older brother. "I mean, you've still got a little ways to go, but you seem a million times better than the last time I saw you."

"Yes," Red said quietly.

"Soon you'll be as good as new," Nicky said confidently, willing Red to agree.

Red gave a shaky laugh as she shuffled slowly towards the hall. "I don't know about that, Nicky," she said softly. "I'm an old woman...there's only one real direction for me to go in…"

"Well, you look like you're feeling a lot better, Ma," Yuri spoke up. "Whatever the doctor has prescribed seems to be working."

"It's helping me a lot," Red agreed. "But let's go eat now, alright? They're waiting for us…"

The food was all set on the kitchen counters buffet-style and after filling their plates, everyone vied for a spot around the crowded table. Gloria and Vera had set up a folding table to give them more room and covered them both with deep navy blue tablecloths. When Red shuffled into the room slowly with Yuri and Nicky walking cautiously behind her, she immediately searched for Gloria's eye and went over to her.

"I've already got yours ready," Gloria murmured quietly. She pulled out a chair on the side of the table easiest to get into. Red sat down carefully in it, and then Gloria pushed her closer to the table. A full plate was set before her, with her meat already cut up into bite-size pieces so that she would not need to struggle with a knife in front of everyone while attempting to eat.

Gloria sat down in the chair beside her and motioned to her plate as well. "I got mine ready before I sent Vera in to call everyone," she smiled. "I'm not lining up after those guys. I cooked-I deserve prime pickings."

Reaching for her carving knife, Gloria sliced off a sliver of pork and then pierced it with her fork. Dipping it into the sauce, Gloria put it into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully.

" _Florecita?_ " she called, using her special pet-name for Vera. It was what her aunt, Lourdes, had once called her. "Your sauce is magnificent!"

"What did I tell you?" Vera grinned back.

"She gets it from you," Gloria said to Red, who was sampling it now as well.

"Do you like it, Grandma?" Vera asked, as she took the seat next to Red.

"It's delicious," Red told her. "You're going to have to show me how you make that."

"Sure," Vera agreed. And she beamed with pride as the rest of the family sat down and complimented her on her signature sauce.

There was a restlessness around the table while they ate, although everyone tried their hardest to ignore it. Red seemed well to them all, talkative and in good spirits. She was trying her hardest to be pleasant and let them see that she was still the same person she always had been. She didn't want to be seen as less than before, which is what she feared would happen once they all knew about how sick she was.

"How's Julio been?" Lida asked Gloria, "it's been awhile since we've heard from him."

"He loves it out there," Gloria sighed. "And he doesn't know when he'll get a transfer out. I hope when he does, it will be someplace closer. California is way too far."

"But you're proud of him," Red reminded her. She pierced a piece of lettuce with her fork and brought it to her lips.

"Of course, I am," Gloria agreed. "I think he's doing wonderful things in the military. But I could have been proud of him in the state of New York too."

"California?" Emilia said, "could we go visit him, mom? I've always wanted to go there."

"Do you have any idea how much it would cost to fly us all out there?" Lida replied.

"You could drive," Benny suggested unhelpfully. "I do it all the time."

"For a living," Nicky pointed out. "With several stopovers in shady motels where I'm sure your time on the open road is compensated by many visitors."

"Oh, Nicky, seriously," Gloria exclaimed, putting her fork and knife down, "I don't need to think about what sort of trouble my son gets into out there while I'm eating. Just remember, Benny: safe sex, is great sex."

"Ew!" Benny cried. "Can you not?"

"What?" Gloria asked blankly. "You're all grown up...we can't talk candidly about this sort of thing yet?"

"Just stop talking," Benny shook his head. Then he winked at Vera. "You still think you're the one with an embarrassing mom?"

"Vera?" Lida blinked.

"What?" Vera giggled. "Maybe if you stopped dropping by my school unannounced all the time."

"You forgot your lunch," Lida protested, "I was being helpful."

"Well, you could have left it in the office," Vera replied.

"You should be thankful that your mother packed you a nice lunch and went out of her way to get it to you after you forgot," Red reproached gently.

"Yeah, but mom actually came to my classroom and knocked on the door to find me," Vera groaned.

"Mother's embarrass their kids, _chiquita_...it happens," Gloria chimed in. "Next time you forget your lunch, give me a call and I'll swing by the school to take you out to eat instead."

"Thanks, Nonna," Vera beamed. She glanced at her mother, "see? No humiliation required."

"I didn't realize how easy it was to embarass you," Vasily teased his daughter. "When I was your age, me and my friends used to rush over to my house, and your Grandma would have lunch waiting for us all. Remember, Mama?"

"Yes," Red nodded. "I always liked knowing who your friends were."

She took another small bite of salad and chewed it slowly. For the most part, all she had done was pick at her food, eating just enough so nobody would worry. She didn't have much of an appetite these days. It was a common side-effect of her medication, along with the nausea she was chronically experiencing. Red took a sip from her water glass and then turned to Nicky.

"Are you looking forward to going back to work on Monday?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded. "It's hard to stay away even for a day, there's just so much to be done. But those two weeks in Bora Bora were very needed."

"I don't know how you do it at that place, day after day," Maxim complimented her. "Getting your heart broken all the time. I don't think I could do it."

"Well, I try not to take it home with me," Nicky replied. "But every now and then, someone comes through the doors who really gets to me. Like this nineteen year old girl-she ran away from home and was living on the streets using. Reminded me so much of me."

"Is she going to be okay?" Gloria asked.

"I hope so," Nicky said honestly. "Only she can decide that though. I got her set up with a bed in the clinic and I got her through detox before heading out. One of the other counsellors has been overseeing her care while I've been away, but checking on her is going to be my first priority when I get in Monday morning."

"You do so much good for so many people, sweetie," Lorna said warmly, reaching out to stroke Nicky's cheek. "We're all so proud of you."

"Just putting my personal experience to good use," Nicky said modestly. "People always listen to me once I share my own backstory. I've been in their shoes-I can relate."

There was more to it than that. Following her release from prison, Nicky had attended university at Red's persuasion. She completed a bachelor's degree in Psychology and then had obtained her master's in the psychology of addiction. She'd begun her career by volunteering at a drop-in clinic that provided counselling, medical care, and a safe place for homeless addicts. Nicky had inherited her trust fund and didn't need to worry about money. So, she dedicated her days to a cause that was important to her. It gave purpose to her life and she was doing great things.

"So, Ma," Nicky said, giving Red a searching look. "We all came here to talk about you."

"I'd rather hear more about the excellent work you're doing at the clinic," Red said softly, averting her eyes. "My news is not really dinner conversation anyways."

"Come on," Gloria implored. Under the table, she rubbed her hand back and forth across Red's thigh. "You've put this off long enough."

"So, you got bad news, I'm guessing?" Vasily said anxiously.

"Yes and no," Gloria replied. Her eyes swept around the table as she looked at every person in turn. Her hand on Red's thigh was pressing firmly, as she turned to look at her last. "Can I tell them?" she asked respectfully.

Red nodded stiffly and then reached for her water glass. Taking a long sip, her hand clenched tightly around the glass and she did not look at anyone. The entire family had dissolved into complete silence, which was very unusual for them.

"You know that your mother hasn't been feeling too great for awhile now," Gloria began, acknowledging the scattered nods and shared looks of trepidation that flashed around the table. Her hand continued to run back and forth across Red's thigh reassuringly.

"So, your mother decided to go get checked out by her doctor, who ran some tests and then made a referral to a neurologist," Gloria continued. "We met with him two weeks ago."

"And?" Nicky pressed.

"What did the doctor say, Mama?" Yuri's eyes drifted away from Gloria's face to focus on his mother. He wanted to hear the news from her, but Red was determinedly not looking at any of them. She'd deferred the task of sharing this painful news to Gloria. Red would not have been able to get through the telling.

"And your mother was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease," Gloria said in a strong voice, and all eyes were upon her once more.

"What?" Lorna whispered. "Oh, Red-I'm so sorry." Her eyes cascaded onto Nicky's face, who was looking oddly blank as she stared at Red with unseeing eyes.

"Wow," Maxim said softly, while under the table he squeezed Luca's hand for support. This wasn't a surprise in the least, but hearing it said aloud with such clarity was still a tremendous shock.

"So-what...what is this doctor going to do about it?" Vasily asked, his eyes brimming with unshed tears when he raised his head to look questioningly across the table at his mother.

"So, your mother has a very good doctor and he put her on a very effective medication straight away," Gloria said, striving to sound positive.

"It seems to be helping," Luca said encouragingly. "So, that's something to be thankful for."

"Yes," Gloria agreed, "it's working well. There's been a huge difference in the past couple of weeks, which is very good news. Right, Galina?"

"Well, it's not terrible news," Red said quietly, speaking at last. She lowered the glass she had been holding tightly and then squeezed her hands together on her lap.

"What is Parkinson's?" Alexei asked, his eyes darting between Red and Gloria's faces.

"It's a disease that makes movements difficult," Gloria explained calmly, "it makes you tremble and sometimes can make it difficult to control your muscles."

"Is that why you start shaking sometimes, Grandma?" Vera asked nervously.

"Yes," Red answered, glancing sideways at her granddaughter. "I know it looks sort of funny-"

"No," Vera shook her head determinedly. "Just uncomfortable for you mostly. I'm glad your medicine is making you better."

"It helps," Red agreed. "But it can't make it go away completely. There is no cure. It will get worse."

Across the table there was a sniffling that caught Red's attention and she looked over to see tears spilling down Emilia's cheeks. Lida had an arm around her daughter's shoulders and was trying unsuccessfully to shush her. She had tried her hardest to prepare Alexei, Vera, and Emilia for possible bad news about their Grandmother's health, but it hadn't done much to soothe her youngest.

"Sorry," Lida said apologetically to Red, as she stroked her daughter's black hair back. "It's just a shock for her." She knew her mother-in-law would blame herself for Emilia's tears, as though she had somehow intentionally wronged her. Lida didn't want any of their reactions to make Red feel worse.

"Are you going to die?" Emilia blurted out. She blinked and more tears pooled in her eyes.

"Not anytime soon," Red replied, and she straightened herself up as best as she could. With her hand, she beckoned her granddaughter over and used her feet to push her chair back from the table.

"Come here, Emmy," Red whispered, as Emilia stood up and walked around the table to hug her. Red's arms wrapped around her granddaughter tightly, and she actually pulled the ten-year-old onto her lap. Her legs felt crushed, but Red wasn't thinking about that right now. All she wanted to do was comfort her granddaughter.

"Don't cry, darling," she whispered. "It's going to be okay. Don't I seem fine to you?"

Emilia nodded stiffly, as her head fell back to lean against her grandmother's. "But you said you're going to get worse," she sniffled. "I don't want you to be sick."

"I have a good doctor and I'm going to fight as hard as I can for you," Red said. "We've got too many important things left to do together. I'm not going to let this hold me back."

"And there are new discoveries in medicine every day," Benny added.

"Exactly," Gloria said softly. "We're not telling you guys this because we want you to be sad or worry. Things could stay like they are for a very long time-when we say they will get worse eventually, that could be years and years away."

Sitting directly across the table from her, Nicky was still staring at Red as though she had seen a ghost. With her chin resting on top of Emilia's head as she snuggled into her, Red's eyes looked imploringly at her daughter.

"Nicky?" Red whispered. Her eyes widened anxiously and she seeked a sign of any kind that would reassure her that her daughter was alright. Nicky hadn't reacted at all yet, which was unusual for the girl who almost always had something to say. More than anything that was happening inside of Red's body, the hardest part of this diagnosis was understanding what an impact it would have on her family.

"Yeah?" Nicky blinked, almost as though she were coming out of a trance. Nodding her head, she stretched her arm around the back of Lorna's chair and forced a smile. "I'm going to be here for you, mom," she promised. "But you're tougher than wood chipper pellets. I just know that you're going to be okay."

"Yes," Red said faintly. "I'm going to take this one day at a time. I can handle myself." She reached out with her hand and rested it bracingly on Gloria's shoulder. "Gloria...she thought you all should know, but I don't want any of you to worry about me. I'm going to keep taking my medicine and I'll be just fine."

"Of course, you will be," Lorna nodded, giving Red a confident smile. "But if you need any help, you can always ask us….all of us. We're going to be here for you."

"Thank you, Lorna," Red said quietly. She squeezed Emilia closer to herself and then glanced at Vera, who was twisting her napkin anxiously in her hand.

"I love you so much, Grandma," Vera said quietly. She sprung from her seat, and wrapped her arms around Red's neck.

"Ohh," Red breathed in the scent of her two granddaughters. She removed the hand on Gloria's shoulder and hugged Vera close. Emilia was still seated on her lap. "I love you, too," she patted Vera's cheek. "But now I want you to put this out of your minds and not worry about it. I'm not going anywhere for a very long time, okay?"

"Okay," Emilia and Vera said quietly together.

"Do you girls want some ice-cream?" Red asked, coaxing Emilia off of her lap because she didn't think she could bare the weight for much longer.

"Yeah," Vera said, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. Emilia nodded her agreement.

"I'll get it," Gloria said, getting to her feet. She kissed Red's forehead and then went to the freezer. Pulling out a large tub of ice-cream she put it on the counter and removed the lid. "I got Neapolitan," she told them. "First rule in this house is you get what you get and you don't get upset….I'm not running an ice-cream parlour."

"Okay, Nonna," Vera said, skipping over to where Gloria was standing at the counter. "Except...I don't like the strawberry kind."

"Do you want extra chocolate instead?" Gloria whispered to her.

"Yes," Vera grinned.

"Here you go, love bug," Gloria passed Vera a bowl with a generous mixture of chocolate and vanilla, and no strawberry. "Don't tell the others."

"Thank you," Vera smirked, as she hurried back over to the table and sat down next to Red.

Once she had served everybody else, Gloria came back over to the table and hugged Red from behind. "Can I tempt you with some ice-cream?" she pleaded. "You barely ate dinner...you need to eat."

"Mmm…" Red hesitated.

"Just one scoop of vanilla? Anything?" Gloria asked. "Or I could make you a milkshake."

"Milkshakes?" Benny grinned over at his mother. "Why didn't I think of that. Can I have one?"

"No," Gloria replied automatically. Her hands running up and down Red's shoulders, she leaned closer to whisper in her ear. "Please?"

"Fine," Red relented. "I'll have some ice-cream, but not the vanilla-chocolate."

"Coming right up," Gloria said brightly.

"See, we're the same Grandma," Vera said, as she brought another spoonful of chocolate ice-cream to her lips.

"That must be why I love you so much," Gloria said, stooping down to kiss the top of Vera's head as she passed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. This chapter jumps forward a little bit.**

The curtains in the living room were all drawn closed because Red claimed the sunlight gave her a headache. She sat in an arm chair and stared blankly at the television screen. Re-run after re-run of _Everybody Loves Raymond_ and _Roseanne_ played on, but the jokes were no longer very funny to her. Liveliness and laugher hadn't been very present in Red lately, not since she'd found her condition worsening beyond what her prescription could control. She'd been sitting there for the better part of two and a half hours-ever since she had awoken from the afternoon nap that had become a routine part of her day. She felt bored out of her mind but had no energy or motivation to do anything about it. She didn't even feel like reading.

Without work, without purpose-Red didn't know what to do with herself. Most of her days were spent in self-imposed isolation. Lida had texted her that morning to ask her to come to the store, but Red hadn't even bothered to reply. It felt insulting, like she was a pathetic recluse whom her daughter-in-law felt obligated to take along on "outings" even though she would slow her down and make life much more difficult. It didn't matter to Red that she and Lida had always done things like that together before she'd gotten sick. Now, she regarded every gesture of kindness or desire for closeness with suspicion. She couldn't fathom why anybody would sincerely want her around and surmised that most of their goodwill was borne out of pity.

Red hated what she was becoming. The way her entire body trembled and how the shakes gave her painful migraines and left her feeling nauseated and exhausted. The medication had given her temporary hope that she would go back to living an almost normal life, but it was less than a year later when her body began to build up a resistance to the drugs and the disease began striking back determinedly harder.

The smallest of tasks took a lot of effort and left her feeling utterly spent. There were many things she couldn't do by herself anymore, and everything else was a struggle. Despite her innate need to be useful and especially self-sufficient, Red found herself deferring most of the things she had usually taken care of to Gloria. She didn't clean house, scrub the floors, or carry loads of laundry down to the washing machine in their basement anymore. She couldn't walk the aisles of a grocery store or through the market without needing several breaks and someone to hold her bags. It was one of the reasons Lida was always suggesting they go together-she didn't want her mother-in-law giving up on doing the things she had always enjoyed doing and was more than happy to assist. However, Red was just as quick to leave nearly everything to Gloria these days. Mere existing seemed like enough work.

 _Meow_. The cat announced her presence in the room as she strutted over and began to rub up against Red's leg. She pawed at her sock and purred incessantly-refusing to be ignored any longer. Red tried to nudge the animal away with her foot, but Millie was not to be persuaded. Her meows got more persistent until Red finally relented enough to shift her bored gaze from the television down to the cat.

"What do you want?" Red asked softly. Reaching out a trembling hand she ran it across the calico coat as Millie arched her back against Red's touch. Red rolled her eyes and moved her hand up the base of the cat's neck and scratched her behind the ear.

The cat's ears twitched and after enjoying a couple more minutes of caressing, she'd turned around with a flick of her tail and looked back over her shoulder. _Meow_. The cat beckoned Red to follow her, standing resolutely with piercing eyes as she waited impatiently.

"Alright, I'm coming," Red said with a sigh. The last thing she felt like doing was getting up now but the cat only behaved this way when she needed her bowl refilled-which Gloria should have taken care of before leaving for work that morning. Ordinarily, Millie was usually perfectly content to lie curled up on Red's lap or beside her in bed when she slept. Suffice it to say, they had become quite the inseparable pair since Red had gotten sick. Although Millie had always been more Gloria's pet than hers, the animal seemed to understand that Red needed her right now.

Red's hands and even her legs were shaking threateningly as she braced herself on the arms of the chair and heaved herself to her feet once she felt somewhat ready. Her head was angled towards the ground and she was bent over at the waist. A hunched, frail-looking old lady, Red thought bitterly to herself as she attempted her first step away from the chair.

She felt all the older when she caught a glimpse of herself in the hallway mirror. The dark circles under her puffy eyes and the fine lines on her pale cheeks made her look every bit as tired as she felt. And allowing her hair to become silvery gray was probably the most dramatic change of all. After religiously dyeing it since the onslaught of her first few grays in her early forties, letting it go felt both liberating and tragic at the same time. It just hadn't seemed worth the effort anymore to maintain.

Red was slightly breathless when she finally reached the kitchen. Her fingers slid across the wall as she stayed close to it for stability. She saw at once that the cat's water bowl on the floor was bone dry-which explained Millie's pestering. Red stared helplessly down at it as she felt a fiery rage rise up from within. Gloria had left without remembering to give Millie a drink, and now Red would have to do it for her. She shuffled very slowly into the room and then gripped on to the edge of the countertop to steady herself. She lowered herself to the ground, afraid if she let go of the counter that she would be unable to pull herself back up. Red gripped the empty dish in her hand and struggled back up to her feet.

Her heart was racing with exertion as though she had just run a race, as Red dragged her feet over to the kitchen sink, still holding onto the countertop for support. She set the cat's bowl down and then went to turn the tap on. The faucet didn't budge. She let go and rubbed her sore hand against the fabric of her sweatpants before trying again. This time she used both hands. Squeezing as tight as she could, Red twisted the tight faucet as her knuckles reddened from the strain. She was rewarded when the water began to trickle out.

"Okay," Red breathed, as the cat's twisted itself around her legs in celebration. Red reached for the dish and filled it to the brim with water. Perhaps a little too full, because in her shaking hands the water rippled and some spilled out. Holding the bowl in one hand, Red once again used the counter to brace herself on as she bent down to the ground. Her legs were wobbling beneath her as she almost lost her balance. In the process of correcting her near-stumble, Red accidently dumped cold water all over herself. She yelped at the shock, as the liquid soaked her blue sweater and made it stick to her.

Angrier still, Red slammed the still half-full bowl onto the tray where the cat immediately hurried over to get a drink. If Millie wanted more, then she was going to have to wait until Gloria came back. Red had tried her hardest. There was a puddle of water on the floor but she wasn't even going to attempt sopping it up. She walked around it cautiously so that she wouldn't slip on her way out of the kitchen. Gloria would just have to deal with it when she got home.

Red needed a new shirt so she slowly moved into her bedroom and tugged a top off of its hanger in her closet without bothering to even look at it. She didn't care if she matched-there was nobody around her except for the cat anyways. All she wanted was to get out of her drenched top and warm up a little. She plopped herself down on top of her bed and worked on freeing one arm from its sleeve and then the other. It was a frustratingly difficult task to complete when your limbs were shaking uncooperatively. On mornings when they were getting along, Red would sometimes permit Gloria to help her dress. She could do it herself if she put her mind to it though, and that was the way she preferred it.

As soon as her sweater was off, Red tossed it carelessly to the floor and reached for the dry one. It was a faded, short-sleeve, black t-shirt that would be baggy on her smaller frame and wouldn't do much to keep her warm. She was almost always cold though and had lost fifteen pounds in the past year alone. Her bare arms were boney and chilled. So, as soon as she was dressed Red pulled back the blankets on her bed and burrowed herself beneath the covers to warm up. Perhaps she would be lucky enough to fall back asleep, although she had already slept for three hours that afternoon and didn't need a nap. It was just a way to pass the time, and a chance to escape-at least temporarily-the restrictive confines of her new life.

XXX

She wasn't sleeping, but the sound the phone made when it began ringing disturbed her anyway. Red opened her eyes to glare at the mobile she'd left on her night stand, while she contemplated whether or not to even bother answering it. There was nobody that she wanted to talk to. Gloria, her children, and grandchildren were all busy in a world she couldn't keep up with anymore, and there was nothing anyone could say that would make her feel better about that. Shutting her eyes once again, Red rolled over in bed and covered her head with her blanket to drown out the noise.

But just as soon as silence once again engulfed the room, it was broken by the phone again. Red gritted her teeth as she poked her face out from under her blankets. Reaching a hand over to grip the edge of her night table, Red maneuvered herself to a sitting position and then picked up her mobile. Her curiosity to know who wanted her so badly had won up. Resting back against the headboard of her bed, Red flattened her lips when she saw that it was Gloria. Red constantly was going back and forth about how she was feeling towards her wife from one minute to the next. Although often lonely and incapable of shaking the feelings of abandonment that filled her whenever Gloria left to go to work, Red didn't enjoy her company either. She wasn't satisfied with anything anymore.

"Hello," Red said softly into the phone, answering the call on the final ring before it went to voicemail.

"Hi, love. How's it going?" asked Gloria pleasantly.

"Same as always," Red said dully. "You don't need to ask me that every time you call, you know."

"Well, I like to know how you are," Gloria replied calmly.

"It makes me uncomfortable," Red retorted. "I'm never going to have anything good to tell you. What do you expect me to say?"

"The truth," Gloria answered. "I need to know how you are for when we go to the doctor."

"Because you speak for me now?" Red asked with an edge in her voice.

"The doctor needs to know what's happening so that he can help you," Gloria said patiently. "Since you often don't want to talk to him, that forces me to step up."

"He can't do anything anyway," Red said emotionally. "He hasn't even been able to keep me normal for a whole year, and he said I'd have years."

"That was never a guarantee," Gloria reminded her. "But the Parkinson's could slow down and stay in a stable state again soon. This may just be a rough patch."

"My whole life has been a rough patch," Red said dramatically.

'Honey-" Gloria paused. "I know it seems hopeless right now, but there are options. When we go there on Monday we can ask about increasing your medication again...or about other kinds we can try. And I'll try to find out about some homeopathic remedies...I know you don't believe in them but they're worth a shot, huh?"

"Mmm," Red couldn't help but roll her eyes as she waited for Gloria to finish talking.

"We'll figure something out," Gloria said encouragingly.

"You act like we're in this together," Red said in a faint voice. "But you don't have a clue...you don't know what I'm going through."

"Then help me understand better," Gloria said without missing a beat.

"Oh, love," Gloria sighed. "I won't pretend that I know what it's like...but I'm with you everyday. I see you. And we are in this together because I'm going to help you every step of the way. I just need you to communicate to me what you need-what you need me to be for you."

"I don't need anything," Red said shortly. "Because what I do need-I can't have."

"Okay," Gloria said quietly. "Well...I'll be home soon."

"Uh huh."

"So, be ready to go," Gloria said lightly. "Or just take it easy until I get there and I'll help you-"

"I'm not going," Red interrupted.

"You have to," Gloria said, a touch of exasperation in her tone. "You promised Emilia that you would be there."

"Don't make this a bigger deal than it has to be," Red said irritably.

"It sort of is a big deal," Gloria snapped. "Your granddaughter will be devastated if you don't show up."

"I don't feel well," Red said tiredly.

"It's not like I'm asking you to climb Mount Everest," Gloria replied. "It's a dance recital! All you have to do is sit there with your family and clap when Em does her ballet solo."

"Someone will film it," Red said monotonously, "I'll watch it later…"

"You're going to really disappoint her," Gloria pointed out.

"She should get used to it," Red said flatly. "I'll probably be dead soon-but that's only if I get lucky. I've never been anything but a disappointment-as a wife, as a mother, and now as a grandmother."

"That's not true," Gloria sighed. "Listen-I'm so sorry that this is happening and I know how much pain you're in. But I don't think sitting in an auditorium for an hour show is going to make it worse. It might lift your spirits to spend some time with your kids and if it's too much, we'll leave straight away."

"It's not like I don't want to go," Red replied. "You think I enjoy being this way? You wouldn't enjoy going places either if every time you left your house strangers stared and wondered what was wrong with you. It's embarrassing for me, so I can only imagine how the kids feel about being seen with me when I'm like this. Emilia will probably be relieved that I'm not going. She's just too polite to say anything."

"Is that seriously how you feel?" Gloria asked incredulously. "Honey, nobody thinks that way. Not for a minute! There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Easy for you to say," Red said sadly. "You're not the one who looks like you're having a constant seizure…"

"Darling, anybody who notices that you aren't feeling well, would think that you're a strong lady, and yes, they'd probably think about how unfortunate it is that you're sick," Gloria argued. "But I think you're overestimating how often people actually look up from their phones and take notice of others in public anyway."

"You don't know what's it like," Red said quietly. "You can't imagine-"

"Sweetie, I really think this is all in your head," Gloria interrupted. "And you can't hide away from the world forever...I think that's why you've been so sad lately."

"Stop treating me like a sick old lady who can't think for herself," Red said in frustration. "I'll try to go to Emilia's next thing, but I'm not going tonight and you can't make me! Stop trying to make me feel worse than I already do!"

"Fine," Gloria said coolly. "I'll be home in a few minutes and I'll call Lida to tell her we're not coming."

"I didn't say you couldn't go," Red replied scathingly.

"Well, I'm not going to leave you alone all evening while everyone else is together," Gloria replied. "So, I'll stay home and keep you company."

"No, I don't want you to," Red replied. "I want to be by myself-I'd prefer it if you went out tonight. There's no sense in both of us missing her recital."

"Yeah, but we were supposed to meet everyone for dinner reservations first," Gloria argued. "What are you going to do about supper alone?"

"I'll heat up whatever is in the fridge," Red said impatiently, eager for Gloria to agree-to leave her alone. She sounded almost like an adolescent trying to persuade their parent that they are responsible enough to be left home alone. "I won't use the stove, and I'll even fold the laundry in the living room that hasn't been touched in three days."

"If you're up to all that then you're probably well enough to come out to watch your granddaughter perform," Gloria said in amazement. "Let's just go watch the dance recital like we had planned and then if you still want to, when we get home we can fold the laundry together."

"I don't want to do it together," Red said impatiently. "I want you to leave me alone! How many hints do I have to give you? Why do you think I didn't answer my phone all day? I didn't want to talk to you! But you wouldn't stop!"

"I'm not going to let up because I worry about you when you don't answer," Gloria snapped. "A simple text so I know that you're alive would suffice. But if it's so important to you that I leave you alone, then fine! I will go to Emilia's recital and make up an excuse for you on the way."

"Good," Red said stiffly.

"But I'm also not going to allow you to keep isolating yourself like this," Gloria added. "So, on Monday I will be mentioning this behaviour to your doctor to find out if you need antidepressants. Because you can't-"

Her words were cut off as Red hung up and threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and bounced to the floor with a slam. Red couldn't tell if she had broken it or not, and she didn't really care much either. Burrowing herself beneath her covers once again, she shut her eyes and decided to go back to sleep. Talking to Gloria was exhausting.

XXX

Gloria hesitated on the front porch of her home for a few minutes before deciding that she couldn't put off entering any longer. She opened the door slowly and kicked off her low suede shoes before walking through the house in pantyhose clad feet. Once Red had told her about her refusal to attend the recital, there hadn't seemed to be any point in popping by to check on her. To do so would have only served to antagonize her further. Instead, she went to the restaurant straight from work and passed the wait before the others arrived by sitting at the bar and drinking a margarita.

The front of the house was dark, but the light in the living room was on and Gloria supposed that's where she was. Whatever Red was doing, Gloria knew it was unlikely that she was sleeping. The woman slept so much of the day away that nights were becoming her most active times. Gloria sometimes thought Red did this deliberately to avoid her as much as possible. So, keeping with the current mood, Gloria stayed clear of the living room and went into the kitchen to see about a snack instead. Her phone call with Red had distressed her so much that Gloria hadn't had much of an appetite during dinner, but now she was ravenous.

"That must have looked so lovely, honey," Red's voice carried from the other room. Gloria blinked and walked around the corner to investigate. She could see Red curled up on the couch with the cat lying next to her. She was talking on her cell phone to someone, while the TV played with the sound muted. A box of Kleenex sat beside her and the coffee table was littered with wadded up tissues.

Shaking her head, Gloria backed away from the hall and into the kitchen before she was spotted, although she couldn't resist craning her ear to listen still. She jerked in surprise when she stepped into a puddle on the floor. Lifting her foot to examine, Gloria was relieved that it appeared to only be water. She grabbed a towel that was slung over the oven door handle and bent down to clean up the spill. Then-since her nylons were soaked-she stripped them off of her legs and rolled them up into a small enough ball to fit in the pocket of her cardigan. She still had great legs.

Gloria opened the refrigerator door and surveyed the contents inside, hoping to find something that would look appealing. The leftover casserole from yesterday was still in its dish, which meant Red hadn't bothered to reheat it for her own supper like she'd said she would. Gloria couldn't help but wonder if Red's decision to forego supper had been brought on by discomfort at how their conversation had gone, or if she simply had not felt like eating. Gloria wanted to think that the tension between them bothered Red just as much as it did her, but she didn't know. Sighing, she reached for a container of sliced ham. A sandwich would be more than enough tonight.

"That makes me so proud," Red was saying in the other room. "You definitely have a talent, Emmy. I wish I had been able to see it, but I made sure that Daddy filmed it and we can watch it together later."

Listening intently from the kitchen, Gloria was relieved that Red sounded in much better spirits than she had mere hours before. Whether that was because she was talking to her granddaughter instead of her, Gloria couldn't be sure. It certainly seemed to be herself that was bearing most of the brunt of Red's anger these days. Red kept everyone else well away when she didn't want them but Gloria lived in the same house and was harder to avoid. Her presence seemed to be a very prominent trigger for Red's frustration, which hurt and was confusing, since all Gloria had been doing since she had gotten sick was trying to take care of everything and be supportive.

Biting her lip, Gloria got out enough bread to prepare two sandwiches. As much as her wife didn't deserve her kindness right now, Gloria wasn't about to let her go to bed with an empty stomach. She selected some vegetables from the crisper, slicing up some peppers, tomatoes, and lettuce leaves to go with their sandwiches. She took care to ensure that everything was cut thin enough to make eating easier for Red. Choking was a very real concern.

"Yes, Nonna was right," Red was saying, as Gloria walked into the room carrying their two sandwiches on plates. Red's eyes looked inquisitively at Gloria's face, as though trying to gauge whether or not she was angry with her. Sensing what Red was doing, Gloria purposefully avoided looking at her. She wasn't in the mood to reassure someone who could spend an entire day without her and then still need more time alone, that she wasn't upset about it. She was hurt, and it was an interesting conundrum to realize she could want nothing to do with Galina, but then at the same time be wholeheartedly committed to sacrificing her sleep, energy, and time to taking care of her. But that was what you did when you love someone.

"Well...thank you, honey," Red said softly into the phone. "That is very sweet."

She watched nervously as Gloria placed the two plates down on the small bare space on the coffee table and then set about gathering up all the wadded, used tissues Red had carelessly thrown. Feeling a flutter of guilt curl itself within her stomach, Red waved her hand in front of her to catch Gloria's attention.

"I'll do that," she mouthed silently when Gloria finally looked at her with a cold, unreadable expression on her face. Truthfully, Red should have thrown her discarded Kleenex into the wastebasket immediately, but in her isolation and misery she hadn't really been too concerned about that before. Now she was embarrassed.

Gloria shook her head objectively at Red's silent offer and then looked away. She continued to clean up the litter, while Red watched on uncomfortably. It gave Gloria a glimmer of satisfaction to see the slightest flicker of shame in Red's eyes as she cleaned up the mess that had been purposefully made. There was a wastebasket right behind the chair for her use. They had one in every room now for easy access because Red was constantly wiping at her mouth with a napkin to dispel some of the excessive saliva that constantly threatened to drool down her chin. It was a challenging symptom to live with, and one that caused Red the greatest amount of anxiety, but purposefully leaving old tissues on the ground for Gloria to find was not acceptable. It was disgusting and childish.

"Well, if mama says that it's bedtime, then I guess you better run," Red said into the phone quietly. Her eyes were still on Gloria, and the slightest blush coloured her pale cheeks. Her head was shaking uncontrollably, as Red rubbed her trembling hand along the base of her neck and tried to concentrate on whatever it was that her granddaughter was saying.

"Alright, my girl," Red said at long last. "I guess I'll let you get some sleep. Tell your mother I'll talk to her tomorrow, okay?" The slightest tug on the corners of her mouth suggested a smile, and for a brief moment Red looked content. "I love you too," she replied. "Goodnight, Emilia."

She ended the call silently and then dropped her phone onto her lap. She was relieved that the screen was miraculously not cracked after being thrown across the room in a fit of rage. That would have been another thing to currently regret. Red attempted to swallow some of the pooling saliva in her mouth as Gloria continued to clean up the living room in silence.

"I'm sorry-" she choked out finally, forcing herself to say the two words that always seemed to be the hardest for her to say.

"If you really are then don't do it again," Gloria said, as she placed the full wastebasket back in its proper place. "Accidental messes or spills are fine and I have no problem cleaning them up, but this-this is ridiculous. There was a garbage can right next to you. You'd barely have had to move to reach it."

Red's eyes narrowed and her cheeks burned ever more. Her trembling hand reached out desperately for something to hold onto. Gripping the corner of the side table, she struggled to get up.

"Hold on," Gloria's voice halted her. "Don't go anywhere yet, I made us both something to eat."

"I'm not-"

"I know, I know you're not hungry," Gloria cut her off. "But you have to eat something anyway. Even half a sandwich, I don't really care. But you're going to have to make yourself eat it whether you want it or not because your body needs it."

Picking up one half of the sliced sandwich, Gloria held it out to her. She was surprised when Red actually took it without argument. Often, she'd have simply refused, but her willingness to cooperate suggested that she must be regretting how the day had unfolded. It didn't mean she wouldn't do it again...she had outbursts almost every other day lately it seemed. However, for at least a little while now their home was peaceful.

"So, Em called you?" Gloria asked casually. She grabbed her own sandwich and then took a seat in the chair farthest from Red, rather than joining her on the couch.

"No," Red replied faintly. "I called her...I wanted to make sure I got her before she went to bed."

"Well, that's nice," Gloria said in surprise. "She was sad that you couldn't come, but she understood. I explained that you weren't feeling well but that you really wanted to be there…"

"I did want to," Red said quietly. She nibbled lightly on the crust of her sandwich.

Gloria raised her eyebrows. "You could have fooled me," she replied.

Red's phone lit up and started ringing again and they both glanced at it in surprise. Gloria came over to take Red's sandwich from her so that she could pick up the phone without dropping everything. She looked at the screen warily.

"It's Nicky," she said.

"Well, answer it," Gloria said shortly, sitting down beside her on the sofa. "Otherwise she'll start phoning me."

Red sighed. "Hello?" she said tiredly, as she held her cell phone to her ear. Her hand was trembling even more severely than it had been a few moments ago. Gloria chewed her lip uncomfortably before reaching her hand out and taking it from her.

"I've got you," Gloria whispered, as she held the phone up to Red's ear.

"You're getting married?" Red exclaimed in surprise. "What brought this on?" She chuckled slightly at whatever Nicky said and then flexed out her own trembling hand. The simple gold ring that Gloria had given her over ten years ago was displayed on her finger. She had never taken it off.

"Yes, I imagine it will be a huge wedding," Red said into the phone. "Lorna definitely will want to make sure her vision is carried out to perfection. I was always surprised you two had such a long courtship for that reason. I thought she'd rush you..."

"Yes-" she said to Nicky after a few minutes of listening. "I didn't mean it was a bad thing. You two took the time to make sure that you were going to work out instead of just diving in. I think that is very smart. You two have been through a lot together-"

She listened as Nicky spoke, her eyes darting side to side uncomfortable.

"Umm…" Red sighed finally, "Nicky-I can't…. you know I-"

She hesitated, as her head shook maddeningly and bumped against the cell phone Gloria held. She almost disconnected the call.

"Okay, I will," Red gave in, shutting her eyes.

"Nicky…." she grimaced as she waited for a break in the conversation, "Nicky? I need to go now...I know...it's just…."

She cleared her throat. "I'm not good right now. We'll talk about this more when you girls come over. I'll help...I promise...Goodbye."

She pulled away from the phone, and Gloria silently ended the call for her. Red was twitching uncontrollably and she buried her head in her hands trying to dull the tremors or do something to relieve her discomfort. Nothing worked though. Gloria placed an arm around her shoulders and shifted closer to her on the sofa.

"You remembered to take your pills?" she asked quietly.

"Of course, I did," Red snapped.

"Alright," Gloria said calmly. She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. "That means your next dosage is in two hours. So, let's find something to do until then, since I know you won't be able to sleep when you're like this."

"I'm not tired anyway," Red retorted. "I slept all day-"

"That has to stop," Gloria told her. "You're doing that-missing out on life. And then you can't sleep at night, which keeps me up too...and I have to go to work."

"You don't have to," Red said scathingly. "You choose to...to get away from me. You were weeks away from retirement when we found out I was sick. All of a sudden you decided you weren't ready to be done work."

"Is that what you think?" Gloria asked seriously, and Red rubbed her trembling hands over her buried face. Gloria clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "Darling-just no."

Gloria sighed, and brushed her fingers through Red's silver hair. "I don't feel ready to give it up completely," she said honestly. "I cut back one day a week and that feels like enough for me. If you really wanted me here all the time, I would retire for you-but I annoy you enough already. I don't think non-stop togetherness would be good for us right now. Do you?"

"Probably not," Red admitted. She lowered her hands and clenched them tightly together in her lap.

"At least not until you stop telling me to get lost all the time," Gloria rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," said Red faintly, turning to look at her.

"I know, love, it's okay," Gloria replied. "I try not to take it personal...I know you love me." She squinted at her, "you do, don't you?"

"With all of my heart," Red said shakily. "Don't ever question that-"

"It's just nice to hear sometimes," Gloria smiled. She leaned over to kiss Red's cheek. "So, Nicky and Lorna are finally going to tie the knot?"

"Yes," Red scoffed. "They have wonderful timing-"

"You'll be fine," Gloria soothed her. "And they aren't getting any younger. I'm glad they waited though...figured themselves out. I always was worried Nicky would just end up getting her heart broken, and she loves Lorna so much."

"I worried too," Red admitted shakily. "But not anymore…. they've been together longer than we have."

She whimpered and leaned heavily sideways into Gloria's arms. "I don't feel good," she admitted in a weak voice. She looked over at the half-eaten sandwich Gloria had set on the coffee table. "And I can't finish that-"

"I know," Gloria whispered, kissing her cheek again, "it's okay."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to take a shower with me...but I'm too nervous you'll slip right now," she admitted apologetically, while Red closed her eyes in defeat.

"Would you like a bath instead?" she asked, considering a compromise.

"Yes," Red agreed faintly.

Gloria nodded and then unravelled her arm from around Red so that she could stand up before helping her wife to her feet. Red shuffled slowly towards the bathroom, while Gloria kept pace with her. A hand on the small of Red's back present for both security and affection.

"Nicky and Lorna want to come over here tomorrow so that I can help them plan," Red said quietly, turning back to look at Gloria. "I said okay."

"If you're not up to it by tomorrow then I'll call Nicky and cancel for you," Gloria replied immediately. "You don't have to do anything you don't feel up to doing. Like the recital today-I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"I wasn't that bad this afternoon," Red admitted. "I could have gone today...I don't know why I didn't...I love watching her dance."

"There will be other dances," Gloria replied simply. "Vasily recorded it. I took lots of pictures-"

"Thank you," Red said quietly. She sat down on the edge of the tub to wait while Gloria leaned over to turn the water on with enviable ease. Red would not have been able to turn the tap by herself. She stuck her hand into the water flow, enjoying the warm pressure on her trembling finger tips. A bath actually felt like a heavenly idea to her right now. Although it bothered her to be taking one out of necessity rather than choice. She should be able to stand in a shower without help or fear of falling-but even when she had one, Gloria always joined her.

What had once been fun and romantic, was now brought on by her own helpless need. It was difficult to accept and felt downright degrading on her more depressing days. As the water continued to pool in the tub for her, Red started attempting to pull her arms out of the black t-shirt to take it off by herself. She made no noise of objection, however, when Gloria effortlessly pulled the shirt off of her a moment later and then proceeded to help her finish undressing. She felt shamed and small in her growing dependency, but at the same time when she looked up at Gloria and saw the expression in her eyes she knew she was loved. This was love. And Red was going to have to get used to it.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter contains a lot of mood swings and a lot of emotion.**

 **Thank you to Johanna-002 for editing. And thank you to everyone who reads and reviews.**

"Are you depressed, Galina?" Dr. Khan had asked Monday morning at her scheduled appointment. The question had taken Red a little off guard.

She had just finished sitting through Gloria list off all the things that were concerning her about her attitude and general state of being lately. How she almost never left the house, cancelled on family members, slept more than she needed to, and seemed to want nothing to do with anybody. They had even discussed increasing her prescribed dosage and the beneficial effects physical therapy would have on her muscular control. It was humiliating to listen to her partner and doctor talk about her as though she weren't even there.

Red had crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to look at the doctor. Instead she shot a reproachful glare at Gloria, whose expression was unaffected by her partner's anger. Gloria gave a slight nod of her head, an encouragement for her to open up and speak candidly so they could help her. In retaliation, Red had just glowered.

"I must say that it is a little disconcerting to me when a patient as capable as you comes into my office and seems to have no interest in giving input on their own course of treatment," Dr. Khan had spoken calmly, after a moment of silence. He had leaned back in his chair casually and folded his hands together. He had looked her over carefully. "Don't you care about your own health, Galina?"

"I did when I was healthy," Red had replied coldly. At last she turned to focus her glare on the doctor. "Now all I care about is being left alone."

"Uh huh," Dr. Khan had nodded for her to continue. "And why is that?"

"Because nothing you've done for me is helping!" Red had spat out bitterly. "It makes no difference."

"I know that it can feel that way," Dr. Khan had calmly replied. "But if you weren't being treated, your symptoms would be quite severe-I'm not sure you'd be able to get out of bed in the morning or even move voluntarily at this point. But you are able to, because you're taking your medication."

"And you have good days too," Gloria had reminded her softly. She glanced at the doctor and bit the inside of her cheek hesitantly for a moment. "Although, the last few days have been particularly difficult. On Saturday, we had no choice but to call and cancel on Galina's daughter and her fiance who had planned to visit."

"Sometimes you really won't be feeling up to going places or doing certain things," Dr. Khan had nodded understandingly. "And it's important to recognize that and not over exert yourself. I'm sure your daughter understood that it wasn't intentional."

"She was disappointed," Red had quietly admitted.

"I know it's not easy to miss out on things or feel like you're letting your family down," Dr. Khan had sympathized, "but this is their turn to look after you for a change, and you need to give them that chance."

Red had sighed and rubbed a hand over her eyes as she snuck a peak at Gloria who was sitting quietly, her eyes were on the doctor while he spoke. Gloria's calmness was so infuriating. It felt like every morsel of control and independence that she had was being slowly pulled away and handed to her wife. Gloria took care of almost everything around the house and the gentle way with which she engaged her made Red feel patronized. Before getting sick, any attitude would have been evenly reciprocated with scrappiness from Gloria. Now, Red could be as rude and difficult as one could imagine, and Gloria would respond by swallowing her frustration and attempting to pacify her as though she were an unruly dependent-no longer an equal.

"Giving them the chance to be there for you means that you need to stop avoiding them because you're afraid to let them see you feeling poor," Dr. Khan had proceeded to say. "As I've said several times before, medication alone will only get you so far. You also need regular exercise, fresh air, and to accept support so that you can do as much as you're capable of doing. You can't stop living life, Galina."

"That's easy for you to say," Red had retorted emotionally. "But unless you're in this body, you really have no right to tell me how to feel. You treat a disease-you know how it's progressing and what I should expect, but you don't know what it's really like to live with. Hopefully you never will, because I wouldn't wish this on anybody-except maybe my worst enemy."

" _Except_ my worst enemy," Gloria had echoed with a derisive snort. "Most people say 'not even', but okay," she chuckled.

"Personally, I am not living with your condition," Dr. Khan had agreed. "But I've treated all different kinds of people battling this same disease and the emotional impact follows a very predictable pattern. What you are feeling is very normal."

Red had only scoffed and rolled her eyes in response, while Gloria had glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, a frown pulled across her lips. She took a deep breath to quell the annoyance rising up within her. So far, Gloria agreed with absolutely everything the doctor had said and she was just wondering how much of it was actually having an impact on her wife.

She had been trying to persuade Red to accept the same facts for weeks, although Gloria felt she would have made more progress with a brick wall. Red didn't listen to anything she said these days. Usually. she made it quite clear about how much she wished Gloria would just go away. Maybe the doctor would finally be able to get through to her.

"Without a doubt, Galina, you are exhibiting several signs of depression," Dr. Khan had said matter-of factly. "But I would be more concerned if you seemed completely fine with everything. There is nothing wrong with your reaction."

Ignoring the way Red muttered under her breath and looked away to stare blankly out the window, Gloria had leaned forward towards the doctor and asked. "So, how do we help her with that?"

"Patience," Dr. Khan had replied, with a knowing smile. "Antidepressants aren't necessary at this point. Galina is just processing all these changes and that's not an easy thing to do. Mood swings are to be expected."

Red had bit down on her bottom lip and folded her trembling hands together. She didn't have the energy to express how much the doctor's suggestion that Gloria be patient about her moods bothered her. It was as though she were being treated like a child going through a particularly difficult phase that only time would fix. For all the notice Gloria and the doctor paid to her, while they sat for several more minutes discussing her care, Red may as well not have even been in the room.

XXX

That had been on Monday and although Red would be loathe to admit it to anyone, after her visit to the doctor's, she had felt a bit more inclined to engage with her family members. Logically she knew that what was happening to her was nobody's fault and punishing them for her own misfortune was just hurting herself.

So, arriving home after the doctor visit, Red had shut herself away in their bedroom with her phone. She had called Nicky to reschedule a time for her and Lorna to come over and had apologized sincerely for cancelling their plans the previous weekend. Nicky had been understanding, but it was obvious that it bothered her to feel pushed away.

Red's tremors had been so bothersome last Saturday that they had made her stutter when she had spoken, and she hadn't wanted anyone to witness that. But she'd explained that she was feeling somewhat better now and really wanted to see her, so Nicky had suggested that she and Lorna come by with some take-out for dinner on Thursday.

Then, Lida had called her the next morning to ask if she would like to go to the market with her. Red had actually forced herself to answer the phone, but had willingly agreed to her offer. If Lida had been at all surprised by her sudden acceptance, she had hidden it well. She had picked Red up in a cab, although the distance from Red and Gloria's house to the market was a fairly short trek, one they had journeyed together hundreds of times.

Red had bought groceries, and had not objected when Lida had insisted on carrying everything for her. They'd moved slowly at a pace that Red was comfortable with and when she had shown signs of getting tired, Lida had immediately noticed and had suggested they sit down for a cup of tea. Red actually had wound up having a good time and was glad she had gone.

They'd taken a cab back after that and feeling in good spirits, Red had decided to cook supper. It was something that she hadn't done in many months, and instead of leaving for home, as originally planned, Lida had opted to hang around the kitchen and "keep her company".

Although Red had been completely aware that her daughter-in-law had ulterior motives, she made the conscious decision to play it off. While she had no intention of ruining the mood, she also had no desire in letting herself be babied. She'd ignored Lida's offers to help chop up vegetables, instead telling her to sit at the table and engaging her in a conversation about the kids.

While she listened to the update on Vera's attitude, and how out of control she was getting, Red had taken great care to cut straight with the knife she had held in a trembling hand. She'd worked slow, but the meal had gone off without a hitch.

Gloria had been quite taken-aback by the pleasantness in her home when she had returned from work. Supper had been simmering on the stove, and Lida and Red had been gossiping at the kitchen table together about everyone else in the family. Red had seemed to be in a better mood than she had been in ages and had even kissed Gloria's cheek in greeting for the first time in recent memory. Lida had gotten ready to leave quickly after that, and once she was gone, Gloria had happily dished out two plates for them to eat. She could tell that Red was exhausted, but it was the good kind that had come from a busy day.

After supper, they had showered together and then crawled into bed to watch a movie. Red had fallen asleep within the first twenty minutes, but that hadn't bothered Gloria. She had just laid their happily, paying more attention to her sleeping wife than she had to the movie. Feeling elated, Gloria had felt like she was getting the old Galina Reznikov back-a taste of what life had been like before.

XXX

On Wednesday, Gloria had woken up amazed to realize that they had both slept straight through until morning. This was a rare occurrence and Gloria had smiled when she'd discovered that Red had wriggled into her arms at some point during the night, the fabric of her shirt clutched tightly in her hand. Lately, Red had taken to hugging the edge of the mattress to maintain distance and even after the wonderful evening they had shared, Gloria hadn't wanted to impose on her space too much in case it had upset her.

But the realization that Red had probably woken up during the night, as she always did, and instead of getting upset and waking her, had simply cuddled closer and lulled herself back to sleep, had filled Gloria with complete joy. Stretching an arm for the phone on the nightstand, Gloria had phoned in sick to work and then used her hand to smooth back Red's hair and hug her tightly towards her. Nothing could have torn her away from that moment.

They had slept late, and when they had finally gotten themselves out of bed, it was to go to the kitchen and make breakfast in their pajamas. Red's tremors were more impactful than they had been yesterday, but she had been happy to learn that Gloria was going to spend the entire day with her. She had actually thanked Gloria when she had handed her her pills, and had kissed her lips affectionately when Gloria had placed a cup of the freshly brewed decaf coffee on the table for her. Red had been instructed to avoid caffeine because it made her even more jittery, so Gloria abstained from it also when they were together. It was one of the little ways that she tried to support her.

They had just settled down on the sofa with plans to catch up on saved shows that they had fallen behind on, when the doorbell had rung. Patting Red's feet, which she had been holding on her lap, Gloria had leaned over to kiss her lips and then had gotten up to see who it was. When Gloria had not returned after a few minutes, Red had grown curious and struggled up to her feet as she shuffled to the front of the house to investigate.

"What's all that?" Red had asked sharply, watching with skepticism as Gloria used a pair of scissors to cut into the packaging of the larger of two packages that had been delivered to their door. "I didn't know we were expecting anything…"

"They're yours," Gloria had replied calmly. "The doctor was having them sent over today. Don't you remember? He talked about it on Monday."

"No," Red had said crisply, crossing her arms. "But we were in there so long after awhile I stopped listening."

"Oh," Gloria had murmured, as she opened the largest box. "Well, it's no big deal, honey. It's just a couple of things to help you."

Red's eyes had pierced like daggers, as she had watched with increasing horror as Gloria pulled out a wheel and a metal handlebar before dropping them back into the box. "I think we should leave this one for someone else to put together," Gloria had joked lightly, straightening up. "The first of the kids to walk into the house gets the job."

"And what the hell is that supposed to be?" Red had asked in alarm.

"It's to help you walk," Gloria had blinked. She rummaged back into the box and withdrew a large manual. "Here," she had held it out.

"I walk fine," Red had told her stiffly, ignoring the papers in Gloria's hand.

"It's just for when you need it," Gloria had tried to soothe her. "You don't have to use it all the time, but it will just make things easier for-" The rest of what she had been about to say had been cut off as Red had turned to walk away.

She had not gone back to wait on the couch for Gloria. Instead, Red had gone back to her bedroom. She had slammed the door and then crawled into bed before pulling the covers high over her head. In her eyes, it was a humiliating contraption that undermined how hard she was trying to keep everything together.

That evening, Gloria had assigned Yuri the job of putting it together for his mother when he dropped by to say hi on his way home from work. He'd left it in a corner of the living room and it hadn't moved an inch since.

XXX

At least the surprise that was delivered on Thursday proved to be much more pleasant. Red had lain around in bed all morning pretending to be asleep so that she wouldn't wouldn't have to interact with Gloria after what had happened the previous night before.

She'd moved into the living room to watch television, taking deliberate care to avoid looking in the corner where she knew her new walker to be. She had watched a few morning programs until she began to grow bored, and then on her way back to bed for a nap, the doorbell had rung and she had gone to answer it instead.

It was another parcel delivery, which had immediately put Red into distress until she saw that this package had been mailed all the way from California. The penmanship that had written out her name and address were wonderfully familiar and she had been happy to sign for this one. Walking slowly into the kitchen, she had used the same scissors that Gloria had used yesterday to cut open the packaging and reveal what was inside. Enclosed were three paperback, well-worn books, and a handwritten letter that she took out first.

 _Hey Ma,_

 _I started this series recently and read them all within a week. Hope you'll read them too and then let me know what you think. I know they're not your usual genre, but I think you might really enjoy them once you get going. Everyone else over here has just watched the movies. I'm hoping to get leave to come home for Christmas this year. I really miss all of you. Take care of yourself._

 _I love you,_

 _Julio_

Feeling nothing at the moment besides deep affection for her beloved stepson, Red had curled back up on the couch with the first book in the set he had mailed her. Several of the pages were dog-eared and the paperback cover had a crease down the center. Julio was never very gentle with his books, but now Red stroked a finger over the ruffled pages and felt a calmness fall over her. It made her feel closer to her boy.

Even living across the country from her, Julio always seemed to have an uncanny ability to know how to make her feel a little bit better. He was right that a series like "The Hunger Games" would not usually appeal to her, but also correct that she would get drawn in once she got going. The dystopian element of misfortune appealed to Red in her current state, and perhaps Julio had sensed that.

XXX

Several hours later, the doorbell chimed through the house making Red look up from her book with a peculiar sense of uncertainty. She waited to hear the sound of a key in the lock and the creak of the door opening but when that didn't happen she bit her lip in resolve at the reluctant understanding that she would need to answer it. A part of her was annoyed by this interruption. She had been enjoying herself more than she had expected to. Sucked into her novel, Red had temporarily forgotten that she was sick and feeble...she had been able to lose herself.

Swinging her legs slowly off the couch, Red set her feet firmly down on the floor and removed her reading glasses. Stretching, she placed her book spine-up on the coffee table where she could return to it later. There was something so deeply satisfying about the power of a book and its wondrous magic to make her temporarily forget that anything else existed, or mattered, besides what is written within the pages. For Red, reading had always been able to do just that. Books had always been her escapism during the most challenging times of her life. Her passion for it equaled her joy of gardening, and was a close second to her love of cooking.

As she used the coffee table to assist herself into a standing position, the sleeve of her sweater rode up and gave her an unfortunate glimpse of her newest accessory. Automatically averting her eyes, Red hastily covered the ugly grey medical alert bracelet as though it were something to be ashamed of-and she was.

It was what the smaller of the two parcels had contained yesterday, as Red had learned last night after Yuri had gone home. A large unsightly monitor with a big button in the center. If she was ever alone and in need of help, she could push that button and immediately get in touch with an operator who would dispatch an ambulance or phone Gloria, her primary caregiver, for her. The medical alert bracelet also had GPS tracking capabilities, which meant Gloria would always be able to know where she was, which was apparently for Red's own good.

"It's just precautionary," Gloria had soothed, clipping the monitor onto Red's wrist without asking her permission first. There was some things that weren't up for discussion, and knowing that Red would be okay when left alone was one of them. Especially because of her refusal to use the walker, Gloria's biggest fear was that Red would lose her balance and fall someday and be unable to get back up.

"Is that comfortable?" Gloria had asked her, wedging a finger between Red's wrist and the bracelet to confirm that she hadn't put it on too tightly.

"No, it isn't," Red had spat out miserably, pulling her arm quickly out of Gloria's reach. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes, as she stared helplessly down at her arm. "It's like you're shackling me in a handcuff."

Gloria had sighed and moistened her lips with her tongue. "It's to keep you safe," she had pleaded, willing Red to understand that none of this was being done to intentionally upset her. "Come on, love," she said, as tears pooled in her own eyes. Gloria reached her hand out to touch Red's, but she jerked her own away automatically. "If you ever fell, or got hurt, and needed somebody straight away-"

"That's what a cell phone is for," Red had said quietly. "This is just-," she flexed her hand. "This is just you wanting total control-"

"You don't always have your cell phone on you," Gloria had argued. "And even if you did, but you fell and got hurt? You might not be able to scroll through your phone and dial, but pushing one button to reach immediate help you could do."

"It's so big," Red had said miserably. "You can see it from across the room."

"You can cover it with your sleeve," Gloria had replied. "Nobody will notice."

"And what am I supposed to do in a few weeks when it's too hot for a sweater?" Red had shot back. "Sweat to death?"

"Hopefully by then you will be used to wearing it and won't feel the need to cover it," Gloria had replied.

"Easy for you to say," Red had scoffed.

Sighing, Gloria had reached once again for Red's hand and held it firmly so that she could not pull away. Then, she examined the strap around her wrist carefully again. "You don't want it too tight or too loose," she explained.

"Too loose?" Red had glared at her. "Are you afraid I'll be able to free myself of it?"

"Oh, I have no doubt that you'll be able to take this off if you put your mind to it," Gloria had said with a touch of venom in her tone. "But if you do that then you won't leave me with a whole lot of other options."

"Meaning what?" Red had asked angrily.

"I mean," Gloria took a deep breath. "That I'm going to do whatever needs to be done to make sure you're okay. So if you won't wear this bracelet when you're alone, then I'll need to have someone come over when I'm not around to make sure you're fine….and I don't think you want that."

Red's lips had parted in aghast. She had felt threatened and oppressed, like Gloria had her back up against a wall and the power to strip away the little anonymity and independence that she still had. This relationship was not equal anymore. Gloria had all the cards in her hand and the ability to make Red follow the new rules she was enforcing or whatever else she believed to be best for her. In her distress, Red was incapable of focusing on anything besides what she felt was being taken from her. There was a long pause before she was even able to utter a word.

"You're really enjoying this aren't you, Gloria?" Red's quiet voice had spoken in fury. "I never thought that you would ever be this cruel to me. Do you hate me that much?"

"Hate you?" Gloria's eyes had blinked incredulously. Shaking her head in disbelief, Gloria had gritted her teeth for a moment as she continued to stare at Red in amazement.

Personally, Gloria didn't think she had ever been more selfless or sacrificed as much of herself ever before in her life. Out of pure, unconditional, love, she had been working herself as hard as she could, losing sleep, and advocating for the best possible treatments on Red's behalf. She had researched the disease, kept the family informed about how she was doing, and held her tongue whenever Red was irritable and snippy for her-but this was going way too far.

To suggest that the very thing that was breaking Gloria's heart into a million pieces, was something she was getting savage pleasure out of was despicable. Gloria didn't care how sick Red was or how much her situation sucked, she didn't think she had ever felt less appreciated in her life. And as thoughts of all she was giving had swirled through her mind, Gloria's astonishment was replaced with valid anger.

"After all that I'm doing for you, that's how you're going to f**king talk to me?" Gloria had asked in a deadly voice.

"I never asked you to do anything for me!" Red had glowered back angrily. Standing her ground, her surprise about Gloria's retaliation was well hidden beneath the expressionless mask of her face. Only her wavering voice gave some of her trepidation away. "Not once have I asked for your help or for you to take over every aspect of my life like you're trying to!"

"Well, I don't have much choice," Gloria had shot back in a clipped tone. "I have to take care of you because you need help."

"I don't want your help!" Red had exploded. In her rage, a few tears actually slid down her cheeks and she brushed them off as quickly as she could, furious at herself for revealing even more weakness.

Gloria's heart was hurting as she watched Red's struggle. A small part of her wanted to take her into her arms and promise that everything was going to be okay, but the larger part of her was still too enraged by Red's unwarranted accusations. It seemed the kinder Gloria tried to be to her, the more ammunition she was giving to Red's case. So she sat cross-legged beside her on the bed and looked coldy at her wife, while Red tried to hide just how sad she really was.

"I don't know what to do," Gloria said quietly.

Red glared at her, her blue eyes piercing daggers into Gloria's brown ones. "You've done enough," she whispered.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Gloria had twisted to turn off the lamp next to the bed. The room suddenly engulfed into darkness, she had quietly pulled back the covers and crawled beneath them, while Red had continued to sit up in the bed and subconsciously pick at the medical alert bracelet that was still on her wrist. Nobody spoke again.

XXX

They hadn't interacted at all since then. Red had waited to get up until Gloria had already left for work and she hadn't received any calls or texts from her all day, which was unusual. Reading the books that Julio had sent her had been a blessed distraction from the conflict, but as Red shuffled to answer the front door the weight of guilt about how she had spoken to Gloria was crushing her again. She knew that the only thing that could truly make her feel better about that would be when Gloria came home. She wanted to talk about it, to fix it, but more than anything else she wanted to be reassured that she was still loved. Despite what she wanted to give voice to, she did need Gloria, and in her heart of hearts she knew that Gloria didn't hate her or enjoy how sick she had become. It was just a terrible situation all around.

"I thought it was you!" Red exclaimed softly, trying her hardest to seem energetic and happy at the sight of Nicky and Lorna standing on her front porch, each holding a large, brown, paper bag. Turning the handle of the door with some difficulty, she held it open for them.

"I'm sorry that took so long," she apologized. "Why didn't you girls let yourselves in?"

"Oh, we just didn't want to barge in on you," Lorna had said considerately. She smiled softly as she slipped out of her white, patent, ballet flats. "You know, just in case you had changed your mind again and weren't feeling up-"

"Actually, I just forgot my key," Nicky had interrupted, stepping in front of Lorna. "You know me," she joked, "some things never change."

"Forgot it or lost it?" Red asked suspiciously, shutting the door behind them. Before she did, she couldn't resist scanning the street for a sign of Gloria. She would be home any minute now and Red was both anxious and eager to see her again. She needed to know where they now stood.

"Oh, I'm sure it's around somewhere," Nicky had teased, coming closer to kiss Red's cheek in greeting. "Maybe we'll need to make another spare for me."

"Uh huh," Red had said eyeing her. Leaning her back against the wall to take some of the pressure off of her legs, Red had nodded at the brown bag in Nicky's hands. "So what did you end up getting?"

"Chinese," Nicky replied. "Gloria's choice, actually. When I called her at work to see what she'd like, she admitted that she was having a craving."

"You spoke to Gloria?" Red asked anxiously. "What-what did she say?"

"That she wanted Chinese food for supper," Nicky replied, squinting at her curiously.

"And that you could have asked her that in a text," Lorna teased, brushing a hand over Nicky's back as she walked ahead into the kitchen to put down her bag.

"That too," Nicky conceded. She shook her head dramatically at Red. "You really should do something about the woman's phone etiquette, mom. I hope she doesn't talk to customers that way."

She adjusted the takeout bag so that it was balanced in one arm. "Is she home yet?" she asked casually.

"Any minute," Red replied, still leaning tiredly up against the wall. Her hands were shaking, and Nicky looked down on them with a slight frown on her face.

"Well, may as well go set the table then, I guess," Nicky shrugged. She reached out with her free hand to touch Red's shoulder. "You want some help, mom?"

"No," Red said, defensively. She jerked her shoulder and Nicky released her automatically, holding her hand up in surrender.

"Alright then, meet you in there," Nicky said smoothly. She headed into the kitchen behind Lorna, and set her bag down on the table. Lorna had already unpacked all the cartons of food from her bag and had everything set out for them like a buffet. Nicky went straight for the fridge and helped herself to a can of Gloria's Dr. Pepper that was hidden away in the vegetable crisper at the bottom.

Once Nicky was out of sight, Red took a few willful steps away from the wall, trying her hardest to move as quickly as she could. She could hear the sounds of Nicky and Lorna laughing together in the kitchen and she wanted to be a part of that. Even more, she didn't want them to see how bad her mobility could be. About halfway down the hall though, Red suddenly froze in place. Her feet felt as firmly rooted to the ground as though they were stuck in cement. She couldn't move forward, couldn't go back, she just stood there still like a statue, as an anxious bead of sweat trickled down her back.

She didn't want Nicky to come back out into the hall and find her this way. That would be more humiliation than she could bear, and as another minute passed with her still frozen in place, Red's panic grew. She tried lifting one foot, and then the other, but to no avail. Her limbs would not cooperate. As her heart raced rapidly, Red heard the sound of the front door opening and closing behind her. A moment later and she felt two soft hands on her shoulders and warm breath on the back of her neck.

"Try rocking on the balls of your feet," Gloria said quietly. As Red perched on her tiptoes, Gloria squeezed her shoulders encouragingly. "Good, back and forth, back and forth..you've got it."

A couple more attempts at rocking, and Red was able to lift her right foot completely off the floor and step ahead. Then her left foot lifted and she was able to walk again. As soon as she was mobile, Gloria had withdrawn her hands and returned to the door so that she could take her shoes off. Red looked back over her shoulder at her warily, but Gloria was refusing to look at her.

"Let's go eat," Gloria said briskly, as she walked past Red and ahead into the kitchen. She left Red with no choice but to follow behind slowly. Clearly Gloria still was upset about their argument from last night.

Red shuffled slowly into the kitchen and then collapsed exhaustingly into her chair. The girls had just gotten there and already she was ready for them to leave so that she could go to bed. Gloria had finished making her own plate and sat down in a seat across the table from her. In front of Red's spot was an empty plate and an empty water glass. Gloria always fixed her plate up for her but seemed to have desire to now.

Trying not to show how upset this made her, Red stretched her hand forward for the spoon in the container of chicken fried rice. Her hand was shaking so hard that she could barely grasp it and even once she had, the task of lifting a full spoon and moving it over to her plate without spilling it seemed impossible.

"Here, Red, I'll get that for you," Lorna said cheerfully, taking the spoon from her and dishing her out a serving of the rice.

"Thank you," Red said quietly, withdrawing her hand and hiding it beneath the table so that her tremors would not be quite as noticeable.

"What else do you want?" Lorna asked sweetly.

"Oh, just a little taste of everything, I suppose," Red replied softly, fully aware of Gloria's eyes on her.

Gloria had just been about to get up and assist when Lorna had taken over. Although she was more than fine with that, she needed a night off. It hurt her to admit how tiring and draining it was to take care of her wife, the fact that she was starting to consider it a second job-she never wanted to make Red feel as if she were a chore. It scared her to think about how much worse Red's condition could become, and how much more help she would someday need. Gloria was starting to lose her patience with her. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

The woman had no appreciation for how much she did, she resented her help, and worse than that she hadn't apologized for what she'd said last night. Though Gloria loved her way too much to ignore her in times of need, and it was no secret that soon she would need all the help she could get, tonight, she wanted as much distance between them as possible.

"I'll get you a drink, Ma," Nicky volunteered, reaching over Red's shoulder for her glass. "What would you like?"

"Oh, just some water, honey," Red replied.

"Coming right up," Nicky said jovially. She looked across the table at Gloria and met her eye. Compressing her lips, Nicky sniffed disapprovingly at her, which only earned her one of Gloria's famous roll her eyes.

She wasn't about to take any mouth from Nicky about anything concerning Red. Nicky didn't know what she was going through and Gloria wasn't about to fill her in. It would be wasted breath. She knew Nicky would side with Red. Those two were tight. She, however, was on her own. She stayed quiet through most of the meal, keeping her eyes on her plate as she stabbed her fork into the little pieces of chicken .

If either Nicky or Lorna noticed anything amiss between her and Red they were smart enough to keep it to themselves. Possibly out of shame for how she had behaved last night, Red seemed to be trying her hardest to be engaged and happy for all their sakes but Gloria could tell that she was tired. As resentful as she was towards her wife right now, she still couldn't resist making a mental note to make sure the girls didn't stay too late so Red could get some sleep. The thought made Gloria chuckle to herself quietly as she picked at some noodles. No matter how angry she was, it just went to show that there was nothing Red could say or do that would push her away.

"Do you want more water, Ma?" Nicky asked, after they had all finished eating.

"Sure," Red replied, gripping her glass with a shaking hand and passing it to her daughter. While Nicky went to refill her glass, Gloria wiped her mouth with a napkin and then began to quietly clear the table. Gathering up all of the plates and utensils, she carried them over to the sink that she began to fill up with lots of sudsy water.

"Oh, don't clean up yet, Gloria," Lorna exclaimed. "I made us a dessert. I found this really good recipe for an apple crumble cake on pinterest. Nicky says it's to die for."

"Like eating an orgasm," Nicky laughed, "that's about the best way I know how to describe it".

"Hmm," Gloria rolled her eyes, as she began to wash the dinner plates in spite of what Lorna had said. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Lorna pulled out a decadent crumble from the fridge and set it on the counter beside the sink. She reached up into the cupboard above Gloria's head for dessert plates and set them on the counter also.

"Where are your knives?" Lorna asked.

"In the drawer to your right," Gloria replied, pointing with a soap covered finger. Lorna quickly found a sharp knife and began cutting them all a piece of her cake. Gloria swiftly finished up the last of the dishes and then returned to the table to package up their leftover food for the refrigerator.

"Oh, let me see it," Red said softly, as Lorna reached over her shoulder to set a piece of cake before her.

"Hmm?" murmured Lorna, and then her face broke out into a glowing smile. "Ohhhh!" she gushed, and held out her left hand where a white gold ring with a huge square diamond sparkled on her finger.

"It's beautiful," Red exclaimed, taking Lorna's hand in hers and examining the enormous rock closely. She peered over at Nicky. "You did good, honey," she told her. "Did you pick it out yourself?"

"Noooo," Nicky shook her head and winked at Lorna. "We picked it out together-I gave Lorna a magazine clipping of a diamond when I proposed. I wanted her to choose her own ring."

"Well, I love it," Red said approvingly, as she let go of Lorna's hand.

"You don't think it's too big?" Lorna asked skeptically, holding her hand out in front of her so she could scrutinize her ring.

"Oh, it's very big," Red chuckled, "be careful you don't get it caught on anything. It looks like it would be heavy."

"Only the best for my bride," Nicky winked. "And this is just the beginning. We're going to throw the wedding of the century soon."

"Really?" Red said softly, sounding amused. "I never really thought you would be too much for planning the wedding, Nicky."

"No, she's totally excited," Lorna giggled. "We're going to plan everything together."

"With input from you, of course," Nicky said pointedly.

"I don't know how much help I will be," Red told them honestly. "My own wedding day was very small and I never even attended your brothers, I don't know much about this sort of stuff."

"If I wanted a professional wedding planner, I'd hire one," Nicky told her point-blank. "This is just some mother/daughter bonding stuff. I just want your thoughts."

"Alright," Red agreed, taking a small sip from the water glass Nicky had refilled for her. "Well, for starters, when is it going to be?"

"In the fall," Lorna told her promptly. "Because we're going to have an outdoor wedding and the photographs will all be so beautiful with the changing leaves in the background."

"What if it rains?" asked Gloria, who had finished putting everything away. Walking back towards the table she sank back into her chair and pulled her dessert towards her.

"We're going to get one of those huge tents," Nicky replied. "If it rains then the crew will just set it up over the chairs. "Oh, and the reception is going to be at this gorgeous hotel right across the street from the park."

"Sounds lovely," Gloria told her.

"And expensive," Red added, eyeing the bling on Lorna's hand which was easily over eight thousand dollars. She turned to Nicky. "Have you worked out a budget for all of this yet, honey?"

"It's fine," Nicky shrugged dismissively. "I'm a trust-fund baby, remember?"

"Yes, but still…" Red said hesitantly.

"I talked to Marka," Nicky told her. "She's gonna help pay."

"You mean you're actually inviting her?" Gloria asked in astonishment.

"Don't sound so surprised, Gloria," Nicky told her. "You know we talk...we're civil. Woman has osteoporosis and uses a cane...it's hard to hate on someone in a state like that." At the reproachful look on Gloria's face, Nicky glanced sideways at Red.

"Shit," she sighed. "I didn't mean anything, Ma, I-"

Red dismissed her with a wave of her hand. "What are your wedding colours going to be?" she asked.

"Pink and yellow," Lorna said excitedly.

"No, no, no," Nicky shook her head. "I told you, babe. If you want to use those colours then we're going to need to change the date. Personally, pink and yellow remind me of Easter. Autumn is reds, browns, golds..you feel me?"

"Ohhhh!" Lorna exclaimed excitedly, "Nicky! We should have bouquets of leaves instead of flowers."

Nicky raised her eyebrows and then nodded. "Now that is an idea that I can get on board with," she replied. "I don't want this thing to be too traditional."

"It's two women getting married," Gloria said, bringing a forkful of apple to her lips. "Is too traditional really a concern?"

"I think the leaves bouquet idea is pretty," Red said quietly. Her hand was shaking hard as she lifted it from her lap and reached for her glass of water. "It's different. And you could do a lot of different centerpiece arrangements based around-oh!"

"F**k," Red hissed. She accidently had knocked over her glass and water had poured across the table, dripping off of the edge and into her lap. Her pants were completely soaked and so was the arm that had been resting on the table.

"It's alright," Gloria said automatically. "I got you." she quickly got up from her chair and went to the counter to grab the roll of paper towels.

"Here, Ma," Nicky said, shifting her chair closer to her. She grabbed the shaking hand that Red hadn't yet moved from the soaking table. Gripping her wrist, Nicky felt the hardness of the bracelet beneath her sweater and before Red could stop her, had rolled up the sleeve of her drenched shirt.

"Is that okay to get wet?" Nicky asked casually, though her eyes bugged out expressively at the monitor strapped around her mother's wrist.

"Yeah, it's fine," Gloria said quietly, not even bothering to look up as she soaped up the puddle on the floor.

"I'll go grab you a change of clothes," Nicky offered, turning her attention back to Red.

"No," Red said slowly, brushing her hand over the front of her pants the shake off some of the excess water than had not soaked in. "I'll go myself."

"Do you want some help?" Lorna asked brightly, clearly well intentioned.

"No," Red snapped at her. She pulled herself up off of her chair and as she stood, water dripped down her legs and onto the floor.

"I'll go with you," Gloria said quietly. She reached for the edge of the table and stood back up. In her hands was a large pile of wadded up paper towels.

"I'm fine," Red said stubbornly, as she began to shuffle out of the kitchen.

Gloria sighed and tossed her wad of paper towels into the garbage. Nicky and Lorna were both staring at her in wide-eyed amazement, but she ignored them. Walking out into the hallway to catch Red, Gloria placed a stabilizing hand on the small of her back as she reached her side.

"I said no!" Red said angrily, jerking away from Gloria's touch so impulsively that she almost lost her footing and fell.

"It's hard to remove wet clothing," Gloria whispered, attempting to keep this discussion out of Nicky and Lorna's ears. "Let me just help you with that-"

"Just leave me alone!" Red said angrily, moving away from her and proceeding down the hall towards her bedroom.

"Fine, do it yourself," Gloria said flatly, throwing her hands up in defeat. Ceasing to keep step with her as Red moved ahead, Gloria shook her head sadly and then turned on her heel back towards the kitchen where the girls were waiting.

"She's so sad," Lorna said softly, looking distressed. "It was just some water...what's the big deal?"

"With Galina, everything is a big deal these days," Gloria said bitterly. She crossed her arms and leaned up against the fridge, tilting her head back she closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath.

"You can't blame her," Nicky spoke up, sitting backwards on one of their kitchen chairs. "Just put yourself into her shoes for a minute, Gloria. I bet you'd be upset too."

"I try and do that every single day, Nicky," Gloria sighed, opening her eyes and looking down at her. "I have nothing but compassion for what she is enduring and if it wasn't for that, then I'd probably have strangled her by now just for the way she's been treating me lately."

"This isn't about you," Nicky said shortly. "She's hurting right now. Physically, emotionally...and she doesn't need people beating her up about being a little short-tempered once in awhile. Anybody in her shoes would be the same. You're in a bad mood all the time, and there ain't nothing wrong with you."

"That's not what I meant, Nicky," Gloria said quietly. "And it's not something I can make you understand. You're not here all the time, you don't see what it's like."

"I can see that you've been irritated with her since you got home," Nicky said defensively. "And she didn't even do anything. So you're just holding grudges against her which she doesn't deserve."

"So I should let her walk all over me?" Gloria shot back.

"I didn't say that," Nicky replied. "I just know that if your situations were reversed she would be treating you like a queen. But you-you weren't even going to help her make her plate. Does she have to take care of everything for herself when she's alone with you? Ma's hand was shaking so hard there would have been a mess everywhere if Lorna hadn't stepped up to help, and imagine what that would have done to her self-esteem!"

"It's hard to want to help someone who accuses you of being cruel, hateful, and humiliating whenever you try to help them," Gloria retorted. "That's what I got handed last night when the supplies a doctor sent over for her arrived. Apparently that was my fault, all part of my evil plan to control her."

"That _is_ a little dramatic, Nicky," Lorna said gently, placing a hand on Nicky's arm to try and calm her down. "It sort of reminds me of the mind games my mom used to play with us when she was sick."

Nicky glared at her, "Red is nothing like your mother!" she exclaimed.

"Shush!" Gloria hissed, glancing nervously down the hall. "Keep your voice down."

"Well, she isn't," Nicky argued. "Ma isn't like that. She's not doing any of this to intentionally bother you."

"Oh, I don't think my mom was intentionally difficult either," Lorna said sadly. "It just happens anyway."

Nicky sucked her teeth. "I just think you're taking this personally, Gloria, and you shouldn't. She's sick. She needs all your sympathy and love while she figures this out."

"She has all of that," Gloria replied, rubbing a hand over her face tiredly. "If she wants more from me though, then she's going to have to start being kinder. I didn't sign up to be her punching bag."

"No, you signed up to be her wife," Nicky said shortly. "For better or worse."

Sighing, Gloria removed her face from her hand and glanced towards the clock. It was still fairly early in the evening but she was exhausted. She was in no mood to stand around and be lectured by Nicky about things the girl didn't even fully understand.

"I'm going to get ready for bed," she said quietly. "Can you girls show yourselves out? I'm sorry, but I just need some sleep."

"Yeah, but I'm going to check on Ma before I leave," Nicky told her.

"No, you're not," Gloria breathed heavily. "Seriously, Nicky, that's the last thing she'd want right now."

"You're not the boss of her," Nicky said irritably. "Or of me. I'm starting to see why she accused you of having control issues."

"Nicky, she might of gone to sleep," Lorna said softly. "She did seem pretty tired through dinner."

"Nicky, please," Gloria sighed. "I'm not trying to start anything with you. I just know that she wants to be alone. Text her if you feel like talking. Maybe she'll call you, I don't know. But Lorna's right, she's exhausted….and so am I."

"Fine," Nicky said in a clipped tone. "I'll call her tomorrow. Maybe I'll stop by."

"Good," Gloria said quietly. "And I'm sorry this evening didn't go as well as it should have. We'll try again soon."

"Bye, Gloria," Lorna had waved kindly as they departed. Nicky had barely said anything. She was still feeling quite defensive about the ways she felt her mother had been mistreated, and towards Gloria for keeping her from her.

As soon as they were gone, Gloria walked swiftly down the hall to their bedroom and threw open the door. Red was lying in the bed with the blanket covering her lap, and Millie purring beside her. The television was on and Red barely looked away from it as Gloria entered the room.

"You got changed okay?" Gloria asked gently.

"Obviously," Red said slowly. Her eyes shifted over to Gloria inquisitively. "Did they leave?"

"Yeah, just now ," Gloria replied. She shifted uncomfortable on the spot and brushed her hair back with her hand. She made no move to join her in the bed.

"Tonight didn't have to end on such an ugly note, you know," Gloria told her, not even trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone.

Red blinked at her in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"It was a glass of water," Gloria said slowly, accentuating each syllable. "It didn't have to ruin everything."

"You humiliated me in front of my girls!" Red retorted. "Thanks to you, Nicky saw this f**king thing around my wrist and Lorna didn't even think I could change a pair of pants by myself!"

"Neither of them cares about any of that," Gloria said in exasperation. "They still think just as highly of you as they always have...you've sure done a number on what they think of me, though," she scoffed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Red asked sharply.

"Nicky's furious with me because I'm apparently so terrible to you," Gloria said angrily. When Red didn't say anything, she swallowed a lump in her throat and shifted irritably on the spot.

"Judging by your lack of response, I'm assuming that you have no problem with her thinking that because you think that also?" Gloria questioned.

"I didn't say that," Red shook her head. "Do you want me to talk to Nicky?"

"No," said Gloria. "I want you to talk to me and let me know whether you're sorry about the things you accused me of last night?"

"Some of it," Red shrugged impassively.

"Well, I guess that's a start," Gloria sighed, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'm just trying to love you through this," she said softly, beginning to stroke Millie's head with her finger. "I don't know how you could accuse me of enjoying any of this. Anything that is upsetting to you, breaks my heart, you know."

"If you say so," Red said in disbelief. "But nothing has been the same between us since this all began. You don't look at me the same way, you don't talk to me like you used to, everything is different."

"It's a lot to adjust to," Gloria agreed quietly. "And it's hard to treat you the same when you are behaving so differently to me. Somedays you act almost the same as before and other times I don't even feel like you like me."

"Honestly, that's because sometimes I don't," Red said, not looking at her.

"Well...I still like you," Gloria said quietly, brushing her hair back with her hand. She pulled her glasses from her face and rubbed her fingers over her closed lids in an attempt to quell the tears that were threatening to fall. "I love you so much, Galina," her voice broke as she pushed the clear frames back onto her face. "And I'm going to see you through this. I'm going to be here for you."

"Okay…" Red said softly, but other than that she barely responded.

"Huh," Gloria sighed. She looked up to the ceiling, at the blades that were circling around and around, wishing for some sign from God. When nothing came, she shook her head and rubbed her hands over her thighs. "Alright, dear," she murmured getting back to her feet.

"Alright, what?" Red barked.

Gloria licked her lips, her back to her as she rubbed at the painful spasms in her lower back. "I'm going to go sleep in Benny's room for now, I think," she said quietly. She didn't have the strength to look at her.

"What? Why?" Red demanded. Her fear came in the form of anger, and she clenched tightly to the blankets. The tremors that had captivated her began to rock her with a vengeance. She willed herself to calm down byrocking slowly in place.

"Because I'm tired of imposing myself on someone who just wants me to leave them alone," Gloria said matter-of-factly. She rummaged through the closet for an outfit in the morning. "I've said my piece, you know where we stand." She pulled out a black dress, something that would mirror her mood and reflect the mourning she was in over the state of their relationship. She bent low with a grunt, holding to the door handle for support as she reached for a pair of black shoes.

"I'm going to give you some space," she breathed a deep breath, and nearly choked on her words as she stood up straight. Her heart felt as if it had literally shattered within her chest. Whether she was trying to get her bearings, or seriously struggling to breathe Red wasn't sure.

"Good," Red said defensively, and Gloria wasn't even sure if she meant it. Red lowered her gaze to her hands and picked at the cuticles around her nails. "You're actually doing me a favour."

Turning to face her wife, it was a shock to realize how cold and dissociated she was. "I'm not doing this anymore…" she shook her head.

Red lifted her head, brow raised high in challenge. "Doing what?" she asked. Her eyes narrowed, waiting for a response.

Gloria shook her head, her long, outgrown bangs falling into her eyes. "Under these circumstances…" she licked her lips and shifted on the balls of her feet. "I'll give you all the space you want." She could feel Red's eyes on her form as she exited their room. Turning down the hall to Benny's bedroom, she flicked on the lights and rolled her eyes.

Looking over her shoulder to her own bedroom, she brushed a hand through her hair and carelessly tossed her belongings onto the dresser. Stepping further into the vacant space, she turned and sat on the edge of the bed. Benny would be gone a few more weeks, but she hoped she wouldn't need it too long. Although, by the way Galina had all but packed a bag for her, she was starting to suspect this would become permanent.

Standing, she stripped her clothes off and laid her glasses down on the table. She crawled beneath the covers in just her underwear and hugged a pillow to her, tightly. The moonlight streaming in through the window caught her promise ring and Gloria's heart pained with guilt as it sparkled back at her.

 _For better or worse,_ Nicky's words echoed in her head. She tried not to think about how Red would surely wake up from discomfort or insomnia, and pressed her face even harder into the pillow as recalled the nightmares. They'd been coming on more frequently, and it was struggle for Red to fall back asleep without Gloria there to rub her back and see her through it.

Adjusting her head, Gloria tortured herself with the sight of her ring. There was nothing more that she could do. She was so tired of being pushed away and lashed out at. She rubbed her hand over her fingers, and twisting the band around she slowly began to pull it away. She wasn't sure if moving out of their bed would make things worse between them, or make Red realize that she actually did want her around. As she held it up, Gloria inhaled a deep breath before slowly releasing it.

Shackling her in cuff. That was what Red had told her. She clenched the ring tightly in her palm. It's what made all the difference in their roles. She didn't feel chained, or imprisoned… she just felt sad. Her grip on the ring loosened and she slowly slid it back onto her finger. She didn't know what she was going to do, but Gloria knew was that she had needed to do something. She wasn't the enemy in this situation. She refused to let their partnership disintegrate.

 _For better or worse._


	5. Chapter 5

It was never going to be easy. Gloria reminded herself of that nearly everyday on the commute home from work. What she hadn't counted on was just how much Red's diagnosis would drive them apart. Gloria could handle the physical challenges Red was facing. She was prepared for what was to come and intended to be there through it all. The hardest part was realizing that Red didn't want her there. She pushed Gloria away every chance that she could.

Moving out of their bedroom hadn't made Red miss her or if it had, she certainly had a funny way of showing it. Red was cold and unfeeling. She stiffened at affection and seemed determined to make herself as unlovable as possible. Often times, she was just plain mean-especially when she couldn't do something for herself that she was determined to do. Needing help was the hardest thing for Red to accept and she often would rather put herself at risk than ask for assistance. Her balance was unstable and her tremors made movement of any kind a challenge. Yet the loathed walker still remained in the corner of the living room, mostly untouched. It drove Gloria nuts to see Red walking around without it but she didn't know how to force the issue, and she chose to pick her battles.

Before entering her house, Gloria stood on the porch and braced herself for a moment. Returning from work was almost never a pleasant experience these days and Red was almost never happy to see her. She treated every one else better than she did Gloria, who was the primary target of her anger. Sometimes it was hard for Gloria to bite back scathing retorts to Red's general rudeness, or not to suggest she move in with Nicky or one of her sons if se was so miserable living with her.

Sighing, Gloria smoothed down her navy-blue pencil skirt and then cautiously opened the door. The house was quiet. She slipped out of her matching blazer and hung it on the hook. She kicked off her low-heeled shoes and then proceeded through her home to investigate, dropping her over-sized purse on the hall table as she passed it. The house was almost never this still. Red always had the television blaring, even when she wasn't watching it. Gloria knew she was home though. If any of the kids had come to take her out they would have texted Gloria to let her know. She turned the corner into the kitchen and stopped in her tracks at once.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Gloria asked in alarm. Her heart felt like it was in her throat as she stared at the large butcher knife in Red's hand, she could see it shaking dangerously from across the room. In an instant Gloria had moved across the floor, her hand wrapped tightly around Red's wrist so that she couldn't move it, her other hand held out for the knife.

"Put it down, Galina," Gloria commanded in a chilly voice. She saw Red's hand clench more possessively around the handle, as an internal battle was being fought in her head. Gloria remained calm and continued to hold fast. Her breathing was beginning to return to normal now that she had control of Red's arm. She'd gotten there in time. If she had been a few minutes later getting home she might have walked in on an unfortunate accident.

"Let go of me, Gloria," Red said back, just as coldly. Her arm jerked in Gloria's tight grasp and her hand clenched even more tightly around the handle of the knife. She wasn't intending to surrender, not to Gloria or to the limitations imposed on her by her disease. She so didn't want to be sick that she was prepared to risk serious injury just to continue doing whatever she wanted to do. She didn't want to ask for help or have to depend on others.

Red grimaced, "You have no right-"

"I have every right," Gloria retorted. "You know you're not supposed to-"

"You're not in charge of me!" Red protested, attempting unsuccessfully to shake Gloria off. "I'm a grown woman and I don't need you talking down to me!" Gloria reached her other arm up around Red's body to hold her tight and stop her jerking movements. She was afraid she was going to accidently cut herself. This was completely ridiculous and Gloria felt a rage of everything she had been holding in for far too long come bubbling very close to the danger zone. She was furiously.

"You're a grown woman, so act like it," Gloria snapped, as Red now stood immobile in her arms. She was easily over powered and knowing that Gloria had full control of the situation now forced her to take some deep calming breaths. Yelling at Galina Reznikov would not solve anything.

"You know what the doctor said," Gloria said calmly. "Is it really worth cutting your hand off just to try and make a point to me?"

"Stop it," Red shuddered, her arms jerking slightly as she tried and failed to shake Gloria off. "Get your hands off of me."

Gloria ignored her. She tightened the arm that was holding Red still against her and then began to work on prying her fingers off the knife's handle. How she had gotten it or why she thought it a good idea to be holding it when she could barely succeed at holding a hairbrush steady was beyond Gloria's understanding. However, Red had been exceedingly unreasonable and self-destructive since this journey had begun.

No-stop!" Red cried out helplessly, but Gloria succeeded in sliding the knife away from her. Red couldn't help the angry tears that burned her eyes at the indignity. Gloria was treating her like a child who had been caught holding something only adults were allowed to touch. Logically she knew that her shakes made what she had been attempting to do an unwise decision, but she thought it was her choice to make. As a grown woman, she deserved the right to decide for herself how far she wanted to push herself, but her wife was taking that freedom from her.

As soon as she'd pried the knife from Red's trembling hands, Gloria promptly released her and took a few steps back. She didn't know where to put the knife just yet, so she continued to hold it. She was afraid if she put it down somewhere that Red would try to grab it again but right now Red seemed at a complete loss for words. Gloria could see the tears in her eyes and wanted to comfort her but she knew that would only anger her more.

Instead, Gloria looked around the kitchen at the evidence of what had been happening before she'd walked in. Half the roast from their dinner last night was out waiting to be sliced. The bread and cheese on the counter suggested that Red had been intending to make herself a sandwich. It was a simple task, and one that devastated Gloria to not allow her to complete. It just wasn't possible now. Red's hands were so wobbly that it was almost guaranteed that she would have sliced a finger at the very least. There was a reason why the doctor had forbidden her to use sharp tools anymore. Red just refused to cooperate. This wasn't the first time she had been caught with items she wasn't supposed to have, but Gloria was determined that it would be the last.

Red's shoulders were slumped in defeat, the fingers on her right hand were pinkened from the strain of hanging on to the knife Gloria had wrestled from her hand. Her head was bowed, and devastated didn't begin to describe how she was currently feeling. She had lived her whole life and should be able to do what she wanted. Preparing food and cooking was something that had always defined her personhood. Gloria taking that from her felt like an important part of her identity was being stolen.

"How did you even reach this knife?" Gloria asked seriously. "I moved everything you're not supposed to use to the higher cupboards so you wouldn't be tempted-"

"Shut up!" Red spat out, still not looking at her. She reached out to grip onto the kitchen counter and then angrily swatted the bread and cheese resting there to the floor. Her trembling hands were shaking against the ceramic countertop and her legs were just as unstable. She needed to sit down but didn't want to, not just yet. She'd feel even more vulnerable dealing with Gloria right now from a sitting down position.

"You used the step stool, didn't you? Gloria guessed correctly, as she glared down at the food Red had just shoved purposefully onto the floor. "Would you honestly do something so incredibly stupid? Because unless someone came over and got it for you, I don't see another way."

"You think I'm stupid?" Red cried out angrily. There was fire and fury in her eyes that even took Gloria by surprise. She had known that Red would be angry and she loathed being the person who needed to speak up and prevent her from doing what she wanted to do-what she had always been able to do. Gloria knew she'd have been upset if someone had tried controlling her that way. However, the only alternative was to say nothing and allow Red to destroy herself, and Gloria would never do that. She loved Red enough to allow herself to be hated. She'd be the bad guy if that was what Red needed.

"No, I don't think you're stupid," Gloria said impatiently. "But some of the things you are doing, Galina, are extremely reckless and foolish!"

"I know you think I'm stupid," Red shot back, "that's why you always talk to me like I can't think for myself!"

"Well, you aren't making very good decisions right now," Gloria said shortly. "And it's not that I think you're incapable of doing so, but first you need to get rid of the chip on your shoulder and start acting like an adult again. You're being ridiculous. Nothing that has happened to you is my fault! I'm only trying to help you."

"Oh, go to hell!" Red snapped, she shook her hand towards Gloria in dismissal and the act nearly knocked her off balance. She leaned back against the counter and glared pointedly at a small crack in the ceramic tile just to have something to focus on. It was so easy for Gloria to criticize her attitude or desperation to keep some things in her life normal, when Gloria was still as agile and active as she'd always been.

"I feel like I'm already there," Gloria retorted. She scoffed. "Actually, I'm pretty confident when I die, I'm gonna go straight to heaven and God is gonna canonize me a saint for putting up with all this."

"I hate you," Red said in a shaky voice. She spoke lightly, but with such ferocity that a shiver ran down Gloria's spine. The slow and deliberate way Red accentuated each word made it seem like she truly believed what she was saying.

"I hate you so damn much," Red continued to say in her harsh, cold, voice. "I wish I never met you! I wish you'd just disappear and leave me the hell alone!"

"You don't mean that," Gloria said, sounding almost indifferent, although she'd felt like she had been punched in the stomach. "You'll say just about anything to try and hurt me these days."

She knew logically that her response was correct. Red didn't hate her, she had loved her all these years and she hated her life, not her wife. However, that didn't make her feel any less distressed about it. She didn't know what she could do to solve the strain between them or make Red go back to how she used to be. She could reassure her over and over again that nothing that happened to her body could stop her being the person Gloria loved and cherished. Yet, the disease had already changed Red in so many ways. Her uncooperative body was nothing to the damage it had inflicted on her mind.

"Oh, I want you hurt," Red agreed, nodding at the floor. "I wish you could feel just a morsel of the pain you're causing me, because then maybe you'd stop."

"I'm not doing anything to you," Gloria replied with a heavy breath. Her calmness infuriated Red all the more. "I realize you need somebody to blame right now, but in your heart you know how irrational you're being. You're mad at the disease, not at me."

"Stop acting like you think you know better than me," Red snapped, the control she had been maintaining over her voice was lifted. Her temper was flailing again. "Living with you just makes me want to kill myself."

"Calm down," Gloria told her, the word triggering even more rage within her wife. Red glowered at her but Gloria looked compassionately at her and said evenly. "Just take a few deep breaths and then we can talk about why you're upset and figure out a compromise-"

"Don't patronize me!" Red almost screamed, her voice cracking. Impulsively, without thought, she reacted. Grabbing a glass that was resting on the drying mat on the counter, she threw it as hard as she could, without aim or even fully knowing what she was doing. She was reacting out of cold blooded fury. A rage within her that had been steadily building for months and months and was now boiling over. The glass flew through the air, hit the refrigerator door, bounced off, and shattered into pieces that whipped across the floor, spreading everywhere.

There was a pause. Gloria's eyes were huge and wide, her mouth open in aghast. The dagger in her hand was limp at her side. She could not believe this display of temper, of Red's anger. She was completely dumbfounded, as she glanced back and forth from Red's face, which was irritatingly blank, to the chards of glass on the floor. Gloria could tell that Red was already regretting this tantrum but that didn't excuse her.

"You better not f**king move an inch until I clean that up," Gloria told her coldly, once she had gotten her bearings together. She went back to the door to put her shoes back on and then walked carefully through the sea of glass on the kitchen floor. She dropped the knife into the sink, trusting that Red would not touch it now. She still looked too stunned by her own outburst to try crossing Gloria again at the moment.

Gloria retrieved the broomstick from its place wedged between the wall and the stove. Without speaking, she began sweeping up the chards of glass that had ricocheted off the fridge and bounced everywhere. She gathered up all the little clear speckles while Red stood perfectly still in her socks and did not move. After she had finished covering the rest of the floor Gloria went back over to Red to go around her feet and make sure there were no pieces for her to cut herself on.

"Gloria-"

"You're out of your mind," Gloria said quietly. "And you're not helping yourself at all, Galina. You're going to regret everything you've said and done once you calm down."

"Regret speaking the truth?" Red said softly. She shook her head. "No, not that."

Gloria just gave her a stoney look and then turned to walk into the hallway. Red could hear the sound of the closet door sliding open and Gloria rummaging around for something. Alone temporarily, she went to sit down. She shuffled, bent over at the waist and slumped into the nearest chair. She'd have preferred to go lie down in her bedroom, but a part of her wanted to stay and wait for Gloria. She didn't think she had ever made her quite this angry before and right now Red was regretting it. She buried her face in her hands feeling incredibly sorry for herself. She didn't want things to be this way.

When she heard Gloria walking back into the room, Red peered at her through her fingers. Gloria was carrying a white plastic grocery bag and her expression was unreadable. Red lowered her hands to her lap and cleared her throat. Now was her chance-she knew that she needed to apologize, and as bad as she usually was about saying sorry, Red found that she really wanted to make amends with her wife right now. She just wanted things to be okay and for them to be close again. She wanted Gloria to move back into their bedroom, to hold her, to love her. Red hated herself for ever wanting to push her away, but the last thing she hated in this world was Gloria. Red loved her with all her heart. She was just angry.

"Gloria," Red began, but Gloria just shook her head and silenced her.

"Don't talk," Gloria ordered sternly, as she shook the bag threateningly in her hand. "I never wanted to do this to you but the doctor made these suggestions one time when I spoke to him about how insistent you were about not following the rules. So, I went shopping, bought this stuff, and put it away because I had really thought that it wouldn't be necessary. Now I realize that I was wrong."

Opening up the bag, Gloria pulled out a package of safety latches. The plastic kind that people hooked around cupboard doors to keep small children from being able to open them. The advertisement on the packaging even labelled them as child proof devices. A toddler would not be able to figure out the mechanics to open a cabinet that had these installed, but Red, with her tremors brought on by the Parkinson's, would not be able to operate them either. She was just as helpless as a child, and this proved it. Red's mouth gaped open in shock and her cheeks burned in humiliation.

"Remember, Galina," Gloria said quietly, "you forced my hand."

She looked away as she tore open the packaging and then walked over to the cupboards. She began attaching the safety latches to every door, ensuring that Red would not be able to open any of them and access items that were dangerous for her to use in her condition. Once all the cupboards were locked down, she went back to the table and pulled out a small set of lock stove knobs so that Red would not be able to turn any of the burners on, and there was a latch for the oven door. Within minutes, Gloria had ensured Red would not be able to do anything in her kitchen without someone there to supervise the entire time. And though Gloria wanted to feel sad about the necessity of such a drastic measure, she also felt a little smidgen of triumph. It was difficult not to take Red's cruel words personally and this gave her the slightest taste of revenge. Red's distress was obvious and Gloria was sad to infantilise her like this, but as far as she was concerned any embarrassment that Red was feeling right now was her own fault and justly deserved. It wasn't going to sway Gloria to give her another chance.

"Hello?" a cheerful voice called from the front entrance of their home. Red and Gloria both jumped in surprise and turned in the direction of the door. Neither had heard the door open and Red immediately felt panicked, wondering how long someone might have been there, listening to the exchange.

"I'll go see who it is," Gloria murmured to Red. She walked out of the kitchen without a backwards glance, leaving Red behind. She was feeling quite irritated by this intrusion. Her hands felt clammy, her mind was whirling, and she had unfinished business to deal with between her wife and herself that they didn't need an audience for.

"Well, this is a surprise," she observed, in a would-be-calm voice, at the sight of Red's son Vasily and his wife Lida in the entry of her home. Gloria forced a smile and found that the muscles in her face felt oddly stiff, like they hadn't been used in quite awhile. She supposed they hadn't been. There wasn't much to smile about these days.

"I wasn't expecting you two," Gloria said, crossing her arms as she stood in front of them.

"Is this a bad time?" Vasily winced. "Sorry. We were just passing by and thought we'd drop in."

"No, it's fine," Gloria relented, attempting a second smile which she felt was far more convincing than her first. "So, how are you?"

"We're good," Lida replied. "Actually, we're heading out to see a movie with the guys and wanted to see if you two would like to join us."

"I don't think so," Gloria automatically replied. She shook her head apologetically. "Not tonight anyway. But thanks for asking."

"Is Mama feeling okay?" Vasily asked concernedly. "A night out would do her some good."

"I don't think she'll want to go out, Vasily," Gloria said uncertainly. "But she's in the kitchen if you want to ask her yourself."

"I'll do that," Vasily replied. He walked hurriedly down the hall to their kitchen to see his mother. He tried to see her at least twice a week and had noticed that lately she'd been feeling down most of time and didn't even try to show it, which concerned him. Usually his mother attempted to play at being fine even if she was never very convincing.

XXX

Left alone, Red couldn't hear what was being said down the hall but knew that they'd probably seek her out soon to visit. The thought made her cringe in horror. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to see all the modifications Gloria had made to the kitchen. It was a humiliation she didn't think she could overcome. She considered going to the door to greet them, but the thought of moving made her feel so tired so she went to the table instead.

Feeling helpless, Red buried her face in her hand as though that could hide her from them. Full of self loathing, she was hating herself for the choices she'd make, for the actions that had led to her current predicament. Yet at the same time she felt victimized by Gloria, who had not heard her out or given her a chance to apologize. Red's thoughts were everywhere.

"Mamochka," Vasily said softly, as he entered the kitchen. "How are you feeling?" At the sight of his mother sitting there looking tired and completely defeated, he grew immediately worried. He looked over his shoulder for an explanation, but Gloria was still talking quietly with Lida by the front door and neither of them noticed him.

Vasily went to his mother. She hadn't yet made any sign of recognition, instead keeping her face buried in a trembling hand as she rested her elbow on the table top. She did not look comfortable at all. Vasily crouched down on the floor in front of her and rested his chin on her knee.

"Mama?" he whispered questioningly, looking up at her with concern in his eyes. His mind was whirling with different possibilities for his mother's condition. Whether she was hurt, depressed, simply tired, he couldn't be sure. His eyes danced around the room looking for clues. They landed on the locks and latches that Gloria had just installed, and he emitted a small grunt of outrage. It was what his kitchen had looked like when his three children had been small, and the thought that anybody would do such a thing to his mother horrified him. It seemed abusive, humiliating, and degrading to him.

"Mama, did she-" Vasily started to say, but was silenced when Red wrapped a shaking hand around the back of his head and began to stroke his hair like she had when he was a little boy. Vasily enjoyed this small gesture of affection from his mother, though his thoughts were still troubled. He could feel her sadness and pain. She was clearly so unhappy, and the protectiveness in him was surging up.

"Oh, Vasily," Red shuddered, speaking barely above a whisper. "Darling, I'm really f**king everything up."

"No, you're not," Vasily instantly replied. Kissing her kneecap through the black sweatpants she was wearing. "Whatever is upsetting you right now, Ma, is not your fault. You're not doing anything wrong, you just don't feel well. It will be okay."

"It's not okay," Red whimpered, "nothing is ever going to be okay again."

"Mama," Vasily shook his head. He didn't know what to tell her. He'd done his research and he knew Parkinson's disease had no cure and would worsen in time until she was immobile and unable to care for herself at all. That truth was always at the back of his mind so it didn't surprise him his mother was incapable of overlooking it. He didn't think he'd be any more positive in her dire situation.

"I'm right here, Mama," Vasily told her. He straightened up enough to embrace her. Red's head fell forward to bury against his chest as he stroked her grey hair back and recalled all the times his mother had cuddled him this way growing up, when he'd needed a good cry. He could feel the dampening from her tears on the front of his shirt and knew she needed this comfort right now and he wondered quickly why Gloria wasn't being this considerate of her feelings in the same way.

XXX

"You know, I think it would really do Mama some good if you two came to the movies with us," Lida was saying once Vasily had left to go see Red. "She seems better when she gets out and she has a chance to feel normal for a little bit."

"Well, then maybe Vasily will convince her to go," Gloria said shortly. She settled herself down on the bench pressed up beside the door and sighed. Leaning her head back she looked up at Lida who was staring down at her. "And if he does convince her, though I doubt he will, you guys can take her yourselves. Spending a night out with her is just about the last thing I feel like doing right now."

"I think that's a little harsh," Lida said with a frown, folding her arms.

"You wouldn't if you had shown up just a few minutes sooner," Gloria said stiffly. She pulled her glasses from her face and cleaned them aggressively with the bottom of her shirt.

"Why does that mean?" asked Lida.

Gloria shrugged as she pushed the clear frames back onto her face. She wasn't sure why she still felt inclined to continue covering for Red when it came to her family. Red certainly didn't deserve the excuses and Gloria was tired of being blamed for everything. She was positive if Nicky had seen Red in action or been the target of her anger even once, she'd never had attempted to advise Gloria on trying to be nicer to her. Gloria was already mentally bracing herself for another attack once Vasily caught sight of the latest kitchen accessories she had just installed. She knew that would never go over well.

"You look exhausted," Lida observed, taking in the dark circles and heavy bags under Gloria's eyes. "Is Galina still having trouble sleeping?"

"I don't exactly know," Gloria said dryly, not bothering to tell Lida that she slept in a separate bedroom from her the past two months. Benny had been home twice in that period and both times he had willingly offered to sleep on the pull-out couch so his mom could stay in his bed.

" _Not my business," Benny had said before leaving for his next trip. "But I hope you let her off the hook soon, mom, cause Galina won't ever cave and I'd like my bed back."_

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lida asked carefully.

"I just don't," Gloria replied quietly. "And I think I'm more stressed than tired these days."

"Well, if we take her with us and you choose to stay behind then at least you'll get a chance to relax," Lida said thoughtfully.

"She's not going to go," Gloria scoffed. She was pretty sure that her response to Red's behaviour would send her wife back to bed in a state of depression for at least a week. Yet, that didn't sway her to relent. She'd rather Red sulking in bed than standing in the kitchen with her hand cut off by a knife she wasn't suppose to have in the place.

Lida sighed. Leaning her back against the closed door she slid down to the floor and hugged her legs towards her chest. "I'm worried about her," she confessed quietly. "Aren't you?"

"Of course, I am," Gloria exclaimed. "She's-I don't know. She's a mess."

"Is something really wrong with her?" Lida asked nervously.

"You could say that," Gloria said dryly. At the look of alarm on Lida's face, Gloria shook her head quickly. "I mean...she's not hurt," she clarified. "Except maybe in the head. I'm beginning to think she's insane"

"Why? What happened?" Lida frowned.

"What always happens," Gloria shrugged. "The doctor says things, she ignores, and then I'm forced to be the bad guy and make her comply."

"Like how?" Lida asked, resting her head on her bended knees as she looked up at Gloria with big brown eyes.

"Well, this particular incident right now was started because I came home to find her holding a huge butcher knife," Gloria shared.

"Really?" Lida said warily.

"Yep," Gloria said, crossing one leg over the other. "Woman can't even pour herself a drink without missing the glass completely, but she thinks having sharp items right by her fingers is a good idea?"

"It's just hard for her to accept not being able to do the things she always did," Lida reasoned. "I can't imagine what she's going through. I wish I could make it better for her."

"I know," Gloria said stiffly. "But just because we feel bad for her doesn't mean we can let her continue to stubbornly live in denial until she really hurts herself."

"No, I agree with you," Lida said quickly, lifting her head off her knees. "So, you took the knife from her, of course. I bet that didn't go over well."

"That's an understatement," Gloria scoffed. "She was furious."

"Well, you have to do what you have to do," Lida said lightly.

"She just won't listen to reason," Gloria said quietly. "This isn't the first time. It's almost everyday and I'm at a complete loss about what to do."

"Maybe she should go talk to a psychiatrist?" Lida suggested.

"Oh, she'd never agree to that," Gloria about laughed at the suggestion. Anything that Lida could suggest would already have been attempted, presented to Red, and resolutely rejected. Gloria felt like she had tried everything to make life with Red more bearable but nothing worked. It wasn't dealing with the disease that was the challenge for Gloria, it was dealing with all the emotional turbulence that came with it. Red had become the worst version of herself ever since her symptoms had strengthened. Sometimes, it was hard for Gloria to look back and believe they had ever even shared all those wonderful years together. Red had become a stranger.

"What else could we do?" Lida pondered. "You could try moving all the knives and anything else she shouldn't have out of reach."

"Tried that," Gloria sighed. "Now I took it a step further. I locked up everything in the kitchen using those safety contraption things you used to use for the kids. She can't maneuver them in her condition and now there's no chance of her getting into stuff she shouldn't."

"Is that really necessary?" Lida asked skeptically. "I think that's so mean…"

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Gloria asked tightly. She'd been prepared for there to be disapproval but none of them were living the day-to-day with Galina and saw how impossible she could be. Gloria didn't like what she had just done much either, but considering the circumstances she thought it had been a good call.

Lida sighed. "I could try talking to her," she offered weakly. "Make her understand…"

"There's nothing wrong with her ability to understand," Gloria replied, brushing her hair back. "Galina's problem is that she is the most stubborn person on the planet that would rather accidently stab herself than listen to me."

"That's rough," Lida sympathized. "I guess if she's that determined you don't have much of a choice…"

"I don't," Gloria said shortly. "Aside from quitting my job to stay home and watch her every move or finding someone else to do it, that is."

"Well, isn't it coming to that anyway?" Lida asked quietly. "I worry about her by herself during the day. I try to come over as much as I can, but a lot of the times she tells me no and I don't want to impose."

"Yeah, she's not going to be able to be left alone for much longer," Gloria shook her head sadly. "Which is another conversation I'm terrified to bring up." She bit her lip anxiously for a moment. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she admitted sadly.

"You don't have to have all the answers right now," Lida said softly. "And you also aren't dealing with this alone. We all want to help."

"She doesn't want help," Gloria scoffed.

"She doesn't have a choice," Lida replied. "And she has no right to take out her frustration on you. My heart breaks for her, but she can't keep punishing everyone else for what's happening. It's nobody's fault and we're all on her side."

"Tell that to her," Gloria said with a sad chuckle. "I'd honestly fear for your life, _chiqua_. But if she starts hating on you then at least that might get her off my back for a little while."

"What did she say exactly when you safety-proofed the kitchen like that?" Lida asked.

"Oh, she said lots," Gloria said shortly. "And then she knocked food off the counter and deliberately threw a glass that broke into about a million pieces on the floor-that is actually what convinced me to lock everything up, actually. I needed to do something! I couldn't just let her get away with that."

"She threw it?" Lida echoed, with astonishment written all over her face. "Are you sure she didn't just drop it?"

"Completely positive," Gloria said bitterly. "I saw her do it."

"She wasn't aiming for you was she?" Lida asked with a nervous giggle.

"No," Gloria shook her head. "I don't think so…."

"Just checking," Lida said quietly. "But still...that's terrible. I didn't realize she had gotten that bad. She acts okay with me usually."

"That's because when she's feeling particularly bitchy she just doesn't answer the phone," Gloria replied. "You're easier to avoid."

"Yeah, she does send me straight to voicemail a lot come to think of it," Lida laughed. Then she pressed her lips together and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. It's not funny."

"It's okay," Gloria smiled. "Sometimes that's the only way to keep from crying."

"You need a break," Lida told her honestly. "Why don't you plan a trip out to California or something? You haven't seen Julio in awhile."

"And leave her alone?" Gloria rolled her eyes.

"No, not alone," Lida shook her head. "We'd be here. She'd be fine."

"Probably more than fine," Gloria said sadly. "She'd probably ask me to just buy a one-way ticket and never come back."

"She'd be missing you like crazy within a day," Lida retorted. "I would safely bet on that."

"She hates me," Gloria admitted. "Tells me that almost everyday."

"Oh, Gloria, you know she doesn't mean any of that," Lida said. "She's just hating everything right now. It'll get better."

"That's what I keep trying to tell myself," Gloria replied.

"You have to take care of yourself though too," Lida said softly. "Take breathers and let the rest of us pitch in around here. Don't act like Ma, okay? You can ask for help."

"I can't go to California," Gloria sighed. "I'd love to. I miss my son like crazy, but I'd be out of my mind with worry over her the entire time. It's just too far."

"I understand," Lida nodded. "How about just a movie tonight instead?"

"I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone after what just happened either," Gloria replied. "I'm afraid she'll try and do something desperate."

"I'll stay with her," Lida offered.

"What?" Gloria asked in surprise. Then she shook her head. "No…."

"Why not?" Lida pressed.

"Well, because you guys have plans," Gloria stammered.

"I didn't even really want to go anyway," Lida insisted. "They're going to see some action thing with lots of explosions and little plot. Not really my type."

"I don't think it's mine either," Gloria said with a smile.

"Then go see something else," Lida said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "There's other shows playing."

"Yeah…." Gloria said hesitantly. The idea was beginning to sound more appealing to her. She hadn't been anywhere besides work in the longest time. She went to her job and then came straight home to care for Red. It was all she did.

"I can't," Gloria said wistfully, although it was obvious how appealing Lida's offer was to her.

"Gloria, of course you can," Lida urged. "What do you think is going to happen?"

"What's going to happen is that she might decide to kill you," Gloria retorted. "She won't care that I'm gone, but she'd be so offended to learn that I got someone to stay and take care of her."

"First of all, you locked up all the kitchen knives so there's nothing for her to kill me with," Lida reminded her, "second of all...don't you think I can handle myself against a little old lady with Parkinson's disease?"

"I just don't want to provoke her more," Gloria said. "I already upset her enough today."

"From what you've just told me, if doesn't seem like trying to be sensitive is making much difference anyway," Lida shrugged. "She'll be mad no matter what you do."

Gloria clicked her tongue in consideration. "I don't remember the last time I went to the movies," she admitted with a smile.

"See?" Lida nodded encouragingly. "It will be fun."

"You can call me if you change your mind or need me to come back," Gloria told her.

"I won't, but thank you," Lida replied, just as Vasily emerged from the kitchen and began walking towards them.

Even from a distance, both women could see the fury in his face. Vasily had maintained a gentleness in the kitchen when he'd been working to comfort and reassure his distressed mother, but now that he was out of her sight he could feel his anger at Gloria building. She had no right to treat his mother the way she had been. Like she wasn't her equal anymore because she'd been diagnosed with a disease that wasn't her fault.

"What the hell is this?" Vasily said angrily holding out the handful of plastic safety latches he had collected from the kitchen.

"Give me those," Lida hissed, taking charge. Walking up to her husband she grabbed them from his hand and glared. "Why the hell did you take them all off for?"

"This is ridiculous," Vasily shook his head furiously, ignoring Lida's question he turned to stare at Gloria. His index finger scratched at his bottom lip. "Why would you do that to her? Do you know how embarrassed you made her feel? My mother could hardly look at me when I went in there."

"Because-"

"Vasily, shut up," Lida hissed, "you don't know what you're talking about. You don't live here."

"I know that this isn't okay," Vasily retorted, his eyes still piercing into Gloria's.

"Vasily, this evening I came home from work and found your mother-"

"Gloria, I'll explain everything to him," Lida interrupted her. "Just...I don't want you guys talking like this out here in case she overhears."

Vasily, who had been about to speak, pressed his lips back together at that. He didn't want his mother to know he was confronting Gloria on her behalf. She had actually asked him not to say anything and seemed nervous when he'd removed all the latches in the kitchen. To Vasily, that only vilified Gloria further. His mother seemed almost afraid to go against Gloria right now.

"You two can discuss this together on the way to the show, okay?" Lida said, looking up at her husband. "We all just want what is best for your mother, honey. Here Gloria out and then decide together how best to handle the situation, but your mother's safety needs to be our top priority."

"You're going to the movie?" Vasily asked Gloria.

"Well, I was thinking about it," Gloria replied, her eyes narrowed as she addressed Red's youngest son. "Although perhaps I shouldn't, if you're this upset with me."

"That's not what I meant," Vasily sighed, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm not trying to be rude. It's just-come on."

"Vasily, just take a breath, okay?" Lida commanded. "I get why you're upset but just stop for a minute and think."

"So you're fine with all of this?" Vasily demanded to know.

Lida shook her head sadly. "Gloria?" she sighed. "Why don't you go get ready and just give us a minute?"

"I guess so," Gloria said hesitantly, her eyes still on Vasily's angry face. "I'll be quick," she told them, and walked down the hall to her bedroom.

She discreetly glanced into the kitchen as she passed by in the hall but did not stop to say anything to Red. She didn't want to speak to her. Gloria wondered if Red had complained about her to her son and asked him to remove the latches, or if Vasily had been acting of his own accord? Either way, Gloria was sure that a trip to the movies with Red's sons would not be as blissfully relaxing as Lida had tried to convince her it would be. She still wanted to go though. She'd like a chance to discuss things with them without Red present and hopefully they would realize that she really was doing her best. She wanted them all to be on the same page because Lida was right; Gloria wasn't doing this alone. Taking care of Red would be near impossible for anyone to do alone. They needed each other.

"I'm skipping the movies," Vasily informed his wife, once Gloria was out of sight. "I'm going to spent time with my mother instead. She shouldn't be alone."

"No, babe," Lida shook her head. "I'm going to stay here and you are going to go out with Gloria and your brothers like we planned."

"I can't believe you invited her," Vasily hissed, glaring down the hallway where Gloria had disappeared.

"Gloria?" Lida clarified with raised eyebrows. "It was your idea to stop in and ask them in the first place."

"That was before I knew how she was treating, Ma," Vasily retorted. "I can't believe you see no problem with any of this." He pointed at the safety latches that were still clenched in Lida's fist meaningfully.

"Well, I don't like it," Lida admitted. "But I don't think it's Gloria's fault."

"She did it!" Vasily argued.

"Shush, babe," Lida scolded. "Keep your voice down, will you? What would you have Gloria do instead?"

"Treat my mother with more respect," Vasily replied in a forced calm voice. "Talk to her like a person with dignity, not just lock everything up like she's a naughty child. We'd never do this if she was living with us."

"Gloria tried that V," Lida said softly, rubbing his arm. "Your mother won't listen to her and she's putting herself at risk. Imagine how you would feel if she got hurt really badly or something else happened that could have easily been prevented with a few safety measures."

"Those are for children," Vasily argued. "Or for people who don't know any better. My mother is fully capable of thinking clearly."

"I agree," Lida nodded, "so when she chooses to stop acting this way, they no longer will be necessary. Right now, sadly, they are because she's not listening to reason."

"I wish she'd come live with us," Vasily said, frowning when Lida immediately shook her head in contradiction. "We could at least ask her," he pleaded.

"No, we can't," Lida replied. "This is your mother's house and this is where she belongs. If she came and asked us herself, well then of course I would take her in, but you can't go around putting ideas in her head like that. Not when she's feeling so temperamental. She'd probably move out just because she'd think it would hurt Gloria, and then she'd miss her like crazy but be too proud to go back."

"I'm actually feeling sick about this," Vasily exclaimed. "I go into the kitchen and Ma's just sitting there so sad. Blaming herself for things she can't control. I'm not supposed to defend her?"

"Of course, you can," Lida soothed. "But it's a complicated situation. You can't blame Gloria. After all these years, do you honestly think she would mistreat your mother?"

"Maybe not intentionally," Vasily shifted uncomfortably on the spot. "But treating her like a child when she isn't one is both humiliating and cruel."

"If you have a better idea that will make your mother happier and keep her safe then I'm all ears," Lida told him. "But until then I'm going to go put these back."

Giving her husband a reproachful look when he tried to argue with her, Lida walked confidently down the hall towards the kitchen. The confiscated safety latches were still in her hand and she had every intention of replacing them. She didn't like the idea of them anymore than Vasily did, but she agreed with Gloria that it was a better alternative than a serious injury. Despite Gloria's insistence that Red didn't listen, Lida hoped that she and her mother-in-law would be able to come to a peaceful resolution that would be more dignified and put Gloria's mind at ease.

"Hi, Ma," Lida smiled, as she entered the kitchen.

"Hi," Red said softly. The remnants of a roast beef sandwich that Vasily had prepared for her before leaving the room was on the table in front of her. She visibly brightened when Vasily walked in right behind his wife. He sat down in the chair next to Red at the table and grinned as he picked up the pickle that had fallen onto the plate and popped in his mouth.

"Delicious," he said with a smack of his lips together. "Would you like me to make you another one, Ma?"

"No," Red replied softly. She had turned away from him to watch Lida, who had wasted no time before getting to work re-inserting the safety latches onto every cupboard door. The hurt in Red's eyes spoke volumes as she stared at Lida's back. She didn't say anything though. She didn't ask her to stop or argue, she just watched and felt completely betrayed.

Vasily was tapping his hands in a simple rhythm on the table like he was playing the drums. He didn't know what to do or say. Red hadn't asked him to remove the latches when they'd been alone together. He'd just been puttering around the kitchen fixing her the sandwich she had started making for herself before Gloria had stopped her. Each time he had passed a cupboard he'd remove the latch until he'd had a full collection of them to confront Gloria with out in the hallway. He was regretting his actions now. Not about expressing his disapproval because he still was furious. He hated having to see his mother look so crestfallen as she watched Lida lock everything back up for her. It probably would have been better to act like it wasn't a big deal. Unintentionally, he had added to his mother's embarrassment. That's the part he regretted.

"I guess it's time to get going now, Vasily," Lida said gently, once she had finished her task. She gave him a sad sort of smile. "I bet Gloria is ready." She knew that Gloria probably didn't have any intention of coming in to say goodbye before leaving. The emotional wounds from their argument were still too fresh.

"I guess so," Vasily agreed reluctantly.

He turned to his mother and kissed her cheek. "You'll be alright without me, Ma?" he asked.

"Of course, I will be," Red told him softly.

"Just checking," Vasily teased, standing up and kissing the grey-white hair on her head. "But I know you'll miss your favourite son. I'll come visit you again in a couple of days."

"Have fun, babe," Lida smiled, when Vasily wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her lips. "See you later."

Red's mouth gaped open in surprise when she realized that Lida wasn't going with him. She was staying behind with her apparently. Red didn't feel like she could possibly feel more degraded than she already did, but realizing that Gloria had basically coerced her daughter-in-law into babysitting her made her stomach feel as heavy as if she had just swallowed a bag of rocks.

Red watched as Lida unlatched the door to the cupboard under the sink and pulled out the dish soap and a cloth before securely locking it again. Red had always shared a good relationship with Vasily's wife before. She had enthusiastically encouraged her son to marry _"the nice girl who put up with him"_ and had warmly embraced her as the sort of daughter-in-law every mother dreams of having. Red had been present when Lida had given birth to Emilia, she had always been given free access to her grandchildren, and she and Lida talked all the time. Red knew she would never forget how good Lida had been to her when she'd first come home from Litchfield. They'd hardly known one another then, but Lida had bought her clothes, did up a beautiful bedroom for her, and never had made Red feel like a burden for being there. She'd done it all out of the goodness of her heart, but now Red couldn't stand the sight of her. She couldn't believe what Lida had just done before her very eyes.

"What are you doing?" Red asked sharply, watching as Lida turned on the kitchen tap and then dumped several dirty plates into the sink at once.

"Dishes," Lida told her calmly. Looking over at Red who was still seated at the table, Lida smiled gently.

"If you're done with your plate, I'll take it," she offered, walking over to the table and picking up the plate that was bare except for the crust of her sandwich.

"That's not what I meant," Red said stiffly.

"I know," Lida said quietly, standing next to her with the plate in her hand. "I'm just going to hang out for a bit. I hope that's okay with you."

"No, it isn't okay," Red told her. "I've had a terrible day and the last thing I need is visitors. I need to be alone."

"I know it's been hard," Lida sympathized, walking back over to the sink and switching the faucet off. She dumped the sandwich plate into the water and then added. "Gloria told me a bit about what happened."

"Oh, so that's whose side you're going to be on?" Red asked bitterly. "Well that explains a lot."

"I wasn't aware that there were different sides to choose from," Lida replied. She reached for her cloth and began to scrub at the dishes. "I'm pretty sure that I'm still on yours."

"You've got a funny way of showing it," Red snapped, the tremors making her vocal cords sound wobbly and broken. Her shakes had been intensified ever since her fight with Gloria. She had gotten herself all worked up and emotions usually made the physical elements of her disease worse.

"Are you alright?" Lida asked worriedly. She shook out her sudsy hands and dried them on a dishtowel slung over the over door handle. Walking back over to Red, she knelt down on the ground in front of her just as Vasily had. "I wish I could make it go away," she said soothingly, rubbing her hands up and down Red's tights.

"Oh, is it hard for you to watch?" Red asked her shakily. "Because I have a solution for that. You could leave."

Red wasn't sure why she was being so nasty. A little voice in her head was screaming for her to stop but it was like she couldn't. Her racing heart and the chills up and down her spine were not effects of the Parkinson's disease, they came from not having a chance to catch her breath. She felt smothered, infantilised, and misunderstood. Her very soul felt wounded, but she didn't know how to put that into words.

"I'm very worried about you, Mama," Lida said honestly. She gently reached out to touch Red's hand. "You're not acting like yourself. You threw a glass? Come on! What's going on with you?"

"Don't talk to me that way," Red said, pulling her hand away quickly. "And I'm not your mother."

The words were out of her mouth before she could take them back, and Red felt a guilt she didn't know she could feel at the hurt expression on Lida's face. Yet at the same time it felt good to cause pain. To have those around her feel a bit of what she had been enduring for years with worsening symptoms all the time. No matter how difficult she made things for them, it was nothing compared to what life was dealing to her.

"Okay," Lida said quietly, nodding slightly. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I guess I'll just finish the dishes then."

Lida stood back up slowly. She swallowed a lump in her throat and silently reminded herself not to take anything Red said personally right now. Hopefully she didn't really mean it. Gloria claimed that Red said she hated her all the time, and Lida knew that couldn't possibly be true. It didn't make it okay though either. It needed to stop.

Lida had referred to Red as mother before they'd even really gotten to know one another very well. She'd had done it out of respect, the same way Red had been expected to refer to her in-laws as such once she and Dmitri had been married. However, the word had come to mean much more than just a mere title to both her and Red, or so Lida had thought. They were close and their relationship was important to Lida, whose own mother had died when she was still a child. Lida had always gone the extra mile to embrace Vasily's entire family as her own.

"Don't touch my dishes," Red said coldly. "You have no right to be in my house when I asked you to leave."

"Gloria wants me here," Lida said quietly, scrubbing at a plate as though she were mad at it. "And it's her house too."

"Gloria's not here right now," Red replied.

"No, she isn't," Lida agreed, her voice rising. "I told her to go out since it's obvious that her nerves are shot to hell. You can't keep talking to her the way you are, you know?"

"That's none of your business," Red said shortly.

"Yes it is," Lida replied. "We're a family."

"The only reason I even know you is because you married my son," Red told her sharply. "So I don't understand where you got the impression that you had a right to involve yourself in things you don't understand, little girl."

"What do you want me to do?" Lida asked, turning around to look Red directly in the eye. "And don't say get out because that isn't going to happen. I'm not leaving until Gloria gets back and you can say and do whatever you want, but you won't chase me away."

Lida felt a glimmer of satisfaction that she had stunned Red into silence with her words. She raised her chin a little higher, feeling more confident than she had minutes prior. There was no use excusing everything her mother-in-law was doing out of pity for her. That wouldn't do her any good. Despite all her physical limitations, Red was still sharp as could be and had to stop selling herself short. If she'd accept the help she needed and allowed herself to be loved and cared for like they all were trying to do, then she'd still be able to have a wonderful life. Lida wasn't going to let her miss out.

"I get that you're bothered about needing us to take care of you and I sympathize," Lida said carefully. "That can't be easy. Although, if you want to look on the positive side of things. I think you should consider yourself quite lucky to have a family who wants to look after you. A lot of people don't have anyone. Maybe try for a little gratitude."

"Gratitude?" Red exclaimed. "I'm to be grateful that I'm a useless lump who can't live alone, or do anything for myself, and everyone treats me like I have no sense."

"You're being treated the way you're acting," Lida told her. "And as for needing help taking care of yourself, so what? Any shame you feel for that is in your head. Nobody thinks less of you for that. It's a disease, you can't control what your body does. What you can control is your attitude about it."

"You don't have a clue what I am enduring," Red said sadly. "And I hope to God that you never do. That you never have to put Vasily, Alexei, Vera, and Emilia in the position of doing everything for you while you lie around like a depressing burden."

"You're not a burden," Lida said strongly. "You're loved, and important, and wanted." She leaned her back against the kitchen counter and crossed her arms together.

"I just want to know what would make you happy right now," she said thoughtfully. "Or at least less miserable? I'd do anything...do you hear that? I'd do anything for you. So what do you want?"

"I want to die," Red said bluntly.

"Besides dying," Lida told her. "Because I don't even believe you on that. I think you're scared to die. I think the primary reason you're lashing out at everyone is because of fear."

"Oh my God," Red breathed. "Okay," she said bitterly, "No. I'm done with this." She struggled to pull herself up to her feet, doing her best to hide how much the effort exerted her.

Biting her lip and blinking back tears, Lida turned back to do the dishes so Red wouldn't see her cry. She was devastated to have her mother-in-law speak to her so harshly and dismiss their relationship like it was nothing. Even more than that though, she hated the way Red was treating herself. The way she described herself as a burden-Lida had no doubt that Red sincerely believed that and was not convinced otherwise by any contradictions. It broke Lida's heart to watch her suffer alone like this.

"Where are you going?" Lida asked in a broken voice, as Red shuffled out of the kitchen. She wasn't surprised to get no answer in reply. Red completely ignored her and beneath the sadness bubbled a spark of anger that surged through Lida's body and out of her mouth before she could quell it.

"If you're going to sleep that's probably a wise idea," Lida said snarkily, incapable of resisting a little jibe. "I always used to put the kids down for naps when they were fussy and it worked wonders on them. Hopefully it will do the same for you."


	6. Chapter 6

_The cold was engulfing her, hitting her like a thousand knives stabbing her all over her body. Her legs kicked wildly toward the surface, she bumped her forehead against the smooth slab of clear glass that imprisoned her. Her hands pushed up as hard as they could against the ice, but it was just too strong and unbreakable. Helplessly scratching her nails against it, her eyes bulged helplessly as she tried to think of something she could do, of a way to escape._

 _Then, approaching, she could see someone in purple boots walking over. A person moving closer until they were standing exactly above her. She used what last available breath she had to scream, but the only thing that emitted from her mouth was bubbles. She punched her fits into the ice, her feet kicked frantically, pushing her forward so she kept bumping her head against the frozen surface of the lake. It was no use. She couldn't breathe and nobody was helping. Her lungs felt like they were about to explode in her chest, her heart was hammering in panic, begging for air. It was hopeless. She gave up the fight, and her body went limp as it began to sink. Looking up through the black water, the last thing she saw before darkness overcame her was Gloria looking down at her._

"Wake up, wake up, it's okay," a faint voice urged. It sounded as though it were coming out of a deep tunnel, but growing stronger and closer.

"Gloria?" Red cried out anxiously, opening her eyes and struggling to sit up in bed. A pair of steady hands braced her shoulders and assisted.

"No, it's Lida," her daughter-in-law replied. Leaning over her, she withdrew her hands from Red's shoulders once confident she was steady.

Red blinked, the fogginess in her brain and her eyes becoming clearer as Lida came into better focus. Trembling all over, she squirmed in bed and that was when she noticed that her pants and the mattress underneath her were soaked. She had the wet the bed. Her heart began hammering in her chest as a panic began surging through her because Lida was standing over her and she couldn't be allowed to notice her accident. That would be a humiliation she wouldn't be able to bear but perhaps she deserved, after the way she had treated Gloria.

This had never happened to her before. Although bladder control often came with advanced Parkinson's, Red hadn't really experienced this yet. She'd always been able to handle it but she couldn't control what she did in her sleep. Maybe it was due to being so upset or perhaps her nightmare had unnerved her even more than they usually did. Lida was still standing silently by the bed, unaware of her problem because the comforter was covering her lap. Red needed to get rid of her but she didn't know how since Lida had already said she was staying to watch over her until Gloria came back, and that could be hours away.

"What's wrong?" Lida asked her softly, and the gentleness in her tone was filled with way more kindness and concern that Red knew she deserved. Red couldn't answer her, but the questions made her eyes pool with tears for the second time today and before she knew it she was actively sobbing. A pathetic image of despair and brokenness as Lida looked on, wanting to hug her but terrified she'd be pushed away if she tried. Her mother-in-law had made it quite clear that she didn't want her around.

Red's hand fumbled for something to hold onto, instinctively reaching her shaking hand back underneath her pillow. She blindly felt around until her fingers touched upon something silky. Grasping it in her clammy hand, Red pulled out the blue scarf and brought it up to her face. She rubbed the fabric against her tear-streaked cheek and tried to calm down. Her heart was racing however and she was breathless from panic, still feeling in as much danger as she had felt beneath the ice.

"It was just a bad dream," Lida soothed her quietly.

"I know," Red said shakily. "I get them all the time." It was a common side effect from taking her prescribed dopamine just before bed. When Gloria had mentioned these nightmares to the doctor awhile back when she had first started treatment and begun to be tormented by them, he had suggested skipping her bedtime dosage as the only solution. However, without her medicine, Red's tremors were too aggressive, her pain too great, and sleep impossible. She needed to take it.

"I didn't know that about you," Lida said softly. "That must be really scary. Do you want to talk about it?"

Red shook her head, sniffling as she tried to stop crying. "I want to take a bath," she shuddered. She didn't know what else to say and she didn't like that it felt like she was almost asking permission in her own home, from her son's wife. All she knew was that she definitely needed to get cleaned up.

"Alright," Lida nodded her head. "That sounds like a good idea. I'll help you-"

Red bristled at the suggestion. "I can bathe myself," she said offendedly.

"I know," Lida replied calmly. "I just meant I'd get the water ready for you. Aren't the taps difficult for you to maneuver anyway?"

Red hesitated. To give herself more time, she turned to shove the blue scarf back under her pillow for safe keeping. Then she twisted back around and worked to pull the comforters covering her legs down off of her body. Lida sat patiently at her side, picking at one of her nail beds casually while she waited to see if she would even get a reply.

"Okay," Red said quietly. She had no fight left in her. Her desire to wash and change out of these clothes was stronger than her embarrassment at having them be detected.

"I'm going to bring you your walker before you get up," Lida told her firmly, as Red knocked the blankets onto the floor. The room was dark and Lida didn't yet notice anything out of the ordinary.

"I don't need it," Red said irritably.

" I don't want you to fall," Lida said back firmly, refusing to be intimidated by Red's stubbornness.

Red ignored her. Skidding closer to the bed she twisted her body and dragged one leg off the side and then the other. They were shaking, but she held tight to the side of bed for a moment while she paced herself. Then she stood up, using her arms to hoist herself up. Lida walked straight over to stand directly by her side. If Red wouldn't hold onto the walker, then Lida was going be directly beside her for support.

"You're a tough lady," Lida told her, as she slowly accompanied Red down and into the bathroom. "I don't think I'd be able to push myself as much as you do. You know the part of me that isn't sick out of my mind with worry, really admires your fighting spirit. I think you just need to get better at recognizing what counts as bravery versus recklessness. You're not going to prove anything by falling down and breaking your neck."

Red didn't answer as she shuffled over to the closed toilet seat and sat down to rest. The lighting was bright in the bathroom and as close as she was, Red knew that her wet pants were on full display to Lida. She couldn't possibly have not noticed the accident. Red didn't dare look up at her daughter-in-law, if she had she would have seen nothing besides Lida's lips compress in sympathy. As embarrassed as Red was, Lida saw nothing remotely amusing about the situation. It was heartbreaking that her mother-in-law's body was failing her and that they were hopeless to make it better for her.

Glancing around the pristinely kept bathroom, she spotted the roll up anti-slip matting next to the vanity and set it down on the floor of the tub. She seated herself on the edge and leaned over to put the plug in. Then she turned the dial and the water began to pour. She stuck her fingers in the flow to test the temperature. She knew Red would want a hot bath since she'd often taken them to help her aching muscles, but she didn't want it to be too hot for her.

"How has your back been these days?" Lida asked conversationally. "The same or worse?"

"Worse," Red said softly, after a moment's pause. "Because my posture isn't good and that aggravates it."

"Mmmmm," Lida murmurred a note of sympathy. "I think massage therapy would make quite the difference. If I set you up an appointment, would you go to it?"

"That's too expensive," Red said dismissively.

"We could try it once," Lida said sweetly. "And if it made a difference, I'll bet Nicky would pay so you could keep going."

"No," Red shook her head. "Don't ask her to do that. I'm managing." It was a sensitive topic, because Nicky had access to money and probably could be granted more for Red's care if she explained the situation to Marka. Currently, Nicky was allocated an allowance from her trust fund monthly and would inherit Marka's entire estate, except what was being given to charity, upon her passing. It was a far cry from Red's family who had always worked humble jobs just to get by. However, it wasn't as if Nicky hadn't tried to help out before, Red was just always too proud to accept it.

"The water's ready," Lida announced.

"Thank you," Red told her quietly. She was still seated on the toilet in her wet clothing. She'd been waiting for some privacy to undress although the damage was already done. "You can go now."

"No," Lida told her firmly. "I'm going to give you a hand stepping in. I will help you with your clothes too, if you need it."

Red felt completely defeated and more degraded and ashamed that she could have imagined possible for a woman who had spent several years in prison. She could have started to cry again but she felt too worn out for even that. She was helpless in the situation. Lida had complete control and there was nothing she could do about it. It was her own fault for making Gloria walk out, but a part of her felt like Gloria had deliberately set up this humiliation as added punishment for how rude she had been to her lately.

Feeling small and pathetic, Red pulled her sweater up off of her head which was a difficult feat as her arms shook and resisted. She didn't want to ask help. It was bad enough to have Lida in the room with her in the first place. She didn't need the added insult of having to accept help to undress. Gloria helped her with clothes most of the time but she wasn't here right now and it was Red's fault she wasn't. She felt a pang of longing while also the self-pitying element of feeling completely misunderstood.

Undressing took a very long time but she finally succeeded in removing all of her clothes and had covered herself with a towel hanging from the bar that was within her reach. Lida, for her part, had remained incredibly patient through the wait and had resisted the impulse to step in to assist. Lida's heart was breaking for her mother-in-law right now. She didn't excuse her attitude or behaviour towards Gloria, but she didn't think anybody could blame her for having a bad response to having an audience for such private moments and being told what to do constantly. She was a grown woman and she absolutely deserved better. Except Gloria did too.

"Okay?" Lida said softly, coming closer again as Red stood up to walk over to the bath. Lida intentionally kept her eyes averted, trying to respect her mother-in-law's privacy as much as she could while also assisting. She wrapped an arm around Red's shoulders and clutched her left hand in hers. Standing just before the tub, Lida held her securely so that Red was able to lift one trembling leg off of the floor and over the edge of the tub. Red lifted her next leg up to do the same but the one already in the bath slid out slightly at the strain. Fortunately, Lida was there to keep her from slipping. Had she not been, Red surely would have fallen, which was a strong reminder that Lida's help, while invasive and irritating, was completely necessary. Red simply couldn't do these things for herself anymore, no matter how much she wanted to try.

"I've got you," Lida said strongly. The arm around Red's shoulders and the one gripping her hand tightened. The hand Red was using to grip her towel was still unmoved. However, there was a moment of freezing when Red stood with her legs scissored, one in the tub and one out. She couldn't move yet and fortunately Lida seemed to sense that without her needing to put it into words. They stood in limbo for a few minutes and then Red's leg twitched and she lifted it up off the floor and into the bath successfully.

"There," Lida said pleasantly. Her hands were still holding Red stable and she had no intention of letting go until she was seated and couldn't fall. She felt Red tense up and hesitate and Lida could sense her aversion. She made sure Red could see her staring blankly at the wall. Then, without seeing, she slid the hand from around Red's back down to the top of the towel and thumbled in meaningfully. Red took a moment to comply, but finally she unravelled it from around her body and Lida took it. Now naked, and still holding on tightly to her daughter-in-law's hand, Red braced her other against the wall and began to lower herself. She breathed a collected sigh when she was submerged into the water. Lida squeezed her hand a final time and then stepped back.

"Is there anything else you need?" Lida asked, still looking away.

"No," said Red. Then as an afterthought she added. "Thank you."

"No problem," Lida said smoothly. "Water hot enough for you? Not too hot though?"

"It's perfect," Red told her softly.

"Good," Lida said. She stepped away and went over to gather up the clothes on the floor. She bundled them up and set them on the countertop. She'd do the laundry before Gloria got home and change the bedding. She wanted to put into words that Galina had nothing to be embarrassed about. She completely knew that it hadn't been on purpose and it wasn't her fault that she was sick. However, she felt like bringing up the accident might just embarrass Red more. So she decided to pretend like it hadn't happened.

Once she had picked up the bathroom as much as she could, Lida walked over and plopped herself down sideways in the open door frame. She withdrew her cell phone from her pocket to amuse herself with. She was facing away from Red and giving her as much privacy as she felt comfortable giving. Lida wasn't sure whether Gloria would stay this close, it hadn't come up before since Lida hadn't planned on helping with a bath tonight. However, instinctively she felt like she should be nearby in case she was needed, and she was trying to be as respectful about that as she could be. She just wasn't comfortable leaving her in water unsupervised.

The hot water was soothing on Red's back and was helping to relax her. She could feel her heartbeat slowing down and for the first time since she'd woken up she was beginning to calm down. The truth was, she had needed help and Lida's presence made it possible. Her indignity and anger wasn't about anyone person, surely not Gloria or Lida. It was devastation about the turn of her own life. She was useless and pathetic now. She didn't feel like there was anything good about her life or to look forward to.

She peered down through the clear water at her hands. They were so pale that they seemed illuminating, although Red bemoaned how bare they looked without any colour painted on her nails. The tremors from her body made the water ripple over them, like little waves. It would be so easy to ask someone to do it for her, but Red didn't want to ask for anyone's assistance. Even for things she would like.

She knew she wasn't always an easy person to get along with, to say the least. Yet, her less desirable qualities, like her bad temper and stubbornness had always been overshadowed by her good heart and willingness to do anything for the people she loved. Though now that her ability to be of use had been relinquished, and she was in the position of needing to depend on others for everything, Red felt ashamed and unworthy. She didn't want to be a burden, she felt she would be better off dead than to impose on everyone else's lives. However, Lida was correct that the thought of death terrified her. Red didn't think there was anything waiting for her at the end of this tunnel, except more darkness. At least there had been an end date to her prison sentence.

She needed help to lean back and wash her hair, so Red decided to skip that step this particular night. She picked up her face cloth, and then with some difficulty she squeezed some soap onto it. She ran the cloth over her neck and down her chest slowly. She took her time and was not in any hurry. She snuck a peak over her shoulder at Lida, who was facing away from her and sitting as still as a mouse in the doorway. Although if she thought of what Lida had done and said in her kitchen hours ago a rush of fresh hurt would rise up in her, Red found it difficult to be too upset at the sight of her daughter-in-law there.

Lida never meant any harm. Everything she was doing was because she sincerely felt it was what Red needed, even if it was not what she wanted. Her best interests were what were motivating Gloria too, but Red brushed images of her wife away from her mind. That was too much to think about and seemed impossible to resolve. They had both said and done so many things that Red couldn't exactly pinpoint when her problems with Gloria had begun and whether they had even been well founded. They probably hadn't been. Red had been working against Gloria ever since this had all begun, but it was because she so resented them all seeing her this helpless. She wanted them all to look away before things got even worse and she lost whatever credibility she had managed to maintain, but being alone was an agony she couldn't bear. There was no winning.

"I'm-I'm finished," Red said about ten minutes later. Her water was beginning to cool down and the pads of her fingertips were beginning to prune. "Lida?" she called shakily.

"Okay," Lida said pleasantly. She shoved her cell phone back into her pocket and got back to her feet. She slung the towel she had set by the sink over one arm and then stood beside the tub. Still averting her eyes, Lida once again offered Red a hand. Her other arm braced her back and she helped bring her to a standing position in the water.

"Here's your towel," Lida said, passing it to her. She let go of her hand, but still supported her back while Red struggled to wrap the towel around her body. Once she was covered, Red slipped her hand back into Lida's and accepted help stepping out of the bath.

"Thank you," she said quietly. And she meant it. As hard as it was to accept needing someone watching over her and helping her out, Red knew she needed this. It would have been worse if Lida had left her alone in the tub, with Red lying in the water at her mercy for whenever she chose to come back and take her out. At least this way she was being given some control.

"You're welcome," Lida replied. The bathroom floor had some water on it, so she kept holding Red's hand to ensure she wouldn't slip. With her free hand, Lida reached for a second towel that was hung on the rack and probably belonged to Gloria. She knelt down on the floor in front of her, with one arm still raised above her head to hold Red's hand. Lida used the towel to dry off her legs and feet. Then she stood up to wipe her arms.

All the while, Lida was bracing herself for an explosion. Cringing in anticipation to be yelled at or meet some form of resistance which didn't come. It was the alternative to dripping water all through the house on her way back to bed, Red couldn't bend down to dry her own legs. Lida was trying to help her and the gentle and discreet way she was doing it made Red feel like Lida didn't actually mind. Gloria never seemed to want to touch Red whenever she had to help her these days. It was Red's own fault though. You couldn't verbally abuse somebody continually and then expect them to have warm, tender thoughts about being close to you. Red didn't even understand why Lida was so willing to help her after how she had snapped at her earlier. Thinking about it now made her feel guilty. When Red was dried off, Lida picked up her nightgown, that had been hung on the back of the bathroom door.

"May I?" she asked softly, completely taken by surprise when Red stiffly nodded. Lida let go of her hand and slipped the night shirt over her head. Then, one by one, she guided Red's arms through the sleeves, while Red alternated which hand was holding her towel in place. Once the nightgown was on, Red let the towel fall away and Lida shrugged the gown down so that she was covered.

"Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?" Red whispered, after Lida was done helping her dress. "I wish you weren't seeing me this way. And the bed..I don't usually-"

"I don't find this awkward at all," Lida said firmly. "You don't need to ever feel embarrassed about anything with me. I just want to help."

"I just can't believe this is happening," Red whimpered, being more honest that she'd been in awhile.

"I wish it wasn't," Lida said sympathetically, reaching forward to clutch Red's arm to keep her steady.

"I hate that you're being put through this," Lida said compassionately, "but from my perspective, this is just what you do in a family...and I do consider us a family. Even if it's just because I married your son."

Lida spoke that last line in a cooler voice than before. While still clutching Red's arm, she bent down to pick up the used towel and toss it into the hamper. Then she looked back at her mother-in-law with a reproving stare.

"You know that I didn't mean that," Red said shakily.

"How would I know that?" Lida asked, her tone revealing just a touch of sarcasm.

"You should," Red told her softly. "If I really felt that way about you, I think it would have come out in the….what is it? Sixteen years you and Vasily have been together?"

"Seventeen," Lida corrected quietly. "But you still said it."

"I was just angry," Red said quietly. "I'd never thought you would so disrespectful to me. You just came strutting into my house, into _my_ kitchen, acting like you owned the place and had the right to tell me what to do."

"I'm sorry," Lida said sincerely, squeezing her arm tightly. "That's the last thing I want to be. It's just, I thought what Vasily did was disrespectful to Gloria and I was trying to rectify that."

"Vasily is just trying to look out for me," Red said, pardoning his actions, "because my son loves me."

"We _all_ love you," Lida exclaimed. "And Gloria is just so afraid that you're going to get hurt that she's trying to do anything to prevent it from happening. She loves you so much. Can't you see that?"

"Not anymore," Red said shortly. "She hates me now."

"She hates how you're acting," Lida corrected, "she could never hate you."

Red began shuffling out of the bathroom, ignoring the presence of Lida's hand holding the crook of her arm. She'd thought about pulling away from her but the truth was that there was some comfort to be gained from human contact. She also was feeling a bit unsteady. The hot water had calmed her mind but had also made her feel a bit light-headed. So she let Lida guide her back into her bedroom and into a chair.

Red was quiet as Lida got to work stripping the the sheets off of the bed and then fixing it up for her again. Red tried to think about how she would be feeling if the situation was reversed. If Gloria, or one of her children or grandchildren had gotten sick or disabled and needing her care, Red would have been there in an instant. She could easily imagine herself settling into the role of looking after a person she loved and reassuring them they would be alright, but it was completely different to be the vulnerable one. She was losing herself in this fight against Parkinson's. Allowing Lida to help her dress and walk just meant Red was gradually becoming more of the helpless dependent that it seemed she was destined to be.

"There you go," Lida said softly. She held out a hand for Red and helped her back into the fresh bed.

"Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?" she offered.

"No-thank you," Red added. "I'm fine." She glanced at the clock, and then wedged herself further back on the mattress. Lifting one leg up onto the bed and then the other. Then she pulled the covers up over her lap.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Lida asked. "We could watch some tv together if you aren't tired."

Red hesitated but decided she didn't actually want to be alone. She nodded her head slowly and then reached out a hand to grab the television remote that was resting beside the lamp on her bedside table. She flicked the TV to one of the regular shows.

"I watch this too," Lida told her, pointing at the screen. "And so does Alexei."

"Oh," Red murmured, her eyes on the television. "I don't like it much, it's just better than most of the stuff on and I get bored."

"You wouldn't be bored if you kept yourself more busy," Lida told her. Rocking on the balls of her feet as she stood next to the bed with her arms crossed. "This sededentary life you've been living lately just does not suit you. I've always seen you as the kind of person that can't sit still."

"Well, now I don't really have a choice," Red retorted, glancing sideways at her. "It's hard enough getting out of a bath or walking from one room to another."

"If you used your walker-"

"No," Red said sharply. "Besides, even if I did, it wouldn't make much of a difference. It's not like pushing that thing around is the answer to all my problems and suddenly I would be able to sprint down to the market and back by myself."

"Well, no," Lida agreed. "But it would give you more stability which might make you feel more confident. You have to work extra hard right now to keep your balance when you walk unassisted, using the walker would probably save your energy."

"Did you know they're delivering me a wheelchair sometime next week?" Red sniffled, and her eyes looked bright and shiny.

"No, I didn't know that," Lida said quietly.

"Because I have no endurance," Red confessed sadly.

"Oh," Lida sighed sadly. She perched herself on the edge of the bed beside Red's feet.

"Even a little bit of exercise leaves me so tired these days," Red told her.

"I'm sorry," Lida told her sadly, rubbing her hand over the blankets that covered Red's foot.

"Me too," Red choked. "I can't believe this is happening to me. I thought I was stronger than this."

"You are strong!" Lida exclaimed. "And you're a fighter and there is nothing that you could have done to prevent this from happening. Doctors don't even know what exactly causes it."

"I don't want to be in a wheelchair," Red confessed. With her hand she tugged at the neck of her nightgown anxiously.

"It will be an adjustment," Lida agreed, rubbing her hand soothingly over Red's calf. "But I think if you can accept this chair, then you'll find you have a lot more energy and less limitations that you currently do."

"Less limitations?" Red echoed, "by being stuck in a chair. Are you insane?"

"You're not going to be stuck in it," Lida reminded her. "You can get up when you feel able. You said it yourself, the wheelchair is for endurance. I take that to mean that we'd use it when we're going down to the market or wherever and don't feel like driving. Then you'll be able to go anywhere you'd like."

"Provided I have somebody to push me around," Red said sadly.

"There's no shortage of people for that," Lida told her with a small smile. "I will come take you anywhere you want to go, whenever you want, and it's not because I feel obligated to. It's because I've always liked being with you and none of this changes that."

"I just thought I was going to have more time," Red confessed quietly. "But I'm falling apart."

"I'm sorry this is happening to you," Lida said quietly, continuing to rub a hand back and forth over her leg and foot. "But that's why it's important to make the best of every single day you're given. I want to help you. Gloria wants to help you...and there's no shame in needing us."

"That's what everyone says," Red told her. "But I'm the one who has to live with this shame we all want to pretend isn't real. And the power shifts between me and you, between me and Gloria...they're almost unbearable."

"What do you mean?" asked Lida.

"That I'm going to be completely at your mercy," Red confessed, clutching her shaking hand ever tighter to the fabric of her clothes. "It's already starting-but someday I'll be completely dependent on all of you to do everything for me. I won't even be able to feed myself, or go to the bathroom, or get dressed...how can any of you expect me to just be okay with that?"

"I don't know," Lida said, shaking her head as tears pouring down her cheeks. "I don't know if I'd be fine if that happened to me but that's why my heart goes out to you. I don't want you to feel bad. I don't mean to hurt you."

"It's not your fault," Red said, "it's just my reality and I just can't accept it."

"You are going to be surrounded by love the entire way," Lida said seriously. "And I'm going to be more understanding about what you're going through. And I'll talk to Gloria too. In the end, we all just want to be there for you and give you what you need."

"Well, thank you for saying that," Red said softly, letting go of the trembling hand holding her collar and placing it into her lap.

"It's the truth," Lida insisted.

"Thank you," Red said again. "You're a good daughter. I'm lucky to have you."

XXX

Later than night, Gloria let herself into the darkened entrance of her home. All the lights were off, so she flicked the switch next to the door so that she could see. She kicked off her shoes and then took another large gulp from the bottle of water she had bought before leaving the theatre. She'd indulged herself with popcorn, soda, and a salted pretzel from the concession stand but was regretting it now that she felt so dehydrated.

Her night out had turned out to be quite enjoyable, much to Gloria's surprise. After Vasily's outburst about the kitchen locks she had installed for his mother, Gloria had been expecting to be interrogated and vilified by Red's sons, but that hadn't happened. Although they did discuss the Parkinson's progress and Red's condition quite a bit, Yuri and Maxim demonstrated nothing but appreciation for all that she did, and Vasily was polite as well. What he and Lida had discussed before had made it's impression on him. He was struggling to accept everything that was going on but he knew that Gloria meant well and was doing her best.

"You're back!" Lida exclaimed. Smiling tiredly she walked down the hall towards her and leaned up against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Yeah," Gloria said distractedly. Glancing back down the hall, her eyes flickered anxiously over to Lida. "Is Galina asleep?"

"Yes, she fell asleep about a half an hour ago," Lida replied. "We were watching Survivor in the bedroom before she drifted off. I finished the episode without her, but I rewound the PVR back to the middle so she can recommence where she left off tomorrow."

"That was thoughtful of you," Gloria said faintly. "So she was okay?"

"Oh, yes she was fine," Lida replied.

"Really?" Gloria asked skeptically. "Because I was bracing myself the entire way home for a confrontation with her the moment I came through the door. I was hoping she'd be sleeping."

"She was pretty upset at first," Lida admitted. "She really wanted me to leave and got very agitated when I refused."

"I expected her to be angry," Gloria nodded. Unscrewing the lid off of her bottled water again she took another sip.

"She was very mad," Lida agreed. "Well, not really mad-I think we need to stop labelling all her very understandable reactions a being anger because there's always an underlying cause."

"You're trying to sound deep?" Gloria asked tiredly. Shaking her nearly empty water bottle, Gloria walked into the kitchen so that she could refill it. She motioned for Lida to follow her.

"No, I'm just trying to see what more we can be doing for her," Lida replied. "If we just label her with anger issues, we're not getting to the root of her emotions and helping her deal with them. Being angry is her defense mechanism."

"Uh huh," Gloria mumbled dryly. She took another long swig from her bottle and then wiped the back of her hand over her lips. "I make a point to be compassionate, understanding, and to try and get her to talk about how she's feeling. She won't though. She's just determined to be miserable."

"I think she's scared out of her wits," Lida replied. "She's operating in that fight-or-flight mode, and since she can't flee, she constantly has her claws out just bracing herself for an attack."

"Except nobody's attacking her," Gloria replied tiredly.

"I know that," Lida replied, "but she doesn't see it that way. She's being attacked by her own body, plagued by nightmares, she feels like a burden, and she doesn't think that anybody understands her."

"It's awful," Gloria agreed, taking another sip of water. "My heart breaks for her over and over whenever I see her struggle or unable to do things she wants to do. I certainly don't enjoy any of this."

"Of course you don't," Lida exclaimed, "why would you feel the need to say that?"

"Because she accused me of enjoying this 'power trip'," Gloria replied icily. "She thinks I stop her from being independent because I want her completely reliant on me."

"She's just being paranoid," Lida reminded her. "In time, she'll apologize and show some appreciation for all that you're doing."

"Ha!" Gloria scoffed. "I won't hold my breath."

"Just give it some time," Lida smiled gently. "She and I talked quite a bit tonight about how she's feeling overall. She hates feeling helpless. She doesn't want to depend on others to take care of her. She's not making life easy for you, but she's going through hell right now."

"That's understandable," Gloria agreed. "But it does not pardon her overall attitude."

"I think if we keep giving her a lot of love and reassurance, her attitude will improve," Lida replied softly. "She just needs a lot of patience from everyone right now."

"Hmm," Gloria murmured faintly. She looked over at Lida and squinted, suddenly realizing something.

"How did you know about her nightmares?" she asked. "Did she tell you about them?"

"No," Lida shook her head. "Because she had one."

"I thought she just went to sleep a half an hour ago?" Gloria questioned.

"She did," Lida replied. "Well, that was for the second time."

"Oh?" Gloria said.

"I told you that she was upset about me staying with her," Lida said. "And she said a lot of words and then she left to go lie down alone. About an hour later I was coming by to check on her and could tell she was having a nightmare, so I woke her up."

"Poor thing," Gloria sighed sympathetically. "She doesn't even get relief in sleep anymore. This has been happening for a while."

"Yes, she was quite shaken," Lida agreed. "Very upset and drenched in sweat. She also wet the bed. I didn't know if that was typical of her? She was so embarrassed but I helped her with a bath and that seemed to help.

"Wow," Gloria blinked. She bit her lip and smoothed her grey hair back with her hand. "She often gets annoyed with me trying to help her, and it's not like she ever had a problem with me seeing her without her clothes on before."

"Oh," Lida mumbled sadly.

Gloria sighed, "I guess she's just not particularly liking me these day. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"You're not doing anything wrong," Lida replied immediately. "Gloria! You're amazing! She loves you so much."

"She doesn't act like she does," Gloria replied. "She acts like she hates me and backs it up with words."

"She knows she was wrong," Lida pointed out. "She feels terrible and she's convinced you hate her. I told her you don't."

"Of course I don't," Gloria said quietly. She offered Lida a faint smile. "You know you should probably get going, though. Vasily is waiting in the car for you."

"Yeah, I'll get out of your hair," Lida said.

"Thank you for everything you did tonight," Gloria said sincerely. "Giving me some time away and looking after her. I really needed that."

"Call me anytime," Lida smiled. "We could even make this a regular thing if you wanted a day or two to yourself every week. I'd be happy to."

Gloria was feeling significantly better after her night away and then her talk with Lida. She wanted to go check on Red and make sure she really was okay. She hated the thought of her waking up in a wet bed and needing to rely on her daughter-in-law for help. She wished she could have been there instead, to reassure her and make it okay but at the same time she felt this was a lesson that needed to be learned. They couldn't go back to the way things were and Red needed to come to terms with her disease and live with the limitations it imposed. It was good that she had talked things out with Lida. It would have been even better if she had been that candid with Gloria in the first place, but right now they seemed to bring out the worst in one another. Perhaps Galina would be better off living with one of the kids, but for now at least Gloria decided to keep out of her way as much as she could. If things were going to get better between them, then Red was going to have to come to her. Gloria didn't think she could bear anymore hurt or rejection from her wife.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for Reading. Johanna-002 and I wrote this chapter together.**

Red tossed restlessly, flipping from her side onto her back. No matter how much she turned or adjusted herself, she just couldn't get comfortable. She had been trying for the better part of two hours, everything from counting sheep to counting down from one hundred, but nothing she was doing was working and she was desperate. She hadn't had a decent night sleep in weeks and was severely beginning to pay the price for it. Throbbing headache, sore eyes-she was hurting all over. Insomnia, however, was just the surface of her problems. The tremors in her body, brought on by her disease, were imprisoning her, and slowly stealing everything she had away from her. From losing control over her own body to her broken heart, it felt as if everything was fading before her very eyes. She could practically feel her heart crumbling inside of her chest, and she rubbed a shaking hand over her face, simultaneously inhaling a deep breath.

She took a minute to calm herself. Panic only made her symptoms worse, and she couldn't go through another night of such unbearable discomfort. She held her breath in an attempt to slow her racing heart, but her effort felt futile as anxiety ran hot though her veins the moment she exhaled. She clenched her fists tightly around her blankets, reflexively releasing and clutching, mirroring the way Millie, her cat, would paw at fleece blankets in her sleep. She needed something to focus on, even if the task was minimal.

 _Clutch, release, clutch, release,_ she told herself. Slowly, the drumming of her heart was beginning to ease. She inhaled another deep breath before slowly releasing it. Shifting her legs beneath the heavy blanket, Red encountered nothing but cool, empty space. She shook her head against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling with tired eyes. She followed the spinning motion of the ceiling fan, hoping against all odds the blades would work as a hypnosis and lull her into slumber.

It wasn't fair. Hadn't she paid her price? Hadn't she served her time? She couldn't figure out what she had done to deserve this. Was she still being punished for her crimes? She didn't understand why this was happening to her. After everything she had lost, why did God feel such a need to reduce her to this? She had made peace with the time she had lost behind the walls of Litchfield, she had even made peace with the fact that her family had been split up. She had forgiven God for a lot of things, but she didn't believe she could ever forgive him for this. How could he take everything away from her again?

Her deteriorating muscles and body functions had lead her down a path of near solitude. She was alone only with her thoughts. During the day she was able to distract herself from them, busy herself with whatever minimal task she could think of, but nights were the worst. Being alone with so much potential for companionship with Gloria, who was asleep across the hall, was torture, for not even Millie had taken to accompanying her to bed. Like a child caught between angry parents, the calico fur ball had taken it upon herself to alternate between her and Gloria's now separate bedrooms. She hated what had become of them but she hated herself more for inflicting this lifestyle upon the both of them. She didn't blame Millie for choosing Gloria tonight, hell, if anything she envied her. There was nothing she wanted more than to rectify her part in the separation of their union, and God help her, she had been trying.

The moment Gloria declared her finality, her whole world had seemed to crumble upon her like a ton of bricks. The warmth and love that had been slowly dissipating had seemed to vanish in a matter of seconds. How quickly Gloria's flip had switched, it was almost terrifying. She was as kind as could be, but there was a distance and a professionalism to her manners that had before only been adorned in adoration and compassion.

The first few days after their fight had been more than uncomfortable as Red worked to realize just how far she had succeeded in pushing her away. She was beginning to see parts of the old Gloria-the intimidated, uncertain, self-doubting woman that she had worked so hard to overcome. It was pure reduction in comparison to the woman, who only weeks ago, had the confidence and certainty one could only dream of. It was frightening to realize she wasn't only destroying herself in her path of misery.

Even when Gloria was present, she was mentally miles away. It reminded Red of her first few years in Litchfield. Of how alone and dark she had gotten. Red had steadily, while serving her time, hit a plateau. She had built up this image—a woman of strength, tenacity and unprocessed anger. While she loved and grieved for that image of herself, she didn't want that. She didn't want to be burdened by anger. She didn't want Gloria to be angry or upset either.

When she thought about her wife, and when she let her mind wander about what it was Gloria could possibly be so consumed in thought with, fear abounded. She was well aware of how dark Gloria's own thoughts could get, and she knew it wouldn't take much to resurface all of the old feelings that Gloria had ever harbored in the far recesses of her mind. She didn't want Gloria to lose herself because of her, not after working so hard to become this better version.

Meeting one another had done both of them a world of good, even if now life was threatening to cruelly taunt them with their own success and happiness. Gloria had changed her for the better. She had softened her in a way Red never would have believed she was capable of. Falling in love with her had transformed her into a woman she now couldn't even recognize. She wanted their old life back. She didn't want to be immersed into this cold war where they exchanged nothing but a few muttered "good mornings," bitter "thank yous", and depressing "good nights".

"I can fix this," she whispered to herself. "We can fix this, Gloria." As scared as she was of rejection-of Gloria locking away the part of her that she had been so privileged to see-she had to try. Pushing the blankets from her body, she bit back her groan of discomfort as her muscles strained and resisted her every movement.

Hearing the door across the hall open, Red froze. Lying still on the mattress, she could hear Gloria mumbling, but she couldn't quite make out what she was saying. She could hear the sounds of her footsteps as they creaked along the hardwood floor, and a flicker of hope swirled excitedly in her abdomen. All she wanted to do was see her and talk to her. She just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. She wanted to go back to the way she used to be. But as Gloria's subtle footstep began to fade, she realized seeing her was probably the last thing Gloria was intent on doing. She could hear another door close, but the sound was muffled.

 _Bathroom,_ she thought. Over the last few weeks, like clockwork, Gloria had been getting up nearly every forty-five minutes. Red looked over at the clock situated on what used to be Gloria's nightstand and bright, angry red numbers glared back at her. _3:45am_. She could hear the bathroom door open, but it was another few minutes before Gloria had journeyed back into her ear shot.

"Julio," Gloria said tiredly, but sounding more awake than she had been. "Honey-" her words faltered and Red's ears perked. "Damn it, Millie" she heard Gloria say. "No… just the cat," Gloria explained into the phone. "I don't have my glasses on and it's dark."

Red pulled the blanket back up and turned onto her side. She slid her hand along the top of the empty pillow next to her, clinging to the sound of Gloria's voice. It was the most she had heard her say in a while. Besides the forced pleasantries they exchanged, they had hardly spoken in weeks. They danced around one another constantly, compensating with overly polite conversation and forced eye contact. It was hell.

"I needed water," Gloria's voice broke into her musings. "And to use the bathroom… then why the hell did you ask?" She sounded exhausted as she sighed. "Honey, it's late, why are we playing twenty questions?" There was a certain joy in her tone, one that had been absent for far too many months. "I love you too, baby… please be careful okay? You know I worry… shut up. Yeah… next time, try calling me at a decent hour." Red could hear her beautiful laughter. "Love you."

Red stared at the entry, half expecting, half hoping, Gloria would walk in and check on her, but nothing came. "I love you, Gloria," she whispered quietly. The bedroom door of Benny's room opened and then closed without so much as what appeared to be a second thought.

Biting down on her lower lip, Red adjusted her head against the pillow. Her hand guided naturally, easily, along the cool sheets until her fingers grasped around the scarf she slept with. Pulling the fabric up into her view, she felt tears prick her eyes as the moonlight streaming through the window illuminated it. Balling it into her fist, she brought the blue fabric up to her face. The scent of Gloria's perfume all but faded from the last time she had worn it, but at the right angel Red was able to catch the slightest whiff of it.

 _I love you._ Gloria's words to her son echoed in her head. She trailed the scarf down across her cheek and down the column of her neck. She touched her free hand against the empty side of the mattress. How long had it been since those very words had been directed at her? She couldn't remember. She couldn't even remember the last time she had said them. She rubbed the hand that was clutching the scarf over her heart. Gently massaging her knuckles against the beating muscle, she tried to ease the ache.

Her eyes fluttered closed, embarrassment, exhaustion, loneliness all culminating together to reduce her into tears. "Gloria," she whispered her wife's name. A broken whimper fell from her lips as she twisted back onto her back. She looked over at her nightstand, at the picture of the two of them. There was nothing she wouldn't give to have Gloria look at her-love her- in that same manner again.

XXX

The chime of the doorbell echoed through the house, startling Gloria awake most rudely from her spot curled up in her favourite armchair. She hadn't intended to drift off but wasn't surprised that she had. She hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks, and it wasn't even Red's fault. If Red was still having problems at night, then she'd been silent as a mouse about them. Gloria's tiredness was all her own these days. It was her vicious cycle of excessive thirst and the urgent need to urinate that kept her waking up at predictable intervals during the night without fail.

She'd been feeling so worn out that morning that she hadn't even felt the slightest bit guilty when she'd called around to find someone to take her place that afternoon. Stifling a yawn, Gloria stood up and stretched. Looking down at her clothes, she had to smirk as she hiked up the too-large plaid pajama pants she wore. They, and the little grey slippers on her feet, gave the message that she wasn't planning on leaving the house that day, and she wasn't. After waking up with an excruciating headache that morning, Gloria had declared this to be a do-nothing day, which was so far going according to plan.

Glancing at the clock as she passed it, Gloria couldn't resist rolling her eyes upon seeing that the girl had arrived twenty minutes later than she had asked her to. It was a good thing she had purposefully gone ahead and given her an earlier time than was necessary. Unlocking the door, Gloria turned the knob to reveal Nicky waiting impatiently on the porch. Dressed in a pair of black ripped jeans, a grey t-shirt, and combat boots while smoking the end of her cigarette.

"I couldn't find my key," Nicky explained. "I think it's safe to assume that it really is lost forever now."

"I almost thought you weren't coming," Gloria said grumpily, looking Nicky up and down disapprovingly. "And did you have to wear those jeans?"

"Such a nice warm welcome," Nicky observed, as she turned to put out her smoke in the near-overflowing ashtray on the ledge that was Gloria's. "I didn't realize I needed to dress up to go to the doctor."

"You don't," Gloria squinted at her.

Nicky lifted herself onto the balls of her feet and slid her hands into her back pocket. "When did you start smoking again?"

Gloria's eyes darted to the ashtray and she licked her lips nervously before shaking her head. "You're twenty minutes late," she said stiffly.

"Traffic was bad," Nicky explained casually.

"Of course, it is," Gloria rolled her eyes. She brought her hands up to massage at her temples. "You just move here yesterday or something?"

"You got to learn how to relax, Gloria," Nicky retorted, as she stepped over the threshold into the house.

"Why do you think I started smoking again?" she asked bitterly.

"Everything will be fine," Nicky said dismissively. "I'm sure Ma won't be too upset with you. That probably won't save you from a lecture though. I get one at least once a week." She craned her head. "Where is Red anyway?"

"Napping," Gloria replied simply, as she closed the door. "I didn't want to wake her up until I had to. She needs her sleep." She turned on her heel and motioned for Nicky to follow her down the hall to the kitchen.

"From the looks of it, you do too," Nicky said, following close on her heel. "What's with those dark circles?"

"What's with the annoying questions?" Gloria asked grumpily.

"You know that you could just pretend to be a little happy to see me," Nicky chided, leaning back against the table. "I am doing you a favour."

"How are you doing me a favour?" Gloria grumbled. "She's your mother. You can't help out?" Rolling her eyes, she picked up her purple plastic water jug. Bringing it to her lips, she took a long sip. She licked her lips before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Nicky retorted. "I don't mind doing my part, I'm just worried that you seem to be checking out on her."

"I am not," Gloria replied. She brought the water jug back to her lips and tipped her head back as she guzzled down another large gulp.

"Then why am I taking her to the doctor instead of you?" Nicky asked with a knowing look.

"Because I'm really tired today," Gloria replied. She shook the jug, her lips falling into a frown as she unscrewed the lid. "And it's just a check-up," she said as she walked around the kitchen to collect a refill. "You'll be in and out of there before you know it."

"Well, that's good," Nicky said. "Because I'm supposed to meet with Maxim down at the bakery so that we can design the wedding cake. I don't want to get there too late and find out Lorna picked everything without me."

"Mmm," Gloria mused boredly. Walking back toward the table she took a seat. Pulling her glasses from her face she set them down on the table and then rubbed a hand over her eyes. Propping her chin in her hand, she blinked at Nicky expectedly. "What kind of cake?" She asked monotonously. Wedding details were the last thing on her mind these days. She was happy for them but didn't think she had a romantic bone left in her body to appreciate such an event. She'd been looking forward to attending the wedding with Red, having a night out with her where they could hopefully forget about everything else for awhile and just focus on the love.

Maybe seeing Nicky and Lorna recite their vows would have ignited some sentimentality between them. They had never had a wedding themselves, or even gone to the courthouse to get their union notarized. It had no impact on their commitment to one another other or the promises they'd made at the start of their life together. They'd sealed their love with rings and a kiss. That had always been enough for her. Galina was her wife in every way that counted.

It was why Gloria hadn't moved out or done anything drastic besides creating as much emotional distance between them as she could bear. Red still needed help and Gloria felt obligated to provide it, unless she could find a replacement like she was doing this afternoon. However, the act in doing so didn't thrill her. The disconnection between them made her sad and she could tell that Red had been trying to do better lately. It was good to see, and while she appreciated the cooperation, it wasn't enough.

Too much had been said that Red had not apologized for or withdrawn. There was a lot Gloria was willing to put up with, and she knew in order for them to move forward, and hopefully put this behind them, she'd have to forgive her, but she couldn't do that until she heard what she needed to. She wasn't prepared to simply take her back. She'd done that before in her past life, and it had never boded well. She deserved better, and she deserved a real apology. Of all the things she and Red had been through together she didn't think it was asking for much.

"Red will enjoy that," Nicky said, crunching a bite of an apple between her teeth. "don't you think?"

"You asked her to go with you to pick out the cake?" Gloria's brow arched in surprise. She raked her hand through her grey hair, scratching at the top of her scalp. Her eyes felt as if they were crossing and she suppressed the urge to sigh. She glared down at her glasses on the table.

"Of course, not," Nicky shook her head. She bit into her apple once again and slurped at the juice. "She might have told me no. I'm just going to take her there after her appointment."

"What if she doesn't want to do that?" Gloria asked hesitantly. She drummed her fingers on the table and turned her head. "Hand me that bottle of Tylenol," she pointed at the counter behind her.

Nicky shrugged nonchalantly, doing as she asked. "She's in a wheelchair, she has to go where I take her."

"You're going to upset her," Gloria said warningly, biting down on her lip. She nodded her head in appreciation as Nicky passed over the bottle. Twisting off the lid, she poured three pills into her hand. She popped them one by one into her mouth, swallowing them quickly.

"How many of those have you taken?" Nicky asked,

"I have a headache," Gloria said.

Nicky rolled her eyes. "When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm fine," Gloria said. "Just been nauseous. I'll eat something later." Shaking off Nicky's concern she squinted as she looked up at her. "Are you going to be able to bring her home before your appointment with Maxim?" Without her glasses, Nicky was just one curly headed blob.

"Why would I do that?" Nicky asked defensively, the core of her apple dangling in her hand at her side. "She's my mother, Gloria, if I want to spend the afternoon with her I can."

"What if she gets too worn out from the doctor appointment?" Gloria asked her reasonably. Through this entire process she had been the one at Red's side, and while she had been on the receiving end of her mood swings, there was a routine there. Perhaps it was wrong to suddenly pawn this off onto Nicky. She didn't know if the girl realized the severity of her mother's condition "Sometimes going there is very emotional for her and she needs to be-"

"You worry too much," Nicky interrupted her. "Maybe the reason she doesn't like you anymore is because you try and coddle her like she's a child."

There was a tense pause as Gloria worked to recover from the younger woman's slap in the face statement. She almost wished she had been wearing her glasses to see the look on Nicky's face as her words registered. There had always been a mutual understanding about where the two of them had stood. While she in no way identified herself as Nicky's mother, there had always been a cordial, respectable relationship between them, as one might have with an aunt or a mentor, but as with her relationship with Red, the tension and comradery between her and Nicky had begun to fade into the distance.

"Excuse me?" Gloria blinked, her voice carrying across the kitchen in a cold whisper.

"Well, you know," Nicky said calmly, taking a firm stance behind the position she had chosen. "Neither one of you seems overly fond of the other these days. And I'm not the only one who has noticed this. Lorna is afraid you're going to break up."

"Tell her I appreciate her concern," Gloria said sarcastically. She straightened in her seat, her back as stiff as she was hurt. She hated this-being made a spectacle. Her relationship, their problems, her reaction to how everything was unfolding. It was incredibly unfair. She was so sick and tired of being made out to be the bad guy. Red, Nicky, Vasily-who was next? Her sons? Would they withhold their sympathy from her? She wasn't sure she could survive that.

"I'm so glad that our life has kept you and Lorna entertained. Do you discuss the pair of us over hot pockets and Capri sun?"

"Why do you have to be so mean?" Nicky exclaimed. "We're worried about you two! You barely make eye contact when you're together, you sleep in separate beds, and now you're not taking her to the doctor because you don't feel like getting dressed?"

"Nicky," Gloria gripped her hands tightly together. She dug her nails into the skin on the back of her hand, distracting herself from the urge to choke her. "What goes on between Galina and I is our business," she said heavily. "She is my wife. I don't need your opinion." She pushed herself back in the chair and slowly stood onto her feet. "Now, I need for you to go get her up before you're both late."

"There's lots of time," Nicky said dismissively, crossing her arms over her chest as she worked to size Gloria up from across the room.

"They like you to arrive for your appointment fifteen minutes early," Gloria replied as calmly as she could.

"Why?" Nicky rolled her eyes. "So, they can tell you they're running behind schedule and make you waste even more time?"

"Sounds about right," Gloria said shortly. She collected her glasses and her water jug and stepped around the table. "So, you better wake her up and get a move on."

"I don't need to be woken up," Red's voice carried into the room, announcing her presence. She walked slowly into the kitchen to join them, pushing ahead of her the walker she so detested. Aside from a few inconsistencies, she'd been making a point to use it as instructed. It was part of an attempt to get back in Gloria's good graces. Inhaling a deep breath, she stood awkwardly in the entryway.

"Hey, Ma," Nicky said warmly. She walked over to greet her, kissing her cheek as she embraced her. "I've missed ya!"

"I've missed you too," Red told her gently. "How has everything been?" She rubbed her trembling hand down Nicky's back, patting her affectionately. "You look cute."

Nicky looked over at Gloria who rolled her eyes. She was seated on the edge of the table, her feet crossed at the ankle. Turning back to her mother, Nicky smiled. "We've been Incredibly busy," she explained.

"I'll bet," Red replied. She swallowed. "I'm sorry you came all the way down here to come with me to the doctor. You have so much going on and I could have taken a taxi and managed alone-"

"Don't be ridiculous, Ma," Nicky replied smoothly. "I wanted to come. Need to check out this doctor and make sure Gloria hasn't been taking you to some Quack all along. You deserve the best care possible."

"God," Gloria chuckled dryly. Tylenol was not going to be enough to cure the pounding in her head. She tapped her glasses against the palm of her hand before aggressive cleaning them with the bottom of her sweater.

Red turned to her, glancing a look at Nicky out of the corner of her eye. "Are you okay?" she asked her wife sincerely. She looked exhausted and pale, her skin more yellow than tan. She hadn't yet changed out of her pajamas, which on its own was not unusual for a day off, but Gloria just seemed off to her. Though her concerns had been dismissed earlier in the day when she'd inquired about them.

"Gloria?" Red coaxed. As worried as she was, a part of her couldn't also wonder if she was just seeing issues where there weren't any. Maybe Gloria was just a little tired and would jump at any opportunity to avoid going to the doctor with her, or anywhere else for that matter. Gloria spent as little time with her as could manage.

"I'm fine," Gloria said stiffly. She slid her glasses back on her face and then looked impassively over at Red. Grabbing her water bottle, she began to make her way out of the kitchen. "You two better get going," she said monotonously. As she passed Red, squeezing through the tight space of the doorway where she and Nicky still stood, Gloria allowed herself to touch her hand where it rested on the handlebars of the walker. "Call me if you need anything."

The fluttering of her heart at the simple contact caught Red off guard. She averted her eyes downward, catching the glint of Gloria's promise ring as it sparkled. Bringing her eyes back up to Gloria's face, she caught the ghost of a smile on her lips. She didn't have enough time to process it, or enjoy it, before Gloria had pulled away and descended out of sight.

XXX

The sound of Nicky's laughter broke the quiet tranquility of the neurologist's waiting room and everyone turned to look at the door as she and Red came in. It had been surprisingly smooth travels getting there. Nicky had struggled a bit before figuring out how to fold up the wheelchair to fit in the trunk of the cab, but aside from that she had found it easy to maneuver her mother around in it. Red sat with her head in her hand, her elbow rested on the bar of the chair. She looked bored and appeared to be resigned to it at least. She hadn't made any note of protest when Nicky had helped her into it, as she used it whenever she went anywhere these days. She was able to walk but moved slowly and shakily which made a wheelchair necessary while out of the house. It was just a fact of life.

"We made it," Nicky announced their arrival to the front desk. Looking down at Red she patted her shoulder and grinned. "See? Gloria didn't need to be rushing us out the door like she was."

"Well, you gave me quite the bumpy ride in your rush," Red said wryly, looking up at her daughter with a glimmer in her eye that was a rare thing to see.

"Ahh, come on,"" Nicky teased, "it was fun."

"You nearly pushed me into oncoming traffic," Red said dryly. She was sitting as straight back in the chair as she could, although there was a very obvious stoop to her spine.

"Hey, there was thirty seconds left on that crosswalk," Nicky retorted. "I knew we could make it."

"You almost flipped me," Red giggled.

"Then we could have sued the city and made lots of money," Nicky joked. "Whatever-I got you here in time, didn't I?"

"You sure did," the young receptionist agreed with a smile, coming around the desk to greet them. Red had been coming in for regular check-ups since beginning her course of treatment and in all that time the receptionist had never seen her tease or laugh. That wasn't unusual, a neurologist's office was hardly a happy place. Still, it made the light in Red's eyes when she looked at Nicky seem all the more endearing. Nicky obviously had a wonderful effect on her.

"Is this your daughter, Galina?" the receptionist asked in an overly cheerful voice.

"Yes," Red replied, though she seemed irritated at being spoken to at all. "This is my daughter, Nicky."

"It's nice to meet you," the receptionist smiled. "I must say, your mother is just the sweetest lady ever." And she actually reached out to pat the top of Red's head briefly, as though she were an endearing child that she couldn't resist caressing. Red bristled at the offensive touch.

"Really?" Nicky raised her eyebrows. She chuckled as she glanced down at Red. "Yeah...she gets that a lot." she laughed. Red rolled her eyes. It had been happening more and more lately. Young people spoke to her like she had difficulty understanding and seemed to be under the impression that they were flattering her. She'd been called adorable, cute, sweet...words people typically used to describe young children and certainly not words Red would use to describe herself. People seem to be well intended, but the way they acted around her just made her feel belittled.

"The doctor is almost ready to see her if you'd like to take her into the examination room," the receptionist was saying to Nicky as though Red couldn't hear.

"Sure," Nicky said calmly. "Let's go, sweetheart," she teased Red as she pushed her down the hall as directed. "I'm guessing that lady doesn't know you too well?"

"It's not funny," Red said irritably.

"Look on the bright side," Nicky said, as she steered Red into the examination room. "You could basically get away with anything right now and people will still call you a sweet little old lady. I'd take advantage of that if I were you."

"You don't know anything," Red scoffed.

"No sense being miserable," Nicky argued, as she set the breaks on the wheelchair. "There are some perks to aging, huh? Remember when you were excited about all the senior discounts you could get in stores? You wanna go shopping or something?"

"I never minded getting old," Red said quietly. "I never felt my age anyway. I think I've always had the energy of a younger woman…"

"Especially when you got with a woman almost ten years younger than you," Nicky teased, sitting down in the hardback chair beside her. "That will keep you youthful."

"The point is that getting older is just a number," Red said. "I was doing fine until I got this sickness. I was living my life. Now all of a sudden, I'm just the helpless woman in a wheelchair, being called 'sweet' by a girl who probably isn't much older than Ivanna."

"Speaking of Ivanna," Nicky said lightly. "When are Yuri's kids coming to visit next?"

"I don't know," Red shrugged. "Now that she's in nursing school she doesn't have much time to spare...which is probably just as well, anyway. I'm not really up for visitors."

"I'm sorry you're sick, Ma," Nicky sighed. "But that's why we're here, right? We're at the doctors to help you feel better."

Red didn't say anything. She leaned her head back against her hand in the chair and waited impatiently for the doctor to come in so that she could get this check up over with. Nicky sighed as she watched her, convinced more than ever that Red needed some time away from her house and problems to just be happy again. Gloria certainly hadn't been bringing her much joy lately, and Nicky knew she was usually the best at getting Red to laugh anyway. She was so glad that Gloria had called and given her the chance to be here right now, to advocate and love on her during this difficult moment.

Clicking her tongue, she glanced scrutinizingly around the small space. There was a single white cot for the patient to lie down on, a medical store cupboard, and a couple of chairs. On the wall were a few large posters depicting the different parts of the brain and other bits of knowledge. Feeling a bit restless, Nicky got up off of her chair and turned around in the center of the room with her lips pursed. She was taking it all in.

"This guy got any degrees hung up somewhere?" she asked, glancing quizzically over at Red.

"I'd assume so," Red said dryly. "Are you looking to check his credentials?"

"Just curious what school he graduated from," Nicky explained casually. "Not all medical programs are created equal…. but no matter, I'm sure I can find out that stuff online." She pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket. "How do you spell this guy's name?"

"Hello," Dr. Khan said, just in that moment as he poked his head into the room. Turning to stare at him, Nicky slipped her phone into her pocket and went to sit back down next to Red. "I don't think we've met before," he said, extending his hand to Nicky. "I'm Dr. Khan. Are you Galina's daughter?"

"Yeah," Nicky said, looking the doctor up and down as she shook his hand.

"It's good to have you here," Dr. Khan said politely, "Gloria wasn't able to make it?" He sat down on his spindle chair and opened the file folder he'd brought in with him.

"She's a bit under the weather," Red said quietly. Her eyes were on her name 'Galina Reznikov' that was written across the front of the file folder. As the doctor read over some notes briefly, Red's mind suddenly flashed back to a moment years ago when Gloria had teasingly referred to her as 'Mrs. Mendoza' for the first time. She'd liked it then and Gloria had playfully called her that in private often. It had always been enough. But now, suddenly feeling so vulnerable and alone, Red wished 'Mendoza' was written across that file folder instead of 'Reznikov'. As trivial as it was, a part of Red suddenly yearned for a symbol of Gloria somewhere in this room. A tangible sort of proof that she was still loved by her, even if she hadn't come today. The sunlight gleamed through the window and danced across the promise ring on Red's finger. She looked down at it and slowly brought her hand up to her cheek where she could feel the small stones brush her skin. She felt slightly reassured. She still wore the promise of Gloria's eternal love everywhere she went.

"I'm happy to see you using the wheelchair," Dr. Khan said over his briefings, and Red was pulled out of her daydream. "It's working alright for you?"

"I sit in it," Red shrugged. "There's not much more to it than that. I don't need it all the time though."

"No," the doctor agreed, still making notes on his paper. "But out of the house I'd like to see you in it. Especially if you're in a busy place, where someone could accidently bump you and cause you to lose your balance. Falls are very dangerous."

"Yes, yes, yes," Red mumbled, glancing distractedly out the window. A pigeon had landed on the window ledge and was peering through the glass at them.

"And has the prescription we started you on for your bladder leakage been making a difference?" Dr. Khan asked, with his pen poised in the air to write her response.

"Somewhat," Red said stiffly, her cheeks reddening while she purposefully avoided Nicky's gaze. She felt a prickle of resentment in her head and suddenly wished she had asked Nicky to wait outside. She didn't like revealing these parts of herself, her growing weakness, and problems that would just continue to get worse. There were a lot of things that she was ashamed of.

Lida might not have said anything to her directly, but Red knew her daughter-in-law had mentioned it to Gloria. Red hadn't had an accident again, but the singular incident had been enough for Gloria to inform the doctor. He'd believed it was stress induced, citing that emotional distress was certain to aggravate her physical symptoms. However, the doctor had also reminded Gloria that incontinence was a common side-effect of Parkinson's disease and even with the medication he'd prescribed, it would probably only worsen.

"Well, that's good to hear," Dr. Khan said gently. "If it becomes more problematic there are absorbency products you can wear which would give you peace of mind if you're concerned about accidents."

"I am aware," Red stiffly, still determinedly avoiding Nicky's gaze. She wanted to sink through the floor. It was humiliating to have Nicky sitting there, listening to the doctor tell her that sooner or later she was going to be put back into diapers. The doctor could call them whatever he wanted in a ploy to make her feel better about them, but it didn't change the truth. It was hard enough to lie down to sleep the next day after her night with Lida, and realize that Gloria had added the addition of a plastic cover underneath her regular cotton sheets, without telling her. Gloria hadn't spoken to Red about the situation at all, but it's not like she could have argued against the necessity of protecting the mattress after what she'd done. It was just another thing she had no choice about, another regression and strike against her independence.

"Don't feel bad, Ma," Nicky said, "there's a whole aisle in every drug store dedicated to this problem, and ever since Piper gave birth to baby Elijah, she has to cross her legs whenever she sneezes. Even after all her talk about Kegels and doing pelvic floor strengthening yoga. I think it's a pretty common problem."

"It is," Dr. Khan agreed calmly, while Red bit her lip and stared back out the window. "And you can buy absorbent underwear that is easily hidden beneath your clothes. Nobody will be able to tell."

Red flexed and unflexed her shaking fingers. It didn't matter what the doctor said or whether people would be able to detect what she was wearing. She would know. Gloria would certainly know. It was enough of a struggle for her just to dress and undress herself right now. Even in their tense climate, Gloria helped her out every morning and Red had gotten used to her baths being supervised and even assisted, like how she needed someone to wash her hair. However, the thought of depending on Gloria to change her out of something like _that_ made Red inwardly cringe and just want to disappear. She wished she could simply just die. She didn't want to get worse. She didn't want to be helpless.

"And how are your tremors?" the doctor asked, moving on as though nothing had happened. "Since we increased your medication last month, has that making things more manageable for you?"

"Yes," Red said simply, still looking away.

"Well, not really," Nicky interjected. "Ma, you tell me all the time how much your head hurts from constantly shaking. That tells me it's not really enough. Don't downplay what you're going through."

"I'm managing," Red told her shortly, turning her head slowly to look back at Nicky.

"Unfortunately, there is a cap on how much we can prescribe," Dr. Khan explained to Nicky. "And the drugs lose their effectiveness over time. That's just the way it is."

"So, what's the point of coming here for you to ask her that question?" Nicky asked, resting a supportive hand on Red's arm. "If you can't actually do anything about it…."

"We have talked about some alternative therapies in the past," Dr. Khan said, with a glance at Red. "Have you discussed these with your daughter?"

"No, because I'm not doing it," Red said shortly, turning back to give the doctor a fixed glare.

"It sounds a lot scarier than it is," Dr. Khan said with a smile.

"That's an understatement," Red shook her head. She balled her hand and brought the shaking fist to her mouth where she bit down on her knuckles.

"What is it?" Nicky asked curiously, leaning forward with her elbows on her lap.

"It's a surgical procedure that basically involves us inserting a small device into the chest which sends electrical signals through the body up to the brain," the doctor explained, while Nicky's eyes bugged out.

"Well, you're right that does sound scary," Nicky told him, glancing sympathetically at Red who was biting down harder on knuckles and hadn't reacted. She'd heard it all before. "That sounds awful."

"My patients who have had the procedure have reported tremendous improvements to their overall condition and quality of life," Dr. Khan replied. "A thin wire is placed into the parts of the brains that are causing the symptoms and the electric currents can reduce the effects."

"Nobody is putting anything inside my head," Red said at last. spoke up firmly. "Why are you even bringing this up again? I told you and Gloria already that I wasn't going to do that."

"But Ma if it would help…"

"Forget it," Red shook her head icily. "I'm not allowing somebody to hook my insides up with all sorts of wires like I'm a robot."

"Fine," Nicky sighed. "I just don't want you to be close minded and decide against stuff so fast just because you don't like the sound of it."

"I'm not doing that," Red said stubbornly, her eyes flashing dangerously in Nicky's direction.

"Well, then, what else you got?" Nicky asked demandingly, turning back to the doctor.

"Aside from that, I think we're doing the best we can," Dr. Khan said smoothly. "There are other drugs we can try when the effects of the _Levodopa_ aren't as effective, but they come with their own side effects and for now I think we'll keep doing what we're doing."

Nicky frowned, "that's not a very good answer in my book. You just expect her to settle for feeling poorly all the time? What are we paying you for?"

"There's no cure for Parkinson's," Dr. Khan reminded her. "At least not now. We're managing the best we can." Nicky shook her head. She was still feeling restless and deeply unsatisfied with the information they had been given today. Dr. Khan was just one man and there were new discoveries being made every single day. She wasn't about to give up hope, even if it seemed like Red already had.

"Do either of you have anymore questions for me?" Dr. Khan smiled understandingly.

"No," Red said quickly, just as Nicky opened up her mouth to speak.

"Well, then, I'll see you in a month, Galina," Dr. Khan said quickly, standing up and closing the file. "Keep taking care of yourself. You're doing well." With a smile at the both of them he walked out of the room. He was probably eager to get away from Nicky's interrogation,

"What a loser," Nicky said, as soon as the doctor had turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

"Nicky!" Red hissed.

"What? He didn't do anything," Nicky complained. Sighing heavily, she got up and stepped behind Red's chair to wheel her out.

"Goodbye, Galina!" the young receptionist said in the same singsong voice she had addressed her in on arrival. "We'll see you in a few weeks, love."

Red gripped the sides of her chair tightly and Nicky even saw her shudder in reproach to the way she was spoken to. "Just get me the hell out of this place," she hissed to Nicky, not even bothering to answer the smiling girl at the desk.

"Yeah, yeah," Nicky chuckled as she wedged around Red's chair to open the office door just as it swung open.

"Oh, here, let me get that," a man said with an awkward laugh. He'd been about to go in but allowed them to exit first. Beside him was a crippled, almost incoherent woman who was grunting loudly as she sat doubled over in her wheelchair. She didn't seem entirely aware of her surroundings, and if she was then she was completely indifferent to them.

"Thanks," Nicky said gruffly, she couldn't stop herself from staring at the sickly woman who was making a continuous grunting sound while a dribble of saliva poured steadily down onto the large bib someone had fastened around her neck.

"Now, if you'll hold the door for me while I get my mother through?" the man asked, once Nicky had wheeled Red past him.

"Yeah," Nicky said blankly. She stepped back to trade places with the man who gave her a warm smile as he pushed the poor woman into the doctor's office.

Once they were through, Nicky let the door fall closed and shook her head to dispel the image of what she had just seen. For once, she was struck speechless. Stepping behind Red's wheelchair once again, she gripped the handlebars with shaking hands and began pushing her down the sidewalk. Red's hands were folded neatly in her lap and her eyes were focused intently at the ground. Nicky swallowed a large lump in her throat.

 _Red can't get like that,_ she thought as her lungs struggled to take in enough air. Nicky was suddenly feeling very panicked, as the ramifications of what Red's condition ultimately could mean hit her like a brick in the face. Silently, she prayed to God that that woman had a different ailment than her so that she could be guaranteed Red would never become like that. She could handle Red in a wheelchair, unable to walk, and in need of help. What she couldn't imagine was Red being reduced to a mere shell of her former self. Nicky knew she wouldn't be able to see Red suffer that way and the thought of being forced to look on helplessly while it happened was terrifying. In her heart of hearts, she willed a cure or control to be found. They needed something.

"Where are you taking me, Nicky?" Red asked softly, as Nicky pushed her down the sidewalk. She was walking quickly, taking in large deep breaths to try and calm herself down. She didn't want Red to look up and see how upset that encounter had made her. That wouldn't do anything except probably make Red feel more depressed about her situation than she already was.

"Oh, yeah," Nicky said, in a raspy voice. She cleared her throat. "I thought maybe you'd like to come with me to see Max?"

"Maxim?" Red asked softly.

"Yeah, your second born," Nicky teased. "We need your help."

"With what?" Red asked., sounding bemused.

"Picking out a wedding cake," Nicky smiled. "Max is going to create it. Isn't that nice?"

"I guess," Red said weakly. "He'll do a good job, I'm sure." She sighed. "But, Nicky... I'm tired. Couldn't we do this on another day? Or maybe just help me into a taxi and then go along on your own? You don't really need me."

"Lean your head back and rest your eyes until we get there," Nicky teased, watching Red scoff at the idea. Letting go of one of the handlebars of her chair, Nicky squeezed Red's shoulder imploringly.

"Come on," she urged, "we'll have fun. We'll indulge our taste buds and try and keep Lorna's fantasies under control. I need you on my side."

"Well, it's not like I have a choice anyway," Red said stiffly. "I have to go where you take me."

"Please don't make my wedding plans seem like a chore," Nicky begged. "We're supposed to do this together-and it has to at least sound more appealing to you then going home to exchange silent death glares with Gloria all afternoon."

"We don't do that", Red said tiredly. She brushed a trembling hand over her face as a little moan slipped out of her mouth. "She just doesn't like to talk to me much lately."

"I've noticed," Nicky replied. "She seems really irritable lately. It's another reason why I wanted to take you out for the day-you shouldn't be surrounded by her negativity so much."

"I'm the negative one," Red said softly. "I haven't seen the good in anything for a long long time. It is **not** Gloria's fault. I wouldn't want to be around me either if I was her."

"Ma," Nicky sighed. "You're sick. You're in a lot of pain and the damn doctor isn't doing a thing about it. You're trying to process a lot of changes and anybody who isn't prepared to cut you some slack and be understanding about what you're going through is a jackass...I'm sorry. That's how I see it."

Red sighed and ran her trembling hands over her arms to warm them. It was a mild day but the breeze was cool on her body without a jacket. She hadn't thought to grab one before leaving the house. Usually Gloria would take care of things like that for her but she hadn't bothered to today. Gloria had also cancelled on taking her to the doctor without even trying to come up with a justifiable excuse. It wasn't fair. Red had been trying so hard to be better for Gloria these days, and it still seemed like it would never be enough. She wondered how much longer she would need to show remorse before Gloria let her back in again and loved on her the way she had always promised to. Red didn't think she had ever needed her more.

It was a relief when they reached the inviting warmth of the bakery Maxim ran. He'd worked in the same place for years and done catering on the side whenever opportunity knocked. Shortly after high school he had apprenticed in baking from the former owner of the establishment. He'd worked under him for many years and when the man had passed away, Maxim had taken over the company. It was a friendly little place that served speciality coffees and served delicate desserts, mainly of the Russian variety. Maxim was also gifted at creating cakes, and often made speciality orders. Of course, Nicky and Lorna were going to use him for their wedding.

"Galina! Nicky! Hi," Luca exclaimed when they walked in. The place was still quiet at this time of day with only two other tables currently occupied. Lorna was sipping a latte at a table near the back with the two guys. She turned around to smile at Nicky and Red when they came in, while Luca and Maxim both sprang to their feet and rushed over to greet them.

"How are you, Galina?" asked Luca, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Just fine," Red replied, tilting her head back to look up at him. It was one of the things she found most troublesome about her new wheelchair-she was just so low to the ground. She constantly felt towered over by people who tried to talk to her and in crowds she was starting to feel really anxious. Maxim had moved closer to his mother and reached for her hand, though he seemed uncertain about what to do next. He just squeezed it reassuringly and looked over at Nicky who was speaking.

"I see you guys started without me," Nicky was complaining, nodding her head in the direction of Lorna, who was pouring over a large binder of sample clips. "I hope you didn't let Lorna pick out a ten-tier pink monstrosity before I got here?"

"You're safe," Luca assured her. "Come see what we're doing." He beckoned Nicky over to the table where Lorna was still transfixed on the design books.

"I think three-tiers is probably enough anyway," she said absentmindedly, as Nicky sat down beside her.

"And then I have some cakes for everyone to sample so we can decide on flavours," Maxim said to the table. "I'm glad to see you, Mama," he said, squeezing her hand tightly.

"Oh, come here," Red said gently as she struggled to her feet, using his hand and the arm of her chair for support. She wanted to stand to embrace him. She wrapped her arms around her middle son and hugged him. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

"I'm sorry, Ma," Maxim replied, planting a kiss on the top of her grey head of hair. "It's just been a crazy couple of weeks, you know?"

"I know," Red told him. "I didn't mean you had to come see me more...you haven't missed anything anyway."

Maxim kissed her head again and squeezed his mother's trembling arms. "Well, you're freezing," he observed, "You shouldn't have been outside without a coat on this windy day. I'm going to grab you a sweater."

"Oh, that's alright," Red said dismissively, as Maxim wrapped an arm around her shoulders and helped her slowly walk over to the table where Nicky, Lorna, and Luca were seated. Maxim pulled out a chair and helped settle her into it. Then he ran to push the wheelchair against the wall and fetch the sweater, despite Red's insistence that it wasn't necessary.

"So, three-tier cake," Nicky said, strumming her fingers on the tabletop. "I think a plain cake with artificial leaves on top is kinda cool."

"Yeah, so do I," Lorna beamed.

"Do you like it, Ma?" Maxim asked. Coming to stand behind Red he reached for her hand and began to assist her putting on his sweater. Red bit the inside of her cheek as she permitted her son to help her. She didn't like being fussed over or coddled, especially not around other people, though none of the other three were watching. Their eyes were all focused on the picture they were scrutinizing.

"Yes," Red replied softy after her arms were both in the sleeves of the large sweater. She thought that was the end of it but her eyes bulged when Maxim reached around from behind her and zipped up the front of the sweater for her. He didn't sit down right afterwards either. He lingered behind her chair for no apparent reason. He hadn't seen her in a few weeks and had been shocked at the sight of her coming into the store in a wheelchair. Red could tell it made him nervous.

"I think the icing trim could be done to resemble a leaf pattern," she suggested, pointing with a shaking finger at the printout of the cake that just had simple white border. She'd chosen to ignore Maxim's hovering for the time-being and had just accepted that her son meant well. "I think a yellow, red, and green pattern would be beautiful."

"Yeah, I think so too," Nicky smiled at Red. "And how about some dark chocolate shavings to seem like tree bark?"

"Perfect for an Autumn wedding in a park," Red said, glancing at Nicky with a twinkle in her eye. Nicky beamed back. All the heavy stuff from her doctor appointment that had been laid out for Nicky for the first time seemed temporarily forgotten. It was a relief to Red who hadn't been able to help noticing how shaken Nicky had been when it was time to go. Right now, her mind appeared to be totally focused on wedding details.

"Well, I can definitely do that," Maxim assured them. "Should we sample some cakes now?"

"Yum, yes!" Lorna smiled

"Because brother or not, if my taste buds aren't doing happy dances, I'll take my business elsewhere," Nicky joked lamely. She wrapped her arm around the back of Lorna's chair and smiled. She was beginning to relax and was glad that she had coerced Red into coming with her. They just needed some normalcy for a little while.

"I'll go get them," Luca said. Jumping up and heading back into the kitchen.

"I'll help," Maxim told him. He squeezed his mother's shoulders and leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Ma, would you like me to get you a blanket or anything first?"

"No!" Red responded. "Darling, please, just stop breathing down my neck! Just go get us some cake and that will be fine."

She sounded so much like her old self that Maxim smiled and swiftly went to do as she said. They brought out slices of about eight different flavours for them all to sample. Nicky and Lorna had agreed on a chocolate cake but Maxim had convinced them to choose at least three different kinds that he could incorporate. That way they would please everyone.

Nicky and Lorna were enthusiastic about taking large bites out of every kind and rating them on a scale of one to ten. They tried guessing what the other one would say before they said it, and Lorna got really excited whenever she was right. They kept forgetting what one had tasted like and returning for another bite. Then they couldn't agree on a top three together. They kept going back and forth and it was entirely entertaining for the other three to watch. Nicky and Lorna were in a world of their own at the moment.

Red was relaxed back in her seat and seemed quite content, despite the tremors she was enduring. She didn't eat anything. The way her hand was shaking guaranteed that she'd be incapable of eating anything neatly and she had no intention of humiliating herself by trying. However, she was enjoying being out with her children for the afternoon in a warm and casual setting. Nicky and Lorna were so focused on one another and the samplings that they barely noticed her and that was how Red wanted it. She didn't like having her illness and its condition being the front and center of everything.

"Ma, you gotta try this lemon one," Nicky said holding out a forkful of cake for her, "I think it's my favourite."

Red's eyes narrowed but she parted her lips and accepted the cake Nicky fed to her. She chewed it slowly and then swallowed. When she was done, she wiped the crumbs from her lips with the back of her trembling hand and glanced at her son. Maxim winked at her.

"That one is pretty familiar," she said wryly. "I wonder why?"

"Ahh...I may have had inspiration from someone," Maxim grinned. "I've made some modifications to it though. Did you notice, Ma?"

"Yes," Red nodded, "but I think my way was still better though." She turned back to Nicky and Lorna. "Have you girls decided?"

"We can't agree," Lorna explained.

"You don't have to agree," Red told her. "You two had already decided on a chocolate cake so just get that one for the largest layer and then you each get to pick one other kind. It's not like you're going to eat all three at the wedding anyways."

"Wanna bet?" Nicky laughed. But she and Lorna did as Red said. Nicky chose the lemon that she'd enjoyed and Lorna finally settled on French vanilla. They were all in pretty good spirits as they polished off the remaining cake samples on the table and Luca went to pour them all some coffee. Red pushed hers away almost as soon as it was placed before her.

"Maybe just wait until it cools down a little," Maxim said gently. "And then I can help you so you won't spill. Would you like some milk in it or cream?"

"No," Red shook her head. "I just can't drink caffeine anymore. It makes me too jittery."

"Oh," Maxim nodded his understanding. "Well, do you want something else to drink, Ma? It's no trouble."

"Maybe just some water," Red whispered. "I need to take my pill now anyways."

"Okay," Maxim said, setting down his own cup of coffee and getting to his feet.

"Just in a small cup though," Red said softly. "And could you give me a straw too, honey?"

"Sure, Ma," Maxim said easily. Straws made it easier for Red to take sips without dribbling any down her front or spilling the glass. Her son went to get her drink, while the others sipped their coffee and seemed not to notice anything amiss.

"Where are your pills?" Maxim asked, when he came back with the water.

"In my purse," Red said quietly. "It's in the wheelchair."

Maxim set down the cup on the table and went to get his mother's purse for her. Opening up the small black bag, he shuffled through her wallet, glasses case, a paperback book, and finally his hands clasped around a small vial of little blue pills. Clutching the container in his hand he walked back over to the table.

"How many do you take?" Maxim asked her gently.

"Just one," Red replied. Her son unscrewed the lid and took out one small pill which he placed in her outstretched palm. Red immediately popped it into her mouth.

"Have a drink," Maxim urged quietly. He held the water out for her but did not let go. He assisted his mother guiding the straw into her mouth and held the cup steady while she drank.

"Thank you," Red said quietly, once she had taken her pill and quenched her thirst. Maxim smiled gently and set the half full cup of water down on the table.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited much lately, Ma," Maxim said apologetically. Sitting back down in the chair beside her, he gently brushed her arm in remorse.

"Honey, you don't have to be sorry," Red told him. "I don't expect you to drop everything for me, nor would I wish it. Besides, I'm doing alright."

"Well, you can call me anytime you need something," Maxim told her quietly, "I'll drop everything and be by your side in minutes if you ask." The two of them were speaking with their heads close together, while Nicky, Lorna, and Luca laughed loudly around them.

"I know," Red said tiredly. "I'll keep it in mind." To give herself something to do she reached for the cup of water to take another drink.

"Oh, here I got that, Ma," Maxim said.

"You don't have-" Red began to say. But she stopped when Maxim picked up the cup for her and held it in front of her so that he could help her drink. Red didn't need that level of help but she decided against rejecting his attempts and leaned forward to take a sip. Accepting other people's assistance was something she'd vowed to get better at doing. Mostly with regards to Gloria, who Red was trying to do everything imaginable to demonstrate improved behaviour to. She still hadn't come outright and apologized, but she had been making a conscious effort to be receptive and appreciative towards her in every way. At least they had stopped fighting.

"How's Gloria been?" Maxim asked, as though he could read her mind.

"Fine," Red said stiffly, after she had finished the water. "Why do you ask?"

"Just haven't seen much of her lately," Maxim shrugged. "I think the last time was when she came to the movies about six weeks ago and she said you weren't feeling well enough to come."

"She's busy," Red said faintly, a blush spreading across her cheeks. "She still has work four days a week and she's been tired lately. It's not as if I'm any good to anyone anymore. She's trying to run the house all by herself…." She was never a good liar and she could tell by the way Maxim was frowning at her that her assurances that all was well had not convinced him.

"You're still good, Ma," Maxim reminded her. "You don't have to be working for us all to love you."

"Hmm," Red rolled her eyes, but her heart surged when her son leaned over to kiss her blushing cheek. "Thank you, darling."

"Do you want something to eat, Ma?" Maxim asked. "Only because I read on the back of your pill case that you're supposed to take them with food, and I'm not sure a bite of cake qualifies."

"I guess I could," Red said uncertainty. "Do you have anything not messy to eat?"

"I'll see what I can do," Maxim replied, standing up again. As he went into the kitchen, Red leaned back in her chair and felt confident that her son had understood her need for something easy to eat and would follow-through. Red didn't like eating in public and had no intention of being a slob and attracting unwelcome attention. She watched Nicky and Lorna joke around with Luca and felt pride surge within her. She was grateful to be there, to be given a reminder than there still was some good in her life to enjoy and people to love. The only thing that would have made it better was if Gloria were sitting there too. She just wanted her back.


	8. Chapter 8

"Good morning," Gloria said distractedly, knocking her fist against the partially opened door as she entered her old bedroom. She was already dressed in a colour-block sweater-dress, with leggings and low-heeled black shoes. Nearly all of her clothes had been transferred over to Benny's room by this point and she kept her makeup in the bathroom. She never had any reason to come in here, except to help Red get up in the morning and to bed at night. It was all hers now.

"Good morning," Red yawned sleepily. She was lying curled up on her side in the bed stroking her hand down the cat's patchwork coat while she slowly coaxed herself more awake. "I thought you'd be gone already…"

"I overslept," Gloria explained hurriedly, as she hastened over to the dresser and knelt down on the floor to open the bottom drawer. She pulled out a loose pair of black cotton pants and then closed the drawer and got back to her feet. From the top drawer she took out undergarments and socks and then raced over to the closet to grab her a shirt.

"And I wouldn't leave without telling you first," Gloria said shortly, as she came over to the bed and pulled back the blankets Red was still curled up underneath.

"I'm not surprised you overslept," Red said softly, "I can hear you up at all hours of the night." She reached for the back of her headboard and began to push herself up into a sitting position. It required quite a bit of exertion as she struggled and was breathless once she was up.

"I never wanted to disturb you," Gloria said dully. Without asking for approval, she reached for the bottom of Red's nightgown and slipped it up over her head. Glancing at the alarm clock by the bed she sighed. "I'm going to be late," she said anxiously.

"Just go ahead," Red said, shivering as the air touched her bare skin. She reached her hand out to take the clothes in Gloria's hands. "I can manage by myself."

"Don't do this today," Gloria said with a touch of impatience, mistaking Red's offer to dress herself as her being stubborn and resistant to her help this particular morning. "Just cooperate so that I can get out of here faster."

Red glowered at being misunderstood. "I meant that I'm fine and don't want to be the reason why you're late-"

"You're not the reason," Gloria replied, as she reached her arms around Red to fasten her bra. Then she slipped a pale blue sweater up over her head. "It's my fault for forgetting to set that stupid alarm."

"Are you sure you even want to go in today?" Red asked softly. As she maneuvered herself to sit on the edge of her bed. "You don't look well, Gloria…"

"No, I won't be able to get somebody to cover me at such short notice," Gloria shook her head. She bent down to slip the underwear over her legs and then offered her hand to help Red stand up. She tugged her underwear up for her and then Red sat back down so they could do the same with her pants. The clothes she wore were loose fitting, with elastic waists and light material that she could maneuver up and down herself for trips to the washroom or in the event that she needed to change her pants for some reason and was alone. Putting on or taking off a shirt was a much more challenging task that was very time-consuming and Red wasn't even sure if she could do that herself. It had been awhile since she had tried. Gloria helped her dress every single day. It was just on this particular morning, that Red so resented being another job on Gloria's mounting list of obligations. Other times, Red had almost learned how to enjoy being assisted by Gloria. Usually the only times she touched her was when she was providing her care.

"I'll be home around four today," Gloria reminded her, as she slipped a pair of white socks over Red's feet and then helped her put on her anti-slip slippers.

"Okay," Red said softly.

"I have your breakfast already set on the table for you and Lida will be by around noon to check in and make you some lunch," Gloria said, as though this wasn't the routine nearly everyday.

The only part of it that varied was who would be dropping in around noon. Usually Gloria just ran home herself on her lunch break, but Lida often offered to come by and occasionally one of the other kids would too. They all worked, had jobs, and busy lives so Gloria didn't expect them to be able to do it all the time, but she never let Red spend a full day home alone anymore. It was just too long and Gloria couldn't stop herself from worrying. Besides that, somebody needed to prepare her food for her as the kitchen was still all locked down with no change in sight. Red didn't fight her on that, although it was still deeply unsettling for her to live with.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Gloria said, already making for the hallway. "I have your morning pill and water set next to your breakfast. Do not forget to take it. And make sure you use your walker. Alright?"

"Yes," Red said compliantly.

Gloria turned back around and gave her a small, sad, smile. "Have a good day," she said gently, feeling like she should kiss her or do something to show her love. However, it had been months since she had laid her hands on Red for any purpose besides providing her with necessary assistance. Their relationship remained in an awkward stage where neither was angry with the other, but they weren't connecting like they should be and hadn't in ages. There was just too much left unsaid between them, apologies still withholding, and misunderstandings from a lack of communication were a frequent problem. Taking a deep breath, Gloria gave Red a final sad look and then turned around to go to work.

Left alone, Red continued to sit on the edge of the bed and stared out into the hallway that Gloria had just disappeared down with envious agility and speed. She ran her shaking hands over the front of her thighs and breathed deeply as she braced herself for the literal exertion of moving from one room to the next. She resented how difficult the mere task of walking had become for her and in a way was grateful for a wheelchair to fall back on and hide just how disabled she was becoming. Sometimes she could barely muster up the energy to leave her room on her own, a factor that necessitated the grey plastic portable toilet next to her bed. Red avoided using it at all-costs, but sometimes she had to admit that it was a godsend. Her world felt like it was becoming very small.

"Alright, Millie," Red sighed, as she reached her shaking hands out to grip tightly to the handlebars of her walker. "Are you ready to start the day?" The cat's ears flickered in indication that she had heard her speaking, but she did not move from her comfy spot curled up on the mattress. Clicking her tongue, Red squeezed the handlebars and rocked herself forward into a standing position. She shook dangerously, leaning weight onto her walker so that she would take some of the pressure off her wobbly legs. It took a moment for her body to adjust to the strain of standing, it was always difficult after lying down for most of the night.

"I guess you'll join me later," Red murmured to the lazy cat, as she fought the temptation to sit back down and rejoin her.

She could easily have fallen back asleep if she'd allowed it, but aside from a routine afternoon nap, she made a point to never sleep a day away anymore, unless she'd had a particularly difficult night and couldn't help it. Otherwise, she tried to be as productive and active as she could manage. She limited television and had begun reading her books again, although her tremors made it difficult to hold them steady at times and she needed to depend on large printed font to see. Gloria would leave her clothes to sort, cleaning jobs she could do sitting down, and shopping lists for excursions out of the house with Lida. Unless she really was feeling too poorly, Red would do everything she asked because she wanted Gloria to see that she was trying to fix things between them and she desperately needed the stimulation anyway.

She rolled her walker down the hall and into the kitchen, her feet shuffling across the floor feeling heavy like anchors. She couldn't have lifted one off of the floor right now to save her life. She made her way over to her usual chair at the table which Gloria was always careful to leave slightly pulled out for her. It made it easier for Red to sit down safely and reach the food that had been set out on a tray.

The first thing Red did once she was settled into her spot was pull out a tissue from the Kleenex box and wipe it across her lips to remove the excessive saliva that had pooled in her mouth and been threatening to slide down her chin while she'd concentrated on walking. She set the used tissue to the side and picked up the small blue pill from the tray and popped it into her mouth. There was a plastic cup of water with a straw in it on the table, and Red picked it up and took a long sip to chase her pill down. She drank some more water and slushed it in her mouth to remove some of the bad taste before she began eating.

Berries sliced up so she couldn't choke, a bowl of vanilla yogurt, one of the homemade banana muffins cut into four pieces that Lida had brought over yesterday, and another plastic cup filled with orange juice. Red's eyes scanned over the food laid out for her breakfast. She could manage it all, except the yogurt because she knew it would be too difficult to eat without spilling some onto her clothes and it would be too hard to change her shirt alone. If she made a mess of herself she'd be sitting in it until Lida dropped by for lunch.

Shuddering at the possibility, Red pushed the bowl away so that she wouldn't be tempted to try. Instead she began using her fingers to pick at the slices of berries and bring them to her mouth. Slurping at their juices, Red ate them up slowly one by one. She tried to ignore the small pieces all of the food was prepared into, the tray resembled how she used to serve her sons as toddlers when she'd been afraid of them choking. The concern for herself now was not unwarranted, swallowing was something that she sometimes had trouble with. Eating carefully took a lot of concentration and her meal lasted a long time.

When she finished, she wiped her mouth and around her face and then balled up all her wads of used tissue into the empty bowl that had held the berries. The dish soap and a clean rag were already set out on the counter for her, so that she could wash her own dishes if she felt so inclined. Deciding she was, Red used her walker to pull herself back up and walked over to the sink. Gloria's coffee mug, a butter knife, and a plate with splotches of raspberry jam were resting in the bottom. She put the stopper in the drain and then turned the tap onto warm and added soap to fill the sink up with lots of foamy bubbles. Turning around, Red went back to the table and started to load up her own dishes into the basket of her walker.

She turned around carefully, her feet shuffling on the ceramic tile of the kitchen as she pushed her walker ahead of her back towards the sink. She didn't spy the cat until it was too late. Millie darted into the room so fast and bumped into Red's calf on her way to her own food dish. The cat bounced back and then wound itself around her. Red jumped at the startle, and her already wobbly legs gave out, her ankle twisting as she fell to the floor.

Attempting to recover herself, Red's hands tightened and pulled on the handlebars of her walker, but she fell so quickly that the only thing she managed to do was tip the walker over on top of herself. She hit the floor hard, bumping her head against the edge of the countertop on her way down which brought stars to her eyes as she struggled to not lose consciousness. At the same moment that her head made harsh contact with the counter, her full bladder released, gushing through her pants and creating a large puddle where she lay.

The dishes that she had set in the basket of her walker had all spilled out. Plastic cups, plate, and bowls all fell on her. The full bowl of yogurt tipped over and splattered all over her shirt. Moaning from the pain, Red lay helplessly on her back and struggled to sit up, though the pain in her head was too great and she gave up. The walker was tipped over across her legs, and Red bent her knees to try and push it off of herself but it felt like there wasn't any strength left in her legs. Whimpering, she brushed the dishes off of herself with a shaking hand and her eyes widened perilously as the sink she'd been filling up began overflowing, with water seeping down the kitchen cabinets and pouring onto the floor.

Attempting to roll over, shifting frantically, Red tried to twist onto her knees so that she could find something stable to hold onto and get back up. She couldn't do it. Her breath was quickened and short in her lungs as panic surged through her. Paralyzing fear ran through her veins and though she'd thought she'd experienced it many times over the years, Red had never felt as helpless as she did now. Tears were flowing out of her eyes and she didn't even register them as they slid down the sides of her cheeks and into her ears. She literally couldn't move. She couldn't help herself. And the kitchen floor was being turned into a swimming pool but she couldn't reach the tap to stop the water flow. Bringing her trembling hands up over her face, it was then that Red felt the brush of the emergency alert bracelet Gloria had insisted she wear, and without hesitation she pressed the big button in the center.

" _Ms. Reznikov, are you okay?_ " a warm voice immediately inquired.

" _Ms. Reznikov, do you need an ambulance?"_ the operator asked concernedly.

"Gloria," Red said, her voice laced with panic, "I need Gloria," she began sobbing. "Will you get me Gloria? Will you call her for me?"

" _Gloria Mendoza? Yes, she's being contacted right now,"_ the operator said calmly. _"Are you hurt? Do you need an ambulance?"_

"I need Gloria," Red said through her tears.

" _Yes, Gloria is on her way,"_ the operator said calmly. _"What's happened? Have you fallen down? Are you in pain?"_

"Gloria will help me," Red cried, "I don't need an ambulance. I'm not hurt."

It was a lie. Her head was pounding and her ankle was throbbing. She couldn't think of that right now because worse that any physical pain was the terror of being on the ground on the water flooded floor with no way to get up herself. All she could see in her mind was Gloria and knowing that she would be there any moment was the reassurance she needed. She struggled to catch her breath but her heart was racing and that was impossible. She could hear the voice over the intercom telling her to hold tight, that Gloria had been contacted and would be home within minutes. She only worked around the block from their house. If she'd left work right away then it wouldn't take more than a few minutes for her to reach home.

XXX

"Galina? Galina?" the sound of Gloria's voice called urgently five minutes later, as the front door of their home slammed open. She'd rushed out of the clothing store she managed the moment she'd gotten the call, and the rush to get home had seemed like it had taken an eternity. Panic surging through her, Gloria hurried through the house on adrenaline to see where she was.

At the sight of Red lying crumpled on the floor beneath the walker, Gloria's heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces and she gasped loudly. "I'm here! I'm here!" she cried out, hurrying into the room, but taking care not to slip on the flooded floor. She reached the sink and turned the tap off, relieved to at least see that the water pouring down onto the floor where Red had fallen was not burning hot.

Red couldn't say anything when Gloria ran in. She cried uncontrollably and reached out a hand for her in desperation. Gloria sunk down to her knees onto the wet floor and lifted the walker off of her legs and set it aside. "Come here, come here," she crooned, tears welling in her own eyes now. "I've got you."

Her arm around Red's back and another draped across her legs, she helped her maneuver to a sitting position, and Red was like dead weight in her arms. Gloria supported the back of her head, as Red fell against her chest and just allowed herself to be held. Still crying, but already visibly calmer now that Gloria was there.

" _Gloria, you're there?"_ the operator's voice asked.

"Yes, I'm here," Gloria said shakily.

" _Do you need me to dispatch an ambulance?"_ the operator asked.

"No," Gloria replied, her eyes looking down at Red's body. "I think it's alright."

" _Take care,"_ said the operator. _"I'm signing off now."_

"Thank you," Gloria said faintly, as she brought her lips to the spot on Red's head where she could clearly see a large bump from where she had hit.

"Let's get you off this floor," Gloria said breathlessly. "Do you think you can stand up with my help? I want to get you an ice pack for your head…"

"No," Red said, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks, "don't let go of me. Don't leave me."

"I'm not," Gloria said, more pieces of her heart breaking. "I won't," she promised. Sighing, she came off of her knees, sitting flat down on her bottom on the wet floor. It didn't matter though. She'd sit in their flooded kitchen all day if it was what Red needed her to do.

"I'm so sorry," Red sobbed, bringing her shaking up to cover her face.

"Shhhhhhhh," Gloria soothed, stroking her hair back, careful not to brush the bump on her head that looked very painful. "You didn't do anything wrong. This is an accident."

"No," Red cried, shaking her head. Her chest felt tight with the constriction of everything she had been holding in, neglecting to say for months. She was finally letting go. It had just taken a scare like falling for it to happen. "I've been horrible to you and you didn't deserve any of it."

"It's okay," Gloria sighed and tightened the arms that were holding around her. "It doesn't matter now." She kissed her cheek, as her hand flexed out in search of Red's to hold.

"It does," Red insisted through her tears. "I got mad at you for making me wear this bracelet, but if I hadn't been then I'd have been lying here all alone for hours. I'm so stupid."

"No, you're not," Gloria replied. "You just needed to get used to it. I know that none of this is easy." At her words, Red's breath hiccupped and her face pressed into the side of Gloria's neck as she yearned for more closeness. She couldn't even fathom how she had gone so long without her. Why she had allowed her stubborn streak to wreck everything for so long.

"You did the right thing," Gloria praised, squeezing Red's hand encouragingly as she puckered her to lips to kiss the grey hair tickling across her face. "I'm so proud of you. You did good."

"I've been so mean to you," Red confessed brokenly. "I don't even know why-"

"Honey, please don't think about any of that right now," Gloria urged. "My only concern right now is making sure that you're okay. I think maybe we should go to the doctor and get you checked out."

"No," Red shook her head, her free hand grabbed at the fabric of Gloria's sweater dress. "I just want to stay here with you."

"Let me look at you then," Gloria sighed. "We'll see…" Rubbing Red's back comfortingly she reached up to grip the top of the counter and hoisted herself to her feet. Then bending down, she reached for Red's hand and around her shoulders to help pull her up off of the ground.

Red flinched when she put weight on her right ankle, and then shifted her weight over to one side. "Don't slip on the wet floor," Gloria cautioned her, as she half-guided, half-carried Red across the floor and helped her sink down into the nearest kitchen chair.

She went to the freezer and wrapped an ice pack up in a cloth before coming immediately back to Red's side and gently placing it over the bump on her head. She reached for Red's right hand and guided it up and over the ice pack. "Hold that in place for me, baby," she said softly.

She kneeled down again, squinting through her glasses as she poked at Red's ankle. "Does that hurt, love?" she asked, looking up at her.

"Yes," Red admitted.

"I think you might have sprained it," Gloria said concernedly. "I can't tell though. I'm going to take you to the emergency room. We'll take a taxi, it will be okay."

"Fine," Red lamented, pressing the ice pack against her throbbing head, as her hand shook and threatened to let go of it. She sat still, crying all the more and unable to forget just how frightened she'd been only minutes prior before Gloria had come to get her. The thought of what would have happened if she hadn't been able to reach the button and call for help was heavy on her mind and at this moment she wasn't resentful of protection or care, she was craving it.

"Please, don't leave me again," she whimpered, as her shaking hand finally gave way from exhaustion and the ice pack fell to the floor with a thump.

"Shhhhh," Gloria shushed her, rubbing her hands back and forth over Red's thighs. "I won't. It's going to be okay. Just let me take care of you, alright?"

Red nodded her head. "Why did this have to happen to me? I don't deserve this…"

"You're right about that, love," Gloria said, picking up the fallen ice pack and setting it over Red's ankle this time. "You don't deserve any of this. It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either though," Red whimpered, "I was just so….so...bitter. Because you're still yourself, and I'm this mess and it's not fair…"

"I know it's not," Gloria said sadly, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. "I've just been trying to make the best of it because there's nothing we can do to change it anyways."

"I shouldn't have tried to seem so okay about everything though," Gloria added, looking up at her with sincere, watery, brown eyes. "The truth is that I'm just as angry and upset about what you're going through as you are-because I hate seeing you so sad. It breaks my heart."

"I'm sorry," Red apologized again. "I don't like you seeing me this way."

"That doesn't mean I don't want to be here, though," Gloria soothed. "All I care about is making sure that you're alright. You got to know, baby, that I'd do anything to change things for you if I could. I'd never _enjoy_ watching you suffer or want to control or take advantage of you."

"I'm sorry I said that," Red apologized. "I never meant it, I was just mad. I know you'd never be happy about me getting sick-especially when I'm becoming a huge burden to you."

"You're not a burden," Gloria said sternly. "In sickness and in health," she reminded her, tapping the ring on Red's finger meaningfully. "Don't you remember when I gave you that? I meant forever then, and I still mean it now. I'd do anything for you."

"I would do anything for you," Red choked out, "except I can't do anything anymore…"

"You can still love me," Gloria said, her eyes searching Red's imploringly. "That's all I need from you. Do you still love me?"

"Yes, I love you," Red said, and Gloria leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry for what I said before. I could never hate you, and meeting you was one of the best things that has ever happened to me."

"Same with meeting you," Gloria replied, kissing her hand again. "And that will never change."

"I'm sorry…" Red said again.

"I'm sorry too," Gloria said softly. "I've said things I didn't mean either. I think we both need to promise to try and be nicer to one another. Can we?"

"Yes," Red nodded.

Gloria leaned back up and brushed Red's twitching lips with her own. Her lips felt soft and anxious as she kissed them, she couldn't remember the last time she had shown her this kind of affection. "I love you so much, Galina," she said.

"I love you," Red said sadly, teardrops sliding down her cheeks. "But I hate what I'm becoming, what's happening to me, and to us. I don't like you seeing me this way."

"I don't know how to make you realize that this will never make me think differently of you," Gloria said softly. "It's a disease and what happens because of it is beyond your control. It changes the way your body works, but it never could change the way I feel about you. Okay?"

Red nodded, and Gloria reached up to wrap her in a hug. Red felt so warm and delicate in her arms. She'd always made Gloria feel safe and loved in times of distress, and now all she wanted was to be a pillar of strength and comfort for her. Their life was changing and their relationship was evolving into a new dynamic that was required. In this moment Gloria could feel Red's walls crumbling down as she clung to her out of pure desperate need. The love had never disappeared, it had just been buried for far too long underneath fear, and grief, and pain. It was at the front of everything right at this time. And this was a new beginning.

"I just need you to let me help you," Gloria pleaded. "Trust me to take care of you and stop thinking that I'm resentful or that you should be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with needing help. You need to accept that."

"I'm all-" Red teared up, as she shakily brushed her hand down to her pants. Because of the water on the floor, Gloria hadn't noticed. "I wet my...I couldn't help it-"

"It's okay," Gloria kissed her cheek again. "Don't worry. Let me help you clean up and get changed into dry clothes. Then we'll see about the doctor, okay?"

"Thank you," Red whispered, as relief coursed through her and her trust in Gloria shone brightly in her dewy eyes. She knew she was safe.

XXX

Twelve o'clock on the dot, Lida Reznikov promptly let herself in the front door of her mother-in-law's home using the key she had been entrusted with. Always full of boundless energy, Lida had walked the fair trek from her own house to theirs because she'd declared it far too nice a day to be stuck indoors. Along the way, she had tried to brainstorm various ideas of things her mother-in-law would enjoy so that she could tempt her out of the house once they'd finished with lunch.

Lida came to see her several times a week, whenever Gloria asked her for help during the day or to bring by her three kids for an evening visit. Visiting Grandma had become an emotional experience for Alexei, Vera, and Emilia who had a hard time seeing her in a wheelchair and so tired, when she had always been energetic and eager to do things with them in the past. Galina's condition was something she and Vasily spoke about often and honestly with their children, stressing that she was still the same person and loved them as much as she ever did. It helped that Red always was inclined to put on a good show for her grandchildren. Even when she was in pain or miserable, she tried to hide it from the kids. They were the lights of her life.

Humming to herself, Lida set her shoes neatly by the door and wandered deeper into the home to see where Red was. She expected to find her in the living room as she usually was at this time of day. Her days ran like clockwork, and usually around noon was when she would be predictably reading or watching television on the sofa, while she waited for somebody to turn up to help her with lunch. She was ready to sleep as soon as she finished eating, and on the days that Lida was the one to drop by, she used the hour or so that Red napped to clean up the kitchen and do whatever else she could think of to help Gloria out. Then she would try to persuade Red to go out somewhere with her. She tried to keep life interesting for her.

Seeing that she wasn't in the living room, Lida tried the kitchen next. Walking across the floor she didn't notice how wet everything was and within seconds her feet were both soaked. "Oh my God," she exclaimed to herself, taking in the sink filled to the brim, the flooded floors, with dishes cascaded around. Sucking in her breath, Lida turned out of the room as quick as a flash. "Ma?" she called anxiously, rushing down the hall to check the bedroom.

The door was wide open, so Lida bolted inside anxious to find her mother-in-law and make sure she was alright. The knot in her stomach unravelled into peace as her eyes landed on Red and Gloria. They were tucked into the bed together, lying on their sides with their arms wrapped around each other's waists. Red's face was pressed into the crook of Gloria's neck and her content expression was one her daughter-in-law had not seen in a long time. Neither woman had stirred at the noise she'd been making, and Lida let out a sigh of relief that all was well, despite the perplexing mess of the kitchen.

She tiptoed out of the room as quietly as she could so that she wouldn't disturb them and walked calmly back into the kitchen to observe the scene and fish for clues about what had happened. She surmised that Red must have planned to do the dishes and for some reason or other, had been unable to turn the water off in time. She must have called Gloria for help.

Lifting one foot and then the other, Lida pulled off her drenched socks and then padded barefoot over to the cleaning closet to get the mop and bucket she would need to clean up this mess. Reaching the sink, she stuck her hand into the pool to pull out the stopper and drain it. She bent down on the floor for all the askew dishes and set them on the counter. Then she began sopping up the excessive water on the floor, squeezing out her mop in the bucket. Lida worked efficiently, and within minutes the floor was merely damp. She unclasped the lock on the bottom drawer and pulled out dish towels that she used to wipe down the countertop and cabinet doors.

"Lida," Gloria called, announcing her presence as she walked tiredly into the kitchen. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I hope I didn't wake you," Lida said politely, ringing out the mop.

"No, you didn't," Gloria replied. "I'm sorry that I forgot to call and tell you that I was home and that you didn't need to come after all."

"Oh, no matter," Lida said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Be careful on the floor, it's still a little bit slippery."

Gloria walked slowly over to the cupboard that held the glasses and unclasped the fastener so that she could open the door and take one out. She then walked over to the water jug to fill her glass to the brim. "Thank you for cleaning up," she said graciously, after taking a long and deeply satisfying gulp.

"No problem," Lida replied, picking up the mop and bucket to go return them to the closet. "What happened here?"

"Galina fell this morning," Gloria said quietly, taking another sip of her water.

"Badly?" Lida asked in alarm, coming back around the corner and crossing her arms across her chest. "Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," Gloria replied. "She hit her head but I don't think she has a concussion. She twisted her ankle, but it stopped hurting after awhile and she can bear weight on it again so I think it's alright."

"Poor woman," Lida sympathized, biting down on her bottom lip.

"I think it was frightening more than anything else," Gloria said sadly, as she walked back over to refill her glass. She had forgotten her large water bottle at work in her haste and was missing how much that thing could hold currently. "She was all by herself when it happened."

"Ohhhh," Lida murmured sadly. "She called you?"

"She had to use her medical alert bracelet and an operator called me," Gloria explained. "Worst phone call I've ever received. I don't think I'd ever felt more panicked than in the time it took me to get back home."

"I'll bet," Lida replied. She shook her head sadly. "Oh my God, that's terrible. Was she using her walker?"

"Mhmm," Gloria nodded. "Pulled the whole thing down on top of her. It didn't help at all."

"That's so sad," Lida said softly. "Thank God she had that bracelet on. I know she was upset about it before, but I bet she's grateful to you for making her wear it now."

"She is," Gloria affirmed. "But...to see her that way, it would have broken your heart. I can't even put it into words."

"Well, she's safe now," Lida consoled. "Don't you think she should go see a doctor and get checked out to make sure though?"

"I was planning to," Gloria admitted. "But she seems okay and she has an appointment with her specialist tomorrow anyway. She really didn't want to go to the hospital, so I think I'll let her wait until then."

"Yeah," Lida agreed. "I think that makes sense."

"I'm staying home for the rest of today and I'm going to take tomorrow off too," Gloria informed her, knowing there was no way in hell she could leave Red so soon after her begging her to stay.

"What about the day after that?" Lida asked. "I'm not convinced that she should be left alone after a fall like that. Even if she is fine, it could happen again."

"I've been thinking about that too," Gloria confessed. "And after what happened today, I'm not sure she'd even want to be by herself for any period of time. She was really shaken up...like it all of a sudden hit her how vulnerable she could be."

"I think it's best," Lida nodded.

Gloria took another sip of water. "Me too," she said stiffly. "I just need to give my notice and figure a couple of things out…"

"You're going to leave your job?" Lida asked in surprise.

"I-I guess," Gloria stammered. "What other choice do I have?"

"I'll take care of her," Lida replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We can coordinate our schedules...it's no problem. I see her almost everyday anyway, right?"

"For a couple of hours," Gloria reminded her. "Not all day, every day…"

"Well, it wouldn't be everyday," Lida replied. "You work...four days a week?"

"I was thinking of scaling it back to three," Gloria admitted. "If I don't just retire all together, I'd take Mondays off as well as Fridays."

"So, you'd only need somebody here for Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays," Lida said, counting off of her fingers. "Not everyday. Well, that's certainly doable."

"What about your own job?" Gloria asked. "Your husband...kids…."

"I work mostly weekends anyway," Lida said matter-of-factly. "All I need to do is tell my boss than he can only book me in for Mondays and Fridays during the week. He won't care, I'll call him this afternoon."

"I don't know," Gloria shook her head hesitantly. "I already feel bad enough about making you drive out here all the time for lunch."

"Oh, I didn't even drive today," Lida said unnecessarily. "I walked, and I really enjoyed it."

"Of course, you did," Gloria rolled her eyes, though a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth. Red's daughter-in-law always seemed to find happiness in the simple things and after years of knowing her, it did not surprise her one bit that Lida was practically begging to help where a lot of people would be trying to shirk responsibility off of themselves.

"Gloria, I wouldn't offer if I wasn't sincere," Lida said seriously. "I don't think you should retire yet...scale back, yes, but you need a break from this house too."

"It's a sanity saver," Gloria agreed with a nod. "A place to get away...I feel horrible admitting that, but it's the truth."

"Don't feel horrible," Lida told her, "you've been selfless ever since she got sick, and you need that time to do your own thing…. why don't you just try me for a week or two and see how it goes?"

"You're offering an awful lot of yourself" Gloria said carefully. "Because I know how busy you are. You sure you wouldn't rather spend your days off of work at home relaxing?"

"I get bored home alone …." Lida said with an understanding smile. "I'd probably be over here looking for someone to hang out with anyway."

"I never realized we were so much fun to be with," Gloria gave her a begrudging smile.

"You know that if you weren't in the picture, she would be living with Vasily and I," Lida said carefully. "And if that had happened I would hope the others would step up and offer to help me out the same way. It's not easy being you, Gloria. I see how much you do."

"Thank you," Gloria smiled, and she took another long sip of water before replying. "Sometimes I get so tired…."

"You look exhausted," Lida affirmed. "Have you been feeling okay lately?"

"Yeah," Gloria shrugged. "I just...I get worried and then I have trouble sleeping."

"I know," Lida smiled gently. "Why don't you go back to bed for a little while? I'm going to head home soon but before I do that, I'll make you both something to eat and you can just reheat it whenever you get up…"

"That would be amazing," Gloria exclaimed. Taking off her glasses, she began wiping them using the bottom of her dress. After a moment she held them out in front of her eyes to inspect for smudges, and then set them on the bridge of her nose.

"Chicken okay?" Lida asked, her head poking into their refrigerator as she rummaged around for ideas.

"Absolutely," Gloria replied.

"Go back to bed," Lida urged, with a nudge of her head. "I'll try to keep it down."

"Okay," Gloria said, reaching out a hand to squeeze Lida's shoulder as she passed her. "Thank you so much."

XXX

"Gloria, are you awake?" Red whispered softly, later that afternoon as she lay nestled in the crook of Gloria's arm enjoying the closeness. She didn't understand how Gloria could manage to sleep with a bed partner who kicked and trembled, but now wasn't a time to question it too hard. She didn't want Gloria to leave her and be left alone again. She just needed her here.

"Kind of," Gloria mumbled, her eyes still shut but a smile spreading across her face. Unseeingly, she reached out her hand and ran her thumb over Red's pale cheek. "Do you need something?"

"No," Red replied. She tilted her head back and kissed Gloria's cheek. "I just wanted to know if you were awake because I wanted to talk to you if you were."

"Talk, huh?" Gloria echoed, sleepily lifted an eyelid to peer at her through. "About anything in particular?"

"Not really," Red said, as Gloria reached over to stroke her fingers through her hair. Red let out a contented sigh at the heavenly touch. Despite her fall that morning, she felt relaxed all over due to the attention Gloria had been lavishing on her.

She was so relieved to have Gloria back that the trauma of her accident seemed minimalized to a certain extent. She didn't think she could have ever handled the indignity of being helped out of urine soaked pants and inspected for bruises, but she'd just been so appreciative to have someone to love her and help that she'd barely even registered what was happening. Gloria had helped her into a bath, washed her hair, and helped her clean her body while kissing her attentively and promising to always be there. It had ended up being a pleasurable experience.

"You still feeling okay?" Gloria asked gently, running her hand down the line of her jaw until it gripped hold of Red's chin.

"Yes," Red replied. "I feel better now that I've had some sleep. I need to take my next pill now though."

"Hmm?" Gloria murmured, craning her neck to read the time on the clock as both her eyes blinked open. "Oh, I guess it is about that time, isn't it? Are you hungry too? We slept through lunch…"

"A little bit," Red admitted.

"Lida came by and said she was going to make chicken," Gloria told her, releasing her chin and wrapping her hand back around Red's head. Her fingers played with the silvery white streaks of hair and she smiled at her. She still thought she was beautiful. Perhaps even more now than before. No dyes, or heavy makeup...there was just Galina as her most authentic self. Gray hair, fresh faced, with the same striking blue eyes that revealed a new openness and trust in them. Gloria felt her heart swell with love.

"Lida was here?" Red asked, draping her arm over Gloria's stomach as she curled even deeper into her.

"I forgot to call her so she didn't know that I was here," Gloria explained. "So, she came by at the usual time to see you. I woke up to get a drink and found her in the kitchen cleaning up all of the water."

"Did you tell her what happened to me?" Red asked anxiously.

"I told her that you fell," Gloria said, watching her closely for signs of a reaction.

"And what did she say?" Red asked nervously, her chin pressing against Gloria's shoulder.

"She was relieved that you weren't hurt worse," Gloria replied. "And she expressed worry about you being left alone in the house again just in case you fell again. I have the same concerns."

Red bit the inside of her cheek and didn't say anything. She knew where this was going and the thought of such a conversation brought a flush to her cheeks. It wasn't as if there was anything to discuss or argue about. She knew there was every reason not to leave her alone again, and a part of her was almost grateful that it was being decided for her, so she wouldn't need to ask someone to stay. She felt only a little bit disgruntled at how a split-second moment could cause an accident severe enough to demonstrate her full vulnerability and need for constant supervision. Red didn't want to be this way, but she also felt almost resigned to it now. She had no desire whatsoever to ever endure those moments all alone on the kitchen floor again, and she had promised Gloria that she would trust her to take care of her. She had completely surrendered.

"Mangy old cat," Red growled quietly, changing the subject temporarily. She prodded the sleeping Millie at the foot of the bed with her toes. "How did you ever talk me into letting her stay?"

"Oh, that was easy," Gloria laughed. "Remember how I sent Benny in with a reptile ahead of me? I figured that would provide a necessary distraction."

"That lizard," Red rolled her eyes. "Thing lived nearly twice as long as it was supposed to….and do you remember how Benny tried to convince us that the thing needed a friend?"

"Yeah, well, I drew the line at a second Bearded Dragon," Gloria reminded her. "So, I was good. Most of the time I forgot the thing was even in the house since he kept it in his bedroom."

"Except for that time, it got loose in the house for a week," Red reminded her. "I didn't sleep for days I was afraid that it was going to crawl on me at night."

"Yeah, that was eventful," Gloria laughed. 'But the poor guy was sick out of his mind with worry. He grew really attached to his pet."

"Well, at least that blasted Dragon never knocked me over," Red said, her eyes narrowing as she stared at the cat.

"I'm sure Millie is terribly sorry," Gloria said, brushing the corner of Red's mouth with her lips.

"Ha! As if," Red rolled her eyes. "Just hopped over me and continued to eat from her bowl as if nothing had happened."

"Mhmm, troublemaker," Gloria shook her head affectionately at the sleeping cat. She couldn't bring herself to be angry at it. Red stretched her hand out to reach for Gloria's hand and squeezed it as tightly as she could with her fragile strength.

"So, what's going to happen now?" Red asked quietly,

"With what?" Gloria blinked. "The cat?"

"No," Red shook her head. "With me…."

"Oh," Gloria said quietly, unsure of how to go about this. She hugged Red more tightly against her, wanting to give her affection but also to avoid her gaze while this most difficult subject was broached. "Well, I'm going to take care of you," she explained casually. "And I don't want to leave you alone anymore. There needs to be someone else in the house always. Someone there to help you up right away if you fall or, even better, keep you from stumbling in the first place."

"So basically, like a babysitter," Red said stiffly, her eyes downcast, as she lay cuddled up against Gloria, feeling warm and secure despite her indignation.

"Basically, like someone to always be available to help you out when you need it," Gloria corrected calmly. "I'm not talking about someone to breathe down your neck. I'm surprised you'd even want to be alone after what happened this morning. Didn't that scare you? It scared me…"

"I was terrified," Red admitted softly. "I don't want you to leave me again…"

"I won't," Gloria promised. "I'm going to be with you. Sometimes I'm going to have to for just a little while, like when I go to work, but when that happens then Lida will come stay with you."

"You don't even have to work," Red protested. "You're too old...you're supposed to retire…"

"I'm not going to do that just yet," Gloria said firmly, not going to be persuaded to change her mind. She knew logically that she had no reason to feel guilty and Lida completely backed her desire to go to work part-time as well. She couldn't resist a small smile though, at how Red had seemed to switch between two extremes in the course of a single morning. She'd gone from avoiding almost everything to do with her, to not wanting Gloria to leave her side for a minute. Nothing was ever easy with her.

"I'm not ready to leave my job," Gloria admitted, "although I am going to cut back to only three days a week soon. I like working and I think it's a good thing for you and me too. I think some time apart is healthy for both of us."

"I guess you need a break from me," Red said softly.

"I think you'd get sick of me pretty quickly if I never left," Gloria teased lovingly.

"I don't know about that," Red replied gently, her hand twitching in Gloria's embrace.

"Well, I know that this isn't going to be easy but I think we need to try it," Gloria said firmly. "And I know it will be hard for you to accept, but I just don't think I could ever feel comfortable leaving you unless I knew there was someone around to help in place of my absence. I just don't want you by yourself like you were today."

"I know," Red said quietly, blinking back tears as she thought of how frightening her fall had been and how much the thought of something like that ever happening again made her feel paralyzed with fear. There were some things even she wouldn't put up a fight about, especially not right now.

Red's hand suddenly squeezed Gloria's with unprecedented strength she was surprised she could muster. "I love you," Red told her, as she kissed Gloria's cheek with her trembling lips. "And I trust you. I'll do whatever you think is best."

"Thank you," Gloria whispered, and she connected their lips for a shaky but passionate kiss. Smiling, she brushed some silvery hair out of Red's eyes and her heart swelled deeply with love again. "Let's go eat and get you your medicine," she said encouragingly.

"Okay," Red said agreeably. "And then...tonight...will you sleep in here with me again?"

Gloria nodded her head. "I'm going to sleep with you every night from now on, for the rest of our lives. I'll move my stuff back in after we have lunch."

"Good," Red breathed a sigh of relief. Her lips parting, she leaned forward and kissed Gloria clumsily with quivering lips, but her longing was clear.

"And then, maybe, we can go for a stroll around the lake or something and enjoy what's left of this beautiful day?" Gloria suggested, wondering if Red would express any objection about going out in a wheelchair with her. She wanted to start going places with her again.

"Yes," Red said agreeably, and she kissed Gloria's lips quickly again. "That sounds perfect."


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you to all who read and thanks especially to Boris for reviewing, and to Johanna-002 for working on this with me always.**

It was a beautiful Saturday morning with the sun streaming in through the window, catching the colours of Lourdes' stained-glass ornament Gloria had hung in the window and reflecting its design onto the hardwood floor of the living room. Even though she really hadn't done much of anything besides watching television that day, Gloria felt exhausted and unmotivated. Dressed casually in a pair of charcoal grey yoga pants and a pale pink sweatshirt. She flexed her toes in the fuzzy polka-dotted socks she wore on her feet and sighed lazily.

"I could go back to bed right now," she said, crawling her fingers up the length of Red's legs which Gloria had resting in her lap.

"Mhmm," Red murmured, her eyes glued on the page of the novel she was reading. She barely even registered that she was being spoken to. She was in a world all her own right now. In a place of contentment, if anyone were to peer in the window right now and find them sitting there, they would say that Red looked peaceful. She tired very easily, was frequently in pain, and she still struggled with many basic things that most people take for granted but having Gloria close again made a tremendous difference on her emotional well-being. She was trying again, and not hating every single moment of being alive.

"Yeah," Gloria said softly. Her eyes narrowing at being ignored she walked her fingers up further and then fiercely tickled the inner portion of Red's left thigh, making her limb twitch as she tried to pull away from the attack.

"What are you doing?" Red asked with a giggle, batting Gloria's hand away with the paperback book in her hands.

"I need attention," Gloria teased. "What could you possibly be reading that is more interesting than me?"

"Well, nothing compares to you, of course," Red replied softly, "but I have to say that this novel is much more appealing than that awful 'Real Housewives' show you've been watching all morning."

"Yeah, well I'm just sort of hate binging" Gloria said, squeezing Red's kneecap as she leaned back against the cushions on the sofa, "since there's nothing else on right now, but if you pay enough attention you find yourself getting invested."

"I'll pass," Red replied, she adjusted her glasses on the bridge of her nose and reopened her book. "Has Yuri phoned?"

"No," Gloria shook her head. "But he'll be here soon." She lay down sideways, squeezing her body between Red and the back of the sofa. "Do you think the other boys are going to be mad that you only asked him?" she asked, draping her arm over Red's waist and sandwiching her leg between Red's two.

"I think they'll be glad to have escaped doing all the work," Red said dryly. "Besides, Yuri's good about this kind of thing. Maxim would get too emotional and Vasily probably wouldn't even understand…. I don't think that boy even knows how to access his own bank accounts. Lida handles everything in that house, from what I've gathered."

"Figures," Gloria laughed. "But I'm just going to put both Julio and Benny down for everything, on my side. I'll let them figure out who does what later...I won't care, I'll be dead."

"Don't say things like that," Red admonished softly. She put down her book and then reached for Gloria's hand. "The only silver lining I can see about me getting sick is knowing that at least I'll go before you so I won't need to ever live without you."

"Oh, sure, leave me all alone though," Gloria complained, bringing their joined hands to her mouth for a kiss. "How come it's okay for you to sound all morbid? I don't want to think about you dying either…"

"Well, today we have to," Red replied. "Because we're making our wills. I don't know how we put it off as long as we have," she rolled her eyes. "The last time I updated mine I was a twenty-four-year-old immigrant with a newborn baby...Maxim and Vasily were never even added into it...and I left Yuri to my in-laws."

"That's still more than I ever did," Gloria laughed. "And you and Dmitri were good about getting your life insurance and all those other insurance things responsible people get. I never did that either. Although, Lourdes did and that helped me."

"I'd have been really screwed without it after Dmitri died," Red said quietly. "And it helped my boys out too. They didn't need to worry about coming up with money for a funeral or to cover his debts, and there was a little something left over for them all."

"Oh-," she said, her hand shaking in Gloria's, "that reminds me. Next week we need to go to the funeral home to pre-plan all those arrangements."

"Fun!" Gloria exclaimed sarcastically. "Is that your idea of a date these days?"

"It's important," Red insisted, "I don't want to leave that for you and the kids to worry about."

"Well, I appreciate the gesture," Gloria rolled her eyes. "But will you try not to sound so matter-of-fact about this around Benny? He's already freaked out that we have a lawyer coming to the house...he thinks we're tempting fate."

"That's all your superstitions rubbing off on him," Red retorted.

"Call it what you will," Gloria smiled, she tilted her head up to kiss the corner of Red's mouth. "I agree that it's a good idea to get all this stuff out of the way," she said, touching the spot her lips had brushed with her fingertip, "but once we get all this paperwork done I need you to forget about it. Because we won't be needing it for a long long time. I need you with me for many many more years. Okay?"

Red didn't say anything, but the hand Gloria was holding tightened and as she looked back up their lips joined in another kiss. Things had been alright between them lately with a lot of contact as they made up for lost time. Sometimes it was awkward, as both worked to learn the new dance around their life and its limiting circumstances. The fall had been a tragic wake up call, for Red to realize and accept just how easily things could happen and that anxiety hadn't really left her yet. She was pleasant and agreeable, though Gloria wondered how much of it was borne out of fear at being left alone again if she was too difficult. To compensate for this, Gloria worked at resuming a relationship that mirrored their old dynamics as much as she could, while also continued to provide her needed care with as much dignity as possible. She wanted her to feel protected and loved through their every encounter.

"I guess I'm going to go get a drink from the kitchen," Gloria said after a moment. "Do you want anything?"

"No," Red said simply. Though her face had a permanent frozen mask look about it, Gloria could see the smile in her eyes as she increased the pressure of her legs on hers, just as Gloria worked to untangle them.

"You don't want me to go?" Gloria giggled, nuzzling her neck affectionately.

"Not really," Red teased. "But I suppose if you must…"

"I'll be back," Gloria promised, kissing her collarbone quickly and then sitting up reluctantly. Her mouth was parched. She lifted Red's legs up effortlessly and slid out from underneath them. Standing up and stretching her arms above her head.

"Since you're up," Red said slowly, "you should go outside and see how Benny is making out. I'll bet he'd appreciate a cold drink after all the work he is doing."

"Well, aren't you thoughtful," Gloria said, leaning down to kiss her again. "I'll go check on him...make sure he isn't slacking."

Leaving Red to her book, Gloria picked up her water bottle from the coffee table and carried it into the kitchen for a refill. She grabbed a soda from the back of the fridge where she kept them discreetly hidden from Red's sight. She wasn't supposed to have caffeine and Gloria didn't drink them in front of her or allow Benny to either. It just didn't seem fair. She took another sip of her water and walked to the front of the house to pull on a pair of shoes and her jacket.

"How's it going?" she asked, stepping outside and doing up her zipper. Her eyes scanned the pile of lumber, the tools scattered across the lawn, and the two men adding boards to the ramp they were building onto the porch. "Oh, hey, Yuri," she said warmly, her eyes landing on Red's oldest son. "I didn't know you were here already."

"Benny texted and asked me to come early and help him," Yuri explained, as he got up off of his knees and wiped the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead. "We're nearly there."

"It looks great, guys," Gloria told them. "I don't think a professional contractor could do any better."

"I still feel like this is a little premature though," said Yuri. "How does Ma feel about us doing this?"

"She's thankful," Gloria said calmly. "It's going to make things a lot easier for her. Your mother could very easily lose her footing coming down the stairs. Why risk it?"

"She's okay if she takes it slow and has someone to guide her," Yuri argued, as he reached for the drill. "I understand the need for a wheelchair for trip far from home, but I just don't want to see her becoming inactive because we're too afraid to let her try in a controlled environment."

"What are you getting at?" Gloria asked tiredly, as she took a sip of water.

"She should be in physical therapy, go swimming down at the community centre, or for short walks with someone's arm to hold," Yuri replied. "I've read exercise is good for people with Parkinson's. Sitting all the time is the worst thing you can do."

"I tried to sign her up for physical therapy," Gloria replied casually, leaning her arms over the porch rail as she waved the can of soda to catch Benny's attention. "And I thought her eyes were going to roll right out of their sockets when I suggested it. Maybe you'll have better luck persuading her?"

"I'd rather a beer," Benny said, as he walked over to the porch to accept the drink while the sound of Yuri's drill shrilled in the background. The noise was deafening and clearly implied that he was finished with their discussion.

"Yeah, well, I'd like a Pina Colada but you don't see one in my hand right now, do you?" Gloria retorted, ignoring the glare Benny gave her as he opened the can and took a long guzzle. She watched Yuri screw another board down onto the ramp before the drill stopped screeching and he got up to get another plank.

"Yuri, would you like me to get you something to drink?" Gloria asked politely.

"No thanks," Yuri replied. He carried another board over to the ramp. "If I keep going we might be able to finish this before the lawyer gets here."

"I'm not sure about that," Gloria replied, glancing at the small oval watch she wore on her wrist. "He'll be here any minute."

"After then, I guess" Yuri said easily. "But if there is a deeper reason behind why Ma is so insistent we do all this paperwork stuff now, I'd appreciate some forewarning."

"What do you mean?" asked Gloria, taking another sip from her water bottle as she rested her elbow on the railing.

"Is my mother dying?" Yuri asked straightforwardly.

"We're all dying," Gloria replied casually.

Yuri sighed, "Gloria-"

"No," Gloria shook her head quickly. "God, no! Your mom just wants to get all of this stuff out of the way so nobody will have to worry about it later...at a time far far away from now."

"Okay," Yuri breathed a sigh of relief. "Because she seemed just a little too eager to get this done when she called me on the phone."

"I never said she was normal," Gloria laughed. "But we're just trying to be responsible and take care of this stuff for all you guys now. You'll thank us when we're dead." She didn't think what they were doing was a big deal at all. There was some anxiety in the air around making a testament to your after-death wishes when Red was so sick, but as she'd said earlier, it was something they should have done years ago.

"Don't talk about dying," Benny said, as he handed her his empty pop can and turned around to get back to work. "I'm still in denial about you being an old lady. In my head you're still forty-five, okay?"

"I look awful for my age then," Gloria scoffed. "Are you going to miss your mommy when I'm gone?" she teased.

"Shut up," Benny replied, as he carried another board over to Yuri. "And stop talking about death, you're creeping me out."

"If you thinking signing some papers is creepy, you should come with us to the funeral home to pick out our coffins," Gloria teased. "That's what we're doing next week…"

"Oh my God," Yuri shook his head as he peered up at them over the ramp. "I'm with Benny, that's enough talk. I had to go with Klara to pick out my father's coffin the morning after he died," he said, referencing the long-time girlfriend that Dmitri had gotten with after Red's imprisonment. "It was one of the worst things I ever had to do."

"And that's the reason why your mother wants to plan and pay for all of this now," Gloria said gently. "So that you and your brothers are never put in a situation like that again." She looked over at the road just as a balding, bespectacled man, who looked to be in his early forties got out of the car brandishing a black briefcase. He came up the walk to their home and introduced himself as Timothy Spier.

With glances at one another, Yuri and Benny quickly shoved their scattered tools back into the toolbox and set everything on the porch. Then they followed behind as Gloria led the lawyer into the house. It wasn't an ominous thing, Yuri himself had written up a modified will following his divorce, but it was a fact that people only did this to prepare for their deaths, and nobody wanted to think about their mothers' dying.

"I think we'll meet in the kitchen," Gloria said, motioning with her hand. "Yuri?" she glanced over at him. "Will you go get your mother? She's in the living room."

"Sure," Yuri replied, turning to walk down the hall. His lips curled into a sad sort of smile as he came upon his sleeping mother. She'd dozed off while reading her book, which had fallen to the floor. Yuri watched the way she shook as though she was shivering in cold, and quickly went to her side. The jerking motions in her sleep had him afraid that she might fall off the couch.

"Ma," he said softly, shaking her shoulder gently. "It's time to wake up."

"Mmm," Red groaned, flinching in shock at being awoken so suddenly. She opened her eyes and glanced quizzically down at her son while he rubbed her shoulder and smiled encouragingly. "Yuri?" she mumbled confusingly. She pulled off the reading glasses she had fallen asleep wearing and rubbed at her bleary eyes.

"The lawyer's here," Yuri explained apologetically, as he picked up her fallen book and set it on the coffee table. "Otherwise I'd have let you sleep."

"That's alright," Red mumbled, reaching out for his hand. "Will you help me?" she asked wearily.

"Yeah, I've got you," Yuri said, as he pulled her up into a sitting position. He wrapped his other arm around her back and helped her to stand. "Take my arm, Ma," Yuri said, offering her the crook of his arm to hold. "I won't let you fall," he promised.

"I'll feel a lot better when this is all settled," Red told him in her soft wavering voice, as Yuri patiently guided her slowly in the direction of the kitchen. "Thank you for coming today

"Yeah, it's a good thing to do," Yuri said quietly.

"It is," Red agreed, "I want to settle everything myself so that way there won't be any fighting in the family about money or inheritance when I'm gone."

"I didn't realize that there was a family fortune to fight over," Yuri teased her. "Are we secretly rich and you've been lying to us our entire lives?"

"Hardly," Red scoffed. "But your father and I did our best to make sure we left you boys with something, and then there's all the other details that come with death that I want to get decided."

"I just hope you aren't doing this now because you're scared something is going to happen," Yuri said carefully. "You're not dying, Ma. Why do you feel the need to go pick out a coffin next week?"

"Did Gloria tell you about that?" Red rolled her eyes. "It's not a big deal-it isn't that I think I'm going to be dead in a month, but we all have to go sometime and I just want to be prepared when I do so that my family doesn't have to deal with all of that. Remember how awful everything was after Papa passed?"

"Yes," Yuri lamented, "I was thinking about that earlier. The worst part is when I had to make the decision for them to pull the plug, since you'd filed to divorce him and couldn't make the call."

"Well, you won't have to ever decide something like that on your own for me," Red said breathlessly, even though they were moving at a snail's pace. "But for the record, my wishes are that you shut off the machine and never look back. I don't want to be like a vegetable."

"Okay," Yuri sighed, as he led her into the kitchen. "I promise."

"Nice to meet you, Galina," the lawyer said when they reached the table. He held out his hand. "I'm Timothy Spier."

"Hello," Red said softly. She hesitated and then gently brushed his outstretched hand with her quivering fingertips. Her other hand was still nestled in the crook of her son's arm. Yuri pulled out the chair next to Gloria and then helped his mother to sit down before taking the spot on her other side.

Red glanced down at all of the papers the lawyer had spread out across the table and folded her shaking hands beneath the table in her lap. She was trying to sit up as straight as she could, though her posture was very curved and she couldn't help the way she slumped over the table. Behind her, she heard the crunch of an apple as Benny helped himself to one out of the refrigerator. The locks and fasteners had been removed from the cupboard and kitchen appliances. Gloria had done it the night after they'd made up out of respect. She'd never wanted to humiliate her but had felt the need to in order to keep her safe. Now with Red's promises to be more agreeable and the resolution that she wasn't going to be left alone anymore anyway, Gloria felt fine taking them off.

"So, the first thing I'm going to have you sign is a declaration appointing someone as your power of attorney," said the lawyer. "That is to say, a person that will act on your behalf if you are incapacitated or for some other reason unable to make decisions on your own."

"Yes," Red affirmed, her head shaking rapidly in a way that made her hard for anyone to stare directly at for too long. "That would be Gloria," she told the lawyer firmly, just as Gloria rested her hand on Red's thigh beneath the table and squeezed it encouragingly.

"And Gloria, are you naming Galina as yours?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, no," Gloria said awkwardly, squeezing Red's thigh again. "We..umm...because of some health issues, we agreed that I'd appoint my sons instead."

"Okay," the lawyer nodded.

"And Yuri," Gloria nodded at him. "Galina's son. We wanted to put down as a backup for me, isn't that right?" she asked Red questioningly.

"Yes," Red said quietly. "Can we do that?"

"Absolutely," the lawyer replied. "I'll name Yuri as a secondary power of attorney. So, if Gloria predeceased you, your son would automatically be transferred the governorship over your finances and have the power to make decisions about your healthcare and sign in your name. Is that what you want?"

"Yes," Red said, looking up at her son who nodded his agreement as well. The lawyer handed a form for Yuri to sign. He quickly scribbled his illegible signature on the dotted line and then passed the paper to his mother. Red took the pen in a shaking hand and struggled to hold it upright as her hand jerked across the page, leaving something of a jagged line nearly an inch above the line where her signature was supposed to have gone. Gloria carefully took the pen from her and added her own name to the document before handing it back to the lawyer.

"Will you get over here?" she said crossly, turning around to glare at Benny who was still lurking by the refrigerator watching the proceedings. Benny tossed his apple core into the garbage before begrudgingly taking his seat at the table. The lawyer had him sign his name to the legal document specifying himself and his brother as dual powers-of-attorney for their mother.

"So, then we come to the matter of assets," the lawyer continued, tucking the forms into his briefcase. "Together you own a house and share joint bank accounts which will automatically become sole property of the surviving spouse. Is that right?" Red and Gloria both nodded. They'd combined their money when they had first moved in together, paying bills from their joint account using what they'd earned from their salaries and saving as much as they could. The down payment they'd made on their house had been paid from Red's share of her and Dmitri's store after it had sold. Dmitri's half had been split amongst his three sons when he'd passed.

"Galina, I also see that you have a life insurance policy that you and your late-husband had been paying into since you were...twenty-six?" he read on the paper. "So that has grown to a pretty healthy sum and it still has the late Dmitri Reznikov and then Yuri and Maxim Reznikov listed as beneficiaries."

"So obviously Dmitri's name needs to be removed," Red said softly. "And then I need to add my youngest son's name as a beneficiary too…. I bought the insurance before he was born."

"How do you spell his name?" the lawyer asked, his pen poised on the page.

"V-A-S-," Red began to spell out slowly. She paused, biting down on her bottom lip as her eyes clouded over temporarily in confusion. "I-ummm, L-Y," she stuttered, as Gloria and Benny exchanged looks with one another. Yuri had just opened up his mouth to finish spelling out his brother's name when Red's memory had come back.

"Alright," the lawyer nodded, acting as though Red's stumble hadn't just happened. "So, you want that split evenly between your three sons?" he clarified. "Or do you want to add Gloria as a beneficiary to that policy too?"

"No," Red said softly, catching Gloria's eye. "We discussed this...that's for my boys, right? And then the house and our savings will be for you."

"Yes," Gloria nodded her affirmation. She unscrewed the lid from her water bottle. "That's right."

"So then with the matter of property," the lawyer continued. "The question is who you want to inherit the house in the event you both die. Some people choose to leave it to one individual and others will split it evenly between all their children which means the house will be sold and the money split between everybody. Galina, you have three sons? And Gloria, you have four children of your own?"

"Yes…" Gloria said slowly. "But my two oldest daughters…" she chuckled, "they don't need anything from me. They inherited their father's money which was much more substantial anyway. So, anything I have is just being left to my two sons, Julio and Benjamin Mendoza."

"Good," Benny muttered under his breath. "I don't want to share with them."

Gloria frowned, "you realize I have to die for you to get anything, right?"

"Sorry," Benny smirked. "Forgot that small technicality."

"It's not that exciting," Gloria told him. "You live in this house for free right now anyway. So, nothing much would change except you'd lose your live-in maid and cook."

"So just to be clear…" the lawyer said, glancing at Red. "In the event you both die, the house is being left to Gloria's two sons?"

"Yes," Red nodded, shooting a furtive look at Yuri. "I think that's fair. You and your brothers inherited half the money from Papa's and my house, yes? And then with the life insurance policy it should work out pretty evenly."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Yuri.

"Alright," the lawyer murmured. "I have that down."

"And then all my jewellery," Red said slowly. "Should I include that?"

"You can," the lawyer replied. "If you have sentimental pieces and you want to make sure that they go to who you wish, it's a good idea to specify."

"Well, most of it I want my granddaughters to have," Red said with a sense of urgency. She looked at Yuri. "Just like you and your brothers have Papa's valuables right now? Someday they should be passed down to Feliks and Alexei."

"Feliks will get what Papa left to me," Yuri assured her of his son, "and Vasily will pass down Papa's stuff to Alexei someday too. I don't know what Maxim will do though, since he doesn't have any kids."

"Well, he'll decide for himself, I suppose," Red said softly. "Aside from a few specific items I can think of, mostly I just want the girls to pick what they like for themselves."

"What are these specific items?" the lawyer asked, opening a fresh sheet of paper. "We can add more in later."

"My wedding band from Dmitri should go to Ivanna because she's my oldest granddaughter," Red told him. "Emilia gets the family ring her grandfather bought me after her father was born, and I think Vera should get my ring from Gloria, her Nonna, because they're so close."

"Well, I get it first," Gloria reminded Red, resting her hand back on her thigh again. "And then Vera can have it when I'm gone. My ring from you," she added, shifting her hand to watch the diamonds sparkle, "it goes to my granddaughter, Gabriella Mitchell,"

"Gabriella," murmured the lawyer. "And how do you spell the last name?"

"M-I-T-C-H-E-L-L," said Gloria. "The rest of my possessions go to my sons and they can pass them down to their children someday-in the event they ever actually give me grandchildren."

"Talk about pressure," Benny joked, as Gloria glared at him. "I need to find a girl that's the marrying kind first."

"Sort of hard to attract that kind when you're twenty-seven and still live with your mother," Gloria teased, though she rustled her son's hair affectionately.

"Anything else?" the lawyer asked, writing as they talked.

"I want the big screen tv in the living room," Benny said automatically, turning to look at Red and Gloria with a cheeky grin. "That...and the armchair with the lazy boy foot stand, and that expensive blender in the kitchen."

"Is that all?" Red asked him sarcastically.

"Probably not," Benny admitted. "But it's a start."

"Why am I getting an image of you walking around the house putting labels with your name on everything you want tonight, man?" Yuri teased him.

"Not a bad idea," Benny nodded.

"Greedy guts," Gloria rolled her eyes. "He's like a vulture. Just for that, love, we should leave the television to the next-door neighbour or something," she leaned over to kiss Red's cheek.

"Some people are very specific in their will about what items go to which descendant," the lawyer told them. "And other people let their children take turns choosing and leave it up to them."

"I trust Gloria will make sure that everything is divided fairly," Red said carefully. "For the rest of my possessions and jewellery, I just want my children to choose what they want for themselves. But I need to include Nicole Nichols as a recipient just like my sons. She can pick for herself what she wants from my jewellery, and anything else."

Gloria quietly spelt Nicky's name out for the lawyer to spare Red the agony of struggling with it like she had with Vasily's. She noticed signs of Red visibly relaxing as all the pieces of the puzzle were being put together. It was almost funny, the matter-of-fact, unemotional way she had spoken about her will but Gloria knew that it had been something Red had agonized about a great deal. Wanting to ensure she provided the best she could for her family while also unburdening them in the ways she could control. Red couldn't heal her failing body that was gradually making her more and more reliant on her loved ones, but she could at least set her affairs in order so that they wouldn't have to endure the stress of managing her estate and arguing amongst themselves about what her wishes would be, were she in the proper state of mind to tell them.

The lawyer finished up the rest of the papers and had them all sign their names a few more times. Red's signature did not improve with practice if anything it got worse. The more fatigued she became, the harder it was for her to even press the ink of the pen into her papers. Gloria had needed to wrap her hand around Red's and help provide pressure and support so she could write out something that somewhat resembled ' _Galina Reznikov'_.

"All done," Gloria smiled, brushing Red's cheek with her lips once the lawyer was gone. He'd promised to have everything typed up for them to read over by the end of the week. Gloria's hand wrapped around the crook of Red's neck supportively. "Now I don't want to think about anymore of that stuff for a long time. It gives me a headache." She turned to look at Benny. "Will you go get me two Tylenol from the bathroom?" she asked.

"I guess," Benny lamented, getting back up to his feet. "And then I want to go outside and keep working."

"Good plan," Gloria said, holding out her water bottle to him as he passed. "Will you fill that up for me, baby?"

"Have you heard of water intoxication?" Benny asked as he took it from her and went to fill it up at the jug. "There is something to be said about too much of a good thing."

"Never you mind," Gloria said lazily with a yawn when he handed it back to her, "water is the fountain of life-I didn't say anything when you passed out on the couch from too many beers the other night."

"That wasn't beer," Benny said, on his way out of the kitchen to get her Tylenol. "I found a bottle of Vodka."

"Whatever," Gloria rolled her eyes. She pulled her hand away from the base of Red's neck when the trembling became too aggressive and started to jostle her uncomfortably. "What do you feel like doing now?" she asked her gently. "Do you want to take a nap? I want to take a nap."

"I'm not sure…" Red said hesitantly, glancing at Yuri who was getting up out of his chair.

"Don't worry about me, Ma," Yuri said with a smile. "I'm going to go outside and help Benny finish up. If you're awake when it's time for me to leave, I'll come say goodbye. Otherwise, we can talk on the phone tonight."

"Okay," Red conceded with a slight nod of her head. "I guess I will go and have a short rest. I just need to get my pill first..."

"Way ahead of you," Benny said brightly, as he came back into the room. "Here you go, Ma," he said as he carefully placed the tablet in Red's outstretched hand. He then turned to Gloria. "And here's your two Tylenol," he announced. "I should get a job in a retirement home," he told them cheerfully. "I'd be good at it."

"You're our hero," Gloria rolled her eyes. She popped her pills into her mouth and chased them down with a large gulp of water. She wiped her hand across her lips and then brought the bottle to Red's lips to help her take a sip. Her other hand reached under Red's chin to keep her from shaking too much and spilling.

"You could lose the sarcasm," Benny complained, as he motioned for Yuri to follow him outside.

"Who's being sarcastic?" asked Nicky, as she and Lorna walked into the kitchen. "Your mother?"

"How'd you know?" asked Benny.

"Gloria always had a bit of an attitude about her," Nicky said, giving Gloria a playful wink. "So, what's going on?"

"Ma and Gloria just wrote up their wills and now Benny and I are going outside to work," Yuri replied. "We could use some new recruits. Do you want to come see how the power tools work?"

"If I did, I'm sure I could teach you a thing or two," Nicky replied, as she walked into the room and opened the door to the fridge so she could see what is inside. "I could have become an electrician if I wanted to. I used to repair the faulty wiring to the entire prison. I've got skills."

"And you do look pretty hot with a toolbelt around your waist, I have to say," Lorna smiled.

"Well, come outside and join us later then," Yuri said with a shake of his head, before following Benny to the front door.

"Why did you write wills?" Lorna asked, as she sat down at the table with Red and Gloria.

"Because I decided I don't feel like living forever," Gloria replied with a yawn. "I'm tired."

"We just woke up," Lorna replied, motioning to herself and Nicky.

Red glanced at the clock on the wall, "it's after twelve."

"Yeah, we had a late night," Nicky replied. "We went to check out this nightclub downtown and stayed late. Decided to come see you people for lunch-I thought there'd be food here though."

"We had a late breakfast," Red explained apologetically. "So, neither of us is really hungry for lunch yet."

"That's okay," Nicky said easily, leaning back into the fridge she pulled out a Tupperware covered dish of lemon chicken. "Do you care if I finish this?"

"Knock yourself out," Gloria said, taking her glasses off she rubbed her hands over her eyes and then pinched the bridge of her nose. She gave Red a weary smile. Her dreams of going back to bed seemed to be slipping away by the arrival of these unexpected guests.

Red reached for Gloria's hand beneath the table. "So, how has the wedding planning been going lately?" she asked.

"I found my dress!" Lorna told her excitedly. "Franny and I went shopping together last week. I'm having it hemmed since I'm short but it's a gorgeous strapless ballgown...you want to see a picture?"

"Yes," Red said immediately. Lorna took her phone out of her jeans pocket and scrolled down the screen to show her the pictures her sister had shot of her at the bridal boutique.

"That's beautiful," Red said softly, as she peered at the phone Lorna held in front of her. "It's two pieces?"

"Yeah," Lorna nodded, putting her phone away. "The ballgown for the ceremony and then a mermaid skirt for after."

"I've never heard of people having two separate wedding looks," Gloria said. "I wore an A-line gown with a long cathedral train when I got married and Lourdes said she'd paid too much for it only to be worn at the church. I stayed in that thing all night, even though the bustle on the back broke and made it hard for me to dance."

"How come we've never seen pictures of you on your wedding day?" Lorna asked.

"Because my marriage was doomed from the start considering my ex-husband was a condescending twat...may he rest in peace," Gloria replied, giving her side-eye.

"I bet you were a beautiful bride though," Lorna smiled.

"She was," Red said immediately. "I've seen the photographs. I always loved the black and white one taken of you from behind just as you were about to walk down the aisle."

"When do you see that?" Gloria asked with a smile.

"Years ago," Red replied. "I was helping Benny with a family history project for his social studies class way back in high school. We were going through your photo albums for pictures he could use and came across your wedding album. You were gorgeous...still are, of course."

"Aww," Gloria smiled, as she leaned forward to brush her lips in a quick kiss. "I didn't look too bad for a shotgun wedding, did I?"

"You weren't even showing," Red replied. "Nobody would have been able to tell."

"Except for Lourdes walking around asking my relatives to pray for my unborn child," Gloria scoffed, as her phone began to ring and she stood up to answer it "I was just a kid then, but it's funny now," she added as she picked up the mobile on the kitchen counter and brought it to her ear.

"Hi, Vasily," she said, casually into the phone, after checking the caller display. She smiled at Red. "Do you want to talk to your mother?"

"No, actually, I called for you," Vasily replied.

"Oh?" Gloria blinked.

"I wanted to ask you a favour," said Vasily, "but feel free to say no if you want."

"Okay... "Gloria said slowly.

"Alexei has a rugby tournament out of town next weekend and I wanted to ask if you could watch the girls," Vasily explained. "Lida and I would both like to go with Alexei to see him play."

"Uh huh," Gloria said slowly, glancing over at Red who was following her side of the conversation carefully. "The whole weekend?"

"I know it's a lot to ask," said Vasily. "I know you have your hands full with Ma and I can get one of my brothers to babysit the girls. I just thought I'd check because I know Vera and Emilia would enjoy some time with their Grandmother."

"I don't babysit teenagers," Gloria told him, "And I guarantee you Vera would be offended to hear you talk like that...but, yeah, sure, they can come hang out for the weekend. We'd love to have them."

"Thanks so much, Gloria," Vasily said brightly.

They talked for another minute and once Gloria had ended the call she walked back over to the table and rested her hands-on Red's shoulders. "Do you feel up for company next weekend?" she asked. "I should have checked with you before I said yes…"

"The girls?" Red asked, she tilted her head back to look at Gloria, though her head was shaking too hard and she had to lower it almost immediately. "Of course, I want them." Gloria beamed. It warmed her heart to see Red acting as herself and taking an interest in what had always mattered most to her in the past. She finally seemed to be emerging from the fog of depression that had been consuming her ever since her disease had begun to worsen. It made her seem stronger, even though one only needed to observe her for mere seconds to see how little control she had over her own body.

"Alexei has a tournament out of town," Gloria explained, leaning forward to hug her from behind "So Vera and Emilia are going to come sleepover Friday and Saturday…. they'll have to camp out in the living room, or maybe they can trade with Benny-he'll still be home"

"Maybe we could get them their dresses that weekend," said Red. "What do you think, Nicky?"

"What dresses are you talking about?" Nicky blinked, as she set the finished plate in the sink.

"For your wedding," Red explained, as though it were the most obvious thing. "Remember I told you before that you needed to give the girls spots in the procession?"

"I thought that was a joke," Nicky replied.

"Why would I joke about that?" Red said seriously. As Gloria laughed and kissed her cheek before straightening back up. "They'd look so pretty...and they could help hold the train of your dress…"

"I'm not wearing a dress, Ma," Nicky replied. "And if I have them, then Lorna's going to have to include her nieces too, or it wouldn't be fair."

"Well, what's wrong with that?" asked Red. "You should include them."

"It would make Franny happy," Lorna grinned at Nicky. "And then we could use Elijah as a little ring bearer...he'd look so cute."

"Can that kid even walk yet?" asked Nicky, speaking of Piper and Alex's young son.

"He's three," Gloria rolled her eyes. "What an involved godmother you are…"

"Alright, fine," Nicky exclaimed, holding her hands up in surrender. "It's my wedding and it was going to be kid free, but if this means so much to all of you then fine, Vera and Em can be bridesmaids and Lorna can find spots for her nieces on her side."

"Wonderful," Red said softly. "What colour dresses do you want us to get them?"

"Surprise me," Nicky chuckled, leaning over to kiss Red's cheek. "So long as they're autumn colours, pick whatever you want and I'll be happy."


	10. Chapter 10

"So, we can pick out anything we want?" Emilia asked excitedly, hastening her stride as they entered the shopping mall so that she could keep up with Gloria's quick steps. Her Nonna was not the type of person to slow down and wait just because you stopped to dawdle, but Emilia was the type of girl who loved to take her time and smell the roses.

"Not anything," her older sister, Vera, corrected. " Aunt Nicky said she wanted us to wear Autumn colours, isn't that right, Grandma?" she verified, setting her hand on Red's shoulder from behind.

"That's right," Red agreed softly, tilting her head back to glance at the granddaughter who was pushing her along in her wheelchair. There was something both awkward and sweet about the way Vera had pleaded to be the one to push her when they'd been getting ready to leave the house. Not long ago, it had been her Grandmother ushering her around the city in a stroller, and now her granddaughter was assisting her. It was a role reversal that made Red feel a bit uncomfortable, although Vera's devotion was also very endearing. She wanted to help.

"I'm so excited!" Emilia exclaimed. "I've never been a bridesmaid before! I never even got to be a flower girl. What are Autumn colours?"

"So that would be reds, oranges, brown, yellow…" Gloria listed off, as she removed her blue aviator sunglasses and folded them up in the case in her purse.

"Not yellow," Vera said quickly, "I can't wear yellow. My complexion is a winter. No oranges or reds either-with my hair I'll look like a fire hydrant." She reached a hand up to toss her long red hair behind her shoulder. Tall and slim, she was a very striking girl for her age, though she didn't always seem to realize it. She frequently hid behind oversized hoodies and baggy jeans that did nothing for her. Gloria could hardly wait to get her into a gorgeous gown and make her see how beautiful she was.

"Leave it to me," Gloria winked at her. She took her regular glasses with the clear frames and set them on the bridge of her nose. "I'm good at this sort of thing. I bet I could find you a very flattering yellow dress…"

"I don't want yellow," Vera said immediately.

"Well, we could try a yellow," Emilia said hesitantly. "I like that colour. It's pretty. And red looks good on me…"

"We don't have to wear the same thing anyway," Vera replied. "Right?"

"No, you don't have to," said Red.

"They don't?" Gloria raised her eyebrows. "Oh, come on, girls! Do you have any idea how cute of pictures I could get of the two of you in matching dresses? You'd look like little dolls."

"Ew," said Vera bluntly. "I don't want to look like a 'little doll', Nonna," she mocked, with a shake of her head. "I'm too old for that."

"Yeah," Emilia giggled. "For once I agree with my sister."

"Okay, how about this..." Gloria began. Eyeing a vacant bench, she motioned them to follow and then threw herself down onto it for a rest. They'd walked a fair distance from their house to the mall, and she needed to get off of her feet for a minute. Vera easily maneuvered her Grandmother's wheelchair towards the bench, and then sat down in front of her.

"How about what, Nonna?" Emilia pressed, squeezing herself into the spot on Gloria's other side.

Gloria brushed a bead of sweat from her brow and leaned back, arching her back against the metal bench. "How about we compromise-different styles, but the same colour?" she suggested. "You two are going to be bridesmaids, so you need to look like you belong together."

"I don't know if Aunt Nicky cares about that though," Vera giggled. "She doesn't like to follow rules or traditions."

"Nicky's not here," Gloria replied. "And otherwise you guys won't make sense." She reached over to pat Red's thigh. "Don't you think?"

"Well, let's get to the dress store and see what they have before we make any decisions," Red said, with a twinkle in her eye. "I know no matter what we get that my girls are going to be gorgeous."

"Thank you, Grandma," Vera grinned. "So, can we get going now?"

"In a minute, in a minute," Gloria panted. "I'm an old lady, don't rush me."

"You know we could probably rent a wheelchair for you from the visitor's entrance, Nonna," Vera teased. "Emilia could push you and then we could have races. That could be fun."

"Or I could just ride on Grandma's lap," Gloria retorted, giving Red a playful wink.

"Nah," Emilia shook her head. "You'd squish her."

"Thanks a lot, Em," Gloria rolled her eyes. "I was just going to offer to buy you a smoothie but now I'm not sure I feel like being so generous. Hmm…. dilemmas."

"I want a smoothie!" Emilia exclaimed.

"So do I," Vera chimed in.

"Alright, fine," Gloria gave in. She reached into her wallet to pull out some folded-up bills. "I want something with mango in it and then a bottle of water too." She brushed Red's thigh again. "What do you want, love?"

"Nothing," Red shook her head.

"Get something," Gloria said, with a searching look. "They're easy to drink with a straw. The mixed berries one?"

"Fine," Red conceded.

"Great," Gloria said brightly. "We'll wait here. You girls get us those and then whatever you two want."

"You just didn't want to get up to get them yourself," Vera reproached her, as she tucked the folded-up bills into the back pocket of her jeans. "Do I get to keep the change as a tip?"

"You can split it with your sister," Gloria replied lazily. As the girls hurried off to stand in line, Gloria slid sideways on the bench so that she was directly across from Red. Bent over with her elbows on her knee, she buried her face in her hands.

"Another headache?" Red asked concernedly. Gloria nodded her head with her face still covered. Reaching out to tuck a strand of Gloria's dark hair back behind her ear, Red made a sympathetic sound. "You haven't been feeling very well for awhile," she observed. "Maybe you should see a doctor."

"It's just a little headache," Gloria shrugged. "Nothing to worry about. I have some Tylenol in my purse, so once the girls get back with my water I'll take one and feel better."

"Okay," Red said tentatively, and she stroked her hand over the top of Gloria's bowed head. "I feel pretty good," she said positively. "It's been a good day so far."

"Your hand feels pretty steady," Gloria smiled, as she bumped her head against the palm of Red's hand imploringly. "Keep doing that-it feels good."

Red's hand automatically resumed its caressing and Gloria sighed contentedly. "The pills are doing their job today then?"

"Yeah," Red replied. "I only feel tired, but I'll manage."

"We don't have to stay here too long," Gloria said, her hands sliding away from her face so she could look Red in the eyes. "An hour shopping for dresses, tops. And then we can go home so you'll have time to rest this afternoon."

"Ah, I don't want to rush," Red said, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Let's just enjoy the day. I haven't felt this well in weeks."

"Just don't overdo it," Gloria warned her, with an affectionate smile. She reached up to catch Red's hand and then brought it to her mouth for a kiss.

"Here they come," Red said softly, nodding in the direction of their granddaughters while she settled her and Gloria's grasped hands in her lap.

"The guy behind the counter was cute," Emilia announced, as she skipped over and then carefully held out a smoothie for her Grandmother to take. Red was forced to let go of Gloria's hand so that she could hold the drink with both of hers steadily.

"Oh?" she murmured, as she worked to guide the straw between her lips.

"Yeah," Emilia nodded, and then she took a big gulp from her own smoothie. "He was hitting on Vera."

"He was not!" Vera retorted, looking up from passing Gloria her bottle of water with a curled lip.

"Oh yes, he was," Emilia snickered.

"Which guy?" Gloria asked, after she'd popped two Tylenols in her mouth and chased them down her throat with a big sip of water. She was craning her neck to see the workers at the Smoothie vendor. "The one running the cash?"

"Yeah," Emilia said gleefully. "He had a fang earring."

"I hate earrings in guys," Vera said exasperatingly. She slowly sunk back down on the bench beside Gloria.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," Red replied. "I don't like them either. Especially now when you see those kids with their earlobes all stretched out...I'd have killed your father if he had ever tried to walk into the house looking like that."

"He said you got mad about Uncle Yuri's earring," Emilia grinned. "When he pierced his ear in high school. Did you ground him?"

"Oh, I didn't have to," Red said with the slightest of smirks tugging at the corner of her frozen face. "I just waited for the damn thing to become infected. His whole ear turned green and was very painful...served him right…"

"Does he not realize that you're only thirteen?" Gloria said, who had not been paying any attention to their conversation but had been still watching the cashier at the smoothie stand with a frown on her face. "You're too young for him anyway…"

"He wasn't hitting on me," Vera said slowly, smacking her thigh for dramatic effect. "So, you can save your overprotectiveness rant for next year when I start high school and you feel like humiliating me."

"Oh, he probably was hitting on you Vera," Red said with a glimmer of amusement in her eye. "But fortunately, you're way too smart a girl to fall for something like that...and you're too pretty for him anyway." She guided her straw back into her mouth and took another slow sip of smoothie.

"Now shall we go look at the dresses?" she suggested.

"Yeah," Emilia nodded eagerly. "Grandma, I want to push you now, okay? Vera already had a long turn and she's not done her drink yet anyway."

"Well, of course," Red said dryly, amused at how pushing her wheelchair had become something of a fun novelty, of which her granddaughters would fight over. Gloria gave her a warm smile and slowly got up. She tossed her water bottle into the recycling bin and then pressed her cool smoothie cup to her forehead to help ease her headache.

"So, you really think I'm pretty?" Vera asked uncertainty, as she walked in step with Red's wheelchair, using one hand to grip the armbar. Her holding onto the wheelchair was a source of great annoyance to her sister, who felt she hadn't interfered when it had been Vera's turn to push and thought she should be allocated the same courtesy.

"Of course, I do," Red exclaimed, reaching to rest her hand over the one Vera had clinging to her wheelchair. "I think that you resemble me, but at the same time you're like the photoshopped version of what I would have wanted to look like when I was your age."

"Really?" Vera giggled. "I've seen old pictures of you when you were young. I think you were pretty too."

"Not like you," Red disagreed, with a shake of her head. She tilted her head up towards Emilia next. "Or your sister. Emmy looks more like your mother though, but with your Dad's dark hair. Sort of like Snow White."

"Like a princess," Gloria affirmed, her cool drink now pressed against her warm cheek. "Both of you girls are going to have all the boys after you pretty soon. Just do me a favour and promise to weed out all the losers along the way."

"Yes," Red agreed. "And don't do what I did and marry the first one you meet. That never goes well."

"That's usually how romantic stories play out in books though, Grandma," Vera laughed. She extended her hand to point at a little boutique shop that had cocktail dresses and long evening gowns on display mannequins in the window. "How about we try in there?"

The store was overflowing with beautiful dresses of all colours of the rainbow. Without any words exchanged, Vera and Gloria walked off to one side of the store, and Emilia pushed Red's wheelchair in the opposite direction. "What's your favourite colour, honey?" Red asked, holding out a few fingers to gently brush the delicate fabric of the dresses they'd stopped in front of.

"Green," Emilia replied. "Like this!" She held out a short chiffon emerald green dress on its hanger.

"Emerald," Red said, "that would look beautiful on you. Although I think you'd freeze during the ceremony in that one! I'm not sure why Auntie and Aunt Lorna wanted a wedding outside in the fall, it's going to be cold."

"Yeah, but it won't be for long and then we get to go inside," Emilia replied. "Does a bridesmaid dress have to be long?"

"No," Red answered, "but if you're going to wear a short one then you'll need to wear tights underneath."

"Nylons," Emilia countered, "not tights."

"Whatever," Red replied. She watched as Emilia pulled out a flowing A-line dress with three-finger straps that would reach her at about the calf. It was the colour of gold. "That's pretty."

"I want to try this one on," Emilia told her.

"Here, give it to me," Red beckoned to her lap. "Just load everything you want to try on onto my lap...at least then I'm of some use."

"Umm...you're worth a lot more than just a place to lay clothes, Grandma," Emilia said, with wisdom beyond her years. "But thanks," she added, as she draped the golden dress across Red's lap.

They moved through the rest of the store that way. Emilia added a few more dresses to the bundle on Red's lap and then declared she was ready to try them on. She pushed her Grandmother's chair in the direction of the changing rooms. There they found Gloria, sitting with her legs crossed and her head leaning back against the wall.

"How's Vera doing?" Red asked her.

Gloria leaned forward to grip the arms of Red's wheelchair with both of her hands and pull her closer. "She hates everything," she rolled her eyes. "Now I know why I was blessed with two sons."

"And your two daughters," Red reminded her, with knowing eyes. Emilia leaned over her to gather the dresses she had selected off of her lap.

"Yeah, but they never invited me to go dress shopping with them," Gloria sighed. She squinted at the gowns in Emilia's arms. "That's a beautiful colour," she said, reaching out to touch the fabric of the gold dress. "I didn't notice that one on our rounds. Will you try that one on first, sweetie?"

"Okay," Emilia said agreeably, as she stepped forward to be let into the dressing room.

Gloria sighed and leaned her head against Red's shoulder, closing her eyes. "I'm tired," she yawned. "I don't know how you do this."

"Do what?" Red blinked, "sit around all day?"

"Don't sell yourself short," Gloria said, swatting her arm lightly. "You push yourself everyday. I see how hard you fight and I just want you to know I recognize that and admire it."

"Really?" Red said softly.

"Yeah," Gloria smiled. She rested her hand against Red's thigh and gently squeezed the underused and weakened muscles. "I don't know what my problem is though," she yawned again. "I slept fine last night, but I still feel so sleepy."

"You just do too much," Red said guiltily. "For me especially. Things you never should have had to-of course, you're worn out."

"That's not what I meant," Gloria said firmly, sincerely regretting her complaints now because she should have known how Red would interpret them. "I love you to death," she kissed her cheek affectionately, just as Vera walked out of the changeroom with a frown on her face.

"No luck?" Red asked her.

"No," Vera shook her head. "I don't like strapless and the ones with straps looked funny on me."

"The strapless looked great!" Gloria protested, "I can't believe you already have the breasts to hold it up. I didn't develop until I was over sixteen."

"Nonna!" Vera called out in horror, at the same time that Red had exclaimed, "Gloria!" and swatted her shoulder.

"Alright, sorry," Gloria said casually, holding her hands up in surrender. She looked over her shoulder. "But nobody else is in here besides us anyway, so what does it matter?"

"You're awful," Vera shook her head, though she couldn't suppress the smallest of smiles at the incredulity of her step-grandmother's candor.

"This is the one!" Emilia exclaimed triumphantly, as she walked eagerly out of the changeroom to show them the golden dress. It accentuated her tiny waist and the colour was unique and flattering. The straps were modest, with a sweetheart neckline, and a satin A-line skirt that reached her mid-calf.

"Oh, yes, it is!" Red agreed at once. "That looks gorgeous on you."

"It really does," Gloria affirmed, "but don't you want to try on the other ones you picked out first?"

"No," Emilia shook her head determinedly. "This is the one. I know."

"Okay," Gloria agreed. She looked up at Vera. "Do you want me to find you that one in your size?" she asked. "You didn't try it on yet."

"You just want us to be twins," Vera complained, with a reproachful giggle.

"Nooooo," Gloria let the word draw out as she got to her feet. "I also think it will look amazing on you and be perfect for an Autumn wedding."

"Alright, I'll try it," Vera gave in. She smiled at her sister who was spinning around in front of the full-length mirror, trying to catch a glimpse at herself from every angle. "It is pretty."

XXX

"I couldn't stay up for another minute," Red said tiredly. Clutching the crook of Gloria's arm, she fell heavily down onto the edge of her bed. She'd stayed up later than she normally would have, not wanting to disappoint her granddaughters when they were all having such a good time together.

After their afternoon at the mall, she and Gloria had brought the girls home where they'd all hung around in the kitchen while Vera demonstrated her cooking skills by preparing them all a stir-fry that had been delicious, though Gloria had only picked at it enough to be polite. Emilia had done the dishes afterwards and then they'd all gathered around the table to play card games. For awhile Red had been able to forget about being sick and just enjoy them, but finally, when her tremors started intensifying from fatigue and she began struggling to keep her eyes open, she had discreetly asked Gloria for help getting to bed.

"I don't blame you," Gloria replied, as Red released her grip. Gloria brought her hand up to smooth back Red's hair and then brushed it across her back lightly. "It was a pretty hectic day and you usually turn in a lot earlier than this."

"I didn't want to miss out on time with them," Red said quietly. "And I don't want them to be worried about me. I always stayed up late with them when they had sleepovers here before..."

Her life revolved around sleep these days though and usually she didn't get enough of it. Despite sleeping through the night being an exceedingly rare entity, she was adamantly opposed to resuming her old depressing ways of sleeping the days away to compensate. She lay down every afternoon for a scheduled nap and then would push herself to stay awake for as long as she could at night, though she often didn't make it much later than nine o'clock. The littlest things exhausted her and though she spent a lot of her time in bed, the sleep she got was never of much quality and she was always tired.

"Things aren't the same as before," Gloria gently reminded her, popping a kiss on the top of her head. "But the girls understand. You'll see them tomorrow when you're fresh."

"I just want them to have fun," Red admitted softly, looking up at Gloria with deep blue eyes. "I don't want to scare them or make them uncomfortable…" she sighed. "I want them to see me the way they always did, and that's never going to happen." She slipped her light hand into Gloria's, "at least they still have you…"

"They have me for another hour and a half, tops," Gloria said, squeezing Red's delicate hand affectionately. "I'm beat! I promised them a movie but after that they're going to bed whether they're tired or not. They can read if they don't want to sleep."

She smiled as the sound of giggles erupted in the hallway as the girls rushed past their closed door. "That better be them changed into their pajamas and on their way into the kitchen to get their snacks," Gloria said, running her hand up and down the length of Red's arm. "I told them to have everything ready and waiting for me."

'Then I'm sure they will," Red's eyelids drooped. "They're good girls-"

"And you're exhausted," Gloria observed, kissing her forehead. "Let's get you into bed, okay?"

"Okay," Red agreed quietly, her head shaking so aggressively that she felt as though her brain was being scrambled.

"Do you need your pill?" Gloria asked, as she walked over to the bureau to take out a warm nightgown for Red to change into. She always put her in dresses to sleep because she woke up so frequently to use the bathroom and this made it possible for her to manage those needs independently. Of course, she didn't actually use the bathroom at night because it was too hazardous and exhausting to make trips up and down the hallway in the dark. She used a portable toilet set conveniently right by the bed so she could maneuver herself onto it safely and without assistance. Every morning, Gloria would take the pot into the bathroom to empty. Such tasks felt perfectly normal by this point and Gloria didn't even blink at the chore, though Red was still uncomfortable with the necessity.

"I took it an hour ago," Red stuttered, her teeth chattering in her head from the shaking. "It's just wearing off already."

"I'm sorry," Gloria said sympathetically, carrying her nightgown back over and setting it on the bed. "Your symptoms might just be worse because I let you over-do it a bit too much today."

"Maybe," Red stammered, "but the medicine should still work for more than an hour. It's not doing its job."

"We'll talk to the doctor about it some more next week," Gloria said, as she tugged Red's shirt up over her head. Red's skin prickled with goosebumps as the air touched her skin. Gloria wrapped her hands around her to unfasten her bra. Then she picked the nightgown back up to dress her.

For some reason, Gloria always made a point to only uncover one half of Red's body at a time to preserve some modesty. She couldn't logically explain why she did it that way when they'd never been shy about baring their bodies to one another before. It was just the principle difference of undressing for intimacy rather than because you were incapable of doing it unassisted.

One of the primary things that had changed between them was that their bodies no longer were used as expressions of love, longing, or sexuality. Red's interest in such matters had died long before her physical condition had become much of a factor. She lost her desire almost immediately, and when she had tried to engage sexually for Gloria's sake, it had failed to work for her and sometimes even been painful. Gloria had had no interest in taking pleasure from her if it couldn't be reciprocated, so that part of their life had quickly dissolved. It had been a long time since Gloria had even thought about Red in such a way and like the dynamics between them, how she regarded her had steadily changed. When she looked at her partner, Gloria felt immeasurable love and devotion. She saw a person entrusted to her to protect, provide, and nurture, but there was nothing sexual about it.

Slipping the nightgown on her, Gloria had to smile at the way Red's eyes had closed and her trembling head had fallen forward so that her chin was on her chest. She was so tired, couldn't even fight nodding off while still only half-dressed and sitting up. Gloria thought she seemed cute. She guided Red's arms gently through the sleeves and then shrugged the skirt of the nightgown down.

"Umm," Red's head shot back up, and her eyes widened in alarm.

"I don't think you're going to have a problem falling asleep tonight," Gloria told her with a smile. "I'm just going to get you your pad first."

"Yes," Red said, in a voice barely above a whisper. Usually she woke up incessantly during the night, but there had been a few occasions where she'd been so exhausted that she'd slept through-and she and Gloria had woken up in wet sheets.

Although, Gloria had been compassionate and loving as she'd helped her clean up and then changed the bed, it did nothing to make Red feel better about what was happening. A trip to the urologist had done nothing. The doctor had merely explained how the Parkinson's was now targeting the muscular control in her bladder and that if the medications she'd already been put on to help control the spasms was not helping, she'd need to depend on other means to manage the condition. Gloria calling them pads was a generous term. The incontinence products Gloria had purchased for her the day after they'd seen the urologist looked and felt exactly like adult diapers. Red found them uncomfortable and was very self-conscious about having to wear them.

Gloria went to the closet and took out a disposable brief from the box that she stored discreetly on the floor in there where nobody else would see. She respected her wife's privacy and never discussed her medical needs with anyone besides the doctor and Lida, because she often was alone with her mother-in-law and had become Gloria's most trusted confidant.

"Has Benny messaged you on your phone at all tonight?" Gloria asked casually, as she helped Red to stand.

"No," Red said quietly.

"Me either," Gloria said, as she reached up the skirt of her nightgown to pull down her pants and underwear. She helped her out of them and then reached for the Depend to guide her legs through one at a time. "Who knows what he's getting up to?" Gloria rolled her eyes, as she pulled the undergarment up snug over her hips. "I'm going to give the girls his room tonight though. No sense making them sleep on the pull-out sofa bed if he might not even come home."

It was a method she had adopted, speaking candidly about whatever she could think of whenever she needed to assist with a task she knew was more than uncomfortable for the both of them, but especially for Red. Now that she was dressed, Gloria pulled back the blankets of their bed and helped her settle down beneath the covers and lovingly tucked her in.

"I have such a headache," Gloria complained, collapsing down next to her and hugging her from behind.

"Maybe that's because you didn't eat dinner," Red said softly, thinking back to the meal the four of them had shared that evening. Gloria had made enough of a show of picking at her food and moving it around the plate so Vera wouldn't notice that she was hardly eating, but Red had noticed and was concerned. She just hadn't had the chance to broach the subject with her alone until now.

"I know," Gloria sighed, her forehead pressing against Red's shoulder. "I'm just not hungry. Nothing sounds good and the thought of eating right now just seems like too much work."

"Maybe you're getting sick?" Red suggested weakly.

"I hope not," Gloria replied, her arm draped over Red's waist tightening. "I'm sick of Benny thinking he can go on these long drives and then bring germs from all over the country into our house."

"He drives for his job," Red reminded her lightly.

"Yeah, but he's gross," Gloria said bluntly. "I don't think the guy has ever even heard of hand sanitizer."

"Stop trying to change the subject," Red stuttered, resting her shaking hand on top of Gloria's affectionately and tried to fight her body's desire to nod off. "You need to eat. An apple, a carrot stick...something."

"I know, I know," Gloria sighed.

"Gloria-" Red yawned, her heavy eyes shutting of their own accord with no power to stop them. She was exhausted. "Please-"

"Okay, I promise," Gloria said, kissing her cheek. "Get some sleep, my love."

From Red's lack of response, Gloria surmised that she already had drifted off. Holding her hand against the spot on her forehead above her left eye where it felt like she was getting stabbed, Gloria still couldn't resist a small smile, as she watched Red sleeping and worked to untangle her limbs from hers. She always looked so peaceful lying there with her eyes closed. She still was beautiful.

Standing up to leave, Gloria suddenly felt incredibly light headed. She reached out to grip the edge of the nightstand to steady herself and waited for the waves of nausea to pass. The prickle in her forehead suddenly felt like fire and she moaned from the pain and keeled over.

"Nonna? Nonna, are you coming?" Gloria could hear the girls calling from down the hall in the living room. Sighing, Gloria took off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. Her glasses didn't seem strong enough lately and maybe that was contributing to the headaches that had been frequenting her lately. She pushed them back onto her face and stood up straighter.

"Whoo," she breathed, still feeling a little dizzy but better than she had been a few seconds ago. Giving Red's sleeping form a final look, Gloria let go of the table and turned to leave the room. "I'm coming," she called to the girls, as she swung open the bedroom door.

XXX

"Ahhh! Oh my God!" a piercing scream that she recognized at once to belong to Vera cursed through the house and woke Red up with a startle. Red gripped at her blankets, her head shaking side to side with tremors. She had no idea how much time had passed since she'd gone to sleep, and although she was unsteady, she began edging herself off of the bed to go see what the matter was.

"Nonna! Grandma! Em-go get Grandma!" Vera's hysterical voice drifted down the hall and into Red's room. Red was moving as quickly as she could, which wasn't fast at all by any means. Her feet finally dropped off the bed and brushed the floor as she reached a hand out for her walker. With a shuddery breath, Red got herself up onto her feet. Her nightgown reaching below the knee, Red didn't bother to put slippers on over her bare feet. She turned to shuffle with her walker for support out into the hallway, just as Emilia burst into the room and almost ran into her.

"Grandma-" Emilia sobbed, her pale cheeks stricken with tears, she walked around the walker and leaned her head against Red's shoulder.

"Come on, honey," Red said, with biting impatience, "show me what's wrong." Pushing her walker forward, she brushed Emilia's head off of her shoulder and moved steadily down the hall. "Is Vera okay?" she asked Emilia, who was right on her heels. Vera hadn't made a sound for a couple of minutes which was in many ways more alarming than a scream. "Where's Nonna?"

"In the kitchen," Emilia said distressingly. "She fell down and isn't waking up! We didn't know what to do."

"Fell down?" Red repeated, and she took a few sprinting steps that would have been quite impossible for her to conduct under normal circumstances, but she was moving on adrenaline. They made their way into the kitchen to find Gloria crumpled in front of the counter. Microwave popcorn had scattered onto the floor and a big plastic bowl was toppled over. She'd been evidently helping the girls get their movie snacks.

"Vera, is she breathing?" Red asked sharply, her eyes piercing the back of the older girl who was kneeling by Gloria's side completely still, holding her hand, and steady enough that she could have been carved from stone.

Vera turned her head, "Yeah...Grandma, she was just talking and then she-"

"Never mind that now," Red said impatiently, swaying on the spot as she gripped the handlebars of her walker tightly. "I need you to go get my phone-go get Grandma's phone off of the dresser in my bedroom and call 911. Tell them we need an ambulance-Now, Vera!" she barked, when the girl still did not move.

Flinching at the urgency in her Grandmother's frantic voice, Vera sprang to her feet and sprinted out of the room in search of the phone. Red's eyes were glued on Gloria's still body lying on the ground. She could have been sleeping. She watched the steady rising and falling of her chest and tried to calm herself with reminders that Gloria was at least breathing-she was alive. She wanted so much to get down on the ground with her, propel herself into action, to hold Gloria in her arms-but she could do none of that. It was a miracle she'd gotten up and in motion on her own as it was, and Red was fully aware of Emilia's eyes on her bare wobbly legs as she stood silently behind her. Nobody said or did anything. Emilia was petrified in place.

"We were just talking, making food," Vera said into the phone, rushing back into the kitchen and kneeling back down by Gloria's side once again. "Then suddenly she just said she felt dizzy. She was talking to us but it didn't make any sense and sounded funny…. like she was drunk, except I don't think she drank any alcohol. Then in another second, she fell to the ground and hasn't gotten up…. umm, I guess about five minutes ago? Are they almost here?...she's breathing, but her eyes are closed and she won't wake up…. I don't think she hit her head, except maybe on the floor when she fell? I don't know, it all happened so quickly…. Look, will you just tell them to hurry?"

Vera turned back around to look up at them, and the strength in her eyes was impressive. She suddenly looked much older than thirteen. A girl brought up with confidence and the ability to take charge in crisis situations. If Red hadn't been so focused on Gloria, she would have been proud of her granddaughter.

"Em, you should help Grandma sit down," Vera said, moving the phone away from her ear momentarily so that she could speak to her sister. "Yes...yes, I'm still here," she said back into the phone. "They are? I'll go let them in…" She got up and hurried towards the front door.

As directed by her sister, Emilia stepped around her walker and pulled out a chair from the table. "Sit down, Grandma," she said wearily, tears still pooling down the young girl's cheeks uncontrollably.

"Emmy," Red said, as she sank exhaustingly into the chair her granddaughter held for her. "Check if Nonna is cold, for me? Maybe she needs a blanket."

Emilia hesitated. "I don't want to touch her…" she confessed. "Grandma, it was so scary. One minute she was fine and laughing and then her eyes rolled back in her head and all we saw was white and then she fainted."

"Okay, okay," Red said raspily. She turned her head frantically towards the hallway to see if help was coming. Then she jerked back towards Gloria, who hadn't moved.

"Grandma, is she-"

"Don't ask me any questions because I don't know the answers right now," Red snapped. She looked back towards the hall and then sighed. She was doing nothing to soothe her granddaughter's fears by being so irritable, and right now that was about all she could do. "Come here, darling," she pleaded, using a gentler voice. She held out a shaking hand. "Come sit with me...shhhhhh." She beckoned her granddaughter closer. Emilia hesitated for a fraction of a second and then dragged a chair as close to Red's side as was possible. She climbed onto it with her legs crossed and rested her head against her Grandma's shoulder.

"Why won't she wake up?" Emilia whimpered into the sleeve of Red's nightgown. A damp spot from her tears already forming.

Red bit her lip and did not answer. Her eyes were focused on Gloria and the trembles down her arms and legs felt like electric shocks. Her head felt like a rock of pulsating agony. Gloria had complained of a headache...she hadn't been eating well lately, either, which could explain away her fainting. But why was she unconscious? What was happening? There were no answers and Red felt as useless as dirt as she sat passively in her chair and was unable to do anything.

"She's in here," Vera said authoritatively, ushering the paramedics, who were brandishing a stretcher between them, into the room.

"Hello," a young paramedic with her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail smiled at them. "My name is Stephanie, and this is my partner Rob," she motioned at the man who had immediately knelt down by Gloria's side, wrapping a band around her arm so that he could check her blood pressure.

"Is Ms. Mendoza on any medications?" Stephanie asked. She took out an oxygen mask and leaned over Gloria to cover her face.

"She takes something pills for high blood pressure," Red said weakly. "But she's not...she didn't have a heart attack, did she?"

"Her blood pressure is fine," Rob reassured her. He looked up at his partner. "But let's get her on a gurney and to the ER." Stephanie nodded and went to stand behind Gloria's head and together, on the count of three, they lifted her onto the stretcher.

"One of you can ride along in the ambulance, if you wish," Rob told them, his eyebrows raised expectantly at Red, the only adult in the room.

"I-I can't," Red said softly, shame enveloping her. As much as it pained her, she knew that there was no way. She trembled ferociously with Emilia wrapped in her arms. "I'm not well...I'm not able to-"

"I'll go," Vera announced. She had been looking over the paramedics' shoulders watching them work and now walked over to stand beside Gloria on the gurney with her arms folded.

"Vera, no," Red said firmly. Her arm sprung out involuntarily in a switch and accidently swatted Emilia who jumped but only moved closer to her. "You're staying here."

"Well, you can't go!" Vera exclaimed in outrage, her arms falling limp at her side. "Grandma, you don't want Nonna to wake up all alone in a strange place, do you?"

"Of course, I don't," Red said distressingly, her shakes worsening so bad that Emilia was being jostled against her. Red couldn't even keep her feet still on the floor, and her voice was weak when she spoke. "But it's late and I'm not going to allow you to-"

"Oh my God!" Vera exploded in fury. She threw her hands up in the air and shot an anxious look at Gloria who was still unresponsive, on the gurney, with an oxygen mask clamped over her face. They didn't even know these two people, but her Grandmother was fine with letting them take Gloria in their ambulance without anyone to advocate on her behalf or who knew her. She couldn't understand it. She knew she was capable and she abhorred being treated like a child.

"We're taking her to _Mount Sinai_ hospital," Stephanie said, her hands on the back of the stretcher, she gave it a light push. "Sweetie, we're going to take good care of her," she said to Vera. "You stay with your sister and Grandmother. You've done great. You've been very helpful."

"What's going to happen exactly?" Red asked the paramedics weakly. "What's wrong with her?"

"We're taking her to the ER and they will figure out how to help her," Stephanie explained calmly.

"Do you have anybody that you can call?" Rob asked Red. "Someone to meet us at the hospital?"

"Yes, yes, I do," Red stammered. "I'll get someone."

"Good," Stephanie nodded. She gave Red a searching look. "And are you and the girls going to be alright on your own ma'am?"

"We're fine," Red said briskly. "Just take care of Gloria...please."

"Alright, let's move her out," Rob said to his partner. Together they two paramedics pushed the gurney out of the kitchen and through the house to the waiting ambulance. Vera stepped back compliantly to let them pass but her eyes were shiny and she looked furious. As soon as the front door had been closed, she swept over to Red.

"I can't believe you did that, Grandma!" Vera exclaimed. "I'm thirteen...I'm old enough to-"

"Never mind that," Red cut her off, while Emilia leaned heavily against her, soaking up the minimal comfort that her Grandmother could provide when she also seemed so weak. Red sunk wearily back in her chair and looked up at Vera who was towering over her. "I want you to get back on that phone and call Benny. Tell him Nonna is at the hospital and that he needs to go be with her."

"He could come here first and take us too," Vera said hopefully, as she scrolled through the contacts on the phone searching for him.

"No," Red said softly, her eyes heavy and sad. Her very teeth were chattering from these particularly aggressive shakes and she stuck her fingers in her mouth to bit down on, just to save from the awful rattling sound in her mouth.

"Why not?" Vera demanded in exasperation, as she brushed the tears out of her eyes furiously away. "Why can't we?"

"Because there's too many of us, it's close to midnight, and we'd only be in the way," Red said matter-of-factly, after she'd removed her fingers from her mouth.

"You'd be in the way!" Vera retorted angrily. The words flying out of her mouth without thought. Red had heard plenty about Vera's bad attitude these days from Lida but had never been witness to much of it before. Usually the girl had enough sense to keep a lid on it around her.

"Vera!" Emilia said in shock, sitting up straighter in her seat and lifting her head. Her sister could be snippy at times at home, with their mother, and occasionally with their father, but she had never snapped at her Grandmother before. It just wasn't something a person did. She was a woman who had always inspired respect from the family and had been most beloved as a very involved person in their life. Before they'd dropped their daughters off on Friday, Vasily and Lida had stressed the importance to them of not upsetting their Grandmother or wearing her out too much. Now Vera had yelled at her.

"I didn't mean it like that," Vera said quickly, shame pinkening her cheeks.

Red's eyes flashed threateningly and though her Grandmother was in no state to do anything, Vera hiccupped nervously. She knew she had crossed a line. "Don't you dare...ever...use that tone of voice with me again, young lady," Red said in a deadly voice.

"I'm sorry, Grandma," Vera said automatically. She kicked her sock clad foot against the ceramic tile in angst. "It's just scary. I'd feel better if we at least were with her and knew what was happening."

"Call Benny," Red said coolly, her tremors shaking her body worse than ever because she was so stressed out. Emilia leaned deeper against her Grandmother and looked up helplessly at her. Her concerns weren't solely for her Nonna right now. She had seen her Grandmother sickly since her diagnosis, but her symptoms had never been quite this uncontrollable and she'd never looked quite so pale.

"And if he doesn't answer then try Auntie next," Red said, as she wrapped a trembling arm around Emilia. "Someone will pick up."

"And then maybe we could call Mom and Dad," Emilia said hopefully, "maybe they can come home early…" She pressed her forehead deeper against Red's shoulder, even though the jostling from her body was making her feel slightly nauseous. If it was uncomfortable just to lean against her, Emilia couldn't imagine what it was like to be in her Grandmother's spot, forced to endure that pain day-after-day with no reprieve.

"Shhh, we'll see," Red did her best to sound soothing, though she knew her presence was not very reassuring. She didn't make them comfortable anymore, she no longer represented a safe place to be. She was just another person to worry about.

They watched as Vera dialed Benny's number and then sunk down into a chair at the table and wiggled it around so she could be next to her Grandmother. "I love you," she said softly, as she leaned against her shoulder so that Red was engulfed by the two girls from either side.

"He's not picking up?" Red asked her shakily.

"It's still ringing," Vera replied.

Red sighed. "Pass me a Kleenex, Emmy," she said softly, and her granddaughter reached behind her on the table for the Kleenex box. Red wiped the pooling excessive saliva in her mouth, balling the used tissue in her fist afterwards because she didn't want to disgust her granddaughters. She was trying to be strong for them but she knew they perceived her as weak. And once that happened there was no sense in fighting, you already were. She knew that well. She no longer was the Grandmother that could take charge, protect, and make everything okay. As Vera had said in anger, she was just in the way. It was an incredibly helpless feeling to sit idly at home knowing that Gloria was currently being whisked to the hospital all alone. Red couldn't be there for her. She couldn't even take care of herself.


	11. Chapter 11

The ticking of the clock that hung on the living room wall was the only sound resonating in the otherwise silent house. In the engulfing darkness, eased only by the street lights shining through the windows, Red actually couldn't see the time displayed. She kept her eyes focused on the shadowy clock anyways, listening to the counts of each second that turned into minutes. It chimed a single note at half-past twelve and then kept consistently ticking as it marked how long it had been since Gloria had been whisked away-all alone. Red had been replaying that moment over and over in her head ever since. Gloria had been so pale and frighteningly still lying on that stretcher, and Red couldn't stop thinking about how she wouldn't be there when she woke up, if she woke up.

She wondered if Gloria would miss her if she regained consciousness? Would she wake up and frantically ask for her wife? Yearn for the closeness they'd shared all these years and had finally begun to regenerate? Their relationship was so one-sided now, always so centered around Red's care that little attention was ever given to what Gloria needed. It wasn't Red's fault, she'd never asked for her disabling sickness, but she was almost entirely to blame for the schism she'd created between them that they had been intent on repairing these past few weeks. She'd wasted months pushing Gloria away and unjustly punishing her for her own misfortune. Had she wasted the only time they'd had left together fighting needlessly?

Her teeth chattering and her lips quivering, Red brought her fingers up to her mouth and sucked them in to at least provide relief from the grinding in her jaw. Her stomach was knotted with paralyzing fear and though she was not religious, she found herself silently praying over and over again that Gloria would be fine and coming home to her soon. If her own condition was not so debilitating, Red knew she would have been at Gloria's side this entire time. They would be facing whatever prognosis the doctor gave Gloria together, and Red would have done everything to provide Gloria with the comfort, care, and environment she needed to lead the best life attainable under less than ideal circumstances. It was exactly what Gloria had been doing for her.

Although she felt numb inside, it appeared that Red's body still could feel the full throttles of shame, as guilt and regret rose within her at how unappreciative, resentful, and downright nasty she had been towards Gloria for providing her necessary care. Since her fall things had been better, with Red making a point to cooperate and seem better spirited than she had been lately. But underneath there had always been resentment that being a 'good patient' was the best thing she could aspire to be these days. She'd taken Gloria's unconditional love for granted, grasping onto it like a life preserver because she'd been scared of her own regression. It wasn't enough to simply start being agreeable with Gloria again, Red should have been committed to making Gloria feel loved in the ways she still could. Gloria needed to know that Red loved her as much as she always had and wasn't just clinging to her out of necessity. Gloria deserved that much. Red just hoped that she'd come home and be okay, so that she'd at least have the chance to try.

The only thing that gave Red some solace was knowing that Benny was at least by his mother's side and would look out for her. He'd been out at some nightclub where the music played so loud that he'd needed to step outside to hear them when they'd called, but he'd promised he'd head to the hospital at once. After that there had been nothing left for Red and her two granddaughters to do but sit and wait. She'd persuaded them to hold off on calling their parents until they at least had more information about Gloria's condition. Instead they had gone into the living room where they would be more comfortable. It had been almost an hour since they had spoken to Benny and they still hadn't heard anything more about how Gloria was. Red couldn't decide whether it was a good sign or not that he hadn't called yet. All she knew was that Gloria had been unconscious and that must mean something serious.

Sitting side by side on the sofa, Vera and Emilia shared an anxious glance with one another and then looked back at their Grandmother. She'd been articulate and commanding while they were all running on fear-induced adrenaline, but once the paramedics had taken Gloria out, she had begun to worsen at an alarming rate. Her pale face, rigid stance, and the way she was biting down on her knuckles made it clear to both girls that she was in a lot of pain. Her breath was short and light, as if her chest was too tight for deep breaths. The glazed look in her eyes made it seem like she was a million miles away right now. Her granddaughters were worried. Their mother had stressed before dropping them off for the weekend the importance of listening to their Grandma and not causing her any undue stress, because anxiety would escalate her symptoms. It was obvious to them the physical toll all of this was taking on her. Red was looking worse by the minute.

"Grandma," Vera said, leaning forward to rest her chin on Red's shoulder. "Do you want me to get you a blanket?"

"Mmm….," Red mumbled incoherently, sliding her trembling hand from her lips up to her forehead. The way her head was shaking was beginning to make her ears ring. Vera sounded like she was talking to her from underwater. Her head was pounding and her brain felt like mush.

"I'll be right back," Vera said firmly, as she got to her feet. Something she must have inherited from Red was the need to stay busy and useful to get through difficult times. It was a coping mechanism that served her well. Since she wasn't able to help her Nonna right now like she'd wanted to, Vera focused her attention on keeping her little sister calm and caring for her sick Grandmother. She was fast and in less than a minute had returned to the living room and was carefully tucking a blanket over Red's lap as she sat in her wheelchair, taking care to ensure that her bare legs were covered also.

"Th-th-thanks," Red stuttered. Her tremors were currently so severe that they were affecting her vocal cords. She brought her hands up to grip at the handlebars of her wheelchair and shut her eyes for a brief moment. She opened her eyes and blinked up at Vera. "Such..a...a," her eyes narrowed as she seemed to struggle to find appropriate words to explain what she was trying to say. "Good...girl," she finished.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Vera asked, tentatively resting her hands on top of her Grandmother's. "We can go with you...and we'll keep the phone right on us so that we can hear it when Benny phones-"

Vera cut off at the sound of a key being turned in the door. Emilia who had been drifting off to sleep on the sofa, suddenly sat up straighter with a hopeful look on her tired face. "Maybe they let her come home already," she whispered excitedly. They heard the door open and heavy footsteps as somebody walked inside.

"Hello?" a voice called, "it's just me!"

"Uncle Max," Vera said disappointedly, glancing over at her sister. She sighed forlornly. "We're in here!" she called.

"Everyone still awake?" Maxim said in surprise, walking into the darkened room with his hands folded together.

"We weren't going to go to bed before we heard how Nonna was," Vera scoffed. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to check on you all," Maxim said, giving his niece a stern look. "I hope I'm not disturbing you, Vera."

"We thought-we just thought that you might be Benny bringing Nonna home," Emilia said softly. She scrambled off of the sofa and threw herself into his arms. From her observatory stance, Red could see that as disappointing as it was for Maxim not to be Gloria, her youngest grandchild was relieved to see him. The little girl had been witness to Gloria's collapse and had been in a mixed state of shock and hysteria ever since.

"I see," Maxim said, hugging her closely. "Well...Gloria can't come home tonight, I'm afraid, but she's awake and she's going to be okay."

"You-you were at..at..the hospital?" Red asked anxiously. As Emilia pulled back from her uncle and wiped her tears on the sleeve of her sweater.

"No, but Benny called me from the hospital," Maxim explained. "He said you and the girls were alone here and he wanted to know if I'd come spend the night."

"But..it's okay?" Red pressed on anxiously. "Gloria-she's...she's alright?"

"Yeah," Maxim nodded. "They're keeping her overnight for observation but Benny said she can come home in the morning."

"So, what's wrong with her then?" Vera asked. Lowering herself slowly to the ground, she sat crossed-legged on the floor with her back against the side of Red's wheelchair.

"Well," Maxim said slowly. He motioned Emilia over to the sofa with his hand and then took the seat beside her. He took a deep breath. Red turned to look at him, raising both of her hands up to clutch at the sides of her head and try to steady herself so that she could pay attention to his words.

"When Gloria got to the hospital they checked her blood and noticed at once that her blood-sugar levels were dangerously low," he began.

"Because she didn't eat anything all day," Red said slowly, still clutching the sides of her head. "I knew-I knew she wasn't feeling good. I tol-told her to eat something."

"That might have helped, Ma, but there's more to it," Maxim replied. "The doctor told Benny that Gloria has diabetes."

"Diabetes?" Red repeated, looking confused. That wasn't what she had been expecting to hear. She'd spent most of the night imagining every worse case scenario she could envision, with diabetes not even processing on her radar. Now she could feel herself beginning to calm. Her hands slid down the sides of her face and she clutched them tightly in her lap together.

"Like when you have to always check your blood and give yourself needles?" Vera asked hesitantly, leaning her head back so that her hair brushed against Red's leg.

"One of my friends at school has that," Emilia added.

Maxim smiled. "and I'm sure your friend still lives a normal life, huh, Em?"

"Yeah, except at my birthday party last year she couldn't eat the cake," Emilia told him.

"It's pretty common," Maxim nodded. "And so long as you're taking care of yourself and taking your medicine if you need it, you feel good. When Gloria collapsed tonight she fell into what is a called a 'diabetic coma'."

"A coma?" Emilia echoed, looking alarmed.

"But she's awake now, right?" Vera asked anxiously.

"She woke up," Maxim nodded. "The doctors got her levels normalized."

"Good," Vera breathed.

"I know that must have been a pretty scary thing for you girls to see, huh?" Maxim sympathized. Red watched her granddaughters nod their heads slowly and her heart sank. They still looked petrified. Emilia had at least stopped crying, but her eyes were red-rimmed and her face was blotchy. Vera's face was so pale that it was almost translucent. They'd been so strong and so capable during all of this.

"They did amazing though," Red told her son softly. "You-you would have been so proud if-if you could have seen them. Vera called the ambulance herself."

"You did, sweetie?" Maxim turned to his niece. "You did such a good job. Nonna is going to be so proud of you when she hears everything you did. She was talking about you guys, you know? Complaining to Benny about how she was supposed to be watching a movie and ended up in the hospital instead. He said she was grumpy."

Red breathed a sigh of relief. She supposed Gloria must be feeling a little bit better if she was able to be complaining to Benny. That was something to be thankful for but Red still felt completely awful. Her back was spasming, all her limbs were twitching, and the trembling in her head made it difficult to fully concentrate.

She was annoyed and resentful of her body. It had already failed and degraded her in so many ways but the worst was accepting how useless it made her. She couldn't be at the hospital, holding Gloria's hand and supporting the family through this all. Hell, she couldn't even care for her granddaughters herself. Vera and Emilia had been the ones looking after her since this crisis had occurred. Even now, Maxim was only at their house because lining up a babysitter for her was prioritized over all else. It was a reality that made Red burn with deepest shame and loathing. She felt pathetic. She wanted to get up and go to the hospital where her heart was aching to be, but all she could really do was lean back in her wheelchair and wait.

"Can we call her?" Vera asked eagerly, reaching her hand onto the handlebar of Red's wheelchair, she got up on her knees and turned towards her uncle imploringly. "Benny can hold the phone up to her ear if she's too weak to take it."

"No," Maxim shook his head, earning himself loud groans of disgruntlement from his nieces. But he ignored them. "It's too late."

"Benny won't be asleep yet," Emilia argued. "We can try."

"You can talk to her tomorrow," Red told them, her voice feeble with exhaustion. "Right now, you…" she paused, as a sweep of nausea swept over her making her eyes momentarily cross. "You need to do as your uncle said…get some sleep. You can share Benny's bed tonight."

"Okay," Emilia sighed, getting to her feet. Maxim leaned back against the sofa and smiled understandingly at her resistance. It was obvious that Emilia would have been asleep on the couch in a matter of minutes anyway.

"What time will she be home tomorrow?" Vera asked, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"At this rate...before you wake up, most likely," Maxim replied, with a glance at the clock. "It's late, guys. You're going to be exhausted."

"Ha," Vera rolled her eyes, incapable of holding back for a moment longer. "We'll see about that," she replied.

However, she got up to follow her younger sister. She wanted to be at the hospital but they probably wouldn't have let her in to see Nonna, even if she could convince her uncle to take her. There was no sense upsetting her Grandmother anymore than she already had by being difficult. They all could see how uncomfortable she was and Vera worried that her words had contributed to that. She was thankful her uncle was here to take care of things now.

"Goodnight, Grandma," Vera whispered softly, as she leaned over to kiss her trembling cheek. "About before..."

"Don't…. worry, darling," Red's voice shakily. "It's…okay."

"I love you," Vera pressed her lips to her Grandmother's alternate cheek.

"I…love you…too," Red said softly. "Vera," she whispered her name. Her heart felt expanded when Emilia came into the space just vacated by her older sister and wrapped her arms around in a hug. Red's firmly clasped hands unclenched, and she lifted them with some difficulty so that she could reciprocate.

"Goodnight, Grandma," Emilia said, as she straightened up. She turned around to embrace Maxim next, who was watching impatiently from the sofa. It was after one in the morning, but these girls moved at a snail's pace. He couldn't resist a smile when his youngest niece came forward for a hug, however. He couldn't wait to tell his brother how well their daughters had cared for their grandmother and stayed calm in the middle of a crisis. But now it was time for them to go to bed and let him take over. He wanted them to feel reassured and safe. They were still just kids.

"Goodnight, sweetie," Maxim said, patting her back. "Have sweet dreams, okay? You don't have to worry. Nonna will be home tomorrow."

As the sound of the girls pandering feet died away, silence fell between the mother and son. Maxim sat quietly, giving her a little time to process all of the information that she had received. She didn't look well at all to him, much worse than she usually did. He supposed the stress of the night was contributing to her worsened condition, but he thought a lot of it could be remedied by getting some sleep. Red's eyes were bloodshot and dry. He watched as Red reached into the sleeve of her nightgown and pulled out a wad of used Kleenex she had tucked in there. She brushed the sheet across her mouth, sticking her tongue out slightly, she dabbed the Kleenex on it as though trying to dry the excessive saliva that made her mouth feel constantly full. She shoved the Kleenex back into her sleeve and then brought her hand up to her lips again. Pinching her thumb and index finger together, she reached into her mouth to retrieve a small strip of tissue that had stuck to her tongue. She flicked it off her fingers and it fell to the floor.

"What do you say, Ma?" Maxim broke the silence after another moment. He yawned loudly and then straightened his posture. "Can I help you to your bed?"

Glancing over, as though she had suddenly just remembered he was there, Red pointed a shaking finger at the mobile Vera had left resting on the coffee table. "I need you to give me my phone," Red said, ignoring his statement. Maxim gave her a searching look as he picked it up and passed it into her shaking grip. He watched as she fumbled to hold onto the phone with both hands, her thumb trembling as she brushed it across the screen.

"What are you trying to do?" Maxim asked, his hand making an involuntary movement towards hers as he leaned over her shoulder to watch. He could see that she was struggling. Her index finger was tapping at some icons on the home screen, but it mistakenly clicked on a full row, opening several windows at once. She couldn't use her cellphone anymore, besides to talk on if someone else got it ready for her. Although he wasn't surprised she wouldn't ask his help right now. Without doubt, she knew he wouldn't approve.

"I need…to call Benny," Red muttered quietly, her eyes glaring at the phone as she bit her lip in concentration. She was working to close several of the unwanted screens so that she could get to Benny's contact page and dial, yet her touch wasn't registering on the glass.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" Maxim sighed, resting his chin on top of her shoulder.

"No!" Red exclaimed shortly. Her eyes darting to the side to consider him. In her momentary lapse of concentration her phone slipped between her hands, bounced onto her lap and then slid to the floor. She watched sadly as Maxim bent down to pick it up. Leaning back against the couch cushions, he held it calmly in a single hand.

"I told you everything we know," Maxim reminded her patiently. He ran his thumb over the back of the mobile phone but gave no indication that he was going to help her call.

"But why…why didn't he call me…directly?" Red asked, rubbing her dry, itchy eyes against her sleeve. She'd been waiting hours for news and as her wife, she should have been the first to know. She should be there.

"I don't know, Ma," Maxim sighed. "All I can say is that Gloria is being well cared for and is probably asleep right now, as is Benny -just like you should be. You need some rest."

"No," Red said stubbornly, bringing her fingers up to cover her quivering lips. "I can't…I can't…can't think…about that…right now."

"Well, that's one of the reasons why I'm here," Maxim replied calmly. "To make sure you don't forget to think about yourself."

Red closed her eyes and allowed her head to fall forward. "It's my fault," she whimpered.

"And how do you come to that conclusion, Mama?" Maxim frowned, rubbing his hand up and down her twitching arm.

Tears burned in the corners of Red's eyes. "I take up…all of her energy. She's too…focused on me."

"She has diabetes, Ma," Maxim sighed. "That is nobody's fault. And it's a manageable condition. She's fine."

"It's serious," Red said stubbornly.

"It's serious, but treatable," Maxim replied. "And now that she knows what's going on I'm sure she'll make caring for herself more of a priority."

"I wear her out," Red confessed, reconnecting her hands together and squeezing them as tightly as she could. "I make her tired…I'm so much work…"

"Just like Gloria's diabetes is nobody's fault, the same goes for you," Maxim replied. "Don't feel guilty for things beyond your control." He leaned forward to set the phone back on its original place at the coffee table, then he got up to go stand behind his mother's wheelchair.

"The sad reality is that you're in way worse shape that Gloria," Maxim said bluntly. He released the brakes on her chair and Red leaned back resignedly as he began pushing her down the hallway towards her bedroom. She didn't really have a say. "I came over to take care of you."

"Maxim," Red said sucking in her breath as he pushed her wheelchair. "I hate…being useless…"

"Mama, it's because you're sick," Maxim said quietly as they moved down the hall. "You're not responsible for anything and it's time for you to let other people in this family handle things and take care of you. Gloria knows she would be there if you could."

Even from her hospital bed, Gloria's biggest concern when she woke up was making sure that someone would be looking after Red and the girls for her. She'd be angry with Maxim if she knew he had allowed his mother to stay up all night worrying and making herself exceedingly sicker. It was a difficult think for Red to accept or for Maxim to have to remind her, but the best way she could help Gloria right now was by getting to bed and listening to what her son said. She couldn't do anything more than that.

Maxim paused her wheelchair in the hallway outside of the bathroom. They could hear Emilia's light snoring from the bedroom across the hall. Both the girls appeared to already be asleep.

"Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?" he offered awkwardly. Red shifted slightly in her wheelchair but shook her head briefly.

Maxim resumed his pushing, entering the small but attractive bedroom that Red and Gloria shared. Not surprisingly, he didn't spend a lot of time in this particular room of the house. His eyes scanned around the darkened room, which was illuminated by a nightlight plugged in by Red's side of the bed so she could see when she woke up throughout the night. He stared at the portable toilet by the bed sadly and then spotted her containers of pills all lined up on top of the dresser.

Refraining from making any comments, Maxim wheeled her chair over to the bed and then set the brakes. He removed the blanket that Vera had tucked around her, leaving Red's trembling legs on full display. "Take my hand, Ma," Maxim said, holding out an arm for her to cling to. Red did as he said gripping her son's strong forearm as tightly as she could when she was so unsteady. Maxim supported her back and with a deep breath in, heaved his mother to her feet. He shunted her over to the bed and gently helped her sit down. Red was been like a doll in his arms. So maneuverable and light. She fell back against her pillow, eyes dry and red, her legs restlessly fidgeting. There was no break.

Maxim leaned down to pick his mother's legs up by the ankles and then turned them onto the bed so that she was lying vertically on the mattress, looking ready for sleep. Maxim pulled the blankets she had kicked off in her haste when the girls had woken her about Gloria. He pulled them up past her waist awkwardly and tucked her in.

"Do you need a pill?" he asked awkwardly, pointing to the bottles laid out on the dresser. Red's eyes were already trying to close while he spoke.

"I can't," Red breathed, finally giving way to the fatigue that had plagued her all evening and been given barely a reprieve. She didn't have energy to do anything. Every cell in her body felt worn out and decrepit. Her head was pounding and every minute or so a wave of nausea would brush over her making the room spin and her vision go blurry. "I have to…wait…until morning."

"What happens if you take an extra?" Maxim asked. He was backing her wheelchair up against the wall where it would be out of the way and not pose a tripping hazard to any of them.

"Probably nothing," Red replied, she glanced at the other side of the mattress. The blankets and pillows on Gloria's side were still made up and cold. She'd be without her tonight and that was hell. She didn't want to be alone. Since they'd made up, Gloria had moved back into their room and been sharing their bed every night. Gloria rarely went to bed as early as she did, so Red was used to falling asleep alone once Gloria kissed her goodnight, but being able to reach out for her in the middle of the night was something she yearned for. She missed her terribly.

"Do you want to try one?" Maxim asked, walking over to the dresser and picking up the bottle that he knew held the drugs for her tremors. Gloria had explained the prescription cocktail the doctor had put his mother on once to him before. He shook it slightly in his hand, watching her little blue pills dance inside.

"If you haven't had once since this evening then I don't see any harm, Mama. And I want you to get some relief so you'll be able to fall asleep," he told her softly.

"Okay," Red agreed softly, still fidgeting uncomfortably beneath her blanket. She really had no opinion on the matter aside from being grateful for anything that might make her feel a little bit better. Truth be told, she'd long ago stopped really paying much attention to the specifics of her care. She rarely even voiced her opinions in the doctor's office anymore, either. Gloria spoke for her, filled the prescriptions, and made decisions while Red stared out a window and reminisced about better days. Since she couldn't be left alone or entrusted with anything above what you'd give to a young child, it seemed fruitless to imagine that anything she had to say actually mattered anymore. She was losing control over everything and trying to hang on just made it all the more painful.

"Can I have some water?" she asked.

"Of course, I'll be right back," Maxim said swiftly. Sticking her pill bottle into the sleeve of his sweater, he left for the kitchen, leaving Red momentarily alone, which was what she needed. It was a challenge, but she didn't have much time, so as soon as her son had turned out of sight, Red shrugged her blankets off and began to squirm towards the edge of the bed. Her feet hit the floor and it was a struggle to sit herself up the rest of the way, using the edge of her nightstand for support. Then she lifted up the front of her nightgown.

The sides of her disposable brief could be torn to remove, but Red's hands were far too jittery at the moment to even attempt that...and she only had seconds before Maxim came back. Clenching her teeth together, she pulled the wet garment down her legs, lifting herself briefly to slide it from beneath her and have it fall to the floor in a heavy thump. Panting at the exertion, Red bent down to pick the wet undergarment up, supporting herself to prevent falling with her spare hand holding tightly to the corner of her nightstand. She tossed her used brief into the wastebasket, where it would hopefully remain undetected by her son.

As far as Red knew, nobody aside from Gloria or Lida would have known to check her and she was grateful that nobody had informed Maxim before he came over to spend the night with her. There were things about a mother that a son shouldn't have to know. She wasn't sure how far her pride would take her, but she still thought she would have chosen to lie in a wet brief all night before asking Maxim's help to change out of it. She'd woken up that way and already been sitting in it for several hours, after all. Her physical discomfort from that was only minimalized by the relief that nobody else had noticed.

She was now more exhausted than words could possibly describe and swayed dangerously as she sat at the edge of her bed. A shaking hand at her side was little support to keep her from toppling over but she didn't have the ability to lie back down safely and go to sleep either.

"Mama, what are you doing?" Maxim asked in alarm, walking back into the room and coming to stand directly in front of her. He set the water down on her nightstand and then gripped her firmly by both shoulders as she trembled.

"Were you trying to go somewhere?" he asked, sounding more calm now that he was holding her and could be sure she was alright.

"No…" Red answered softly.

"You're having a rough night, Mama," Maxim said, as though she needed reminding. "If you need something tell me so I can get it, or ask for my help if you really need to get up. Otherwise, you need to stay in bed. You're shaking right now."

"Yes…" Red said tiredly, accepting his diagnosis. Despite the fight Maxim was inevitably expecting from her, his mother was far too unwell and exhausted right now to resist him anything.

"I'm going to stay in here with you tonight so I can hear if you wake up or need anything," Maxim told her firmly, sounding much more assertive than Red would have ever expected from him. He glanced over at the chair in the corner of the room. "Are the extra blankets and pillows in the hall closet? I'll just—"

"You can share my bed," Red interrupted. Her voice was barely above a whisper but Maxim still understood. He squeezed her shoulders affectionately and then kissed her forehead.

"Are you sure?" he double-checked.

"Of…course," Red replied. "My son...isn't...sleeping...in a chair."

"Okay," Maxim smiled softly. "Let's me just help you lie back down, okay?"

Red hesitated for a moment, biting down on her bottom lip as her shoulders shook even more aggressively in his grasp.

"Will you get me…a Depend from the closet?" she asked him weakly, looking away from his face as she spoke. Her cheeks were burning from shame and humiliation. This was her son. She hated him seeing her so pathetic. However, it would be much much worse to not put one on and face the consequences of that decision before dawn. Red knew there was no escaping the truth that she needed to wear one.

"Sure," Maxim said. Since he was nervous about her slipping off the bed, he reached his hands beneath the crook of her legs and around her back so that he could shift her further back on the mattress. Then he walked around to the closet as she'd asked.

The closet was basically ordinary, filled with clothes, handbags, and shoes which Maxim knew mostly belonged to Gloria. His mother's wardrobe had always been more sparse than her wife's and the whole family had listened to Benny complain about how Gloria had taken over the closet in his bedroom too. The only thing different about this closet was the stack of boxes on the floor that held the adult pull-ups his mother obviously needed to wear now. If Maxim was grateful for anything at this moment, it was Gloria's discretion. If his mother had to live the way she did, it was at least a relief to her son that the supplies were hidden away and her privacy was respected.

It was an awkward situation for a son to be in and nothing but deep affection for his mother could help him get though it. He didn't ask her permission, as he grabbed one from the box and walked back around the bed. Unfolding the Depend he kneeled down on the floor and gently lifted one leg at a time through each leg hole. Getting it the rest of the way up was a little more difficult. It entailed helping her to stand so he could tug it up beneath her nightgown until he knew it was snug around her waist. He kept one arm around her the entire time for support since she was too shaky to stand unassisted at the moment.

"I'm sorry," Red apologized, as he helped her sit back down on the bed.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Maxim replied, making a mental note to thank Gloria and his sister-in-law for all they did tomorrow when he saw them. He cleared his throat.

"So…uhm…I googled your prescription on my phone when I was in the kitchen," he told her, to break the silence. "I don't think there's anything wrong with taking another tonight. You need some rest, so you need to be comfortable."

"Uh huh," Red murmured sleepily.

"Okay," Maxim said quietly as he got the pill out for her.

Red held her palm up to accept the pill, but Maxim was one step ahead of her and pressed the tablet against her lips, waiting for her to part them and accept it. Apparently, he didn't want to risk her dropping it in her shaken state. She opened slowly, and Maxim dropped the pill onto her tongue for her. Then he brought the cup of water to her lips and guided the straw into her mouth.

"That should help, hmm?" Maxim soothed, as he watched her swallow it. He set the cup on her bedside table.

"Yes," Red agreed softly.

"Let's get some sleep, okay?" Maxim suggested softly, and she nodded her trembling head slightly. Slowly he helped her to lie back down in the bed again and then tucked the blankets up around her. Red squirmed under the covers, puzzling her son, until he realized she was trying to maneuver onto her side to sleep and assisted her with that. Red's hands clenched around the top of her blanket, and she pressed her cheek into the pillow.

Once he was confident she was secure, Maxim walked around the bed to Gloria's side. Before he lay down himself, he took his cellphone out of the pocket of the jeans he had thrown on in a hurry when Benny had phoned. Luca had sent him several texts since he'd left the house, asking him to call home once he got his mother settled. Max was far too tired for that though, and he didn't want to disturb his mother or leave her alone to go make a phone call in a different room. He quickly texted a quick message letting him know that everything was fine there and he was going to bed, before setting the phone on Gloria's nightstand and lying down in the bed beside his mother.

He could tell that Galina wasn't asleep yet from the way her hands were continuing to clutch and tug at the blankets as she struggled to get comfortable. Maxim curled up on his side, facing her back. Without much thought, his hand began rubbing at her back in a circular fashion, paying particular attention to the places he knew he troubled his mother for as long as he could remember. She'd damaged her back as a young woman from the hard and repetitive manual labour she had performed in the factor she'd worked at in Russia.

Red let out a contented breath. "That feels good," she told him softly.

"You used to get me to drive my cars over your back when I was little," he teased, noting the groove and awkward bend of her curved spine that hadn't been there before. Red let out a small noise in the back of her throat that somewhat resembled a chuckle.

"I'll take the girls over to my place tomorrow to wait for Vasily and Lida," he told her. "After they see Gloria, of course. Sound okay?"

"Yes," Red replied.

"Goodnight, Mama," Maxim told her softly, as he continued to rub circles on her aching back. It might have been his imagination, but he thought he could feel a slight relief in her aggressive shaking. Whether it was the back massage or because the medication was already starting to kick in, Maxim wasn't sure. He just decided not to stop until she was well asleep.

"I'm right here if you need anything," he reminded her, now stroking his hand up and down the length of her spine. He hated that she was sick and that they'd been put in this cruelest of circumstances. His mother didn't want him to see her this way, anymore than he wanted to watch. Yet there was no avoiding the situation for either of them at the moment, and it was quite amazing just what love could help you get through.

XXX

Red slept deeply and without interruption for the remainder of the night. It was exceedingly rare for her to get more than one or two solid hours, but the magnitude of her exhaustion and the extra dosage of levodopa had made a serious impact. When she opened her eyes the next morning she was immediately blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the window that somebody had opened the curtains to. Blinking rapidly to adjust, it took Red a couple seconds to realize that Gloria was sitting at the foot of the bed with a genuine smile on her face.

"Am I dreaming?" Red asked gruffly. She glanced over at the other side of the bed and saw that Maxim was gone. The sunlight told her she had slept much later than she typically would. She suddenly had a vague remembrance of her son helping her to sit up and coax her into swallowing her pills and some water, before tucking her back in and telling her to go back to sleep. Maxim had stayed by her side all night and though she wished it hadn't been necessary, she was filled with incredible love for her son right now.

Pressing her hands into the bed she tried to straggle up into a sitting position. Immediately she could tell that for her physically, this was going to be a much better day than her night had been. Her body was calm, except for the slightest twitch in her right foot. Her head felt cleared of its foggy storm and she felt more energized after getting some solid sleep. Last night had been one of the worst she'd ever seen and a clear example of how her emotional state impacted her physical symptoms.

"I'm back," Gloria winked, leaning forward to kiss the corner of her mouth.

Red sighed in relief at the sight of her. Despite looking a little tired, Gloria looked the same as before. She was still dressed in the jeans and sweater from the previous day and her grey hair was a little disheveled from not having been combed. She looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes and a bandage on her arm, but otherwise she seemed healthy. Her appearance was just the reassurance Red had been needing.

"Come sit closer to me," Red pleaded, beckoning Gloria over with an outstretched hand.

"With pleasure," Gloria replied, taking Red's hand and then crawling up the length of the bed on her knees. "Hi," she smiled, pecking her lips lightly.

"Hello," Red said softly, as a rosiness marked her pale cheeks. She squeezed Gloria's hand as hard as she could and then leaned over to catch her lips again.

"I couldn't wait to get home," Gloria told her. "Mostly because I wanted to see you, but I have to admit that it also was because my nurses were b*tches."

"How?" Red giggled.

"They just bugged me," Gloria rolled her eyes. "Always waking me up as soon as I started to fall asleep because they wanted to check my vitals or something annoying."

"Well, that's what you were there for," Red purred, stretching a hand out to squeeze the muscles in Gloria's thighs. In an instant Gloria had stretched her legs out so as to give her more access. It was very rare for Red to instigate touching her. Red leaned back, her head supported by several pillows while Gloria fell back with her and nestled her head on her shoulder.

"How else did they bother you?" Red asked. She tugged at a loose thread hanging off of the inner thigh portion of Gloria's jeans.

"They sent this... _child_ in to draw blood sometime around five this morning," Gloria huffed. "It must have been the poor girl's first five minutes on the job. She poked me five separate times before she finally got a vein."

"Ouch," Red sympathized, turning her head so that she could kiss the top of Gloria's head.

"Yeah," Gloria sighed. "I blame Benny actually. He wouldn't shut up, he was probably distracting her. I told him if he's going to hit on a staff member to at least pick one who wasn't stupid."

Red chuckled at Gloria's words. She sounded so fiery and normal that it was hard to imagine that she had been unconscious on the kitchen floor last night. She seemed like she was ready for a good nap, but aside from that she actually appeared to have more energy that she had in several months. As her test an hour ago would confirm, her blood-sugar levels were good for the moment.

"Speaking of Benny," Red said, drumming her fingertips against Gloria's thigh. "Where is he?"

"Sleeping," Gloria replied. "He said the hospital chairs were too impossible to get comfortable in and he was going straight to bed."

"Well, when he gets up, I need you to hit him for me," Red said seriously.

"Sure," Gloria said without hesitation. She tilted her head resting on Red's shoulder up and kissed her jaw bone. "Any particular reason?"

"He never let me know how you were," Red replied. "The girls and I were sitting up terrified about what was happening to you, and he never even bothered to call."

"Yeah," Gloria gritted her teeth. "Maxim told us about that. Benny argued and insisted that he did message you, so I told him to give me some proof….so little dweeb pulls out his phone to show me a detailed text that he typed out and then forgot to hit 'send' on."

"I'm going to kill him," Red said irritably. "You have no idea how worried I was about you."

"Aww, because you love me?" Gloria purred. She wrapped an arm across Red's body and then overlapped her legs so that Red's hand was sandwiched between her two thighs.

"Yes, I do," Red said quietly. She sniffed and then stared straight into Gloria's brown eyes. "All I kept thinking last night while I waited to hear what was wrong with you, was if this was the end...would you know how much I love you?"

"Yes, I know you love me," Gloria said, reaching up an arm to wrap around Red's neck.

"Not just that I love you," Red pressed. "But that I'm completely in love with you...as a soulmate, as a wife, as the love of my life. Do you know that?"

"Galina," Gloria laughed, though her heart was swelling with joy. "What has gotten into you? I mean-I'm not complaining, but you must have been really worried, huh?"

"You were unconscious lying on the kitchen floor," Red said dramatically. "We couldn't wake you and we didn't know what was wrong."

"I'm sorry," Gloria apologized, leaning over to kiss her lips. "I blacked out so I don't know what that was like...but now you understand how scared I feel about you all the time." She kissed her lips again. "But honestly...I'm feeling fine."

"You're not just saying that?" Red squinted at her.

"Oh please," Gloria rolled her eyes. "If I was in pain or uncomfortable you know you'd be hearing all about it."

"I suppose you do like to go off, hmm?" Red teased. She flexed the fingers on the hand sandwiched between Gloria's thighs, and then wriggled it upward so that it was pressed hard against her front making Gloria hitch in her breath. The movement was subtle, Red's fingertips emitted so light of a pressure that it was barely registerable through Gloria's clothing layers, but mentally it was a powerful sensation. It suggested a closeness that she had thought was unreachable, and even if nothing went any further than this subtle touch, it meant the world to her.

"What are you thinking, love?" Gloria murmured, leaning forward to kiss Red's collarbone. She raised her eyes up at her. "Hmm?"

Red brought her other hand up to caress Gloria's grey locks of hair. "I missed you so much," she said honestly.

"I missed you too," Gloria smiled. "And I just love being like this with you...it doesn't have to be much. Just these times when I feel like we're really connecting. I should get sick more often!"

"No!" Red shook her head. "No, don't even say that. I don't want to ever see you like that again, understand? I need you healthy." Her hand shifted uncertainty, before brushing against Gloria again with slightly more pressure than before. So, taking a chance, Gloria slid her own free hand up to overlap Red's. Warmth was radiating off of her as Gloria added the slightest increase of pressure for a moment before pulling back. She didn't want to make this too big of a deal. She just had wanted to give the smallest of gestures to show Red that she knew what she was doing and appreciated it.

"I guess I'm going to go have a bath," Gloria whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth.

"Really?" Red asked.

"Yeah," Gloria said quietly. "I smell like a hospital and I want to change out of these clothes too."

"Okay," Red sighed. As Gloria untangled their limbs, Red sat up in their bed, though her shoulders and back were permanently arched forward.

"Do you want to come join me though?" Gloria smiled, raising her eyebrows enticingly. "Maxim took the girls out this morning so aside from a sleeping Benny, we're all alone...and I want you close to me."

"I guess so," Red replied. "If you want…" They used to shower together almost everyday. It had just been their ritual. When one would jump in, the other would be quick to follow. Some of their best conversations had happened underneath the rainfall shower setting and even after so many years together it had never ceased to be a passionate and romantic gesture. When Red had first gotten sick and her balance had become sketchy, showering together had become a necessary method for her to bathe safely, while also providing them with a sense of intimacy that had begun to sorely lack in their relationship. Red wondered if Gloria was trying to renew some of that closeness by suggesting they share a bath now. It was something she was very open to.

"Yes, I want to," Gloria said, as she climbed off of the bed.

"Come here," she gestured, wrapping her arms supportively around Red's frame so that she could help her up out of bed and then guide her into the bathroom. They didn't need the wheelchair; Gloria's experienced eye told her Galina was strong enough to make the small trek across the hall. With Gloria right there for security, the walker wasn't necessary either. When they entered the bathroom, Gloria assisted Red to sit on the closed toilet seat and then turned back around to shut the door.

"Is that for you?" Red asked, gesturing to a machine that was a new addition to the bathroom and was sitting on a high shelf.

"Yep," Gloria replied. "I have to test my blood levels five times a day, everyday, for the rest of my life. That's why my finger is sore." She stuck the plug into the drain and then turned the taps on. "Do you want bubbles? I sort of do…"

"Sure," Red replied distractedly, as she struggled to tear open the sides of the depends she was wearing beneath her nightgown. Watching out of the corner of her eye, Gloria quickly added some bumble bath to the stream of hot water and then went to her. Without speaking or asking, she calmly reached up the skirt of her nightgown and guided Red's hands away from the side of her undergarment. With quick fingers, Gloria ripped open the sides of the Depends and then helped Red to stand back up so that they could easily remove it.

Gloria stripped her own clothes off quickly and tossed them into the laundry basket. Then she helped Red remove her nightgown. Gloria kept her hands firmly on her arms as she helped Red step one foot into the tub and then the other. It was a bit clumsy of a gesture, sitting down together, but ultimately, they managed it. Gloria rested her back against the groove of the tub, and Red leaned back against her. The tub was almost ready to overflow with lots of pink sudsy bubbles so Gloria stuck her foot out of the water to turn off the tap.

"So, you really feel okay?" Red asked her softly. She reached a hand into a large cloud of foam and leaned her head back so that it was aligned with the column of Gloria's neck.

"Just tired," Gloria replied. "I know I'm going to take a nap after this. Just have a lazy day in bed." She playfully rubbed a coating of bubbles up Red's arm. "I promise to wake up in plenty of time to have a well-balanced lunch." She kissed her cheek. "I'll be good."

"You better," Red said softly, leaning back against Gloria's body her breath quickened when Gloria wrapped her arms tightly around her in embrace. They were the closest they had been in a very long time. Beneath the water, their legs wrapped around one another with just their knee caps protruding out of the bubbles. Red's heart was pounding anxiously in her chest and from the excitement, her hands began to tremble.

"Are you okay?" Gloria asked her softly.

"Mhmm…" Red nodded her head. She exhaled loudly, and brought her hands up to hold Gloria's, which were still wrapped protectively around her body. She suddenly felt a rising of shame inside of her. That the lightest suggestions of touch she had given Gloria in the bedroom had suggested her wish to begin that physical aspect of their relationship. She didn't want to tease and then withhold something they bought had been missing, but at the same Red knew it wasn't something she wanted to attempt. It just seemed impossible in so many ways, and even more, she couldn't imagine Gloria even desiring to engage her like that anymore. She couldn't imagine there was anything about her that could be considered attractive these days.

"I love just lying here with you," Gloria said, seeming to understand Red's nervousness and now wished to quell it. She slid one hand up Red's body, glazing over her breasts, neck, and finally to her ear. She massaged it gently, rolling it between her thumb and forefinger. "

This is enough," she whispered in Red's ear, before she leaned forward over Red's right shoulder and caught her lips in a kiss. Expecting it, Red was ready. Her lips instantaneously parted as she slipped her tongue imploringly into Gloria's taking in her taste and sweetness that had been missing from her life for so long.

Their kiss deepened, Red's lips were twitchy and she fumbled clumsily as she moved with her. Gloria's hand caressed her face, keeping her steady as they leaned in to one another. The awkwardness of her movements seemed not to matter, and for once Red wasn't concerned about how it would appear. Laughter vibrated in the back of her throat, and in reciprocation Red could feel Gloria smile. This was just the two of them alone together and it was as close to perfect as she could hope. It was passionate and an expression of love that had been withheld for a very long time. Things were changing and some things no longer were, but they still had one another and a love worth celebrating and embracing. This was a dance to see how they worked and what they both were comfortable with. Within minutes, they had pulled away. Both breathless and sated in a love that was mutually reciprocated. Making the most of the time they had and the best out of less than ideal circumstances.

"I'm sorry," Red apologized, reaching up to wipe the moisture from Gloria's face when they were done. Suddenly she felt self-conscious, being wholeheartedly the one responsible for the sloppy kiss they had shared. It was embarrassing.

"What are you doing to me?" Gloria smiled, motioning to the trail of bubbles Red had accidently brushed onto her face. Gloria wiped the soap off and then took each of Red's hands in hers. They lined them up, holding them out before their eyes they compared lines, skin tone, and signs of aging.

"You should let me paint your nails later," Gloria said softly, taking in Red's bare fingernails which had always been polished before.

"Okay," Red replied. Gently she jostled Gloria's hands which were half-bitten down and not really fit to do anything with. Red leaned her head back against Gloria's shoulder and closed her eyes contentedly. "Thank you," she murmured.

"For what?" asked Gloria.

Red opened her eyes to peer up at Gloria through her long lashes. "For reminding me that life still can be good sometimes."


	12. Chapter 12

"What do you mean you don't know what you're wearing?" Lida exclaimed in aghast. She held the glue gun in her hand at the ready and gave her mother-in-law a piercing stare as she looked over at her across the bed of craft supplies they had scattered across the kitchen table. Wooden beads, ribbons, candles, silk leaves, and black lanterns, that she had bought in bulk from a craft store she loved to visit were everywhere. She had carted all of her materials over to Red and Gloria's house for the evening, saying she was on a mission to complete these by tomorrow and in desperate need of help.

"Exactly what I said," Red replied promptly. Leaning forward in her wheelchair the eyes behind the gold rimmed glasses darted side to side as she perused the ribbons set in front of her. She wasn't a crafty person, but after sitting at the table and talking with Lida while she worked, Red had been persuaded to participate. She had nothing better to do and a daughter-in-law who liked to try and keep her busy as much as was feasible. What Red had once done for her boys, was now being done for her.

"I accompanied Nicky to one of her fittings, I got the girls their bridesmaid dresses, but what I wear isn't important," Red continued, sounding a bit flustered. "I'll find something…"

"You're cutting things kind of close, don't you think?" Lida asked. She applied a dab of melted glue to the top of a lantern she was embellishing and then quickly pressed an orange silk leaf to the spot. "You do realize that the wedding is tomorrow, right?"

"You're one to talk," Red replied, with a hint of a smile in her tone. "Who volunteers to make table centerpieces for the reception and doesn't start until the night before?" With clumsy fingers, Red bit her tongue in concentration as she focused intently on tying the yellow ribbon she had selected around the metal link at the top of the lantern.

Red was in good spirits that evening. After being relieved to find out that Gloria was fine, the two women had spent a quiet week resting at home together while Gloria took a short leave from work to recuperate. The two wives had enjoyed having unlimited time alone, to cuddle in bed together and talk about everything that came to their mind. A lot of their conversations were serious, but they still were able to share stories and memories that made the other laugh and smile. They discussed their children and grandchildren, and more than anything else they each reminded the other that they would love them forever, no matter what. They were getting older, more tired, and Red's serious diagnosis had forced them to accept that things were changing in ways neither ever would have wanted. When Red was feeling particularly open, she would confess about how terrified she was and how all she felt like doing constantly was apologizing to Gloria and her children for putting them in this position. As miserable as losing her independence and bodily autonomy was for Red, what was even harder was feeling like she\ was letting everybody down and putting them into a very awkward situation.

However, the week together had done them well and Gloria was back to feeling like her old self in a matter of days. She needed to be careful about what she ate, check her sugar levels, and give herself medicine, but when she compared her own situation to the life-changing diagnosis her wife had received, Gloria knew she was very blessed. She'd also grown restless, lying around the house all week which Red had noticed. It was why she had persuaded Gloria to leave her for a night out that evening. Red didn't want Gloria to miss out on life just because she couldn't keep up anymore. She was even being a good sport about being "watched" by Lida so Gloria could go out.

"You're too fast for me," Lida giggled, when Red pushed the lantern across the table to her when she had succeeded at making a satisfactory bow for it. Lida pulled it closer and then turned back to the one set in front of her that she was currently working to add some beads and silk leaves to. Red leaned back in her chair and watched her daughter-in-law's nimble fingers in action. Red's own body would never give her such precise ability like that again. Glancing over at the bow she had tied for Nicky's centerpieces made her feel defeated. They looked like something a small child who had just barely learned to tie her own shoes could create, and Red wanted to ask Lida to fix it for her except she didn't want to be a poor sport about the activity they were doing together. She knew Lida cared more about including her than making things perfect. It just was awful to feel like nothing more than an overgrown child.

"I think we're doing good," Lida beamed, oblivious to the emotions her mother-in-law was experiencing. "Isn't this fun?"

"It feels like tedious work to me," Red replied honestly, "but they are pretty. I think Nicky will be happy with them." Most of the wedding elements were being managed by hired professionals, but both brides had been happy when Lida had offered to make centerpieces for them. Vasily's wife had an artistic side. She loved signing up for pottery and painting classes when she had the time, although she had never been successful at persuading her mother-in-law to join her.

"Well, thanks for helping," Lida said sincerely. "I enjoy doing this more with a partner." Red's eyes flickered, as Lida reached for the final lantern that she had just tied the ribbon onto and then selected a triage of leaves to adorn it with. Red exhaled loudly and then leaned over so that she could prop her chin up with her hand. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that this is what life had become for her, although she no longer fought it. She was trying to be cooperative and just agree with what her caregivers wanted, without argument. They were in charge and Red didn't get to make many choices for herself anymore.

She wasn't allowed to be unsupervised and privacy had become a thing of the past. Sometimes Gloria felt more like a mother to her than a wife, which was painful and comforting all at the same time. At the stage she was in, what Galina needed constantly was reassurance that nobody was going to leave her even as the list of things she could do for herself continued to grow smaller. It was hard not to feel reduced to a child, when Gloria wanting to go out for an evening of dinner and shopping with her daughter and granddaughter, required a lot of careful planning to ensure someone would be available to take care of Galina while she was gone. She couldn't be left alone in the house for any length of time and accompanying Gloria had been out of the question as well. Aside from the fact that Gloria needed time alone with Valentina and Gabrielle, she would never have considered taking Red out this late in the evening. Keeping her on a regular schedule and getting her to bed at approximately the same time every night made quite a difference in the gravitas of her symptoms.

Fortunately, Gloria had a big family to call on whenever she needed or wanted to find somebody to take care of Red so that she could have a break. Lida was the most frequent helper, always happy and willing to lend a hand. After working out the schedule with Gloria so that they could be sure one of them was always with her during the daytime, Lida had become a constant fixture in their home and Red accepted it. She was good at keeping Red busy and engaging her in tasks that developed fine motor skills and thus helped make her symptoms more manageable. As much as she resented the passive role she had taken in her own life, Red knew she was lucky to have such a caring family. Even though it meant accepting that she no longer had agency over her own life.

"Now I just need to transport them to the venue without wrecking any," Lida said, setting the final lantern aside after a few minutes. "But we made an extra just in case."

"Is that all you needed to do?" Red asked.

"Yeah," Lida nodded. She glanced up at the clock on the wall and stifled a yawn. "It's getting late, but we still need to pick out a dress for you before you can go to sleep."

"I don't want to wear a dress," Red said quietly, glancing down at her trembling right foot. She didn't say it out loud, but she was completely opposed to anything that would display her legs. Relying on a wheelchair to get around most of the time had a lot of unpleasant consequences. One of which was the severe loss of muscle mass in her legs from lack of exercise. Her legs were too skinny, shakey, and weak. Red was ashamed of them and did not want them to be seen.

"You don't have to," Lida assured her, understanding her hesitation and not pursuing the matter further. She unplugged the glue gun from the wall and began to clean up their leftover supplies.

"Once I'm done with this we should go to your room and see what's in your closet," she said nonchalantly, smiling at the way Red rolled her eyes. Lida silently boxed up the craft material, leaving only the centerpieces displayed on the table. She got out the broom and swept up the residue on the floor until there was no remnants of their project. "You ready?" she asked, walking over to stand behind Red's wheelchair.

"I suppose," Red sighed. "But I don't want you to push me. I want to walk." She felt restless sitting and wanted to move even if it was only from one room to the next and she needed to depend on help to do it at all. Her hands gripped the arm rests of her chair and she leaned forward desiring to get up.

"No problem," Lida replied pleasantly. "I can help you with that." She walked around to the front of the chair and guided Red up with the practiced ease that came from doing this countless times already. There was familiarity in every act, which made Lida the primary person that Gloria was most comfortable leaving Red with. Lida knew what she was doing and she always put Red's needs ahead of her own when she was in her care. When she wanted to walk or try to complete a task herself, Lida knew when to let her and when to put her foot down and step in to assist before things got too frustrating.

As they walked towards the bedroom together, Red leaned against Lida's shoulder trustingly and without restraint. She was used to this dynamic now, having settled into this new normalcy that made her a more cooperative patient. She had learned to derive comfort from the predictability of her days and from the caregivers who did their best for her. Lida guided her towards the bed and helped her to sit down on the edge of it. Red leaned forward, with hunched shoulders, and watched as Lida bounced over to the closet.

"Let's see," Lida murmured to herself, opening the door of the closet and peering inside at the clothes neatly hung within. Gloria and Red shared the closet, and it was clearly obvious who monopolized most of the space. Although a lot of the floor space hid away Red's medical supplies, there were drawers of sunglasses, scarves, and tall boots that all belonged to Gloria, and on the back of the door hung the rest of her shoes in little pockets.

"Gloria certainly has a lot of stuff," Lida giggled.

"That's only half of it," Red rolled her eyes. "She took over the closet in Benny's bedroom too."

"She has good taste," Lida smiled, as she flipped through the clothing on Red's side of the rack. "That's why I'm surprised she didn't coerce you into shopping before now." She pulled out a green dress and a blue two-piece chiffon blouse and skirt. "What about these? With black tights or leggings, it would be the same as wearing pants."

"Those…." Red hesitated, before shaking her head. "They're too bright," she explained lamely, causing Lida to frown as she scrutinized the beautiful clothes more carefully. Red always looked best in jewel tones and both these pieces would be flattering, conservative, and festive enough for a wedding.

"They aren't neon," Lida argued. "They're pretty colours and you should wear something bright and catching when you're the mother of the bride."

"I want something that doesn't stand out," Red replied. "And I want to wear pants-leggings aren't pants."

"Tell that to your granddaughter," laughed Lida, as she turned back to look through the closet again.

"Vera doesn't dress like that," said Red. "She usually wears such loose clothing that you can't even tell she has a figure underneath. She doesn't realize how beautiful she is."

"Not, Vera," Lida shook her head. "Emilia, believe it or not! She's only ten and she comes downstairs dressed for school the other day wearing printed leggings and a shirt that barely reached her hips."

"And did you let her out of the house like that?" Red asked.

"Of course not," Lida scoffed. "I made her go upstairs and change into a longer shirt that at least went past her crotch."

"She's too young for that," Red insisted. "She's still a baby." Emilia was the youngest child in the family and nobody wanted her to grow up. Em most likely would be her final grandchild too, at least until Gloria's sons started having kids. Red knew she would have the privilege of being every bit as much of a Grandmother to Julio and Benny's children as Gloria was to hers. They were all family. There was no differentiation based on biology.

"I know," Lida exclaimed. "She's breaking my heart. I'm not ready for my kids to grow up and leave yet."

"Well, if you're like me, you get lucky and they don't go any further than down the street," Red replied. She counted that as one of her biggest blessings and always would. That she had somehow retained a closeness with her sons through the years away and now still saw them several times a week.

"Well, let's hope that we set a precedent," Lida smiled. She turned her attention back to the closet, pulling out various items and then putting them back. She knew most of the items in her mother-in-law's wardrobe already anyway. She and Red used to go shopping together all the time, although it had always been a struggle to convince the older woman to buy anything for herself. She was frugal and much more willing to spend her money on Gloria or the kids. Most of the pieces she owned were classic styles that Lida had steered her towards and which lasted for years and years. Red had never really been gifted with much of a fashion sense, but picking out clothes for people had always been something that Lida enjoyed. She found it very sad to see Red internally withdrawing, not willing to wear anything she thought would stand out in a crowd. Sickness had been a real blow to her confidence.

"Are you looking forward to tomorrow?" Lida asked casually, keeping her back to Red and her eyes on the clothes.

"Yes," Red's eyes narrowed. "It's about time this day arrived, don't you think? I'm happy Nicky and Lorna are finally doing this."

"But are you happy to attend?" Lida prodded. "You don't seem too enthusiastic about getting yourself done up, and that's part of the fun of a wedding."

"Maybe for you," Red scoffed, suddenly feeling a wave of irritation prickle behind her eyes. She didn't appreciate the psychoanalysis aspect of Lida's questions, as she worked to gauge whether she was depressed or something else. "Listen honey, if it will make you feel better then I'll wear the blue or green dress. Either one, I don't care."

"Are you nervous about going?" Lida asked cautiously, sneaking a glance over her shoulder. Red was sitting hunched over, tapping her toes on the area rug beneath the bed. It wouldn't surprise her if she was. Ever since her illness had become more obvious, Galina had been more timid about being noticed. When they went out together, Galina didn't like to eat because she was self-conscious about not being able to eat neatly, and she didn't like being fed in public because that felt too humiliating. It would make sense if attending a wedding where she'd know most of the guests and have them all see her in a wheelchair, would make her feel hesitant.

"Nervous?" Red stuttered. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Because you don't want to wear a bright colour or anything you're afraid will draw attention to yourself," Lida replied promptly.

"I get enough pitying attention as it is without asking for more," Red said bitterly. "I don't want people looking at me…" She blinked rapidly and shook her head. "Going to Nicky's wedding in a wheelchair…"

"I thought you were getting used to the chair?" Lida said, turning fully around and taking a few steps towards the bed. "It's getting easier, isn't it?"

"Maybe in real life," Red replied. "But this wedding is going to be a big deal and I know that a lot of people are coming. It's going to be crowded and chaotic…"

"Sitting with Gloria and your kids," Lida reminded her. "Watching Vera and Emmy walk down the aisle in their matching dresses. Seeing Nicky and Lorna all happy and in love and watching Nicky crack everyone up all night with inappropriate jokes."

"Yeah…" Red said skeptically. She knew there was nothing to really be concerned about. The only thing she was dreading was running into all the people she'd purposefully avoided the last couple of years. Piper and Alex for one. They'd barely recognize her and Red didn't want them to see how far she had deteriorated. Frail, helpless, and insecure...that wasn't the person they'd remember.

"And remember Nicky said that she really wanted a family photo taken for the mantel?" Lida said, turning around and walking back to the closet. "So, you want something bright in fall colours that will blend in with the rest of us." She shifted through some black tops swiftly and then smiled as she pulled out a long red sweater that felt like cashmere and was fancy enough for a wedding without forcing Galina into a dress if she really didn't want to wear one.

"Now how about this?" Lida asked with a triumphant note in her voice. "You can wear it with black slacks and it will be dressy and comfortable."

Red squinted at the sweater in Lida's hand, which was long enough to reach her thighs.

"I guess," she said skeptically. It was loose, sort of shapeless, which at least would help hide any bulk or lines from her undergarments, which was something she was always very nervous about people detecting. She had long ago stopped dyeing her hair and gone grey, but wearing red clothes made her feel like her most vibrant self.

"I'm wearing a red dress too," Lida said, as she kneeled on the floor to pull out the boots from the back of the closet. "And Vasily and Alexei have red ties. So, we'll all look coordinated for the pictures and we'll match the girls' gold gowns."

"A Gryffindor family," Red said automatically.

"Harry Potter?" Lida smiled. "I'm always surprised about how much you know about the series. They don't really seem like your type of books."

"That's because they aren't," Red replied. "I only got into them because Julio was such a fan. I read them because I wanted to give us something to talk about. And it worked, because he became very close to me. You can tell a lot about a person based on their favourite books." Sharing the stories and discussing the ideas behind them had helped her get to know her stepson and the way his mind worked. Always the quieter brother, Julio had never been the greatest at expressing himself or talking about feelings, but through the characters he loved Red had been able to understand him. It was what had connected them in the early days and now they were a primary way they kept in touch. Julio was always mailing novels to her from across the country. Some things hadn't changed.

"It's too bad he couldn't come back for the wedding," Lida sighed. "I hope he gets to visit soon. It's obvious how much you and Gloria miss him."

"Benny's heading out to California to see him for a week once he gets back from his latest drive," Red said softly. "I wish Gloria would go too. She's missing out because I can't come…."

"Hmm," Lida murmured sympathetically. "Well, that's up to her. You're not holding her back. Just let it be known that you support her making the trip if she wants and then that's all you can do. If she doesn't feel comfortable going that far, then it's not your fault."

"Except that it kind of is," Red said seriously. She knew full well that the only reason Gloria hadn't flown out to visit Julio on base was because she didn't want to leave her behind. Maybe she wasn't adamantly opposing Gloria having a life of her own, but she was still the reason.

"What's Gloria wearing to the wedding?" Lida asked, changing the subject.

"Her purple dress," Red replied, pointing at the plum cocktail dress that hung on the back of the bedroom door. It was a dress that Gloria had owned for years and which looked as though it could have been made for her. She switched up her handbags and shoes to keep it interesting but knew that the dress could simply not be beat. It was her favourite colour and it hugged her curves in all the right ways. At sixty-five she still could rock the glamourous look.

"I always love that one on her," Lida said fondly. She walked over to the door and hung the red dress up beside the plum.

"Good," she nodded happily, glancing over at the digital clock on the night table. "We should probably start getting you ready for bed..."

"Okay," Red nodded compliantly. She was so used to being looked after by now that she didn't even bristle at being told when it was almost her bedtime. She was getting used to following their rules and it did help that she was always tired when this time came around anyway.

"You need to take your medicine," Lida reminded her. "I'll go get you some water from the kitchen. Would you like a snack too?"

"No," Red shook her head. She pointed at her closet. "Will you get me my nightgown?" she asked.

"Of course," Lida replied, walking back over to the closet she took out a warm nightgown and a Pull-Up from the box on the floor. She wasn't sure if Galina needed a fresh one or not, but she wasn't about to ask if the information wasn't volunteered. When Lida had to check her she did it discreetly and then would help her change without discussion. She never wanted to embarrass her about it and tried to imagine how she would feel if she were put in the same position.

The medication Galina had been taking for incontinence had become so ineffective that Gloria and the doctor had decided to discontinue its use. What they did instead now was help her to the bathroom at regular timed intervals and rely on disposable underwear for the many expected accidents. It was a natural part of the disease's progression but probably one of the hardest to adjust to. It was absolutely heartbreaking for Lida when her mother-in-law couldn't meet her eye from shame when she'd have to help her change, and Red was always terrified that it was obvious what she was wearing under her clothes.

"I want to do it myself," Red said firmly, when Lida brought over her nighttime clothes.

"You sure?" Lida asked skeptically. "You don't want my help?"

Red shook her head no.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Lida said, as she handed Red the items and then promptly left the room. Gloria always stressed the importance of letting Red do for herself as much as was possible, and in the time she had spent with her, Lida had gotten good at gauging when to intervene or not. For instance, she knew by Red asking for her pajamas that she felt well enough to attempt dressing herself for bed. Otherwise she would have waited for Lida to bring it up. Her symptoms varied by the day. Sometimes she couldn't do anything by herself and other times she was inspired to try.

Lida walked into the kitchen to get Red the glass of water as she had said, but then she purposefully dawdled with her eyes on the clock. _Five minutes_ , she decided silently to herself. She would give Red five minutes alone to work on the task of dressing, and then she would go in to check on her and assist if need be. She didn't want her to get frustrated. Lida poked at her centerpieces and then opened up the fridge to help herself to a carton of yogurt inside for a snack. Lida had just opened it, selected a spoon from the utensil drawer and brought the first mouthful to her lips, when she heard the door open.

"Gloria?" Lida called, setting her yogurt down on the counter she turned to walk to the front door to greet her.

"No, it's me," Nicky replied, bent over as she dragged a large black suitcase into the house, whilst struggling to keep the screen door open at the same time. "Give me a hand with this stuff, will you?"

"You didn't get cold feet and walk out on Lorna, I hope," Lida teased, coming forward to take the suitcase from Nicky's hands.

"Are you crazy?" Nicky rolled her eyes. She walked back onto the porch and then returned with a white garment bag.

"Well, I don't know," Lida chortled. She accepted the garment bag from Nicky and then watched in amazement as the other woman stepped out once again to bring in another duffel bag. "It looks like you're moving in! Why so much?"

"Suitcase is for our honeymoon," Nicky explained, tossing the duffel bag unceremoniously onto the deacon's bench. "We're leaving straight from the hotel the morning after the wedding."

"The Maldives," Lida sighed regretfully, going to the coat rack she hung the garment bag up where it would be safe. "All me and Vasily had money for when we got married was a couple of nights in Martha's Vineyard. We're going to have to do something like that someday. Just buy a ticket and hop of a plane to anywhere!"

"Go for it," Nicky urged, cracking her knuckles as she walked around Lida into the kitchen. She spotted all the centerpieces set out on the table at once. "Very nice," she winked at her sister-in-law. "Thanks again for doing those for us. You know your creative talents are really wasted while you spend your life waiting tables. You could totally sell stuff like this." She flicked at the yellow ribbons Red had tied.

"Think I could sell enough to pay my mortgage?" Lida rolled her eyes. She was tired of waitressing. She was in her early forties and had been standing on her feet taking orders from people since she'd graduated high school. She'd never done anymore than that. She'd never cared about college or a career when she was younger. She'd just been focused on getting out of her father's house, and once she met Vasily and started having babies, her life had revolved around that. Now that her kids were getting older and needing her less, she was beginning to think about what she wanted to do for herself. Secretly, Lida had envied the excitement and drama of Nicky's life since they had met, ten years ago. She felt so boring by comparison.

"Probably not right away," Nicky admitted. "But you could at least set up a website." She walked over to the counter and her eyes lit up at the fresh yogurt on the counter. "Is this yours?" she asked.

"Take it," Lida said. "I need to go check on Ma."

"I was wondering why you were here," said Nicky. She spooned a big mouthful of yogurt into her mouth and then nudged past Lida. "I'll check on her."

"No-I," Lida exhaled, as Nicky walked down the hall without waiting for her answer. "Just make sure you knock. She was changing," she called weakly after her. Sighing, she rolled her eyes over at Millie who had just walked into the room with a _meow_ to announce her arrival. Reaching for the glass of water she had poured, Lida scooped the cat up in her other arm and then took off down the hall after Nicky.

"Yeah, so Lorna kicked me out tonight because apparently, it's bad luck to sleep with one another the night before the wedding," Nicky was saying, as she lay stretched out across the foot of the bed, playing with a curly lock of her hair.

"I think that's a little superstitious," Red said, flicking Nicky lightly on the thigh affectionately, "but I'm glad to see you." She was still seated on the edge of the mattress, on her side of the bed as Lida had left her. The only difference was that she had successfully changed herself into her pajamas completely without assistance. Lida couldn't resist smiling as she set the water glass down on the dresser. Red was doing exceptionally well today and she just hoped she'd feel this good for the wedding tomorrow, so that she could enjoy herself.

"Oh, there's Millie," Red said softly. "I was wondering where she was hiding." Lida carefully placed the elderly cat on Red's lap, where it immediately curled up contentedly. Millie's presence seemed to have a very therapeutic effect on Red. Lida flashed her a smile and then went to get her medicine ready.

"Pill time," Lida reminded her, as she took all the tablets Red needed to swallow into her hand and then carried them, and the glass of water, over to the bed. Kneeling down on the floor in front of her, Lida passed her a single capsule and then handed her the water glass carefully, not letting go until she was positive Red had a good grip on it.

"Gee, Ma," Nicky clicked her tongue sympathetically, as she propped herself up on her elbows to watch. "You're sure keeping Big Pharma happy."

"Do you have an alternative option?" Red asked, after she accepted a second pill from Lida. "Because I'd stop taking all these in a heartbeat if I knew I could still function."

"Let me look into it and get back to you," Nicky said seriously. "There are a lot of doctors around here and they all probably say something different. We could find a different specialist and at least hear them out. If we could find something better than you might not have to deal with all those awful side-effects from the drugs."

"Her side-effects are minimal," Lida said, with a slight frown. She began to gather up the clothes Red had left on the floor while dressing. "And the neurologist she sees is very reputable. Gloria approves of him."

"The more important question is if Ma approves of him," Nicky reminded her. She craned her neck so that she could look into Red's eyes. "Do you?"

"He's a doctor," Red replied, scratching Millie behind the ear with her trim nails. "I think I've got the best treatment I can expect by this point, honey. So, let's just leave well enough alone, hmm?" She patted Nicky's hand lovingly and then brought it to her lips for a kiss. "I missed you," she told her warmly. "I feel like I haven't see you in weeks! And tomorrow's your big day…" she smoothed Nicky's hair back. "Do you see what I'm going to wear?" she motioned with her hand towards the half-opened door.

"Oh, yeah," Nicky said, sitting back up straight. "I think you need some bling too, though. Where's your jewellery box?"

"I'll get it," Lida said. She had just returned from the hall where she had gone to place Red's worn clothes into the hamper. Now she went to the dresser to get the jewellery box and handed it to Nicky who opened it up eagerly and began to rummage inside.

Lida walked over to the dresser so that she could begin measuring out Red's medicine for tomorrow. She had a small pill case with a small compartment for each scheduled time. Gloria always replenished it from the larger bottles before going to bed a night, so Lida just decided to save her the step. Tomorrow would be busy enough with the wedding happening and she wasn't sure when Gloria would be back. Lida had told her to stay out as late as she wanted to. She didn't do this very often and after her own health issues, it was nice to help her enjoy herself. Gloria needed time to relax.

"Lida," Red called. Her daughter-in-law turned around, stepping back from her current task. "Nicky's staying the night," Red said, as though that wasn't already known. "So, if you want to go home now, you can."

"No," Lida shook her head automatically. "I can wait until Gloria gets back…" She scratched an itch of the bridge of her nose and rocked onto the balls of her feet nervously. She couldn't tell if Red wanted to get rid of her, or just didn't want to make her stay unnecessarily when there was someone else to keep her company.

"You don't have to," Red said gently, looking around Nicky's mass of wild hair so that she could lock eyes with her daughter-in-law. Nicky was busy opening jewellery cases and then setting out the pieces that were so far in the running. "I'll be fine," Red promised.

"You're sure?" Lida asked hesitantly, and Red nodded. "Okay…" Lida sighed. "I'm just going to finish getting your pills ready for tomorrow. And then I'll be out of your hair." She turned back to the dresser, resuming the task of sorting pills into the appropriate hourly boxes. It was a more complicated task that it seemed. Red took about five different things, some morning and night and some at set intervals during the day.

"Ma, this is perfect!" Nicky exclaimed. "Why haven't I ever seen you wear this before?" She held out a delicate brooch. "It even goes with the wedding theme!"

"What is it?" Red asked distractedly. She slipped her glasses on and her eyes narrowed as she took in the yellow gold brooch that had three amber carved leaves in it. "Oh, yes," she said softly, taking it into her hand, which was only twitching slightly.

"Where did you get that from, Ma?" Nicky asked, resting her head against Red's shoulder carefully. "It looks old, like not in a bad way. Just seems vintage."

"It was my Grandmother's," Red told her. "So, it is old. Her first husband bought it for her after they'd gone on a visit to the "Amber room" at the Catherine Palace near St. Petersburg."

"Oh, yeah," Nicky said, taking the brooch back and holding it closer to her eyes for inspection. "First husband, huh? There must be a story there…"

"Basically, a non-story," Red replied. "He was arrested with some other protestors and sent to a labour camp in the North. My _Babushka_ was still a young woman and had no idea when or if he would ever be back, so she remarried my grandfather and had five children with him...but this brooch was one of the few things she had to remember him by. It was very special to her."

"Interesting," Nicky said, handing the brooch back. "So, she passed it on to you?"

Red shook her head. "My _Mamochka_ gave it to me the night before Dmitri and I left Russia. It had been given to her because she was the only daughter, the youngest after four sons."

"Hmm," Nicky yawned, her head still resting on Red's shoulder. "I like learning all these things I never knew about you. I should come up with a list of questions."

Lida popped the lid back onto the final pill bottle and set everything far on the dresser. "Okay," she said, turning around. "I'm going to head out."

"Goodnight," Red said, looking up from the brooch to cast her eyes upon her daughter-in-law. "Thank you for-"

"Anytime," Lida smiled forcibly. "Just promise me you won't let Nicky keep you up to late. You need your sleep. Okay?"

"You worry too much," Nicky rolled her eyes. "We'll be fine."

As Lida let herself out, Nicky continued to flip through a few more cases of jewellery, but most of it was old stuff that she knew Red had gotten from Dmitri and never wore, although she'd saved it all. She returned everything back to its place and then closed the jewellery box lid tightly.

"No, it's got to be the brooch," she declared. "Unless you want to wear something else?"

"I'll wear whatever the bride wishes," Red said, rubbing at her eyes. She glanced down the hall where Lida had exited, not entirely sure if she had done the right thing or not. Then, with a shrug she turned her attention back to Nicky. Lida was with her almost everyday, but she had hardly seen Nicky in weeks. She wanted some time alone with her before the wedding tomorrow. "I'm glad you like it so much. I never actually found it to be a particularly pretty piece, although amber is fairly popular."

"I like it," Nicky replied. She leaned across Red's lap to set the brooch on the night table where it would be safe. Flicking her tail in irritation at Nicky's jostling, Millie hopped off of Red's lap and went to curl herself up into a ball on her pillow. "That cat is spoiled," Nicky shook her head at it. Then she yawned exaggeratedly. "I'm tired," she announced bluntly.

"Then go to bed," Red said logically.

"Nah," Nicky wrinkled her nose. "I'm the sort of tired where your body craves sleep but your mind is wide awake."

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" asked Red, as she held out an arm which Nicky promptly fell into, snuggling up beside her on the edge of the bed.

"No," Nicky shook her head. "I don't see tomorrow as that big a deal because it's not going to change anything. It's just like a big party. A celebration that will hopefully be a lot of fun."

"Just checking," Red replied, tucking a curly lock of Nicky's hair behind her ear. "So, if you don't want to sleep yet, what do you feel like doing?"

"Movie?" Nicky suggested almost immediately. She reached for the remote and turned Netflix on the television. "Billy Madison," she chuckled, as she selected it. "This one is funny and I need a bit of humour now."

"Fine with me," Red said in amusement. "Will you help me lie down?"

"Sure, Ma," Nicky said automatically. She sprang to her feet. "What do you need?"

"Just help me up," Red said softly, holding her arms out to Nicky so she could assist her standing. She clung tightly to Nicky's arm while she directed her to pull back the blankets before helping her to lie down.

"This reminds me of all the times you tucked me in when we were first sharing that apartment together after Litchfield," Nicky teased, as she pulled the blankets up over her mother and tucked them snuggly around her. "You really spoiled me, Ma. Are you comfy?"

"Yes," Red whispered sleepily. She was trying to fight the urge to close her eyes. She didn't want to disappoint her daughter. "Thank you, Nicky."

"You're welcome," Nicky replied. She kissed her mother's cheek affectionatley and then scurried around the bed to crawl in beside her. She snuggled in close, trying not to be bothered by the twitch in Red's shoulder as she leaned against her. Trying to ignore the tremors, Nicky turned her attention back to the television, to the movie she had always found amusing.

"Don't get too comfortable, Nicky!" a voice called sharply from the door, making Nicky jump. In walked Gloria, her arms weighed down with shopping bags. She dropped them onto the floor and then walked around to Red's side of the bed.

"Hey, you," she whispered, leaning down to kiss Red's cheek in the same spot Nicky had.

"I'm spending the night," Nicky informed her, with her eyes still glued to the television screen.

"I don't care," Gloria replied, perching herself down on the edge of the bed, "but you're going to have to find another place to sleep because that's my spot."

"Alright, I will," Nicky gave in, with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But we're watching a movie first and it just started, so deal with it." Gloria rolled her eyes dramatically at Red, who reached out to take her hand.

"You should be asleep," Gloria reminded her quietly. "Tomorrow's a big day."

Red gave a little jerk of her head. She didn't want to sleep just when Nicky had gotten there and she didn't want to be reminded of what she should be doing yet again. At least not in front of Nicky, one of the few who still treated her the way she had before she'd gotten sick.

"What's in all the bags?" Red asked suspiciously, to distract Gloria from trying to get her to sleep. "It looks like you did some damage."

"Most of it was on sale," Gloria smirked. She squeezed Red's hand and then went to retrieve her shopping bags from the floor. "I got shoes!" she announced excitedly, pulling out a box and removing the lid to reveal a pair of black velvet pumps with a closed toe and wedge heel. "Nice, don't you think?"

"Beautiful," Nicky said, glancing over. "Are you wearing those to the wedding?"

"Thinking about it," Gloria replied, as she replaced them in the box and set it on the edge of the night stand. "They're very comfortable. But they don't look like they would be."

"I like them," Red agreed uninterestedly. "But you don't have any room for more shoes. That closet is bursting as it is. You should have seen Lida trying to sort through it earlier."

"I've got room in Benny's closet," Gloria replied smoothly. "I told him if he moved out I'd be able to really organize all my stuff because this house doesn't have enough closet space, but he didn't take the hint."

"Hint," Red rolled her eyes. "You'd be miserable if he ever left. You love having him here."

"I know," Gloria admitted, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "But we gotta keep him on his toes a little bit so he doesn't take it for granted." She giggled and then reached for another shopping bag. "You want to see what else I bought?"

"I'm a little afraid to ask," Red admitted, though she straightened up in bed as much as she possibly could. As Gloria opened up the bag, Red wrapped her hand around her wrist to pause her movement for a moment. "Before you show me, did you at least remember to eat while you were gone?" She'd been paying more attention to Gloria's eating every since learning she was a diabetic. It bothered her that she was unable to do anything for Gloria. If she was well, she'd have been making sure she ate well and got all her nutrition requirements met. She still blamed herself for being the distraction that had kept Gloria from recognizing her own problems until it was too late.

"We went to the Olive Garden," Gloria nodded. "I even had an appetizer," she winked. Red settled back against her pillow in contentment and watched as Gloria pulled out a purple cross-stitched sweater. "Gabriella picked this one out for me," she admitted, holding it up to her body.

"How is Gabby?" Red asked.

"She has a boyfriend," Gloria rolled her eyes. "She showed me a picture of him on her phone and he is...not cute," she wrinkled her nose. "I told her she could do a lot better...someone like Alexei. They'd be a sweet couple."

"I think that might be getting too close to home," Red said, reaching a hand out for the tag hanging from Gloria's new sweater. "They're practically cousins." She turned the tag around so that she could see the cost and her eyes widened.

"Fifty percent off the listed price," Gloria said, tugging the tag out of her grip. "Don't be like that!"

"Just checking," Red said with a note of amusement in her voice. "Were the shoes fifty percent off too?"

"No," Gloria admitted, as she tossed the sweater back into the bag. "But that's different because those were an investment piece."

"Of course," Red nodded, her eyes twinkling. "Love, it's not like I care. You deserve some nice things.".

"I got a little present for you too," Gloria said, holding out a black purse for Red to take. It was a much larger purse than she normally had ever used, but she also needed to carry a lot more stuff around with her these days. "The chain strap makes it strong enough to hang on the handlebar of the wheelchair so it won't wear out quickly and, I don't know, I just liked the design."

"Thank you," Red said quietly, handing it back to her to put away. "That was sweet of you."

"Well, I missed you," Gloria said honestly. She set the purse back on the floor and then lifting the smallest shopping bag of the three. "Gabriella was asking about you. Did you have a good night here?"

"We were working on the table centerpieces for tomorrow," Red told her softly. She knew it would make Gloria happy to hear that she had kept busy with an activity while she was gone.

"Yeah?" Gloria smiled, as guilt about her enjoyable time out diminished. It had been great to spend time with Gabriella and her oldest daughter, Valentina. Val's relationship with her mother had been through several ups and downs over her life but they were probably closer now than they had ever been before. They made a point to keep in regular contact and do things together whenever their busy schedules permitted. Carmen, Gloria's other daughter, had moved across the border to Canada when her husband, David, had gotten picked up by the NHL as an assistant ref in Toronto. They skyped a couple of times a month and maintained a close relationship when they saw one another. It was more of a relationship than Gloria ever had dared to dream of having with her daughters, and she was always grateful for the second chance.

"So, what time did Lida leave?" Gloria asked, glancing over at Nicky whose eyes were staring blankly at the television. She hadn't been paying the slightest bit of attention to their conversation.

"Just a few minutes before you got here," Red replied. "Nicky came over so I didn't see any sense in making her stay."

"I see," said Gloria, as she pulled out a fresh bottle of bright red nail polish. "Did she remember to give you your pills before leaving?" she asked, shaking the bottle in her hand.

"Of course," Red said, sounding a little bit defensive.

"Just checking, just checking," Gloria soothed softly. She held up the bottle of nail polish for Red's inspection. "You should let me do your nails," she smiled.

"You want to?" Red asked hesitantly, glancing down at her bare nails which hadn't been coloured in awhile. Her hands were veiny and aged, and just didn't look nice to her. She bit down on her lip in contemplation.

"Yes, I do," Gloria said firmly. "Move over, Nicky," she ordered. Nicky rolled her eyes but shifted over to the edge of the bed, leaving room for Gloria to crawl over Red and sit herself cross legged between them. Gloria unscrewed the lid off the bottle of polish and then held out her hand for Red to slip hers into.

"I'm-I'm worried that we're going to stain the bedding," Red admitted self-consciously, setting her hand atop of Gloria's nonetheless. "If I shake too much…"

"Hey, no…." Gloria shook her head, leaning down to kiss the top of Red's hand. "You're fine. I think you seem pretty steady tonight, in fact. If anything spills I promise to clean it up immediately, so that it won't stain. Okay?'

Red nodded. Her eyes followed the brush from the nail polish top as it glided over her fingernails, coating each in the glossy red colour. Red was having a hard time sitting still, not because of the tremors but because the attention was making her feel so happy. She loved watched the way Gloria's eyes narrowed and her lips pursed when she was concentrating. Gloria added the smallest dash of paint to her pinkie and smiled satisfyingly. She set the hand flat down on the Red's thigh where hopefully it wouldn't move until the coating was dry. Then Gloria reached for Red's other hand and re-commenced with the nail polish until all her nails were done. She reapplied the lid to the polish bottle and smiled.

"Now just stay still for a few minutes until they dry," Gloria told her unnecessarily. She grinned wickedly. "Remember before when I used to paint your nails for you?"

"Yes," Red nudged her lightly with her knee. "You would do my manicure and then do your best to f*ck it up again."

"I would never," Gloria said innocently. "I was just trying to make your waiting period a little more interesting," she tickled her fingers up Red's thigh, ever so lightly. Red's legs inwardly twitched as they both thought back to the playful times they had shared with one another that now were no more. Their physical relationship had never been the most important thing about them but it was still an adjustment to lose the fun, flirtatious, intimate component of their relationship.

To change the painful subject she had gotten them on, Gloria glanced at Nicky, who she had expected to chime in with her own unfiltered commentary by now. "I don't believe it!" Gloria rolled her eyes. "She's sound asleep! I'm going to wake her."

"No, don't wake her!" Red insisted. She turned to look at Nicky, who was sleeping with her head sunken into Gloria's favourite pillow, lying flat on her back with her curls pressed out resembling an angelic halo. Her chest rising and falling with each breath she took.

"I'm not sharing this bed with her," Gloria retorted, shaking her head at Nicky. "Bride or not, I need my sleep too and she bugs me at night. Remember the cabin?"

"That was years ago," Red protested.

"And if we ever go back, she can pitch a tent outside, is what I'm saying," Gloria said calmly. "Blanket stealer, that weird nose whistle thing she's got going on-Benny was less annoying that summer vacation when his air mattress deflated."

"That was like ten years ago," Red reminded her. "You still remember that?"

"Yeah," Gloria nodded. "Kid knew how to set lures on his fishing pole, but couldn't figure out how to patch a pinhole in a mattress so that he didn't have to bunk with us?"

"You remember everything," Red teased. She brought her hands up to inspect whether her nail polish was dry. Satisfied, she lightly placed her hand on Nicky's shoulder and gently shook her. "Nicky," she murmured, barely jostling her. "Move…"

"Who do you think you're going to wake up?" Gloria asked sarcastically. "She's not going to hear you. The girl could sleep through a hurricane."

"She's too peaceful," Red replied, removing her hand from Nicky's shoulder and giving Gloria a helpless shrug. "So how about Benny's-"

"You're going to make me sleep by myself?" Gloria exclaimed. "I haven't seen you all day…"

"She's got a wedding tomorrow," Red sounded amused.

"Yeah, but…" Gloria's eyes flashed warningly.

"We can both go to Benny's room," Red argued. "I don't sleep well as it is, but I sleep worse without you. And I didn't mean I just wanted you to go."

"Well, I guess some things never change," Gloria shook her head in exasperation. "That girl still has you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she, Galina?" Chuckling, Gloria reached out to caress Red's cheek. She stroked her thumb across her pale skin and gave her a begrudging smile. "Alright," she relented, patting her cheek before releasing her. "But only because I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

When the first light of morning poked its way through the venetian blinds, Red was ready to greet it. Turning her face towards the gleaming sun, Red savoured its pleasant warmth and shut her eyes against the brightness. She should be sleeping; the way Gloria was curled up beside her with her slender bronze hand gracefully brushing Red's thigh. Tired as she was, Red hadn't been able to stay asleep through the night and had settled for resting with her eyes closed while her mind willfully wandered by its own accord. Her thoughts weren't heavy. The pictures that came to her in flashes were of the happy kind for a change.

Usually the memories scared her. They'd taunt her in the form of nightmares and recaps of the worst times and mistakes of her life. Or she'd lie awake thinking about how much the future terrified her. Remembering what it was like to be imprisoned behind walls and how in many ways she thought that would be preferable to being trapped in your own body unable to move. When Red's mind kept her up in such a treacherous form she tried to distract herself with television or reading, but usually could not resist the impulse to call on Gloria for reassurance.

This night was different. Red couldn't sleep but she wasn't distressed and her physical aggravations were at a blessed minimum for a change. She'd rested, curled up on her side facing Gloria, while enjoying the feel of touch on her thighs while her own hand clutched at the fabric of Gloria's shirt. Red was trying not to disturb her, so she had kept the television and lights off, and managed by herself when she'd needed to get up once to change in the middle of the night. Gloria looked peaceful. Her warm breath was felt against her neck and Red adored the way she was sleeping with her left hand curved over her head on the pillow. The ring on her finger glimmered and Red delicately touched the stone as she recalled the night she had given her it many years ago. It had been a gift to celebrate moving in together and to mark the beginning of probably the happiest years of Red's life, living in a tiny apartment with Gloria and her two sons. The four of them tripping over one another, sharing meals around the table, and hanging out in the living room as a family every night. It had been a joy.

Sharing her life with Gloria had been a blessing that had made everything around them better. Julio and Benny began to thrive in their comfortable security, basking in the unconditional love that Red bestowed upon them just like they were her own children. Her and Gloria's union had been fruitful in that it was based in a partnership from which their family blossomed. All Red wanted was for Nicky to share the same with Lorna, to be part of a couple that made them both better people and delivered true happiness. She only wanted the best for her girls.

Red felt like her heart swelled when she thought of Nicky's mischievous smile. She was probably still passed out in their bed, or Red hoped she was. She wouldn't want her daughter to be struck by a surge of insomnia the night before she got married, although Nicky wasn't really the type to get overly worked up about something like this. Red brought her hand up to caress Gloria's cheek, delighting in the way she smiled. She pulled away softly and then carefully maneuvered herself towards the edge of Benny's bed. Suddenly she felt an urgency to check in on Nicky and savour this quiet time with her before the wedding. Parkinson's disease did not keep Red from feeling like any other mother on the morning of the biggest day of her daughter's life.

"Ummmmm," Gloria groaned sleepily, her eyes opening a crack as Red sat on the edge of the bed and reached out for her walker. "You want any help, love?" she asked groggily, her eyes already beginning to shut of their own accord again.

"No," Red said softly. "Go back to sleep, Gloria. It's still early."

"Okay," Gloria yawned, as she sunk her head deeper against her pillow. Within seconds her chest was rising and falling steadily with deep slumber. Red carefully stood herself up and hunched over her walker began a slow shuffle out of the room and down the hall. The door to Nicky was wide open so Red crept in quietly, not wanting to disturb her. At some point during the night Nicky had rolled over to her stomach with her face buried in the pillow. The blankets were kicked over into a pile on the floor, which Red had to be careful not to get her foot tangled in.

"Oh, sorry, Ma," Nicky said, opening her eyes with immediacy and then leaning off of the bed to gather up her tossed blankets. "But I guess I can't be held responsible for making a mess when I'm asleep, huh? Although that probably wouldn't keep Gloria from complaining."

"Probably not," Red agreed, taking another tentative step once her walkway was clear. "Did I wake you?" she asked a bit breathlessly. "I was trying not to-"

"Not at all," Nicky said automatically. She sat up in bed as Red approached but did not reach out a hand to assist her movements. She could see that Red was managing just fine, although walking obviously took a great deal of effort. Red made it to the bed and sat down beside her. She was breathing a bit more rapidly from the exertion but otherwise was okay. It wasn't easy, but Nicky was convinced that Red could handle simple independent basics when given the opportunity and encouragement to try. Just as she had gone back and forth to the bathroom unaccompanied all that night. She could handle this on her good days.

"I wasn't sleeping," Nicky informed her, laying her head back against the pillow and smiling up at her. "My stomach woke me up because it was growling. You think Gloria will make breakfast soon?"

"Gloria's still sleeping," Red informed her, not bothering to add that she would have loved to make a big breakfast the morning of Nicky's wedding. She could imagine how this day would have been different were she not sick. She would have hosted Nicky, her attendants, and the other women from their side of the family for a brunch before they all hustled to get hair and makeup done, and out the door at the pre-set time. She would have wanted to oversee everything and savoured the joy of this most special of days. Enjoying the blessings that came from having a daughter. Instead, it was going to be difficult enough to just passively attend all of the events.

"Darn," Nicky replied. She linked her fingers and then stretched her arms up over her head, releasing the muscles in her arms and shoulders. "Lorna texted me," she said, pointing at the cell phone on Red's bedside-table. "She woke up really early to start getting ready, but I don't see why that's necessary. I've got lots of time."

"She's just excited," Red said softly. Lorna was spending the day with her sister, Franny, and her brother's wife, June. Her nieces and nephews were undoubtedly all around. Franny's two daughters, both around Alexei's age, were serving as her bridesmaids in burgundy dresses. Red had seen a photograph of them and couldn't resist mentioning to Gloria once they were alone that she thought Vera and Emilia would look better.

"So am I," Nicky smiled, "but I mean...this bed is comfy too. I got to pace myself. Alex and I agreed we were all going to party until sun up tomorrow."

"Oh, really?" Red replied softly. "What about their son?"

"Eh, Piper's mom is going to come pick up Elijah early," Nicky shrugged. "The kids should be all cleared out by at least nine, with any luck. I don't care about the older ones staying late. At least V's kids know how to behave."

"They'll probably behave better than you," Red scoffed. "What's Elijah like?"

"He's bad," Nicky exclaimed bluntly. Red raised her eyebrows in surprise and Nicky burst out laughing.

"Oh, really?" said Red.

"Yeah," Nicky chuckled. "I went out to dinner with them a couple months ago and Elijah dumped a plate of spaghetti on his head and then ran around the dining room, nearly crashing into a waitress carrying a heavy tray of drinks. I'm telling you, Ma. If you had been there, you would have probably smacked him."

"More like smack his parents over the head," Red retorted. She rested a shaking hand beside her on the mattress for support. She'd have liked to lie down but didn't want to ask for Nicky's help getting further onto the bed, so she continued sitting hunched over on the edge. "I'm sort of surprised, though. I would have expected Piper to instill better manners in her son."

"Yeah, well she read a book about how you shouldn't say 'no' to children and then based her whole parenting philosophy around that," Nicky replied, scratching an itch on her nose. "And Alex maybe spoils the little guy too much...you know the whole wanting to give her kid everything she never had?"

"Idiots," Red scoffed. "Wait until Gloria hears about this. You can always tell which kids have been allowed to run things at home rather than deferring to their parents. It never bodes well and it makes them very unpleasant to be around."

"Yeah, well he's seated at your table, so enjoy him," Nicky laughed. She shook her head. "I almost... _almost_ put him next to Marka for laughs, but I didn't want to be that cruel to Alex and Piper."

Nicky and Marka had been in a cordial relationship with one another for several years and communicated regularly. It wasn't a warm mother/daughter relationship, like the one Nicky shared with Red. Theirs was a formal arrangement that came from accepting there were things in the past neither would forgive the other for, but at the same time both had reached a point where they wanted some contact. Now that Marka's boyfriend had passed away and she'd returned to New York, Nicky saw her for tea about once a month or so. Marka lived in a spacious apartment with a live-in nurse to care for her and servants to handle running her home. It was a lonely existence and Nicky had long ago discovered that her occasional brief visits were sometimes the highlight of her mother's existence. There was some grim satisfaction in that and sometimes Nicky would passive aggressively cancel a lunch or show up late for all the times Marka had ignored or disappointed her as a child. Their roles were reversed now and Nicky wondered if Marka now had a taste of what it had been like for her to grow up in the hands of hired help, rather than by doting parents. Marka's situation contrasted with Red's, who spent her days always surrounded by devoted family. It was what happened when you prioritize your family, something Marka had never done until it was all that was left.

"Why isn't he going to be at the kids' table?" asked Red, tiredly. She hadn't met Piper or Alex's three-year-old son, and hadn't seen either women in just as long. It wasn't intentional, or at least it hadn't been until her disease was diagnosed. It happened to the closest of people. Sometimes phone calls and get togethers grew further and further apart without anyone even realizing it. And once Red had gotten sick she hadn't wanted to make any effort. Seeing them today was making her feel anxious. They would barely recognize her, she worried, and she sort of hoped that Nicky had somewhat prepared them. Maybe that would keep her from too many idiotic statements.

"Because 'the kids' table' is basically all teenagers," Nicky reminded her. "So, Elijah is going to stay with his moms. He'll be gone by nine at the latest."

"I might be too," Red said apologetically. She stared down at her feet on the floor which were beginning to tremble more urgently, letting her know that her pill time was coming up. She was lucky to be as in control right now as she was. The past few days had been kind to her, a spell of decent health. Red would have made the sacrifice to be at Nicky's wedding no matter how poorly her condition was, but it was a relief to know she'd be able to attend without drawing too much attention to herself.

"What do you mean?" asked Nicky, looking puzzled. "Cutting the cake and the garter tosses don't even happen until after that."

"I know," Red said wistfully, sneaking a peak at her girl, "but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to manage for that long." Her shaking hand made an involuntary movement towards Nicky's. "I'll try my hardest," she promised.

Nicky's shoulders were drooped and her mouth curved downward in obvious disappointment. At least until she noticed Red looking at her. "I'm sorry I'm like this," Red said guiltily.

"Ma!" Nicky said gruffly, sitting up in the bed and then taking Red's trembling hand between both of her sturdy ones. "Don't be ridiculous, I didn't mean anything by that. You know me, sometimes things come out wrong. But all I want is for you to take care of yourself, okay?"

"Sure," Red nodded stiffly. She glanced at her sandwiched hand and then back up at Nicky's face. "I just want today to be everything you and Lorna hoped it would be. I don't want to take anything away from that. I don't mean to, but I think I ruin the mood around anything because the way I am now makes everyone uncomfortable."

"That's not it, Ma," Nicky sighed. Releasing Red's hand, Nicky bent her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. "Any awkwardness you feel in any given situation isn't because of you, it's because people aren't sure what they're supposed to do. I want to do the right thing by you, but I don't always know how."

"I don't want you to do anything though," Red told her. "I just want everyone to act the same as they always did, but I understand why that doesn't happen."

"See that's what I try to do," Nicky admitted, squeezing her legs into her chest. "A part of me always just tries to ignore the disease and refuse to let it change things between us. But then I'm hit with reality and then I feel bad for not giving you more attention."

"You call me almost everyday," Red reminded her. "What more do I need than that? You work full-time, you have a life to live. I don't want you getting overwhelmed trying to come see me when you're already so busy."

"Ma…." Nicky sighed. "Can I be honest?"

"Yes," Red said automatically.

"Well…" Nicky hesitated. Glancing around the room she spied the hairbrush on the bureau and jumped off the bed to go get it. Then she crawled back onto the mattress and sat cross-legged behind Red as she began brushing her silver hair for her, without being asked. She wanted to be affectionate, give her mother love, and she also wanted to avoid looking in her eye.

"Nicky, what were you going to say before?" Red asked quietly, though she enjoyed the gentle strokes through her hair. It felt good and was one of the things she enjoyed having done.

"I just," Nicky sighed. "I should visit more and I don't, but it's not always because I'm too busy with work. It's because I hate seeing you sick. I text Gloria and Lida constantly and if they tell me you're having a particularly rough day, I stay away because it upsets me. I'm sorry, Ma." It was an honest confession about what she could handle and what she couldn't. Seeing Red so helpless haunted her and she couldn't always pretend that it didn't. Seeing Red suffer stayed with Nicky long after she went back to her own home at night. It depressed her.

"Nicky, don't be sorry," Red said softly, as her hand gripped onto the fabric of the bed sheet. "It's okay."

"But I'm supposed to be there for you," Nicky protested, blinking as her eyes got rather shiny. "Like how you were always there for me. You picked me up off a filthy prison washroom in a pool of my own vomit and in exchange, I avoid coming around whenever I know you're having a bad day and will look really sick."

"You do so many good things," Red reassured her. "And you don't need to always bring it back to the way I helped you when we first met. This isn't a competition. I'm the mother, you are the daughter. We don't have the same jobs."

"But somebody has to do the job now," Nicky reminded her, as she continued to brush her hair. "I mean, let's be real. I know that Gloria and Lida do a lot and I should be helping them more...and the guys are always coming by no matter what…but the thing is, I don't know if I can. I want to be more like them, but then I-"

"Nicky, I don't want you to be like them," Red interrupted. "Honey, just-I don't want you to ever see me like that. I wish they didn't either. I hate that they see me at my most vulnerable, I don't get to have any secrets or privacy, that I need them to take care of me. It's humiliation, over and over…"

"But doesn't it make you feel loved?" Nicky asked bluntly.

"Doesn't it...what?" Red asked, suddenly confused.

"Doesn't it make you feel loved to know that there are people who would do absolutely anything for you?" Nicky asked. She paused her hand, resting the brush midway down Red's back as she waited for response.

"Well...yes," Red admitted. "But you make me feel that way too." The gentle and conscientious efforts of her caregivers did make her feel loved because she knew that was what motivated them. It was similar to the love that had drove Red to look after Nicky or to persist in caring for Julio and Benny until they'd opened up in their own time and come to understand that her intentions were pure.

"But I don't want you to have to do that for me," Red stressed again. She shook her head, making her hair trickle across her daughter's hand. "Do you want to know what I need more than anything?"

"What?" Nicky asked skeptically, as she resumed brushing her hair.

"I need things to stay the same between us," Red said simply, tilting her head back slightly to catch a glimpse of Nicky. "I love the relationship we have and I don't want it to change. There's already been enough changes. Like between me and Gloria, everything is different."

"Different in a bad way?" asked Nicky, with a frown. Red's hair was shining and all the tangles were out, but she continued brushing anyway because she could tell her mother enjoyed it.

"It's nobody's fault," Red said softly. "It's just what happens when the dynamics between two people become about one being dependent on the other for everything. You still love one another more than words can express, maybe even more than you did before, but you lose yourselves too. You lose sensuality and the passion dies. There's no longer any give and take because I can't contribute anything anymore. It's about Gloria handling everything at the expense of herself and I hate that I'm doing that to her."

"Ma, she wants to do it," Nicky reminded her, and unintentionally her remark seemed dismissive of the sacrifices Gloria was making. It wasn't that Nicky didn't appreciate or admire the efforts she and other members of the family took to care for her, she just resented seeing the way Red was expected to be appreciative, like she had asked for this. "Same with Lida," Nicky added for good measure. "They volunteered."

"I know," Red admitted. She understood Gloria's need and devotion to her because she'd be the exact same way if their situations were reversed. There was nothing that she wouldn't have done for Gloria, no sacrifice too big. It wasn't because of obligation or pity, it was because that was what you did when you loved somebody. Red would never forget the paralyzing fear that had overwhelmed her the night they'd called an ambulance for Gloria unconscious on the kitchen floor. "I'm lucky to have them," Red admitted softly.

"Yeah," Nicky agreed.

"And I'm so blessed to have you," Red added sincerely. "You make me happy when I don't even think it's possible. When I'm with Lida, I feel like I've become the child and I hate it. I'm not complaining about her, it's how just how I feel. But when I get to be with you, I sometimes can forget I'm sick because you make me feel better about everything, and you always have."

"I do?" Nicky smiled.

"It's one of your greatest gifts," Red nodded. "A little naughty, with a big mouth and no filter, but you are like a light for me and everyone else."

"Oh, come on, Ma," Nicky rolled her eyes.

"No, I'm serious," Red replied. "You've been through so much to get where you are today and I couldn't be prouder." It was the truth. Nicky was doing so well for herself and it wasn't because of privilege or wealth. Red knew it was because she had grown, stayed strong, and been willing to look at herself very critically and make the necessary changes. She had grown into the person Red had always believed she could be. Her energy and keen intellect had evolved to service more than just Nicky's big mouth, and Red's girl had used her addiction, the hardest obstacle she had ever needed to overcome, as a way to connect to others still suffering and make a difference.

"Thanks, Ma," Nicky said quietly. She leaned forward to wrap her arms around Red's waist and rest her head against her shoulder as she hugged her from behind.

"I need you to remember all of this," Red said softly. "Just in case there comes a time when I can't say it to you. I never want you to doubt how wonderful you are or feel like who you are or what you do isn't enough."

"I don't want to lose you," Nicky whimpered, as she buried her face in the side of Red's neck.

Red sighed. "You want to know something, Nicky?" she asked, bringing her shaking hand up to lightly pat Nicky's cheek.

"What?" asked Nicky.

"I don't think we ever really will lose each other," Red admitted, her arm dropping from weakness as her hand collapsed onto the bed. "I've been thinking a lot lately...about God, heaven, hell...I guess becoming old and degenerative is making me more inclined to realm into the spiritual world I usually try to avoid."

"Well, look at you," Nicky chuckled, tilting her head up to kiss Red's cheek. "I guess Gloria coercing you into attending church with her actually made an impression."

"I only went with her on Christmas and Easter," Red reminded her. "And honestly, sitting there on a hard bench watching Benny try to make his brother laugh during the silent parts never did much for me faith wise…. but I just, I need there to be more than this. I'm not able to accept that this can actually be the end."

"It's not the end," Nicky agreed. "I know there's so much more to life that we ever can know for sure until we're on the other side. But _I've technically died on three occasions and I've met God. Dude f*cking loves me."_

"Well, that's reassuring," Red replied softly. "And hopefully if God is real, he'll be able to look past all the awful mistakes of my life and see that I tried. I did good things too."

"You do a lot of good things," Nicky exclaimed. "You've always worked so hard and you have probably the biggest heart out of anybody I know. You're such a good mom. Believe me, you don't have to worry about any of that."

"Hmm," Red murmured. She brushed the back of her hand against her mouth to wipe off a dribble of saliva and then rubbed it off on her nightgown. She couldn't believe they were discussing all of this on the morning of the wedding. She should probably have been making a better effort to steer the conversation towards only positive things, but Nicky didn't seem to mind and they needed this talk.

"See if I can feel positive that there is a heaven then it makes it easier for me to face the hell that is right now," Red confessed. "It gives me something to look forward to."

"To dying?" Nicky frowned.

"If heaven is like a paradise then why dread it?" Red shrugged. "And you get to be with all the people you loved who died before you. No pain, no worries, no regrets…"

"I suppose," Nicky replied hesitantly, not liking the almost wistful Red spoke about death. "I always feel the most aware of God when I'm in crisis mode," she said conversationally. "But I guess that's because I don't really look for him when things are going well."

"I think I'm the opposite," Red replied. "Whenever I was feeling desperate I felt like God was silent. But sometimes I feel his presence when surrounded by joy or beauty. Like down at the water when we all used to go to the cottage together every summer? That was always nice."

"I loved it there," Nicky smiled, "we should go again next year. For old times sake, huh?" She had been on many amazing travels as a child but nothing had ever compared to the simple trips she had taken with Red's family to a rustic cabin on the lake. The place was small and crowded and their activities were simple, but nothing had ever been more fun. It was the sort of experiences Nicky had always yearned for growing up and had missed the past few years they had opted out. Yuri's two kids, Ivanna and Feliks, were now in their twenties and had stopped joining them and Red hadn't been feeling up to it.

"I couldn't do that," Red shook her head. "How could I expect people to try to maneuver a wheelchair on uneven ground with no pavement? Or all those steps to even get down to the beach? The single bathroom, the lack of space. It's impossible."

"We could make it work," Nicky said softly. "You can do a lot more than you think you can. You manage with your walker on good days and I'm sure one of the guys could push a wheelchair in the grass. It's not like we'd be going mountain climbing."

"I guess on a day like today it seems possible," Red admitted. "But I can't think ahead to next summer. That's almost a year away and my condition could be much worse by then. I might not be able to do anything."

"Or you could be the same in a year," Nicky replied positively. "We don't know. Let's take it day by day. Just keep an open mind about it, okay?"

"Sure," Red nodded. Nicky hugged her closely from behind again and this time Red relaxed more into the embrace, leaning back into her daughter's arms. She loved her so much and spending time alone with Nicky made her more adamant about a need to fight. Nicky still relied on her, she was the only person that did and Red thought she would take her loss most strongly. It wasn't avoidable though. Life without her was something Nicky was discovering she'd someday have to face and it filled her with uneasy anticipation.

"But either way," Red said softly. "I think you all should go to the cottage next summer, even if it's without me." She didn't want to be what held them back or deprived them of fun-filled moments. Sitting on the sidelines had been something she'd learned to do during her years in prison, watching her sons grow up, get married, and have babies through photographs and weekly visits. Now she was too infirm to participate and faced with the same forced dissociation again. At least she was prepared for it.

"Don't be silly, Ma," Nicky replied. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

"You'd still have a good time though," Red pressed. "After all, my boys started going there with their father when I was in Litchfield. They couldn't just stop enjoying things because I couldn't be there. I don't see how this is any different."

"It just feels different," Nicky told her. "I don't want you to miss out. And I wouldn't want everyone to go away together without you…. where would you even go anyway? Someone would have to stay behind…"

"I could go live in a home," Red said simply, her shaking hand reached for a pillow and pulled it over across her lap. She hugged it to herself, resting her wobbly chin against it.

"Ma, come on, don't say things like that," Nicky sounded affronted by the mere suggestion. "Why are you even thinking about such thing? Who put that in your head?"

"Nobody," Red answered, hugging the pillow to herself again. "But it's something that should be discussed and nobody ever wants to talk about it. I bring it up and they tell me not to worry and just let them handle everything, like I don't deserve a say in my own life."

"Well, maybe you don't if you're going to try to commit yourself," Nicky replied. "Why would you want to go live in a nursing home instead of staying with your family?"

"I'm not saying I want to go tomorrow," Red replied. "I'm talking about the future. It's not going to be pretty, Nicky. And when it gets to that point, I shouldn't be at home. I don't expect that of anyone. Gloria has her own health to worry about and all of you kids have your own lives to live. What I'm going to need then is too much to ask of anyone."

"Ma-" Nicky sighed. "Why don't you let Gloria decide what she can handle? You don't want to go to one of those places. You'd be so lonely"

 _Lonely._ It was probably the thing that frightened her the most and she hated that Nicky brought it up. Obviously, nobody wanted to be admitted into a nursing home, but she knew there would come a time when it would be the best thing for everyone. She didn't want be a burden on her family, and she certainly didn't want to shorten Gloria's life with all this stress. Relieving them all of responsibility for her would be the final gift she could provide them and that was more important to her than the fear of being alone. She knew everyone would visit her anyway and perhaps her mind would be gone enough by then that she wouldn't notice her isolation otherwise. She tried not to focus on the things that kept her awake at night. About how much her family's devotion meant to her and that she knew the hours would crawl each day while she waited for an all too brief visit. She didn't know what she would do without Gloria to hold her during the night, Lida to make her days feel full, or having her children and grandchildren hanging out in the home she loved so much.

"When it gets to that point I will," Red said simply. She knew that Gloria would go above and beyond for her as she always had, even at the expense of herself. She sacrificed for those she loved and it wasn't always the right thing to do. Even committing fraud and being sentenced to prison had had a noble purpose behind it. She'd been a single mother, abused woman, broke, overwhelmed, and had turned to desperate measures to provide for and keep her family safe. Obviously that scheme had backfired. Red hugged the pillow to herself tightly as Nicky laid her chin heavily on her shoulder. She only wanted the very best for the people she loved.

"Compromise then," Nicky said quietly into her ear. "If and when that time comes, you will be thankful that you have spoiled daughter with a pretty full bank account to compensate for her biological parents' lack of love."

"Nicky…" Red hesitated.

"I'll make sure you get the best, alright?" Nicky promised. "I'll buy you round the clock nursing care in the comfort of your own house if necessary. Gloria won't have to do anything...maybe I'd even pay extra for the nurse to make sure Gloria's being good and checking her blood sugar as much as she's supposed to…"

"My blood sugar is none of your business," Gloria announced, walking into the bedroom and catching the tail-end of what Nicky said. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a small purple pill case where her own medicine was kept separate from Red's. She popped two capsules into her mouth and then took a sip of water from the glass she held in her hand.

"Did you test your blood sugar though?" Red asked her. She leaned her arm back on the bed and turned her body so that she was facing Gloria. She still couldn't help but feel guilty for how sick Gloria had become before either of them noticed. Gloria was important too and sometimes between work and caring for her, she didn't have time to think about herself.

"Yes, and it was a little low," Gloria admitted, "but if I eat soon I'll be good." She set the glass of water down and then reached for Red's pill case. It was how she usually began the day, sorting capsules from the larger vials so that her dosages were pre-measured. This morning however, she noticed that it had already been done. Lida must have refilled the case last night before going home, Gloria realized, and the thought made her brighten. It was all the details in the little things that added up to a lot of help. Like how Lida always made sure the sink was clear of dishes before Gloria got home from work so that she'd be able start preparing supper in a clean kitchen, or the way Maxim and Luca had shown up the other day to dig out the garden and rake up the leaves on the lawn without being asked. Those efforts made Gloria feel validated, like they recognized how much she did and tried to make things easier for her. It did.

"Guess that means it's time for breakfast then, huh?" Nicky grinned. She stretched out on her stomach behind Red on the bed and rested her chin in her hands.

"Why don't you do that?" Red spoke up, swatting Nicky's leg playfully.

"Oh, I like that idea," Gloria chimed in. She opened the section for Red's 7 am pills and deposited them onto her hand. ""I'd like my eggs over-medium today and some raisin toast."

"I'm getting married today," Nicky reminded them, as though expecting to automatically be exempted from contributing. Gloria looked considerably unimpressed though.

"Not until three pm," Gloria said dismissively, with a glance at the clock, "you've got time to cook." She picked up the glass of water and carried it and the pills over to the bed.

"Fine, but don't complain if it's inedible," Nicky rolled her eyes. "I don't know where either of you got the impression that I can fry an egg." It was common knowledge that she didn't cook, something Red and Gloria both seemed to have conveniently forgotten. Lorna made their meals on the rare times they ate at home, but for the most part they lived off of food they ordered in and they both enjoyed going to restaurants.

"Did you notice that you forgot to take your morning pills?" Gloria asked, ignoring Nicky as she sat down on the edge of the bed next to Red. It was now nearing eight and since Gloria had slept in the first dosage of the day had been overlooked. Red's hands were twitchy and her chin was beginning to tingle but that was the worst of her symptoms at the present time. She really was feeling quite okay all things considered.

"I'm used to you or Lida just getting them for me so I waited," Red replied. She accepted her first pill and then took a sip of water.

"How come you didn't get them yourself since they were right on the dresser?" Nicky asked, as she swung her legs to the floor. "I'd have gotten you a drink."

"I didn't think about it," Red murmured, as she popped another pill into her mouth. Gloria gave her the water again and then stroked her hair back affectionately, allowing her hand to linger as she squeezed the tresses and pulled lightly. There was ritual to their days and the regularity of it was something to take comfort in. Just as Gloria felt recognized when the kids pitched in to help her out, she understood that Red was adjusting and felt most loved through these acts of service. Now it was all they had. Their affection came in the form of caring deeds and the extra ways Gloria found to make them special.

"Alright, I'll go make breakfast," Nicky announced, about to walk out of the room. She turned back. "You got bacon here?"

"In the freezer," Gloria replied absentmindedly, "you'll have to defrost it." Releasing the hand that was clutching Red's hair, she stroked her fingers down her curved spine instead.

"Right," Nicky sighed. "Well, I'll call if I need help."

"You know, I was only joking when I said she should make breakfast," Red told Gloria, after she had swallowed her final morning pill. "She doesn't know what she's doing…"

"Which is kind of ridiculous, don't you think?" Gloria replied, placing the glass of water on the bedside table. "I mean...my boys could make simple meals themselves with only moderate supervision by the time they were six…. but whatever, give her five minutes and then we can go watch. Probably be a good show."

Red nodded her head and then squirmed on her perch at the edge of the bed. "Maybe I'll lie down first," she replied. "Will you help me?" She had difficulty lifting her legs off the floor and was feeling quite uncomfortable just sitting on the bed like she had been since waking up.

"Breakfast will be ready before long," Gloria replied, peering at her through her thick lashes. She stood up and went to the dresser to open the drawer where they kept Red's pants. She pulled out a pair of black drawstring sweats for her. "Let's just get dressed and then after you eat you can have a long nap before we have to leave for the wedding."

"Shelby and that friend of Nicky's from the clinic are coming after breakfast though," Red argued, speaking of Nicky's half-sister and her close friend Zoey. They'd made plans a few weeks ago to all come to Red and Gloria's house to get ready together. Hair and makeup teams were due to arrive around ten.

"Yeah, but you don't have to stay up for that," Gloria replied. "I think it's more important that you're able to keep your eyes open during the ceremony. And I'm not sure why you'd want to anyway? I keep trying to figure out how she actually got me to agree to having all these people crowding my house on a Saturday morning."

"Yes, you must have been in a good mood," Red teased. "So, you'd think it would be more memorable."

"Especially because with that huge head of hair of hers, you know they're going to be at it for hours," Gloria replied. She went to the closet and took a loose-fitting sweater off of the rack. "Do you need a change?" she asked discreetly, her foot kicking against the box of Depends on the closet floor.

"No," Red replied simply, her tone plain and not indignant. She was used to such questions by now and between her and Gloria they didn't bother her too much. There was always discretion and a lot of respect, and Red was used to it.

Gloria brought over her clothes and set them on the bed beside her. She kissed Red's lips softly and then pulled her nightgown off. As she guided each of Red's arms into the sleeves of her sweater, Gloria paused to kiss her lips periodically again. She helped her pull her pants on and then placed socks and slippers onto her feet.

"Well, I don't hear smoke alarms," Gloria winked, as she kissed a trail of kisses up Red's jaw. "Maybe she's coping better than we thought. You want to just lie in bed with me and wait for breakfast in bed?"

"Yes," Red nodded. "You think she will bring us breakfast in bed?"

"She will if I tell her too," Gloria smirked. She pulled her cell phone out of the front pocket of the gray hoodie she was wearing and typed off a quick message.

"Texting someone just a few feet away?" Red asked incredulously. "You are never allowed to complain that Gabby spends too much time on her cell phone again."

"Shhhhh," Gloria winked mischievously. "If I'd have gone into the kitchen she'd have begged for help. Now we're in the clear." She lifted Red's legs up onto the bed and then walked around to crawl in beside her. She pulled the blankets up over both of them. "Just don't fall asleep until you eat," she warned. She knew Red hadn't slept much last night and was exhausted, but she wanted her to have breakfast first.

"Yes, I know," Red agreed, as she wriggled closer to Gloria in the bed and rested her head against her shoulder. "Even if this is very comfortable…

Gloria kissed the side of her head. "I'll nap with you after we eat," she told her.

"Are you tired too?" Red asked. Her hand crawled under the blankets in search of Gloria's and when she finally found it she squeezed her tightly.

"No," Gloria admitted. "But lying here with you feels so nice, and I sort of want to hide from all those people Nicky is bringing into the house soon."

"Hide?" Red tilted her eyes back to look at her.

"Yeah, hide," Gloria nodded, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. "It's too early on a Saturday to be dealing with people."

"Even if you could get a free hair and makeup session out of the deal?" asked Red.

"Especially then," Gloria replied. "You know I don't trust those kinds of people." She smiled as Red giggled and then kissed her lips briefly. "The one and only time I go to get a facial because Carmen dragged me to the spa. The technician keeps going on and on about how young I look and saying my wrinkles aren't even noticeable...liar. I don't have patience for that kind of phoniness in my life."

"You're funny," Red told her, leaning her head back so that Gloria would join her lips in another kiss. "But I don't mind if you'd like to hang back with me instead. That makes me happy." Gloria stroked her hair back again and pulled her closer, making Red feel loved and secure. She knew what Gloria did for her was not something that everyone would be capable of giving. Even if she hadn't asked for it, she appreciated it when she considered the alternatives. Talking with Nicky had helped put everything more into perspective and she was grateful to know that at least whatever was coming would not have to be faced alone.

"Breakfast is served," Nicky announced, coming into the room with a plate in each hand and a third balanced on her arm. Gloria promptly sat up in bed and then helped Red sit up as well. Nicky placed a plate on each of their laps and then hopped onto the foot of the bed, crossed her legs and then picked up a crisp piece of bacon and took a big bite.

"These aren't over-medium," Gloria commented, poking at the yoke of her egg. "They're runny enough I'd classify them more under over-easy...but that's fine. Much better than I thought you'd do."

"If that's your idea of a compliment I guess I'll take it," Nicky rolled her eyes. "You could just say thank you."

"Thank you," Gloria replied with a wink. Smiling she took another bite of her eggs and chewed. Red beside her was nibbling carefully on a piece of buttered toast. The bacon looked appealing to her but the eggs seemed daunting. Once Gloria had finished her mouthful, she leaned over to cut Red's eggs up into smaller pieces she could manage better.

They were just finishing up eating when the doorbell rang. "That must be for me!" Nicky said brightly, setting her finished plate on the bed beside her and then jumping onto the floor. She grinned back at Red and Gloria who were both still eating, having taken their time while Nicky had rushed. "Time to get this show on the road!" Nicky announced, as she sped out of the room.

"Wait!" Gloria called after her.

"What?" Nicky called, walking slowly back into their bedroom with a frown etched on her face.

"Take your dishes and put them in the sink," Gloria said calmly, as she set her fork down.

"You never stop do you?" Nicky complained good-naturedly. Walking back to the bed she picked up her plate. "Anything else?" she asked with her eyebrows raised.

"Yes, I'm done," Red told her, holding out her plate. "Will you take mine for me, too?"

"Same," Gloria replied. She stacked her and Red's plates together and then handed them to Nicky. "Thank you," she smiled. Once she had left, Gloria laid back down in the bed and pulled Red into her arms once again. Red needed rest, but more importantly than that she just needed Gloria to hold her. She wanted to enjoy some peace and quiet before their eventful day. She breathed contently as she curled into Gloria's side. Her girl was getting married today.


	14. Chapter 14

The classical band that had played Pachelbel's Canon and a background harmony during the vows sat still in their seats at the cumulation of the ceremony. Instead, upbeat music blasted from the speakers taking everyone, except the brides, by surprise. Until now the proceedings had been traditional and elegant as Lorna had desired, but now the fun began. Nicky had taken precautions to ensure that neither the cocktail hour, dinner, or party afterwards would be anything like the stuffy society weddings she had often been forced to attend as a child. She wanted everyone to have a good time.

Laughing loudly as they stared into one another's eyes, Nicky and Lorna joined hands and stepped down from the intrinsically detailed cherry wood altar they'd had built for their garden wedding. Nicky had spared no expense to give Lorna the day she had fantasized about since she was a little girl. Every element had a personal touch and the wedding coordinator's team had done their jobs well. Lorna was positively glowing, the sparkle in her eyes matched the diamond chandelier earrings Nicky had bought her for her birthday. She looked like a princess in a lace gown with a deep V-neck and a full skirt.

When their feet touched the red-carpet aisle runner, Nicky, in her tailored white pantsuit, leaned back to straighten the cathedral length train of Lorna's gown and smooth out her long veil which was like a river of tulle behind her. A smile stretched on her lips as she winked playfully at Lorna and then took her hand again. Nicky had refrained from looking around at the congregated group of friends and family during the ceremony, keeping her eyes keenly focused on her blushing bride, but now she looked over at Red, who was seated in the front row, and her face broke out into a wide grin.

"She's happy," Red almost sobbed, as she clutched Gloria's arm tightly and was helped to her feet. Alexei was sitting on his Grandmother's other side and he protectively placed a hand on her back until she was steady.

"And you're a mess," Gloria replied, taking in Red's watery eyes and flushed cheeks. "I never really thought you'd be the type to cry at weddings. You gonna be okay?"

"They both looked so beautiful and Nicky's just happier than I've ever seen her," Red said, ignoring the sarcasm in Gloria's tone. She reached her free hand up to caress Gloria's face. "You shouldn't speak so fast, darling. Look how red your eyes are."

"That's actually allergies," Gloria replied.

"To what?" Red blinked, her hand giving out powerlessly and falling down to her side. She was so used to this weakness by now that she didn't even skip a beat. "Maple trees?" she asked.

"I don't know," Gloria said, taking out a Kleenex from the large pack of them stored in her purse for Red. She quickly brought the tissue to her nose just in the time for a sneeze. "Something around here is bugging me though," she replied, "good thing I brought my Claritin." She pulled out a capsule of allergy medication from her purse and popped it into her mouth. Since it was Autumn, most of the plants in the garden were perennials, nary a flower in sight. Maple trees with their leaves changed in tones of red, orange, and yellow surrounded them. It was a beautiful and calming space, and Gloria seemed to be the only one affected by allergies.

Rolling her eyes, Red turned away from Gloria and busied herself craning her neck to keep the two brides in view as they danced their way up the aisle. Nicky and Lorna were taking their time. Having fun, they moved with the music and stopped at every aisle to chat and embrace their guests, most of whom began to spill out informally into the aisle and surround the brides. Everyone was laughing, eager to mingle and celebrate in a fun alternative to a receiving line. Though they had begun to follow carefully behind their aunts in the procession, Vera and Emilia had hightailed it over to their family instead when they found their path blocked anyway.

"Did I do good, Grandma?" Emilia asked breathlessly, bouncing over to stand in front of her while her hands twisted excitedly at the fabric of her golden gown.

"Red!" Gloria said sharply, with a touch of impatience when Red still continued to look over her shoulder at Nicky. She couldn't take her eyes off of her. It was such an emotional experience, watching the daughter she loved get married. She had missed out on attending her sons' wedding days and it was one of her biggest regrets.

"Hmm?" Red blinked, looking back into Gloria's annoyed face. "What?"

"Your granddaughter was just speaking to you," Gloria said, motioning to Emilia who was still shifting side to side in front of Red, waiting to be noticed and adored.

"You looked so beautiful up there, Emmy!" Red told her, watching as her youngest grandchild beamed at her words.

"Really?" Emilia giggled.

"Of course," Red replied, as she dabbed at her tearful eyes with a tissue. Pulling slightly at Gloria's arm that was linked with hers, Red started lowering herself back down into the comfortable wicker chairs provided, complete with wine red coloured cushions.

"And just between us," Gloria added in a hushed whisper, "I just have to say that you and Vera were by far the prettiest bridesmaids. I'm not so sure that Lorna's nieces' dresses did anything for their colouring."

"Where is Vera, anyway?" asked Red.

"Probably snuck off to change into a pair of jeans when nobody was watching," Alexei joked. "She doesn't even look like herself today."

"No, stupid," Emilie rolled her eyes at her big brother, "she's beside Daddy." She pointed over at her sister who was sitting in a vacant chair at the end of the second row, resting her head on Vasily's shoulder while they checked something on his cell phone together. They all turned to follow her finger and Red's eyes narrowed when she saw the phone out.

"You better not have been on that this entire time," Red told her son warningly.

"No, Ma," Vasily assured her, looking up from the screen with a wry grin on his face. "I just took it out now…" The music was beginning to die away as the place cleared out aside from themselves. The officiant had announced cocktails being served on a stone patio just a quick walk away, which was where everyone was headed.

"I saw those lovey eyes during the vows, V," Lida teased, walking across the grass towards them, pushing the empty wheelchair she'd moved discreetly to the back once Red had gotten settled before the ceremony. Pausing to stand behind her husband, she wrapped her arms around Vasily's neck and smiled. "Were you remembering how happy you were the day you married me?"

"Why would I do that?" Vasily teased, stretching up to catch his wife's lips in an affectionate kiss.

"Gross," Vera rolled her eyes, as she lifted her head off of her father's shoulder and got up to move a couple of spaces over into Luca's vacant seat. He, Yuri, and Maxim had all left their seats as soon as the ceremony had ended.

"Don't go too far with that, missy," Vasily told his daughter, pointing a hand lazily at the phone Vera still clutched. "You know the rule. No personal phones until you can pay for it yourself."

"This isn't my personal phone, it's yours," Vera corrected him. Leaning forward in her chair to rest her chin on Gloria's shoulder who was seated in front of her. Cocking her head to the side to bump Vera's affectionately, Gloria smiled. Vera always saved her sweetest moments for her, which was probably why Gloria had always had the biggest soft spot for her.

"Hard to believe it because you use it more than me," Vasily complained.

"So, maybe this is more of a dad not enforcing the rules issue," Lida said, swatting Vasily lightly on the shoulder. She gripped hold of the wheelchair's handlebars and pushed it over to Red. Emilia got out of the way, sitting down in the seat behind her brother.

"I just went back to see what's going on now and they're taking pictures down by the lake," Lida informed them all. "So, we should head over there."

"Okay," Gloria sighed. She helped Red stand up once again and then shuffle over to the waiting wheelchair that Lida was holding steadily, not that it could move much in the thick bed of grass. Once Red was settled, Lida deliberately stepped back and snapped her fingers to summon Vasily's attention. He'd been chatting animatedly with his son but jumped up to go help his mother at once. There weren't any paved paths in the forest setting that Nicky and Lorna had chosen for the venue. It was a lot of effort to push the wheelchair on grass so Maxim had tended to the task on arrival and now it was apparently his turn.

"Do we have time to grab a drink before we get our pictures taken?" Vasily asked, as he forced his mother's reluctant wheelchair through the grass. The wheels kept jamming but he made no noise of irritation as he used more effort to maneuver it in the direction of the loud carrying voices.

"No, just wait," Lida replied, walking behind him with their three kids. "Let's see what's happening first."

"Well I'm going to get myself a Gin and Tonic before I do anything," Gloria told them, "Want me to bring you back something, Vasily?" She was walking closely next to Red's wheelchair but halted when the heel of one of her shoes sunk deep into the earth for the second time. Muttering under her breath, Gloria lifted her foot to dislodge the shoe that was now caked with mud. While wiping off that one, her other heel pierced into the ground.

"Yeah, Vodka soda," Vasily told her, as she pushed the chair ahead. "Thanks."

"Just remember to put your glass down before the family photo," Lida rolled her eyes behind her husband's back. "That would be a classy shot…."

"We'd just look like fun people," Vasily retorted, "which is what Nicky would want from us."

"Does that mean I'm allowed to drink too then, Dad?" Alexei asked, breaking into step next to him.

"No," Vasily replied slowly. "You're not twenty-one. But Aunt Nicky said they designed a few signature drinks which don't need alcohol in them. Drink those"

"I let you have alcohol with me, starting when you were thirteen," Red reminded her son, propping her elbow on to the side of the wheelchair so she could support her trembling head. "And Gloria and I used to let Julio and Benny have a small taste of wine with us whenever we opened a bottle. That wasn't that long ago."

"Thirteen," Vasily shook his head, "what the hell, Ma?"

"It never hurt you," Red told him. "I just needed to make sure I was the first person you drank with so you'd know to be responsible. Taking the mystery out of it so that you wouldn't feel the need to go out with your friends and be stupid."

"Fine," Vasily gave in. "I'll order you _one_ weak drink," he nodded at his son. "But don't tell your sisters because I just upped Grandma's homemade age requirement to fifteen."

"Lourdes and I used to drink together all the time," Gloria chimed in, catching up to the wheelchair in just her stockings, while she held her shoes in her hand. "Here, honey, will you hold these for me for a sec?" she asked before dropping the pair of heels onto Red's lap. She then proceeded to rip another Kleenex out of her large bag and sneeze into it again.

"When you were a teenager?" Red asked her curiously.

"Maybe even a little bit younger," Gloria smirked. "Like Em's age…. sometimes when we were bored we'd make up cocktails together at home. And she knew I went out and partied, but she never tried to stop me. Just always told me not to get in a car with anyone who had been drinking…. of course, all those shenanigans are probably how I wound up a teen mom."

"Yeah, do me a favour and _don't_ pass that particular tale on to the girls," Vasily pleaded, glancing over his shoulder at his daughters who were still chatting with their mother.

"Oh, Gloria, don't you think he's cute?" Red asked, tilting her head back up at Vasily. "So overprotective and worried…. he's sort of reminding me of his father right now. Dmitri was always the fussier parent. I kept it all together."

"Then it must have been a chaotic house," Gloria teased, as she tucked a lock of Red's hair behind her ear. "because I'm afraid you've got several of your own quirks, my dear."

They approached a garden flatbed patio with a leading pathway concocted from large stones. Vasily let out of a breath of relief when Red's wheelchair began gliding easily again. He really wished Nicky had considered accessibility factors when picking a location in the middle of a field. But nevertheless, they had made it work. The landscaping for the cocktail setting was beautiful. The bar in the center of it all was built from large smoothed rocks. Guests were milling around with drinks in their hands and waiters were carrying around trays of hors d'oeuvres.

"Okay, that's where I'm headed first," Gloria told Red, pointing over to the bar. "Best thing about a wedding is all the free drinks."

"We need to go down to the water," Lida reminded her, motioning in the direction of the shaded lake where Nicky, Lorna, and a small group were gathered.

"This will only take a minute," Gloria replied. She took her shoes back from Red and slipped them back onto her feet. "And I need to find food anyway. I'm not supposed go too long without eating."

"Go," Red urged her, looking up at Gloria. She hated being so much lower than everybody else when they walked and she rode along in her wheelchair. Sometimes, despite everyone's best efforts, it was hard for her to make her voice heard when she wasn't on eye level with the rest of them.

"Just don't forget my vodka soda," Vasily reminded her with a wink, causing Lida to swat him on the arm and take the lead walking down to the lake. Vasily immediately started pushing the wheelchair behind her on the narrow trail.

"Nonna, I'll come with you and help carry everything," Alexei offered innocently. Like any typical teenage boy, he was far more interested in the food that standing around watching photographs get taken.

"Sure," Gloria nodded. She saw from the corner of her eye as Vera opened her mouth to speak and shook her head 'no' before the girl could even ask. "You two are bridesmaids so you should already have been down there," she reminded them. "So, go ahead and I'll bring you back some treats."

As the girls went to catch up with their parents, Gloria and Alexei walked into the crowd of wedding guests and headed straight over to the bar. "If you see a waiter holding a tray of stuffed mushrooms then flag them over. I'm hungry," she instructed him, before turning her focus to the bartender.

"Dad wanted a vodka soda," Alexei reminded her, as Gloria handed him a tumbler filled with what looked like coke.

"I know," Gloria replied, "but I only have two hands, we'll go back for his once we're done ours." She took a small sip from her cocktail and then smacked her lips together in satisfaction. Plucking the lime that was wedged on the rim of her glass, she plopped it into the drink and proceeded to stir it around with her straw. The ice cubes clinked against the sides.

"What-" Alexei sputtered, after taking a large gulp of coke and then swallowing it with a confused look on his face. "I thought this was just a pop?"

"Oh, I forgot!" Gloria laughed, "There's half a shot of rum in there. I thought you'd like to try it but you're not supposed to drink it so fast."

"Thanks for the warning," Alexei replied, eyeing his drink suspiciously.

"If you don't like it, I'll have it once I'm finished with this one," Gloria told him. She took a small sip from her straw again.

"No, that's not the problem," said Alexei. He brought the glass to his lips and took a very small cautious sip. "I was just surprised. Dad said he was going to get me one."

"Well, don't rat me out like you used to when you were little and I let you have candy before dinner," Gloria replied. "Do you remember that? Grandma and your mom had been cooking all day and we got into the bag of skittles I found when cleaning Julio and Benny's room."

"Yeah, that was fun," Alexei agreed fondly. He took another sip of the drink. Gloria had the tendency to be a bit too enabling with the grandchildren, a fact that had never ceased to annoy her sons, with whom she had always been very strict. It was one of the primary differences between being a mother and grandmother. The latter was a much more relaxing experience and one that Gloria really enjoyed. She liked spoiling them.

"That was good," Alexei said brightly, once he had drained all the liquid from his glass. "Can I have another one?"

"Not right now," Gloria replied, taking the glass from his hand and passing both of theirs to a waiter carrying by a tub of dirty dishes. "You're not allowed to get drunk until you're twenty-one."

"One more of these would make me drunk?" Alexei asked.

"Maybe," Gloria shrugged, "you seem like kind of a lightweight," she teased him. "Let's go find some food. We got to get over there before we get into trouble."

"Don't forget Dad' drink," Alexei reminded her.

"Oh, yes," Gloria nodded. "Alright let's split up. You go find something that looks yummy for us and take enough for your sisters too. I'll go back and order Vasily's drink, I want to get something for your Grandmother too, she's probably thirsty."

Alexei nodded and Gloria went over to the bartender. She ordered Vasily's vodka, a cranberry juice for Red, and a bottle of water in case the girls wanted something, she'd forgotten to ask. It was quite a handful to carry in her arms as she walked through the crowd looking for Alexei. She raised her eyebrows in surprise when she finally spotted him.

"Hey there," Gloria said uncertainly, as she joined her step-grandson who was chatting amicably with an older woman, seated at one of the white tables with a younger Latina companion. The older woman looked frail. She appeared to be several pounds underweight and the stretched smoothed look of her face looked unnatural when compared with the aged and crippled state of her hands. She'd obviously had some work done. Her hair was dyed blonde and she was dressed nicely in a blue pantsuit and a string of expensive pearls.

"Hey, Nonna," Alexei said calmly, "I got us some food."

"Good," Gloria nodded, "we need to hurry. The others are going to be wondering where we are." She made eye contact with the older woman and gave her a tight smile. "Marka Nichols, right?" she said, extending her hand formally to the person she had only seen before in Nicky's old pictures. "I'm Gloria Mendoza."

"It's nice to meet you," Marka said politely, giving Gloria a smile. "I know who you are. Nicky has mentioned you to me before in passing. How is your son? The one in the military?"

"He's fine," Gloria replied. "He's been stationed in California for the past couple of years. I think he likes it out there but we miss him." She shoved the bottle of water into her purse to lighten the weight in her hand and smiled at Alexei. "I didn't realize you two knew one another."

"We just met," Marka answered for him.

"I... uhhh…. accidently knocked her cane over," Alexei admitted awkwardly, motioning to the polished wooden cane Marka or her assistant had propped up against the table. "Sorry again," he said apologetically to Marka.

"Don't be silly," Marka waved his apology away with a dismissive jerk of her veiny hand. "I asked Alexei how he knew Nicky and he explained that he was Galina's grandson. So, I was just asking how she was."

"Ohhhh," Gloria swallowed, feeling her defenses prickle up like they did whenever she felt like people were talking about Red behind her back. She hated the way everyone wanted information or details about what was happening. Unless they were directly involved in caring for her, Gloria didn't think it was anyone's business. There were some things she didn't even bother updating Red's own children about because she felt their mother's privacy should still be respected. Lida was the only one in the family Gloria ever considered herself to be truly open about everything with, and that was because Lida looked after her and helped.

"Nicky doesn't tell me much," Marka explained.

"That doesn't really surprise me," Gloria said stiffly. "Nicky is very protective of her." She wasn't surprised to see Marka at the wedding, she knew that she had been invited, but it didn't change the fact that the mother and daughter had never been close. Nicky had grown up in the care of nannies, her family life had always been dysfunctional, and she had never really forgiven her mother for it. Their relationship was probably the best it had ever been currently but there was still very little warmth invoked. Nicky tolerated her.

"As she should be," Marka replied, looking slightly downtrodden. "I really owe Galina a lot, for everything that she has done for Nicky."

"She never wanted anything from you," Gloria told Marka. "She did it because she loves her." Glancing over at Alexei, she nodded down at the plate in his hands which was heavily laden with appetizers. "We should get down there," she told him. Then she looked back at Marka. "Maybe we'll have a chance to chat more at the dinner."

"We're not going to stay for the dinner," Marka replied. "I was just going to have a drink and then go home," she motioned to the glass of red wine set on the table,

"Well, this is just me talking, but maybe you should at least wait long enough to say goodbye to your daughter before you leave," Gloria said bluntly. "You know, so she at least knows you came."

"I don't think Nicole will even notice or care," Marka replied, looking sorry for herself. "She only invited me today out of pity. I came because I wanted to see her get married but she's made it perfectly clear over the years that I am not her family and I'd just feel like an intruder."

"Okay…." Gloria said, "Well, take care of yourself, whatever you decide to do. I'm sure Nicky and Lorna would like to have you at the dinner because they wouldn't have asked otherwise. It was nice talking to you-"

"I was sort of hoping I'd have a chance to speak with you today, actually," Marka said formally, while Gloria raised her eyebrows in surprise. There was a sudden shift in the woman's tone from self-pitying to eagerness. "I'm glad I happened upon you. Could you spare me another minute?"

"Uhhhhh…. sure, I guess," Gloria blinked. Turning to Alexei, she motioned for him to take the two drinks in her hands. "Can you manage all of this?" she asked him.

"No problem," Alexei nodded, holding one drink in each hand and balancing the hors d'oeuvre plate on the bend of his arm.

"Great," Gloria smiled at him. She popped a stuffed mushroom off of the platter and popped it into her mouth. "Tell Grandma I'll be down in a minute," she instructed him once she had swallowed.

"It was nice to meet you both," Alexei told Marka and her companion, while Gloria swiped another mushroom off of his tray. He glanced curiously at Gloria before he left, wondering whatever it was they were about to discuss. Then he carefully carried the food and drinks away.

"He has good manners," Marka said approvingly, as she watched Alexei's retreating back.

"He's a sweetheart," Gloria agreed, taking another bite. "And these are delicious," she added.

"The caterer for this wedding is the same one I used to hire all the time for the parties we used to throw," Marka said wistfully, overlapping her arms and then rubbing her hands over them as though she were cold. "Well now it's run by his son-Henry retired quite a few years ago. He used to bring Dawson along sometimes and he and Nicole would play."

"Ma'am would you like a jacket?" the young Latina woman sitting beside Marka suddenly asked. She hadn't yet spoken a word but had been keeping a close eye on her client and noticed that she had shivered.

"Yes, Consuela...thank you," Marka replied. Consuela opened the large bag she had carried along to take out a short Prada black jacket which she draped over Marka's shoulders. Her hands rested on her arms for a pause longer than they needed to. Gloria noticed it at once, because it was the kind of affection that they always made a point to give to Red, to keep their caregiving duties from becoming too robotic. This young hired woman seemed to care about Marka on a personal level. Either she was paid extremely well to fake it or she had somehow created a bond with Nicky's cold biological mother.

"She takes care of me," Marka explained unnecessarily to Gloria, giving Consuela's hand a pat while the young woman smiled shyly at the praise.

"That's nice," Gloria said simply. Pulling out a chair at the circular white table, she sat down and looked Marka directly in the eye. "What exactly did you want to talk to me about?" she asked. "I'm a little confused."

"Nicole doesn't come see me very often," Marka said matter-of-factly. "But anytime she ever has she always tells me a lot about how great her life is now and how she finally found a good family. I think she's trying to make me feel bad or jealous but it doesn't because I'm happy for her."

"Okay," Gloria said, looking more puzzled than ever.

"I made a lot of mistakes in my life," Marka confessed. She took another sip of her wine and swallowed, as though hoping that would quell her dark thoughts. "I didn't always see what was important until it was too late. I prioritized the wrong things…"

"We all have our regrets," Gloria said tiredly, glancing over to the edge of the patio to where Alexei had disappeared down the hill. She wasn't sure if she was even needed down there, besides to keep Red company, but she still was anxious to leave. She didn't want to hang around listening to the woes of Nicky's estranged mother, who for some reason seemed to have picked her out of the crowd to chat to. Or maybe Marka was just really lonely and would spill her story to anyone who would listen. It couldn't be much fun, living alone with simply hired help to attend to your needs, no matter how devoted and efficient they were. It couldn't replicate the beauty of having loved ones by your side, and Marka didn't have that.

"The one thing I got right in my life was making money," Marka continued. "I was damn good at my job and I made a lot of money at it...you know that I grew up poor?"

"No, I didn't know that," Gloria said, suppressing a sigh. She wished she had stolen more food off of the plate before Alexei had left and there didn't seem to be a waiter anywhere by her at the present time.

"Mhmm," Marka nodded. "My father was a mechanic and my mom was a secretary."

"Where I come from, we'd call that middle class," Gloria told her, with a bite of annoyance. She didn't understand why this woman would think a woman who had been committed to prison for food stamp fraud, just trying to get a little extra money to feed her family, would feel bad that Marka had started out in humble beginnings.

"They both worked all the time so I was left alone a lot growing up. I sort of raised myself. I worked my way through college and then into business school," Marka told her. "I guess I was more built to be career driven, then for motherhood, but when my biological clock started timing out I listened to my mother and had Nicole because I was worried I'd regret never having a child. And then I had no clue what to do with her when she was born."

"I see," Gloria exhaled deeply.

"I wasn't a natural mother," Marka admitted mournfully. "I knew I wasn't before I got pregnant but I had her anyway."

"Okay," Gloria nodded.

"I wanted to do right by Nicole," Marka insisted, "but she and I just clashed from the get go. She was so loud, so demanding, so boisterous. Even the baby nurse I'd hired after she was born said she was the most challenging newborn she could remember."

"Maybe she should have met my son, Benny," Gloria rolled her eyes. "He might have matched up."

"But you're close with your son?" Marka asked, and Gloria nodded. "See that's the difference between you and I," Marka sighed heavily. "You didn't wreck your relationship with your child just because they weren't what you expected…"

"Maybe not permanently, but we struggled a lot," Gloria replied. "I went to prison and missed out on ten years of their lives. You don't think that's going to cause problems? My two older daughters didn't speak to me for years and my sons suffered a lot because of my mistakes. Maybe the reason I managed to turn that around was by not playing the victim, but instead doing everything to prove to them that they were the most important people in the world to me. Did you ever do that for Nicky?"

Consuela fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat, shooting anxious glances at Marka as though questioning whether to put an end to this conversation before she became too upset. Marka looked taken-a-back, staring blankly at Gloria who leaned casually back in her chair and waited.

"No," Marka admitted slowly. "I suppose I didn't, but I tried my best."

"Our best is all we can do," Gloria reminded her. "But whatever we choose in life, we gotta own, which I think you're maybe starting to do. I don't know if Nicky is still holding a grudge or anything-I'm not the person you should be talking to about all of this-but in my opinion, if she is, it would be sort of ridiculous. I don't see what she should have to complain about. Things look pretty sunny from what I see."

"Because of Galina," Marka said seriously.

"Probably for a lot of different reasons," Gloria replied. "But, yes, she is very important to Nicky. Always treated her like one of her own and she's a great mom, so Nicky should consider herself lucky. Why?"

"It's just-I appreciate everything she has done," Marka said softly. "And I feel terrible for what she's going through now. Nicky's so distressed about it and I'm sorry she's sick."

"So am I," Gloria said quietly, folding her arms defensively across her chest and blinking a couple of times. She wasn't about to discuss Red's disease or prognosis with someone she barely knew. "I thought you said that Nicky didn't talk to you about this stuff?"

"She told me that she had Parkinson's disease," Marka replied. "And I know about that because one of my friends suffered from it. It's awful."

"Yes, it is," Gloria agreed quietly.

"I want to help," Marka said imploringly. Her eyes fixing upon Gloria's as she at last came to what she had wanted to say all along.

"Help?" Gloria lifted her chin and frowned. "How?"

"With whatever she needs," Marka replied. "Those hospital bills can add up quick and Nicky says you have insurance, but there's a lot that isn't included…."

"We manage," Gloria said plainly, because they did. Red saw a good doctor, they could afford all of her medications, and the wheelchair she had to use. Gloria wasn't worried yet.

"You know the worse she becomes the more expensive everything is going to be," Marka said knowingly. "In the later stages of my friend's life she needed round the clock nursing care, a feeding tube since she couldn't eat, a lift to get to the second floor of her house, a hospital grade bed because she couldn't sit up by herself and the nurses didn't always want to have to lift her-"

"Okay, that's enough," Gloria cut her off, holding a hand up to silence her and actually squeezing her eyes shut for a moment as though that could block out the horrifying mental image Marka had just painted. "Just stop-" Gloria almost panted. She always felt like she was informed and prepared for the inevitable until somebody said things out loud that felt like stabbings to the heart.

"I'm sorry," Marka said flatly. "I don't know what I'm doing…"

Gloria dropped her hand down to the table and opened her eyes to stare across the table at the frail old lady who had actually gone pink in the cheeks at how obviously upset her words had made Gloria. Marka was like a broken shell of the person Nicky had described to her before, much different than what Gloria would have expected. Marka had had everything going for her in a corporate world of money, power, and success, but nothing that truly mattered. She seemed to realize that now, a little too late. Despite what she had said about Red's prognosis, Gloria didn't think Marka looked much better herself. She seemed sickly and sad, and without any of the self-importance that Gloria had imagined.

"I just want to try and understand," Gloria said slowly. "You want to help Red because she helped Nicky? That's all there is to it?" Despite the pain of her words, Marka did know what she was talking about and Gloria wasn't about to turn away just because she was hurting. She'd thought a lot about what would happen when Red was bedridden and needed full support to move from bed to chair. Gloria certainly wouldn't be able to lift her and even though her sons could, they weren't always available. There was a lot of decisions to make.

"Giving people money is the only thing I know how to do," Marka replied. "Which is pathetic, I know, but at least that way I could be useful."

"What does Nicky say about all of this?" asked Gloria.

"I haven't discussed this with her," Marka replied. "She'd accuse me of an ulterior motive and I assure you there isn't one. But Nicole is programmed to believe the worst about me."

"Well, I don't think she would have anything bad to say about this," Gloria told her. "And maybe that's one of the underlying issues between you and Nicky-you think she's always seeing the worst in you, but maybe that's just because you haven't learned how to see the best in her. And until you learn to appreciate her for who she is, you two are going to always clash…. anyway, that's just my thought on the issue."

As Marka sat solemnly in her chair, Gloria stood up to make her departure. She had been gone for much longer than she had originally intended. "Will you accept my offer?" Marka asked, looking up at Gloria imploringly. "Please?"

"Yes," Gloria said carefully. She'd be a fool to say no and deprive Red of the best possible care she could receive. Gloria had no issues with Nicky's biological mother, she hadn't even spoken to her directly before today. But if there was one thing that Gloria knew, it was that it was wrong to judge someone their entire life for mistakes they acknowledged and were trying to amend. This wasn't Nicky's decision, it was Gloria's, and it was an offer she couldn't refuse even if she had wanted to.

"Whatever she needs," Marka reminded her, looking slightly surprised that Gloria hadn't needed more persuasion, but she was relieved she'd accepted. Donating money to help people or causes she cared about was what made Marka feel purposeful. She couldn't get warm to many people on a personal level. She didn't have that touch.

Gloria flashed her a tight smile. "Why don't you come down to the water and congratulate Nicky and Lorna before you go?"

"Should I?" Marka hesitated.

"I would if I was you," Gloria said seriously. "And I've been where you are. My daughter Valentina didn't speak to me for a very long time. She got married and had a baby and didn't even let me know that! I fought to be in her life by owning the ways I messed up with her and letting her know how much I wanted to do better. It's not easy, but we have a relationship now. Maybe I'm more of a friend to her than a mother, but the point is that I get to be in her life."

"Hmmm…." Marka hesitated. She turned to look at Consuela who had been sitting silently during their exchange. "Do you feel like going for a walk?" she asked.

"Of course, ma'am," Consuela nodded. Gloria waited as Consuela gave Marka her cain and gave her a hand up. Once Marka was on her feet though, she was surprisingly steady. She walked slowly but gracefully and Gloria led her away from the cocktail party and down the trail that led to the water. They could see the small group of family down below, and if Marka was nervous to be approaching Nicky's adopted and preferred family she didn't show it as she squared her shoulders. Consuela walked meekly by her side and the two talked quietly with one another while Gloria hurried on ahead.

"Kid, I need you to run the other way, alright?" the photographer said in a would-be-patient tone as a little boy with black hair that didn't look like it had ever been cut, raced in front of the camera and ruined the shot.

"See this is why we don't have kids." Nicky whispered, making Lorna giggle. Living for a few years with Franny while her nieces and nephews had been young had put Lorna off of motherhood as well. They were happy to just let it be them.

"Elijah, I presume," Gloria said dryly, as she sank down onto a stone bench beside Lida, off to the side of where the photographs were being taken. Red's chair was pulled up beside it and Piper and Alex were both standing in front of her, effectively blocking her view of the photoshoot while their tall frames cast shadows over her. This annoyed Gloria, but she was relieved to see that Red didn't seem overly troubled by their presence. Gloria knew that she had understandably been nervous about seeing old friends again, due to her current state, but things seemed to be going okay. Red looked comfortable. Just a little worn out.

"He's a little spirited," Piper informed her, "but isn't he cute?"

"Maybe," Gloria replied, resting her hand on top of Red's. "It was kind of hard to tell because he was running so fast, he looked like a blur."

"A blur that just ran in front of the brides again," Lida pointed out wryly. "Do you want me to go get him? Maybe the guys can amuse him down by the water. They found a turtle."

"I don't want him to get his wedding clothes all muddy," Piper replied, as she adjusted the spaghetti strap of her magenta cocktail dress. She smiled down at Gloria. "It's really good to see you again. We haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah," said Gloria, "you've both been well?"

"Very," Piper nodded. "I was just telling Red and Lida about how I've decided to stay home another year so that I can spend more time with Elijah. I'll go back to work when he begins school next year."

"That's nice," Gloria said faintly. She glanced over her shoulder to see that Marka and Consuela had made it down and were sitting a little way away by themselves. "I ran into her on the patio," Gloria murmured into Red's ear as she pointed them out to her. "I told her to come down and congratulate Nicky."

"Well, there's no harm in that, I suppose," Red said, looking tired. She leaned back in her chair and craned her neck to see them better. "I was wondering why you were taking so long, but Alexei told me you were speaking with her and I thought that was odd."

"Yeah, it just kind of happened," Gloria replied. "We had a good conversation though. I'll tell you more later." She rested her chin against Red's shoulder while Piper, Alex, and Lida continued to keep up a steady flow of conversation.

"No, tell me now," Red urged her, shaking Gloria's arm lightly with a trembling hand. "What did she say?"

"I think she's lonely, old...I don't know," Gloria sighed. "To be honest I feel a little sorry for her. I think she really wants to be close to Nicky but isn't sure how to do it."

"She never cared about that before," Red sniffed, bringing her hands back into her lap, she clasped them together and then looked back over at Nicky who was joking around with the girls as the photographer put his camera down. "Nicky wanted her for so long but she was never available."

"People change," Gloria reminded her. "And she doesn't look well to me. I just think if Nicky refuses this final chance to have a relationship with her then she'll one day look back and regret it."

Red swallowed the metallic tasting saliva that had pooled in her mouth and then bit down on her bottom lip. _"So, do you think you'll have more kids?"_ Lida was asking Piper and Alex, while Red looked back at Marka who was sitting on a bench away from them, with her eyes focused on Nicky. Gloria rubbed her hand back and forth over Red's arm as she stared at the disconcerting frozen face that hid a lot of emotions that Gloria thought she could still read.

"You should encourage her to be open minded," Gloria reminded her, as she gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

"Yeah…" Red sighed, feeling a little dejected although there was no real need. She knew how important she was to Nicky and that would never change. Red had done more for her than anybody else ever had. It was just a little disconcerting now that she had nothing to offer and had been put into the position of always needed to ask for more love, more care, more help. But that was all the more reason to foster a relationship between Nicky and Marka. She needed Nicky to be alright when she wasn't around anymore.

Gloria could sense the mental workings of Red's mind and knew that she was processing what she had told her. She was glad she hadn't immediately come forward with the whole truth of what had transpired between her and Marka. She knew Red would probably be upset and refuse help out of pure stubbornness, and Gloria was not about to let that happen. Red's eyes had switched from Marka to Nicky. The love she had for that girl was not to be put into question and it was obvious all the more by how much Red had pushed to be a part of this day for her.

"I'm tired," Red admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. She didn't want to complain or put a damper on this day of all days, but she felt like she could have fallen asleep right then and there. Only with Gloria, did she feel like she could be truly honest.

"I know," Gloria kissed her cheek affectionately. "The dinner will be soon and then I think you and I will call it an early night, what do you say?" Red nodded her agreement. She had always known she wouldn't make it through to the end, and she had told Nicky just as much that morning. She was exhausted, but she was doing her best to be as present as she could be for this special day. Nobody could expect more from her than that.

"Oh, here they come," Lida called out with a chuckle. "And look ladies, Luca is bringing a little somebody with him." Everyone turned in time to see Red's three sons, son-in-law, and grandson coming back up the trail in their direction. Luca had Elijah's hand in his and was urging him along.

"Lorna asked me to bring him to you," he explained apologetically, as he led the little boy over to Piper and Alex. Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily were all wearing matching grins as they walked over and completed the circle of people that had been formed. Alexei sat down on the bench between Gloria and his mother.

"What was he doing?" Piper asked, sounding a bit defensive as she placed her hands on her son's shoulders.

"I think he kept running in front of the camera," Yuri spoke up. "But there's lots of space over here for him to run around, right bud?"

"Mama, I liked in the grass by the water," Elijah whined, tugging on Piper's hand. Piper smoothed his hair back and smiled around at them all.

"It's exciting for him," she explained to them. "He's never been here before so it's only natural he'd want to run around and explore." She looked back down at her son. "Maybe you can play over there in a few minutes?"

Nobody answered her open-ended question. Elijah stuck out his bottom lip in a quivering pout as tears filled his eyes. "I want to run there," he sobbed. Prying his hands out of Piper's light grasp he fell to the ground in a crumpled heap and began to pound at the earth in an unmistakable tantrum. Red made a sniffing noise of disapproval while Gloria glanced sideways at Yuri and shook her head at him, while he raised his eyebrows in agreement.

"Does it take you back, Gloria?" Yuri joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Hell, no," Gloria shook her head. "Benny tried that once in a toy store and he learned pretty quickly not to cross me."

"Until he became a teenager of course," Red reminded her, before brushing the back of her hand over her mouth to wipe away a trickle of saliva that was threatening to dribble out.

"Yeah, but that was only because I wasn't there to kick his ass," Gloria retorted, leaning her head back to rest it against the handlebar of Red's wheelchair. "Once I came home we sorted it out."

"Hey, well the way I see it, you can't really call yourself a parent until you've carried a screaming child out of a store surfboard style on at least one occasion," Lida giggled.

"Did you ever have to do that with me?" Alexei asked his mother, his eyes widened in alarm as continued to watch the shrieking child on the ground.

"Oh, yeah," Lida exclaimed. "I let you go for a ride on this little carousel they used to have in the mall, and then you wouldn't stop screaming because I wouldn't let you have unlimited rides."

"I remember that day," Maxim chimed in with a smile. "We were shopping together and I just had to go into a nearby store and pretend to browse for a bit so people wouldn't think I knew you guys."

"Uncle of the year," Lida rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the support!"

"Alex, will you help?" Piper snapped, as she tried unsuccessfully to pull their son up by his arms, but Elijah had made himself limp like a rag doll. His legs wouldn't support him and at last Piper let go of his arms and stared down at her son is exasperation while he continued to roll around on the ground.

"I thought you said we were supposed to ignore bad behaviour so that he could correct it himself?" Alex said boredly, giving her screeching son a dismissive shrug. "At least he's getting it out of his system now so that he'll behave when we go inside for dinner."

"The guests up on the hill having cocktails are going to think we're wrestling with a bear or something," Nicky commented, as she and Lorna walked hand in hand over to their huddle. Her eyes danced around the group, as she clicked her tongue in count of all the people. "I think everyone's here now," she said finally.

"Yeah, we were just waiting for Gloria," Lorna nodded. She smiled at them all. "We want to take the family picture," she explained. "We already did my family. So, can you all go over to the water and we'll just group together. It will be quick."

Nicky walked behind Red's wheelchair and gently swatted at Gloria's head to get her to move. "I've got her," she announced unnecessarily, as she kicked up the breaks on the chair and turned Red around.

Gloria turned around to glare at Nicky in annoyance. "Keep that up girl, and I'll knock you into next week, wedding or not."

"Such a sweet old lady," Nicky teased, "I don't know why you have to be so grumpy all the time." Gloria rolled her eyes as Nicky began pushing Red away from the group. She wanted a minute alone with her. She hadn't had a chance to come over and see how she was coping until now.

"So, was I right or what?" Nicky chuckled, leaning forward to whisper in Red's ear after they'd walked a few feet away from Piper, Alex, and their tantruming son.

"About the boy?" Red asked. "He's a typical child, it's his parents who don't know what they're doing. If I had more energy, I'd set them straight."

"I know you would," Nicky agreed. "I was impressed by your restraint. Same with Gloria. I was sort of expecting her to step in and discipline their child for them but I guess she must be tired or something."

Red leaned her head back so that it brushed against Nicky's abdomen while she pushed her. "Did you say hello to Marka yet?" she asked her.

"I waved and she waved back," Nicky replied casually.

"You need to go over there," Red reminded her. "She came down here to see you. Gloria was talking to her before."

"Yeah, I will," Nicky sighed. "After the picture, I suppose duty calls."

Red shook her head in refute. "Before," she corrected her. "Right now. The picture can wait. Nobody is going to be able to smile anyway when it sounds like someone is having an exorcism in the background."

"Okay," Nicky exhaled heavily. "But I'm bringing you with me...not that you have a choice in the matter or anything." She leaned down to kiss the top of Red's head. "I'm just joking," she assured her, "but if Marka gets too irritating, I need you to come up with an excuse for us to leave, so it doesn't look like it's my idea."

"Who's that girl with her?" Red asked, as they got a little closer and she she stared into Consuela's face.

"Her helper?" Nicky guessed. "I'm not sure what her exact job description is. I guess she's like a companion? She lives in the apartment with Marka five days a week. They have a housekeeper to run things and a nurse stops by everyday for medical things. I guess Consuela just does the in between stuff...you couldn't pay me to sit around with that woman all day. I hope she at least gets paid well."

She shut up before they got within earshot and pushed Red ahead to the bench. "Hey," Nicky said heavily, lifting her hands from the handlebars of the wheelchair to rest them possessively on Red's shoulders. "Thanks for coming," she added.

"Congratulations, Nicole," Marka said gently, straightening up and toying with a button on her jacket. "You look lovely. So, did Lorna. I liked her dress."

"You probably wish I'd worn a dress too, huh?" Nicky asked, with a touch of defense in her tone as she glanced down at the white pantsuit she had worn.

"No," Marka shook her head. "You should wear what you want and I like it." Nicky blinked in surprise, and her fingernails scratched into the red fabric of Red's dress as she bristled herself for a criticism that didn't come. Even when Marka started out with good intentions, she usually managed to say something off putting that would put Nicky on edge. Perhaps it was Red's presence, or Gloria's advice earlier on, or maybe just because it was her wedding day and Marka didn't want to ruin it. But for whatever reason, Marka seemed to be choosing her words carefully right now.

"Nicky knew exactly what she wanted," Red said in her quiet voice. Her vocal chords seemed even fainter than they had been a few months ago. The changes in her tone were another side effect of the Parkinson's. She cleared her throat and went on speaking in a slightly stronger voice. "We went shopping together about six months ago and she had this custom made from her vision alone."

"It suits you," Marka nodded. "Since I know you never liked dresses…"

"Uhh...who said I never liked dresses?" Nicky blinked. "I never liked the dresses you picked out for me, but I always wore skirts when I got older. I just liked this more."

The hands holding her cane in front of her had tightened as Marka sucked in her breath. There always needed to be a battle between herself and her daughter and she didn't think she was always the one to be blamed for that. Nicky was the master of twisting her words to sound insulting or ignorant, when she hadn't even desired to do anything besides make harmless small talk. "So, those were your granddaughters getting their picture taken with Nicky and Lorna just now?" Marka asked, directing the question to Red.

"Two of them were," Red replied, shrugging her shoulders slightly to get Nicky to loosen the anxious grip that she had on her. She hated how much Marka's mere presence could put Nicky on edge, especially on a day like today when she should just be relaxed and happy. "The ones in the golden dresses were mine, and the other two girls are Lorna's sister's daughters."

"They look very pretty," Marka told Red, with a formal air. She nodded at her, taking in the red dress, the flattering makeup Gloria had helped her apply that morning, and the broach worn proudly at the breast, that Nicky had picked out only last night. "You look well."

"Not really," Red scoffed. "I've been better...but thanks, I guess."

"You look glamorous," Nicky told Red lovingly. "Look how you've got the bride moving you in your chair from place to place, you're like a Queen."

"Or a cripple," Red said dryly.

"Nah, it feels pretty regal to me," Nicky retorted. A silence fell between them all. Consuela shifted a bit closer to Marka on the bench and watched Nicky uneasily. The rare times she'd visited, Marka's daughter had always made her feel nervous. It wasn't because of anything Nicky did, it was just because the air was heavy with tension whenever she and Marka got together. Marka talked often to Consuela about her regrets and Nicky's messy history, which admittedly was stuff that a mother should probably keep to herself. Consuela would have been upset if her own mother had criticized her to random people all the time. However, she also spent enough time with Marka, much more than Nicky ever had, and could see the sincere good heart buried deep down. It was sad that Marka had never given her own daughter a chance to experience that.

"We should probably join everybody else," Red said, looking up at Nicky. "I don't hear anymore screaming so I suppose Piper and Alex finally got that little monster of theirs under control."

"Yeah…" Nicky agreed. She slid her hands from Red's shoulders back to the chair's handles and stared at Marka. "Thanks for coming down here to see me. Sorry I can't talk longer but I have like a million people to talk to and the dinner is going to start soon."

"That sounds like any wedding I've ever been to," Marka told her, with a small smile. "The bride never gets to take a break."

"Or the flower girl," Nicky said pointedly. "You always volunteered me to be the flower girl in every one of your friend's weddings just so you could get my picture in the social pages of the newspaper."

Marka frowned, "you didn't enjoy being a flower girl? I always thought it looked so fun…"

"I complained the entire day...every time it happened," Nicky replied dramatically. "Well, I guess you never heard me. You were always too busy shooting back sidecars and talking to random people to notice."

"I never got to be a flower girl when I was a child," Marka said quietly. "I always wanted to be one."

"Yeah, well you and me are nothing alike," Nicky replied, rocking Red's wheelchair back a step as she moved away.

"Believe me, Nicole, I know that," Marka said coldly, her hand brushed her dyed blonde hair behind her ear and she glanced over at Consuela. "I think it's probably time for me to get going…"

"Wait," Nicky sighed, "don't go okay...not like this. I don't know what exactly it is about you, but you just stress me out...I don't know."

"I can see that," Marka said calmly. "Which is why I will go so you can enjoy your day like you deserve to-"

"That's not what I want," Nicky said with a bite of impatience in her tone. Without intending to, she rocked Red back and forth from pure restlessness.

"Nicky, what do you want to say?" Red spoke up, and her thick accent was like a calm in an unyielding storm for her girl. Nicky could always depend on her to be there, to make her feel better. Even now. She stopped shaking the wheelchair at once.

"Well, before everything went wrong, I was going to ask you if you wanted to come be in the family photo with the rest of us?" Nicky spoke hurriedly, peering over at Marka uncertainty from beneath her thick black eyelashes.

Marka looked extremely taken-aback. "You want me in the picture?" she asked, as though uncertain whether Nicky's words had actually been directed at her instead of Red.

"You and me are family, aren't we?" Nicky shrugged casually. "Not exactly a very good one but you're here, and it makes sense. So why not?"

Marka shifted uncomfortably on the bench and for once seemed to lose a little bit of her composure. "I don't want to if you're only asking me out of obligation. You don't have to…"

"I don't do anything I don't want to do," Nicky interrupted her. "I asked you, so don't overanalyze it. Just say yes and let's get down there before Gloria comes over to yell at us for taking too long."

"Gloria can't yell at you for that," Red told Nicky. She rested her elbow on the arm of her chair and leaned her head against her hand. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn. "Gloria said she'd be back in a minute and was gone for half an hour, so she can't talk. But still, let's get over there. All of us," she met Marka's eye and stared at her resolutely. There was no animosity between either of them and there never really had been. Red had no clue about the gift Marka had given her through Gloria, but it had no bearing on her wanting to help reconcile some of the difficulty between her and Nicky now. If only to bring Nicky some peace.

"Okay," Marka nodded. "Thank you." Consuela gave her a hand standing up and then Marka used her cane to walk carefully down the stone walkway to the grassy plateau in front of the water, where Lorna, Gloria, and Red's children and grandchildren were waiting. Lorna's family had already headed up to join their relatives and friends on the patio for a drink, but Piper and Alex were trying unsuccessfully to capture their son. Elijah seemed to have recovered from his breakdown and was running on the grass as though he had never heard anybody say he couldn't.

"Everybody here?" the photographer smiled at Nicky as she struggled to push Red's wheelchair off of the path and up the slight groove to their prime picture spot. She was slightly breathless but she managed it. Consuela stuck close to Marka's side in case she needed assistance but once Marka had reached the others she backed away discreetly.

"Let's go up and see everybody else now, Eli," Piper called to her son. "I think there's candy waiting up there for you!"

"Candy?" Elijah repeated with interest.

"Great parenting, Pipes," Alex sighed. She nodded at her son. "You heard mama, let's go."

"Finally," Gloria heaved a sigh of relief, as she walked over to Red. She nodded ahead to where Piper and Alex were chasing their son up the hill. "I was about this close to saying something. The little brat tried to hit a chipmunk with a rock." She caught Marka's eye and gave her a smile. She was happy to see her. Glad that some small step forward had happened today. One thing Red's prognosis had taught her was that there was no time in life to waste, especially when it came to family. Gloria had been on a rollercoaster of emotional destruction until she had finally found a home and a family in Red. It was where she belonged and she was not going to let go until she was forced to.

Scooting around Gloria, Nicky hurried back over to Lorna and pulled her into her arms. They kissed and smiled at one another, until the photographer stepped forward to center them in front of the beautiful water. She needed to stand for this, so Gloria helped Red up out of her chair and guided her the few feet to Nicky's right. Nicky wrapped her free arm around Red to steady her and Gloria did the same on her other side so that she was protected and they could keep her from falling.

"Ms. Nichols, do you want to stand beside me?" Lorna asked in her sweet voice, with her red lips curving into an inviting smile.

"Alright," Marka said, slowly walking over to Lorna's side, surprised but pleased that she was actually being positioned near the center of the family photograph. "And call me Marka, not Ms. Nichols."

"Okay," Lorna smiled.

The rest of the family closed in so that they were all in focus and the photographer made sure that nobody was blocking anybody else before he began snapping away. It was disappointing to Red and Gloria that neither Julio or Benny had been able to attend, but they were grateful for what they did have right now and were happy. The corners of Red's expressionless lips tugged as a warmth rose within her. She felt joyful, which she hadn't felt in a long time and as she looked at the photographer with everyone else, she felt the stiffness in her face suddenly release it's hold on her and her mouth moved freely. It was only for a couple of seconds, but it was just long enough for the Parkinson's to diminish from her features as her emotions displayed on her face. And Red felt a fluttering in her heart to know that whatever came next, at least Nicky would always be able to look back on her wedding day and remember her smile.

 **Thank you for reading. And sorry if it's breaking your heart. The next chapter will jump forward a little bit.**


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter leaps ahead a few years, which sadly means that the disease will have progressed as well. Trigger warning, things become more heartbreaking in this one.**

More than two years had passed when Gloria woke up one Wednesday morning in June feeling possibly more tired than she had falling asleep the night before. She stretched her arms behind her head on the pillow and stared around the darkened room. Without her glasses on, she couldn't make out the glowing green numbers displayed on her digital clock, but she knew with absolute certainty that they'd be only a minute or two shy of seven am. Gloria always woke up at the same time every single day. Her life had become so routine that even her body had adjusted to the new rhythm and the predictability that made life manageable. Reaching her hand out blindly in the dark to feel for the glasses she'd left on her bedside table, Gloria brushed them with her fingertips and then pushed them onto her face. She smiled in satisfaction as the time came into view. 7:01 the clock read. The day always began this way.

"Eh...eh...eh…" this awful croaking was the backdrop music to Gloria's wake up routine. The sound gurgled unrelentingly in the back of Red's throat and echoed around the bedroom, as it always did when she slept. Gloria rubbed her fingers against her temples and gritted her teeth as she swung her feet over the side of her bed and sat up. She wished she could say that she was used to the noise, but she wasn't. It was more irritating than sleeping with any loud snorer could ever be and Gloria often had to resist the temptation to sneak off to lay down in the other room instead. But Red couldn't help it and even though it was hard, Gloria never would leave her alone all through the night. Red needed her love more than ever now.

Gloria sat still on the edge of her bed for a few more minutes, while she tried to muster up the energy to actually stand up. She listened numbly to the grunting sounds emitting from across the room, as her fingers scratched again the sheet of her singular bed. About a year ago, Marka had made good on her offer of financial assistance and had purchased and had delivered a high tech, hospital-grade bed for Red. The new bed had been a miraculous gift, saving Gloria's back by doing the work of sitting Red up and back down, when she lost the ability to move on her own. It had been a bittersweet gift, with Gloria struggling between relief and sorrow. Moving in the hospital bed had meant getting rid of the regular Queen-sized mattress that they had shared for the past twelve years. Benny had taken it into his room and traded Gloria one of the matching twin beds that he and Julio had used.

Finally, deciding she could stall no longer if she wanted to get to work on time, Gloria stood up with a reluctant sigh and moved carefully across the floor on tiptoe. She knew outside the sun would already be shining as the promise of good weather all this week had foretold. However, the blackout curtains that hung over the windows blocked any of its brightness from streaming in. The darkness helped with afternoon naps and getting Red to sleep in past dawn in the morning, but it always made waking up feel like a gloomy prospect for Gloria. Getting ready in the dark was never very enjoyable.

Before leaving the room, she paused beside Red's bed to check on her like she always did. Her hands gripped around the cool metal of the bars that were raised on either side of the bed to keep her from falling off. Gloria's eyes scanned over the shadowy outline of Red's sleeping form. She was curled up on her side with her knees bent and her hands clasped together, almost as if she was praying. At least her tremors had greatly subsided, now her body was rigid stiff. She experienced involuntary jerks in her limbs but had extremely limited control. She was trapped within and as Gloria watched her sleep she had to reduce the urge to reach out and touch some part of her. She loved her so much and watching the progression of the disease was almost unbearable, but she tried to pretend that it wasn't. She had to be strong.

Inhaling and exhaling slowly to try and unclench the knot in her stomach, Gloria reached for the blankets that had been kicked off and pulled them back over her. A soft bundle of weight that had been curled up on top of them was tugged along too and Gloria had to smile as she reached out a hand to caress the cat, who was never very far from Red's side. "How's my little traitor?" she whispered softly, stroking Millie's head with a single finger. "And to think I once was worried Galina would be upset with me for getting you in the first place…"

She pulled back her hand slowly and turned away from the bed so that she could grab the portable monitor that sat on the bedside table. Whenever she left Red alone in the room, even if only for a couple of minutes, she brought the monitor with her so that she was always aware and supervising. Perhaps it was overprotective, but ever since she had learned about Red's condition, Gloria's mind had become a whirl of worries. There was so much that could happen, so much that was happening no matter how meticulous Gloria tried to be. She couldn't change their reality, but she constantly told herself that she could make sure that Red didn't feel alone through it all. That intention gave Gloria the strength to make decisions and care for Galina in ways she never would have imagined needing to resort to, and it was surprising how normal things begun to seem.

She still hadn't hired a nurse. Despite Marka's offerings, Gloria was skeptical about whether or not anyone would take as good of care of her as she did, and the few interviews she'd conducted hadn't eased those concerns. It also wasn't really necessary since Lida still filled in three days a week while Gloria went to the job she still, at the age of 67, didn't really feel ready to leave. Lida made sure that Gloria got the breaks she needed and had begun to insist that she schedule a night out at least once a week to do something other than work.

So, while Gloria made plans to be with her own daughter and granddaughter usually, Lida came over with Vasily and the kids to make Red dinner, visit, and then help her to bed. All of Red's children were good about visiting regularly and helping Gloria out when they did, but Lida was the only one that wasn't squeamish about physically caring for their mother, and for that, she had become Gloria's saving grace. Alexei, Vera, and Emilia found it extremely emotional to be around their Grandmother now that she had become so infirm, but Lida still insisted that they come anyway. She urged them to continue speaking to their Grandma the same way they always had and stressed that even if all they did was sit and watch TV with her, their presence still meant a lot. That was what family was about, and Lida taught her children well.

Padding barefoot into the bathroom, Gloria set the monitor down on the counter beside the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror, almost wanting to laugh at just how done the face looking back at her already appeared to be, even though the day had hardly started. She brought her hands up to smooth against her wrinkled cheeks, frowning as she did so. She couldn't recall the last time she had really examined herself, but Gloria was positive that some of those finer lines hadn't been there a month ago. She found this extremely irritating, even though Valentina often reassured her that she could still easily lie and take eight or nine years off of her age. Shrugging helplessly at the mirror, Gloria stripped off her oversized t-shirt and cotton shorts, and then turned around to turn on the faucet and hop into the shower.

The hot water rained down on her and Gloria leaned her head back in satisfaction. She splashed some onto her face, feeling her senses becoming more alert and herself more awake. Even when she was feeling tired and grumpy, mornings were still her favourite time of day. She enjoyed the time to herself, the indulgence of coffee and a cigarette before her day returned to being about somebody else. Twenty minutes later, she reluctantly shut off the water when she thought she heard some sounds on the monitor. With the bathroom now quiet, Gloria craned her ear and could make out the rustling sounds of the plastic sheet of Red's bed, which alerted Gloria that she had woken up.

Stepping out of the shower, Gloria wrapped her purple robe around herself and mourned the cup of coffee she had never gotten around to drinking. She'd dawdled too much getting out of bed that morning and Red had woken up sooner than expected. Sighing, Gloria towel dried her grey hair and then hurried down the hall towards her bedroom. She had to brace herself before she stepped into view. Even if this had become normal, it still always made her feel very sad.

Red was reaching her trembling hand through the protective rail of her bed as she tried to hit the button that would move her mattress into a sitting position. Her hand was shaking so bad that she couldn't hit it though, and Gloria watched from the door as she finally gave up and buried her face against the pillow, uttering a frustrated whimper. Even though it was for her own good, Red had expressed with Gloria her indignity at sleeping in what felt like a crib, when they had first made the transition to the two separate beds. She used to be able to operate the mechanisms herself, which had given her the ability to choose on her own whether she preferred to lie down or sit up, but now her fingers weren't strong enough to hold down a button, though that had not dissuaded Red from trying all the time.

"Good morning," Gloria greeted her warmly, doing her best to sound positive. "Do you want to sit up?" she asked, as she approached the bed. She waited for an affirmative nod and then, with envious ease, hit the button that raised her up. "There," she smiled, as she leaned over the bed rail to kiss Red's cheek.

It might have been an involuntary movement, but Gloria didn't treat it as one as Red's hand jerked up and brushed against her shoulder. Gloria caught it with her own hand, and holding tightly, she tugged it up to wrap around her neck, as she leaned even closer to the bed, pressing her warm cheek to Red's. "I love you," she reminded her, before turning her face only slightly so that she could pucker her lips against the pale skin again. She exhaled contentedly, as her irritation at having her morning me-time interrupted early went away. She needed this contact for herself, just as much as Red needed it. She caught a whiff of the shampoo she'd washed Red's hair with the night before and inhaled its aroma pleasingly. She was still hers and nothing could change that.

"I love you, too," Red stuttered, her voice shaky and powerless. She'd attended speech therapy twice a week for almost two years, thanks to Marka, but lately Gloria had stopped seeing any improvements and had been considering cancelling the appointments. She was hard to understand sometimes, her voice so quiet and her accent now so muffled that it was sometimes indecipherable. To make matters worse, sometimes she would get confused and switch into Russian mid-way through a sentence. Even though she understood not a word, Gloria usually didn't bother to correct her.

She withdrew the hand she had wrapped around her neck and then kissed the wrinkled top before setting it back down in Red's lap. "I checked the weather and it's apparently going to be a beautiful day," she said conversationally. Straightening up she went over to the closet and shifted through her clothes. She decided on a dark plum blouse that she could pair with a black skirt. Taking out the two items, she laid them on the foot of her bed.

"Oh?" Red muttered. She kept her eyes fixated on the cat who she had beckoned closer and was now clumsily stroking behind the ears.

"Yeah," Gloria said. She opened her top dresser drawer and withdrew a pair of black panties and a matching bra. With ease, she tugged at the rope tying her robe and let it slip off of her onto the floor. "It's milder than it has been so it will be a good day to get outside," she told her, as she slipped on her underwear and then fastened her bra.

"You look pretty," Red said quietly.

"Thanks," Gloria smiled. She slipped on her pencil skirt and then started to do up the tiny buttons on the front of her blouse. "The main boss is coming in today to meet with me so I figured that was probably worth a little extra effort."

"Why..sfdjfdkjfkdjfdk..him?" Red garbled, making absolutely no sense but Gloria did not show her confusion on her face. Instead she calmly walked over to the bed and leaned closer to Red's lips.

"What were you trying to say?" she asked her patiently. She rested her hand on Red's shoulder and stroked her thumb back and forth. "Speak slowly…" she reminded her.

"Why..do...you...have...to...meet...with...him?" Red asked deliberately slow, trying to enunciate all her syllables.

"Well," Gloria slid her hand off Red's shoulder. To buy herself more time, she walked over to the closet and pulled out a pair of low heeled black, buckled, shoes. She slipped the shoes onto her feet and then walked back over to the bed. She reached down to lower the rail on her side of the bed and then sat down beside her. Her back leaned against the firm mattress as took Red's hand. "I found out yesterday that there's a buyers' convention for the store happening next month in Chicago," Gloria explained.

"You have to go?" Red asked, her anxiety automatically obvious.

"Well, I'm supposed to," Gloria replied, squeezing her hand tightly. "It would only be for two nights and I could talk to you on the phone all the time." When Red still looked completely startled at this revelation, Gloria bumped her shoulder gently against hers. "Remember I went to California for a whole week? That was fine…"

"That was a long time ago," Red replied. It had been about two years ago, a few months after Nicky and Lorna's wedding. When, much to their disappointment, Julio found out he wouldn't be home for Christmas that year, Gloria had decided she could withstand the separation no longer. Red had been supportive, so Gloria had purchased her plane ticket to California and made plans to spend the first week of January enjoying an escape from winter with her son. Red had gone to stay with Lida and Vasily, who had made up a bed for her in their living room so that she wouldn't need to use the stairs and everything had been fine. That had been different though. Red still had been quite self-sufficient back then and now she was essentially bedridden or confined to a wheelchair. Even with help, her legs wouldn't support her and the thought of Gloria being so far away from her when she needed her, immediately made Red feel panicked. Her lips slackened apart and though she tried to swallow, it wasn't before saliva dribbled out of her mouth.

"Lida will come stay here at the house with you," Gloria calmly tried to reassure her. She reached over to grab a Kleenex from the bedside table and then wiped Red's face off for her. She drooled constantly, it was something that just couldn't be helped. There was even a red rash across half of her chin from the skin's irritation at always being wet. The doctor had once suggested Gloria use bibs to protect Galina's clothing from her drooling, and though they did have some now, Gloria didn't have the heart to make her wear one all the time. Sometimes having to change her shirts more frequently and do more laundry was worth it in order to salvage a little of the woman's dignity.

"It wouldn't be any different than when she comes over during the day," Gloria reminded her, tossing the used Kleenex into the wastebasket and then wrapping her arm around Red's shoulders. "She'll just spend the night, either in my bed or she can sleep in Benny's room if you'd prefer. Just two nights away and then I'll be home. Okay?" she brushed her lips over to kiss Red's temple.

"Yeah…" Red said skeptically. There wasn't much choice in the matter since begging Gloria not to leave would have been selfish and she wouldn't do that. She held Gloria back enough as it was and she wouldn't intentionally add more to her load.

"It's not for another month anyway," Gloria reminded her, as she slackened her arm and stood back up. "It's just in the planning stages, so try not to worry." She kept the bedrail down because she was coming right back to her. "What do you want to wear?" she asked, the same way she did every morning. She always tried to give her choices wherever was possible.

"I don't care," Red replied. Which is what she almost always sad when Gloria asked her that question. Details concerning her clothes or appearance in general seemed of very little interest to Red, which concerned Gloria, since she had always cared about such matters before.

"Blue?" Gloria asked, "it's always my favourite colour on you. It brings out your eyes." Red rolled her eyes at the compliment and leaned her head back against the bed. She watched as Gloria pulled out a soft blue sweater and then gathered up the rest of her clothes before bringing them over to her.

"Gabriella might be coming over for supper tonight," Gloria said casually, referencing her eighteen-year-old granddaughter as she lifted the blankets up above Red's waist, annoying the cat who had settled down for a nap beside her. "She said she'd let me know today."

"That's nice," Red murmured.

"I'm just going to lay you down for a minute," Gloria said, pushing the button to lower the bed. It was easier to work when she was in a lying down position and she went as quickly as she could. Unsticking the tabs of her soaked brief, she then gently rolled Red onto her side so that she could remove it. Gloria was used to such tasks by now and driven by love she didn't even mind it. Inside this body was still the same person that Gloria had loved for years and who had supported her through everything. Now it was her turn to be taken care of. Gloria unfolded a fresh once down on the bed before rolling her back onto her back on top of it.

"I hope she does come," Gloria added, continuing to speak about her granddaughter. She needed to talk about something to make these moments more bearable. If she didn't keep her and Red's minds both occupied with something else, then they both would end up focusing on how unbearably tragic it was that their relationship had been reduced to this. Being miserable would not change what it was.

Did I tell you that she got a new boyfriend?" Gloria asked. She reached for some wipes that she kept on the table next to the bed and swiftly cleaned her up before tapping the front up in place.

Putting pants on was the hardest step, but Gloria had gotten used to it and always dressed her in loose fabric with an elastic waist. She pulled Red's feet through the pant legs and then pulled them up as high as they would go. Turning her back onto her side, one way and then the other, Gloria was able to pull them up the rest of the way.

Once that was done, Gloria pushed the button to bring the bed back up into a sitting position again. She took hold of the fabric of Red's nightgown and pulled it up over her head. Setting the nightgown to the side, Gloria tucked the blankets around Red's hips so that her lower half would not be chilled.

"I'm glad she got rid of that one from high school," Gloria said. "You know I never liked that guy." She helped fasten Red's bra and then slipped the blue sweater up over her head. She pulled her arms through each sleeve and then smoothed the fabric down. Then she put on her socks and slippers.

Gloria pulled the wheelchair up to the bed and then stood in front of it. She used both of her hands to pull Red up into a standing position. She couldn't support herself, so all of her weight was leaning against Gloria, who used this final chance to adjust her clothing before sitting her back down in the wheelchair. She was breathless when she was done and had to sit down on the edge of the bed herself for a brief rest. Not wanting Red to be concerned, Gloria playfully tapped her foot on top of hers and gave her a smile.

"Thank you," Red said quietly, looking Gloria straight in the eye. Her facial features were stiff and unreadable, but her eyes always told the full story. Gloria could lose herself in those deep pools of blue and rest assured that whatever else was happening to them, she was still loved. Gloria could also read sorrow, and an unspoken apology that always was visible, and nearly always on the tip of her tongue. Red resented herself for everything Gloria had to do for her now. She wanted a better life for Gloria than that.

Gloria cupped Red's cheek in her hand and kissed her forehead ever so briefly. "Let's go have breakfast," she said with a smile. She knew what Red was thinking and would do anything to show her that everything was okay and that there was no where else she would rather be than with her. Standing up, she walked around to the back of the wheelchair so that she could push Red to the kitchen. She brought her up to the table and then set the brakes on her chair.

"Are you hungry?"

"I suppose," Red shrugged. She rested her hands up on the table in front of her and sighed as she watched Gloria open the refrigerator door and stare into it for a moment before pulling out a carton of eggs.

"Scrambled sound good to you today?" Gloria asked, as she set the carton on the counter and then opened the cupboard overhead to pull out a mixing bowl.

"Fine," Red replied quietly. She stared down at her fingernails, which were filed short and painted a pale shade of violet. Lorna had wanted to give them all manicures over the weekend when she and Nicky had stopped by for a visit. Gloria had refused to let them paint her nails but had teased her about wearing a different colour than her signature red. So Red had asked Lorna to do her nails in purple, because that was Gloria's favourite colour.

Gloria was rushing to get everything out on the table before she needed to leave for work. It wouldn't bode well to be late when her boss would be visiting her store, although a part of her knew it didn't matter much. Although she did enjoy her job, she was also at retirement age and knew that nobody was going to threaten to fire an old lady who had put in years of service, just because she was a little bit late. Still, she tried her best to be efficient, scrambling the eggs in record time before pouring them out onto an already heated pan. She popped some bread into the toaster and then grabbed a container of strawberries out of the top shelf in the fridge. Now that the weather was nicer, Lida took Red out to the market for shopping nearly every day she had her, so there was always fresh fruits and vegetables in the house. Gloria usually got them to do the supermarket run for her as well. It gave Red another excursion out of the house and was just one less thing for Gloria to do.

Gloria had just gotten herself a knife and begun to slice the strawberries into tiny pieces for Red to chew, when she heard the sound of the front door opening and closing as Lida let herself in. She took her shoes off at the door and hung her bag on the hook before walking down the hall and into the kitchen where she knew they would be. Life was very predictable, but it was also the way to survive.

"Good morning, ma," Lida greeted Red first. Leaning over she kissed her cheek and then set the rolled-up newspaper she had been carrying on top of the table in front of her. "You have to see something," Lida murmured, as she unravelled the paper and then began to flip through the pages quickly, her eyes scanning for what she wanted to show her.

"I can't read that," Red told her irritably, swatting the paper with her hand to try to get Lida to put it away. Her eyesight was poor and reading had become nearly impossible for her. It wasn't simply a matter of getting a stronger prescription or reading things in larger print but was a sign of a deeper issue. Her doctor had called it "convergence insufficiency" and had explained that it was causing her to have double vision when she looked close up because eyes are supposed to cross inward to see a singular image and hers wouldn't. Reading took an insane amount of concentration these days and usually ended with her frustrated and in tears. Julio had been sending her books he'd found for the longest time, but now she had lost even that form of escapism. Gloria read her at least a chapter from something every single night but it still always left Red wanting. Before she had gotten sick, she could have devoured a good book all in one sitting.

"That's okay," Lida said patiently, continuing to flip through the newspaper despite Red's agitation. "There's just a picture that I want you to see...here it is! Look like somebody you know?"

Red peered at a large black and white photograph that took up half of the page. "Nicky?" she said in astonishment, as Nicky's wild mane and smiling face looked back at her. She glanced up at Lida who was standing beside her. "What does it say?" she asked her.

"You want me to read it?" Lida asked, gathering the paper back up from the table. She sat down in the kitchen chair beside Red and then cleared her throat. _"Native New Yorker is Doing Great Things at Action on Addiction Foundation,"_ Lida read the title out loud.

"They did a profile piece on Nicky?" Gloria asked in astonishment, as she set down a plate of eggs, toast, and cut strawberries on the table in front of Red. "I wonder why she didn't tell us she was going to be in the paper when she was here on Saturday?" she mused, resting a loving hand on Red's shoulder.

"I don't know," Lida answered. "I just was reading the paper this morning when I woke up and came across it. Anyway, they say some pretty good things."

"Hmm," Gloria nodded. She leaned down to Red's ear and asked. "Would you like juice, milk, water?" she listed off.

"I don't care," Red shrugged. She reached for a piece of strawberry and brought it to her lips.

"If you don't care, then I guess water," Gloria said simply. She filled a small cup and popped the lid on it. It prevented spills if she knocked it over-which happened almost every day. Gloria put in a straw and then placed it on the table by Red's hand. Then she back over to the counter to make up her own plate.

"Native New Yorker is Doing Great Things at Action on Addiction Foundation," Lida read again. _"Nicky Nichols always has one inspiring thing to tell her clients. 'I've been there too and found my way out. And so will you." After suffering from a heroin addiction as a young adult for many years and eventually hitting rock bottom with a five-year-sentence in a women's correctional facility, Nichols credits the love of her pseudo-family with helping her get clean and stay clean for the past eighteen years. 'One thing I tell my clients is that you've got to have people, and they don't have to be the people who brought you into this world, in my case it wasn't. But the important thing is to have somebody who you love and who is going to motivate you to fight the impulse to relapse because drugs hurt everyone around us. And when somebody tells me that they don't have anybody like that, then I tell them to look at me and trust that I am going to be that person for them. Because one time, when I had nobody, there was a woman who stepped up like that for me…"_

As Lida read on, Gloria hurriedly ate her breakfast while Red appeared to have completely forgotten about her food, as she sat with a piece of strawberry between her fingers and hung on Lida's every word. The article was two pages long and detailed the workings of the foundation where Nicky worked as a counsellor and also about Nicky's own personal history around addiction which she was very candid about. Gloria swallowed a final bite of eggs and then got up to dump her dishes in the sink. "I've got to go, love," she told Red, kissing her cheek as she passed her. She glanced over at Lida who had paused in her reading and smiled. "Both of you have a good day," Gloria returned her smile. "Thanks, Lida."

"Okay...where was I?" Lida muttered to herself as her eyes scanned over the page after Gloria had left. "Okay, yes…. _Ms. Nichols argues that treating addicts like criminals who deserve to be locked up does nothing to counteract the opioid epidemic that this country is facing. We need to work at reducing the stigma around addiction that prevents people from seeking out the help they need. When society as a whole begins to understand addiction as a serious illness, we will be focused on treating the problem rather than punishing for it. And that is when we will begin to see a difference."_ Lida closed the paper and smiled across the table at Red. "Pretty awesome, huh?" she asked.

"I'm proud of her," Red said softly. "I'll need to call her later…. we should save that article. Can you...will you…"

"I'll find some scissors and cut the article out right now," Lida smiled at her. She stood up with the page in her hand. "I think there's a pair in the desk in the living room," she said, "but will you try and eat something while I do that?" Red nodded, and Lida swept out of the room to do as she'd asked. Once she was gone, Red stared down at her plate and sighed. Eating was always a challenge and never really invoked any enjoyment, even when it was foods she liked. She rarely finished her entire meal these days and was twenty pounds lighter than she had been this time a year ago. She looked quite frail.

She decided to start on the fruit first because that was easiest. Her food was cut into toddler-sized pieces but she knew she would choke if she tried to chew something much bigger than that. She brought the pieces of berry slowly to her mouth one by one and when that was finished, she glanced warily over at the eggs and asked herself whether she was still hungry enough to bother. Deciding she was, she reached tentatively for the plastic fork but fumbled and dropped it almost at once. Since she refused to eat eggs with her fingers, she had nothing to do besides sit and wait for Lida to come back.

"I texted Yuri and Max to make sure that they save their papers today," Lida announced, as she came back into the kitchen. She spotted the fork on the floor and picked it up immediately, but she tossed it into the sink and swapped it out for a new one from the drawer. "There you go."

This time when Red fumbled with it Lida was ready for her. She reached out gently to take the fork and then helped Red wrap her fingers around the handle, before covering it with her own for support. She allowed Red to control the movements, getting some food and bringing it to her mouth, but assisted her using hand-over-hand. It worked and was better than just feeding her from the start.

Once Red had eaten all that she wanted, Lida brought all the dishes to the sink and then reached for a face cloth and ran it under the faucet. She'd save the dishes until after lunch and do them all in one shot while Red was sleeping. Mornings were usually her best hours and especially since the weather was so gorgeous, Lida was eager to get her outside to enjoy the day a bit. She rung the face cloth out and then came back over to the table.

"It's warm, but not so hot that we'll be baking if we stay outside for too long," Lida explained. She took hold of Red's left wrist and then gently wiped her hand with the cloth to remove any stickiness from the berries. Then she lowered her hand back down and reached for her right to do the same.

"I need to go to the bank and then maybe we can go for a stroll down in the park," she suggested. Cupping Red's chin in her hand, Lida wiped the cloth around her lips and over her cheeks. "Alexei said they're supposed to be done construction on the skateboard ramp and asked us to check it out, because he wants to go there after school if it's ready. Sound okay with you?"

"Yeah…" Red nodded, looking tired. "That sounds...nice," she finished lamely.

"Good," Lida replied. She knew their plans weren't thrilling but it was better than sitting around the house staring at one another. It was better to stay busy and keep Red's mind off her sad situation. She found ways to distract her everyday and she tried to make her life meaningful. In that regard, Red was quite lucky. Every one of her kids popped by for visits every week, so she and Gloria were rarely without visitors in the evening or for supper. Under the circumstances, Lida felt that they were giving Red the best life she could have right now.

"So, we just need to get you ready and then we can head out," Lida said brightly. She kicked up the brakes on the chair and then pushed Red down the hall and into the bathroom. Getting her toothbrush out, she applied toothpaste and then knelt down on the floor in front of her. Red opened her mouth obligingly, as Lida gripped her chin tightly so that she could brush her teeth for her. The sink was too far to reach, so Red had a plastic bowl to spit into and then Lida just rinsed it out when they were through.

"Are the dfdfsjdfdjfhdjhfdhfjhdjhfh msss….?" Red stammered out. She caught the look of confusion on Lida's face at her incoherent question and a blush pinkened her cheeks.

"What did you say, Ma?" Lida asked, as she opened the drawer in the vanity to take out Red's hairbrush. "You want me to comb your hair next?" she guessed incorrectly.

"No…" Red said, with a frustrated sigh. She saw Lida hesitate with the brush in her head and nodded quickly. "I mean...yes, you can do that…. thank you," she exhaled slowly. Being misunderstood was such a terrible thing. It reminded her of what it had been like when she had first come to America and needed to learn the language.

"What did you want to say?" Lida asked, as she stepped behind her and began brushing her short grey hair for her. "You want to try again?"

"I just…." Red paused, remembering Gloria telling her to speak slow that morning. "It's nothing...I just wondered how the kids were doing with their exam preparation?"

"Ohhhh, their exams?" Lida clarified, and Red nodded. "Alexei is nervous," she said, running the brush through her hair a little more than was necessary because she knew it felt good. "He already got into college, so there really is no need to worry, but he's so scared he's going to fail everything and mess it up."

"He won't," Red said confidently.

"I know," Lida smiled, as she set the brush down on the counter. "There," she said brightly. "I think you're ready. Unless you want some makeup on before we go?" she raised her eyebrows and tried to sound enticing.

"No," Red shook her head, "I don't want…" She never bothered with makeup anymore. She didn't see a point. It wasn't like cosmetics were going to make her feel any better about herself. And all anyone else saw when they looked at her was the imposing wheelchair.

"That's alright," Lida replied, as she gently tucked her hand beneath the waistband of her mother-in-law's pants to determine whether she needed a change before they left the house.

She was fine for now and Red barely even blinked at the invasive touch. She was completely helpless and there was no pretending that she wasn't. By now she was so sick and her suffering was so consuming that she didn't even have the energy to feel embarrassed or think too hard about it. Being clean, and warm, and nourished by attentive caregivers was all that really mattered. Not only did Red depend on Gloria and Lida for every physical need, she relied on them emotionally as well. Her disease had changed the dynamics of her relationships with her wife and daughter-in-law completely, but Red was more attached to them than ever. Her biggest fear now was them one day deciding they had had enough and sending her off to a care-facility to live among strangers.

Lida gripped the handlebars of the wheelchair and backed her out of the bathroom and down into the hall. "You just need to take your pills and then we can be off," she announced, scratching Red's shoulder lightly as she parked her chair in the hallway. "I'll be right back."

Red felt the warmth of Lida's lips brush her cheek and would have smiled had her facial muscles allowed. She had never imagined that anything could possibly be more humbling than being in prison. Although, it turns out that having your freedom restricted is nothing when you compare it to being imprisoned in your own body. There would be no release date, no chance at ever getting parole and returning to a normal life. The only way she was escaping this sentence was through death, and that was terrifying. Love from her family was all that kept her going.

"Here you go," Lida said, coming back towards her carrying pills laid out on her open palm and the straw sippy cup Gloria had filled up with water for her before she left. Lida fed her the pills one by one, giving her a sip of her drink to chase them down with.

"Good," Lida praised, when she was through. She set the water down and then opened up the hall closet where she knew the travel bag she brought along whenever they left the house was kept. The strap fit well over the wheelchair's handlebars and finally they were ready to go out.


	16. Chapter 16

What had started out like a day like so many others had suddenly taken a dastardly turn. The morning had been pleasant enough. Lida had pushed Red's wheelchair down the sidewalk towards the plaza her bank was located in. She'd run her errands while chatting with her mother-in-law casually the entire time, trying to act as though this was no different than when they used to shop together before. Then they had gone to the park, a brief stroll down by the water before they'd gone to watch kids skateboarding on the new ramps that Alexei wanted to try after school. Lida had persuaded Red to share some ice-cream with her from a nearby vendor and had fed it to her neatly with a spoon while they'd enjoyed the sunshine for a little bit longer. Then they'd gone home for lunch and a nap.

Thinking about that now made Lida feel like she was remembering a moment from long ago. All she could think about as they raced past traffic in the back of an ambulance with the siren wailing, was just how quick things could happen. She looked away from the window and back at her mother-in-law who was lying strapped to a stretcher, her blue eyes scanning every which way and her teeth gritted together as she resisted the urge to cry out from the pain. Lida felt like her heart was in her throat as she leaned over the stretcher and adjusted the blue robe she had thrown on her while they'd waited for the ambulance to arrive. "Nearly there," she whispered, as Red's eyes stared up into hers. "Just hang tight."

"Mmm," Red whimpered in pain, as she'd nodded her head in understanding at her daughter-in-law's words.

Lida compressed her lips as she reached her left hand up above Red's head on the pillow and stroked her hair back. "Try not to move," she advised, as the ambulance jostled slightly as they went over a speed bump and drove up to the front entrance of the Emergency room. Immediately the siren was shut off and, in another instant, the two paramedics had opened up the back doors and stood at either end of Red's stretcher so that they could hoist her down. Lida carefully slung their large black bag over her right shoulder, wincing slightly as her wrist was jostled. Then she hopped down to the ground with as much agility as one of her teenage daughters and reached out to grasp Red's hand as the paramedics began to wheel her into the building.

"Oh, thank God," Lida breathed in relief as soon as they'd passed through the waiting area and her eyes locked onto her husband. Vasily jumped up from a chair he'd been anxiously watching for them from and raced over.

He reached his mother's side and looked over her at his wife for details. Lida merely shook her head in answer to his unspoken questions. They'd been together for so long that they had the knack for being able to have an entire conversation using just their eyes. Lida was just relieved to see him. She'd called him the moment that she had gotten off the phone with 911. All she had managed to get out was that his mother had fallen and that he needed to meet them at the hospital.

"I'm here, Ma," Vasily said shakily, as he rested his hand on top of her shoulder and squeezed her gently. "I'm right here. So, it's okay." He didn't know what else to say or do. This wasn't an easy position for him to be in. He stole another glance at his wife who was holding her hand as they walked. As awful as all of this was, Vasily couldn't help but think how blessed he was to have married a woman who loved his mother as much as he did. There weren't too many people who would be able or willing to do everything that Lida did in a day. And for that he was forever grateful.

"Alright, love, we're going to transition you onto the bed now," the paramedic standing by Red's head said gently, as they led her into an examination room with a pristine white bed at the ready. Red let out a moan of peril at fear of being lifted again, for even the slightest flicker of movement was agonizingly painful right now. But there was no time to react before she felt the pressure of Lida and Vasily's hands withdrawn, as they both stepped back, and the two paramedics efficiently lifted her gently onto the bed. Red felt a sharp shock of pain ripple through her hip and down her left leg and yelped out loud. She saw Vasily and Lida exchange anxious looks with one another before they both stepped back up to her side.

"Someone should be with you shortly," one of the paramedics told Lida, and then he and his partner wheeled the stretcher out of the room, leaving the three of them alone together. Lida exhaled slowly and dropped her heavy bag to the floor.

"We're going to get you something for pain really soon," Lida promised. She swallowed a lump in her throat and then tucked a lock of Red's hair behind her ear for her. "I'm so sorry…." she whispered apologetically and then she bit down on her bottom lip anxiously. Vasily, who had been staring at a spot on the far wall with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his blue jeans, suddenly glanced over at his wife with a slight frown etched on his face, but Lida wouldn't meet his eye this time.

Sighing, Vasily looked down at his mother in the bed who hadn't said anything. Cautiously, he reached out a finger and brushed it across her cheek, causing Red to turn away from Lida and stare up at him instead. "That's a pretty nasty bruise forming, Mama," he observed softly. He looked across the bed at his wife. "She should have some ice for that," he told her, as though he expected her to conjure some out of thin air.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," Lida retorted with a bite of sarcasm. "I can't do anymore than you can, Vasily. We have to wait…"

She glanced back down at Red, who had reached a hand out to her in attempt to regain her attention. Lida's expression softening instantaneously, she leaned closer so that she could hear her better. "G-G-Gloria?" Red stammered out desperately, "did you tell-"

Lida's eyes widened as she straightened up and turned back to her husband. "Gloria," she repeated to him. "Is she on her way?"

"I don't know," Vasily shrugged, looking clueless.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lida snapped, shaking her head at her husband in exasperation. "Didn't you call her?"

"No," Vasily blinked, "I thought you did."

"When the hell did you think I would have time to call anybody?" Lida demanded.

"I don't know," Vasily replied, "you called me, didn't you? And you never asked me to call her."

Lida closed her eyes briefly for a moment and took a deep breath. "Never mind. Will you phone her now?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even toned. Vasily nodded and then reached for his mobile out of the back pocket of his jeans to dial. Lida looked back down at Red. "She'll be here soon," she tried to reassure her, just as a nurse in navy blue scrubs walked into the room carrying a clipboard and a folded-up hospital gown. She shut the door behind her and then pulled a wheeled stool up towards the bed, while Red watched her anxiously.

The nurse pulled a pen out from the pocket of her scrub top and clicked it. Posing it against the paper, she glanced up at Red over the rim of her rectangular lenses. "So, I understand that you had a bit of a fall this afternoon, Ms. Reznikov."

"Yes," Lida answered for her, "and it wasn't 'a bit of a fall', it was a pretty bad one," she added, pausing as the door opened and shut as Vasily moved out into the hallway to complete his call.

"You saw her fall?" the nurse asked, turning her focus to Lida instead.

"Of course, I did," Lida replied, sounding slightly defensive. "I don't leave her unattended."

"Then why don't you tell me what happened," said the nurse, looking back at Lida expectantly. "What were you doing before the accident?"

Lida hesitated. She looked down at Red at who had leaned her head back on the pillow and was staring nonchalantly at her hands almost acting as if what they were discussing did not concern her. It was awkward to discuss in general and to make matters worse, Vasily chose that moment to walk back into the room.

"I was giving her a bath," Lida told the nurse. "Well...not quite," she corrected herself. "We have this shower chair for her that we set in the tub. So anyway, we had just finished up with that. I'd gotten her up and it happened as I was getting her over the edge of the tub. I had to sort of lift her over the wall…"

"That's why you should always have a second person with you when giving a bath," the nurse said, as she wrote down her words on the paper. Lida bristled at the criticism and looked over at her husband, who was red in the cheeks from embarrassment at the picture she had painted. None of them liked thinking about their mother in need in such a way and usually didn't have to. "So, did you let go of her?" asked the nurse.

"No!" Lida said curtly. She felt as though she were under attack. The way the questions were being posed made her feel like the nurse was just fishing for the flaw in her care, as though she didn't already feel bad enough. She couldn't stop wondering if she could have done more to prevent this from happening. She probably shouldn't have been getting her in and out of the shower without a second person to assist with lifting, but it was what she had always done, and nothing had ever gone wrong until today.

But we both stumbled. I tried to break her fall. I did the best I could…" Lida said in a broken voice. She just felt guilty for the entire situation.

"Did she hit her head?" the nurse asked, is a slightly gentler voice.

"I don't think so," Lida said skeptically, as she brought her left hand forward and gently stroked over Red's face as Vasily had done. "But she has bruising all along her cheek and I think that's from my arm…. we fell together."

"And you hurt your wrist when you fell," the nurse observed, pointing to the right hand that had been cradled up by her chest during their entire conversation. Red's eyes flickered upon it and Vasily squinted as he noticed for the first time how swollen his wife's wrist appeared to be.

"It's just a little sore," Lida said dismissively, dropping her favoured down limply by her side. "No big deal." She didn't want Red to let on to how much pain she was in because she knew it would only add emotional duress to Red's current status, which was something she really did not need.

"Lida…" Red started apologetically.

"Seriously, I'm fine," Lida cut over her quickly, with a promising smile. She rubbed her good hand over Red's shoulder again protectively as she watched the nurse scribble some more notes down. "I'll just take it easy for a few days and then it will be fine."

"Well, you should really have a doctor determine that," the nurse said, lowering her clipboard once again. "We're going to take Galina down to _Diagnostic Imaging_ for some X-rays, so maybe that's something you could do while you're waiting."

"What about some pain relief for my mother-in-law first?" Lida pressed the nurse. "She's in agony and has been waiting long enough."

"Where does it hurt?" the nurse asked, looking directly at Red.

"Everywhere," Red whimpered. She reached her hand down to motion towards her groin and then brushed her hand over her left thigh. "My leg hurts…"

"Constantly or just when you try to move it?" the nurse asked, setting her clipboard down and approaching the bed. She poked her fingers into a couple places up and down her legs, noting the discomfort on Red's face but nothing to suggest that it was excruciating. Then she tentatively nudged her left hip bone with a light fingertip but withdrew immediately as Red cried out loudly in pain and Vasily actually jumped in alarm at the sound.

"Okay, we're going to take a closer look at that," the nurse said calmly. She pressed her lips together and glanced sympathetically back towards Red's face. "Did you bang your hip on the way down?"

"The left side of her body did slam down pretty hard," Lida said softly, as tears streamed in her eyes. She tilted her head sideways so that she could wipe the dampness from her face on her t-shirt. Mostly she fell sort of on me, so I broke her fall...but her left hip hit sort of sideways against the tile…. I'm not sure…. oh my god," she stammered, bringing her hand up to cover her face with.

"Let's see what the x-rays say first," the nurse advised, as she unfolded the hospital gown she had brought into the room with her. "We'll just get you changed into this first."

"I can do that," Lida spoke up protectively, reaching out a hand for the hospital gown. She was doubtful of a lot of things right now, primarily her capability in this role. But she still felt that Red would rather her familiarity than having a strange and impatient nurse look after her. And right now, there was probably nothing Lida wouldn't do for her.

"Alright," the nurse nodded her understanding, as she gave Lida the blue hospital gown. "Well, someone will be by in a minute or two to take her down for X-rays and then we will know what we're dealing with."

She walked out of the room without further adieu and in the next instant, Vasily had backed out into the hallway behind her. He didn't want to have to watch his mother being undressed and was even more afraid Lida might ask for his help if he stuck around. There were some things a son should not have to do, he felt, but it was what his wife did all the time. Lida didn't even notice him leave. All she kept thinking about over and over in her head was that she was responsible for this. She untied the belt of Red's robe and slid her arms out and the robe back, until she was merely sitting on it. Putting on the hospital gown was easy. Lida merely guided her arms through and then did the ties she could reach on the back. "There," she breathed, when it was done. She'd been favouring her right arm throughout the task and once she was dressed, Red reached her hand out to tentatively brush Lida's arm worriedly.

"I think you sprained it," she said quietly. "Or I guess I did…"

"No, it's just a little bruised," Lida replied, doing her best to seem nonchalant about her own injury. "I can still move it, so don't be worried about me." She met Red's suspicious eyes with a smile. "A week or two and I won't even remember it ever felt weird." She didn't say it, but she knew that they were both thinking about how Red's fall would definitely be remembered in the weeks to come. There was no doubting that Red was really seriously hurt.

"I ask too much of you," Red whispered, and her shaken hand continued to brush lightly against Lida's swollen wrist. "You shouldn't be...it's wrong. It's not fair."

"You never asked me to do anything," Lida reminded her. "I'm here because I want to be, because we're family."

"Yeah…" Red said skeptically, wincing as she shifted slightly on the bed and instantly regretted it. A small yelp escaped from between her teeth.

"I'm sorry," Lida apologized, reading the pain flashing across Red's face. "I'm so sorry that I let this happen…"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Red panted, And Lida breathed a collective sigh of relief that she at least did not hold her responsible, although that didn't keep her from running what-ifs through her own head and feeling to blame.

A knock on the hospital door broke the silence and then it opened up a crevice so Vasily could speak through it. "Can I come back in now?" he asked, and when Lida called back that it was fine, he opened the door more fully and re-entered the room. Behind him were two women in scrubs who approached the bed.

"They're ready to take you for your X-rays, Ma," Vasily explained, as one of the technicians lifted the brakes and the other went to stand by the head of her bed. "Lida and I will be here when you get back."

"Gloria too," Lida reminded her. Red barely responded, looking completely worn out by this point. And after they watched the technicians wheel her out of the room, Lida and Vasily shared a long look with one another. "I feel like this is all my fault," Lida confessed. "If I'd reacted quicker than maybe I could have prevented it from happening."

Vasily didn't hesitate before stepping forward and taking his wife into his arms. "It isn't your fault," he told her, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "Nobody thinks that. It was a complete accident and you did nothing wrong. You're amazing, babe. The world would be a better place if there were more people in it like you."

XXX

Too impatient to wait in the lineup for the elevator, Gloria sped up the flight of stairs at a speed she wouldn't have been capable of under normal circumstances. She'd left work as soon as Vasily had called her but traffic had been absolute madness and what would ordinarily have been a fifteen-minute drive, ended up being closer to forty-five minutes, during which she had bit her nails, cursed under breath, debated getting out of the cab to run the rest of the way to the hospital instead.

She was breathless by the time she reached the third floor but didn't pause for a moment before hurrying down the white tiled hallway in search of room 304. When she spotted the numbers displayed on the open door, Gloria did not hesitate before walking in and straight up to the foot of the bed. She felt like she was looking at Red through a tunnel and everything else around her was inanimate and blurry. She was vaguely aware of somebody speaking her name but did not fully register it, as her eyes locked onto the woman in the bed and her hand came up to cover her mouth at the shock of seeing her like this.

"Good, you got my text," Vasily said, standing up from the hard-plastic chair he'd been sitting on beside his wife.

"What?" Gloria asked faintly. Blinking in confusion, she looked down at her own cell phone which was held clenched tightly in her hand.

"My text that she'd been moved," Vasily explained. Once the X-rays had been completed, Red hadn't returned to the examination room in the ER but had instead been given a private room upstairs. It was an upgrade they never could have afforded but Marka made such things possible now.

"Yeah, I got it," Gloria said distractedly. Her eyes were transfixed upon her sleeping wife in the bed. She knew that she was sound asleep because of the unrelenting "eh eh...eh eh…" that gurgled in the back of her throat. The sound seemed even louder in the hospital somehow than when in the confines of their own home. "So, I guess this means they're keeping her?" she asked, turning her attention to the other two.

"At least for one night," Lida said weakly. "But probably a little longer. It all depends on what they see on the X-rays. They took her down for testing but we're still waiting on the results."

Gloria's head nodded as she stared unblinkingly at Lida with a million thoughts whirling through her mind at lightning speed. There was so much that she wanted to ask right now but couldn't focus or make sense of anything at the moment. It was all too confusing. She took in the blue fleece robe that was draped across Lida's lap like a blanket, the black bag on the floor, and the somber expressions on her and Vasily's faces. She thought she'd feel relieved once she reached Red's side, but she still couldn't shake the anxious restlessness within her, and her mind was grasping at the smallest details since she couldn't focus on anything greater than that right now.

"You brought her to the hospital dressed just in a housecoat?" Gloria asked finally, judgement laced in her tone. It was the only explanation for Red's robe being there at the moment and all she could think about was how much it would have upset Red to go out in public not properly dressed.

"I didn't want to move her more than I had to," Lida told Gloria defensively. "I covered her up as best I could and now she's in a hospital gown anyway, so does it really matter?"

"It wasn't a criticism," Gloria replied tiredly, shaking her head. She didn't know what she was saying or doing. Just everything felt wrong to her right now and everything was upsetting. She knew the basic details of what had happened from Vasily. That Galina had fallen getting out of the bath tub and Lida had been right there with her but hadn't been able to break her fall entirely. She knew that Red was in a lot of pain and that if they were taking X-rays then it was probably something serious, but none of that was Lida's fault. Gloria understood that.

"Come sit down, Gloria," Lida beckoned her over to the chair Vasily had vacated. "There's no use in wearing yourself out now. They gave her a pretty strong dosage of pain relief, so she's expected to sleep for awhile. Save your energy."

"Telling me to save my energy implies that I still have any left in me," Gloria sighed, but she walked over to the chair beside Lida and settled herself down. Her purple handbag rested in her lap and she mindlessly began to fidget with the snap on the front while she'd watched the steady rise and fall of Red's chest. "I'd have been here sooner," Gloria confessed quietly. "But traffic was terrible."

"She's been asleep since she got back from the X-rays," Vasily informed her, "so you haven't missed anything." His hand brushed over the white blanket that covered his mother. Its edges were tucked tightly down at the foot of the bed with only the slightest crease.

"Yeah," Gloria sighed. She thumbed her fingers against the leather of her bag and leaned her head back against the wall. "So, you think it's her hip?" she asked them dully. Now that she was here, her panic had converted into despairing hopelessness. Everything seemed terrible and her insides were beginning to feel numb.

"It's definitely causing a lot of pain," Lida replied weakly. "On the left side.'

'F*ck," Gloria cursed under her breath. A broken hip was a serious injury that would reduce Red's already minimal mobility and be potentially life threatening at this stage in the game. She dragged her hands down over her thighs, scratching roughly over the fabric of her skirt. She was tempted to run out of the room and demand answers from the first hospital personnel she spotted.

" _Did you hear me?"_ Gloria heard faintly in the background of her internal angst. She turned to stare at Lida who was raising her eyebrows expectantly at her for some reason. "What?" Gloria asked, looking confused.

"I was saying that it's almost dinner time and you probably haven't eaten," Lida replied. "You need to eat," she reminded her when Gloria still seemed puzzled. "Do you want Vasily to go get you something from the cafeteria?"

"Sure," Gloria said faintly, looking back over at Red. "I suppose that I should have something…"

"Okay," Vasily nodded. "Do you want me to just bring sandwiches back here and we can all eat together?" he suggested. "What do you all want to drink?"

"Actually…" Gloria said, suddenly feeling more alert. "Why don't you two take a break and go have something to eat yourselves? You can bring me some food back when you're done. A sandwich would be fine."

"You shouldn't be by yourself…" Lida hesitated.

"No, I don't mind," Gloria said quickly. She was actually desperate for them to leave her alone with Red for at least a few minutes. She needed to catch her breath and didn't feel like she could do that with Red's children watching. "Just go get some fresh air for an hour, phone your kids, something. I can text you if I need you to come back."

"If you're sure…" Lida said skeptically, half rising from her chair already. "Vasily?"

"Hmm?" Vasily had already begun heading for the door. "Yeah, that's good," he replied. "We'll bring you back some food."

"Thank you," Gloria replied softly. She waited impatiently as Lida and Vasily left the room together and then she pulled her chair up even closer to the bed than it already was. Her eyes took in the purple bruise on Red's cheek and the pale wrinkled hand that was sneaking out of the light blanket, trembling. She had an IV inserted in her hand, dripping pain medication into her body undoubtedly, and now there were faint bruises forming around the port. With light fingers, Gloria reached out to take her hand in hers and brought it to her lips. She kissed the tape that kept the IV in place and then lowered it gently back onto the bed.

Sucking in her breath, Gloria next carefully lifted the blankets that were pulled up to Red's waist. The hospital gown covered her to just above her knees, but the awkward turn out of her left leg, with the foot pointing oddly away made it obvious that something was wrong in her hip joint. Poor woman. Gloria blinked back tears and from her perch on the chair, she leaned her torso forward so that she could rest her head against the pillow Red was using. The vibrations from her gurgling for once didn't bother her. She reached down for Red's hand and then kissed the bruise on her cheek. She'd stay this way until a doctor finally turned up to tell her what she already had figured out for herself. This was not a good day.

XXX

Yuri Reznikov passed through the revolving doors at the visitor's entrance of the hospital ahead of his brother and brother-in-law, but all three of them had driven together. "Excuse me," he said loudly, as he quickened his pace towards an Information Booth that was set up in the lobby. "Which way are the elevators?" he asked hurriedly, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and re-reading the text from Gloria. "I need to get to the third floor."

"Down that hallway," the attendant motioned with her hand. "It's on your right."

"Thank you," Yuri replied.

"Wait for us," Maxim complained, hurrying over with Luca at his heel.

"She's on the third floor," Yuri told them, as he took the lead down the hall he had been directed to. The three men walked briskly together, in a rush to get answers that nobody seemed to want to let them in on. Mostly they were worried, knowing any news concerning their sick mother's health was unlikely to be positive. However, a hurt part inside all of them could not keep from feeling forgotten and disengaged. They needed to get to their mother's side, wanted to support her, but at the same time they were tired of feeling like the least important. Too many barriers had been put between them and their mother in the past and her sickness just added a whole other element.

"Did Vasily text either of you back yet?" Luca asked cautiously. Maxim pulled out his cell phone and shook his head as he stared at the blank screen.

"No," Yuri said tightly, his hands clenching even more tightly around his own phone. "But Gloria texted me back saying Ma is in room 304. She's with her now and I told her we'd be up in a minute. I have no clue where they are."

"I thought Vera said that they were both at the hospital, though?" Luca asked. "So maybe they just forgot their phones?"

"If they'd forgotten their phones then they wouldn't have been able to phone the kids to tell them that they wouldn't be home until later," Yuri pointed out. They turned a corner down the hallway and all looked taken-aback when they saw Lida and Vasily standing in front of the elevator doors. Vasily had a brown paper take-out bag in one hand and was carrying an unopened can of diet Dr. Pepper in the other. Lida looked exhausted and was leaning back with her head resting on Vasily's shoulder as they waited for the doors to open.

"Speak of the devil," Maxim said loudly, and they both turned around to stare at him. "We've been trying to call you," he explained, jogging the rest of the way over to them. "How is she?"

Lida and Vasily exchanged a look, just as the elevator doors opened and they all entered inside the vacant space. "She's doing alright, I suppose," Lida said slowly, as Yuri impatiently pressed the number three to go up. "They gave her something for the pain-"

"Hold the elevator! Hold the elevator!" someone shouted and blinking in surprise Yuri blocked the doors that had been about to close. In a whirl of speed, Nicky jumped inside with them all and Lorna was close behind. "Oh good, it's you guys," Nicky said to the group of family. "We came as soon as we got your message, Yuri."

"So, what happened?" asked Lorna anxiously. "Is she okay?"

"That's what we're trying to find out," Yuri told her. He glared over at his youngest brother. "Well?" he demanded.

"Well, what?" said Vasily. "Dude, we don't know anything yet. They took her for tests but we haven't got the results back. I don't know anything."

"Well, you know more than we do," Yuri retorted. "She's been here for hours and I'm just finding out about it now? And only by chance because I just happened to call your house and Vera told me that you were at the hospital with Grandma."

"It's just been a little chaotic," Lida informed him. "We didn't have a chance yet. Besides, we didn't want to worry anyone until we knew what was happening."

"That's not your call to make," Yuri looked over at his sister-in-law. "She's our mother and we should know right away if she's in the hospital. Besides, you two seemed to have no trouble stepping out for a dinner date, so don't try and tell me that there wasn't time to send me a quick text."

"We mainly went to get Gloria something to eat," Lida snapped at him. "She's diabetic, in case you've forgotten, and needed food. And I haven't left your mother's side since this morning. I'm not entitled to a bit of a breather?"

"Nobody said you weren't, Lida," Maxim sighed. "Of course, you are-"

"But we shouldn't have to find out that she had a medical emergency and is in the hospital hours after it happened, just because you don't think we're important enough to bother telling," Nicky chimed in, as the reached the third floor and the doors opened slowly. "So, what the hell happened exactly?"

"She fell," Lida said quietly, as they all piled out of the elevator and into a vacant lobby. This ward in the hospital was not very busy at the moment and they were by themselves.

"I got it that she fell," Nicky said impatiently. "But how?"

Lida swallowed and took a step closer to her husband, who was still holding the takeout bag and drink for Gloria. Everyone's eyes were narrowed toward her and Lida felt like they were all laced with judgement. Nobody was even looking around to find out which room Red was lying in, they wanted to understand first.

"She fell as I was getting her out of the tub after giving her her bath," Lida informed them. She watched as they all seemed to recoil at the detail of what they had been doing when the accident had occurred. None of them every really discussed exactly what went into caring for her, and Lida knew they preferred not to think about it. Nobody wanted to imagine their mother being that frail.

"I tried to catch her," she continued on, feeling the need to defend herself in the midst of all those judgemental stares. "I was holding her up when it happened, and when she stumbled we both lost balance and fell down. I tried to break her fall as best as I could, but she still banged her hip pretty badly and that's what the doctor is concerned about."

"What, like it might be broken?" Luca asked quietly. Lida nodded curtly in response and now everyone looked afraid.

"Poor Red," Lorna whispered softly, as she squeezed Nicky's hand quickly.

"But I don't understand why this happened," Yuri said stiffly. "Why didn't you wait for Gloria to come home and help? You shouldn't be attempting to move her like you were by yourself in the first place. Then this would never have happened."

"It never was a problem before," Lida told him quietly. "It happened too quickly for me to know exactly what caused it, but I did everything I could." she motioned with her left hand at her right, which was still cradled protectively against her chest, although no one had bothered to inquire about it yet. "I think my wrist is sprained," she explained to them all, as though that would emphasize how much she had done. Just how much she had sacrificed herself for the sake of their mother. She felt like everything she did was completely disregarded and that hurt even more than her wrist.

"You should get that checked out, Lida," Maxim told his sister-in-law, pursing his lips as he examined her limp arm from the other side of the huddle that they had all formed.

"I tried to tell her that but she never listens to me," Vasily smiled begrudgingly down at his stubborn wife. "But now can you all at least get off our cases? We're the ones that do everything and it's not easy-"

"You don't take care of her," Yuri snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at his brother. "You don't do anything. You're just taking credit for what your wife does."

"We're a team," Vasily retorted angrily. "Something you wouldn't know about since your marriage failed."

"Okay, Vasily," Maxim said loudly, "that's out of line." He shared a look of exasperation with Luca, who gave him a gentle smile in return. He didn't know how Maxim always seemed to wind up being the calm mediator during family disputes. Maxim had shifted his eyes over to Lida, whom he had expected to speak up long before now to call out her husband for trying to exaggerate his involvement in their mother's care. He expected her to be annoyed at him for trying to latch on to everything she did. However, Lida had settled her good hand in the crook of Vasily's arm and was still glaring pointedly at Yuri. It would seem that under these tense circumstances, Lida had aligned herself with her husband in a united front and Vasily felt validated.

"I see Ma several times a week and I phone her every night before she goes to sleep," Vasily told his brother triumphantly. "My kids spend time with their Grandmother and she lights up when she sees them. But you're hardly ever there."

"I'll give it to you that you guys are usually there more," Yuri replied. "But I also think that after all the free babysitting you took advantage of over the years that you're kind of returning the favour now. Before she got sick, Ma visited your house way more than she ever saw me or Max, just because she was always watching your kids or helping Lida clean and cook. At least whenever I spent time with Ma it was because I wanted her company, not because I needed her to do something for me."

"I never asked your mother to clean my house!" Lida exclaimed in outrage. She didn't ordinarily get so upset but today had been particularly draining and she was on the defense. She was tired of being the nice one if all it meant was feeling disrespected and unacknowledged. She squared her shoulders and glared at Yuri.

"If you're bringing up the help she gave me after Emilia was born than that is just ridiculous," she continued. "She offered, and I accepted because we are family. And she loved spending time with our kids. She'd have done the same for either of you. In fact, she frequently expressed to me that it was disappointing that _your kids_ lived so far away."

"Yeah," Vasily nodded. "Is it our fault that entered into a marriage that was doomed from the start and then had two kids who we hardly ever saw since you didn't even try to fight for joint custody?"

"That has nothing to do with why we are all here right now," Maxim cut in, before Yuri could retaliate. "If Ma could hear you now, she'd smack both of you upside the head for this."

"Please," Lida rolled her eyes at the floor. "She's not strong enough to hit anyone. The poor woman can't even stand anymore."

"It was an expression, Lida," Luca said impatiently.

"Except that I'm not sure it was," Lida replied. "I don't know if any of you really comprehend just how sick she has become. You're not there enough, you don't know what it's like. When you guys show up for a quick visit, I see her put on a pretty damn good show for you and exhaust herself in the process. I'm there for all of the sad, ugly, painful components of what her life has become-all the things you still are in denial about. But I don't live in a fantasy world like the rest of you."

"Wow," Nicky blinked once Lida fell silent. She took in the defiant expression and the heaving chest of Red's usually such kind and bubbly daughter-in-law. Nicky blinked a few more times in the silent huddle and ran her finger along the edge of her lips as she thought back to a highly open and meaningful conversation she had shared with Red the morning of her and Lorna's wedding.

"I really don't think you should be suggesting that the rest of us live in a fantasy world when we're the ones who are carrying on with life the way Ma would want us to," Nicky told Lida calmly. "You're frustrated because you want more credit for a job you volunteered to do. Nobody asked you to start playing nurse for her-I certainly know Ma would have never asked that. She told me herself on several different occasions how much she hates having you and Gloria look after her like that."

"I'm sure she does," Lida said, her brown eyes widening as she looked over at Nicky. "She wishes she could be independent and do everything for herself like before, but she simply can't. Her feelings don't change the reality of the situation."

"All I'm trying to tell you, before you get all high and mighty about how you're better to her than we are, is that she wishes things could still be the same," Nicky replied. "So, when we treat her the same as before we are making her happy. Obviously, she needs special care, but she never expected or wanted her family to do that. I'm sorry, but I refuse to start babying her the way I see you do."

Lida opened her mouth in outrage but no words came out at first. Stunned into disbelief, Lida gaped at Nicky while everyone else remained silent, waiting to see where this was going to go. Even Vasily seemed at a loss for words, and Maxim and Luca had both stepped back from the circle. They'd given up trying to placate the rest of their emotional family.

"I don't do that," Lida protested in a wavering voice.

Nicky gave her a knowing look. "What kind of grown woman wants her son's wife to give her a bath?" she demanded. "You're humiliating her."

"And what's your solution since you seem to have all the answers?" Lida asked defensively. "Does she just not get to have baths anymore? Or get changed into clean clothing? All so I can spare her the indignity of needing help, since there is no way around that. Should I just ignore her needs because addressing them can be uncomfortable? I'm doing what you're unwilling to do and what somebody needs to do."

"It's like you never listen to me talk once you get an idea in that head of yours," Nicky exclaimed incredulously. "Now I know why Vasily just seems to live under your thumb most of the time…. I've lost track of how often I've offered to hire a nurse like I'd promised her I would do when she got to this stage."

"Gloria doesn't want a stranger in the house all the time," Lida said dismissively. "And frankly, I think that suggestion is just lazy. A hired employee does not replicate the goodness of family who want to help out of love."

"And maybe it's out of love for this family that she didn't want to be dependent on us in this way," Nicky replied. "She even said she'd rather be in a nursing home then reduced to this in her own family. I know that woman's heart and soul more than you ever will. I'm not in denial about how bad of shape she is in, but I choose not to constantly draw attention to it because she needs to feel normal."

"Of course, she said she doesn't want to be dependent on her family," Lida said softly. "I'm a mother too-I would tell my children the same thing when I'm older. It's a lot to ask of one's children, way too much in fact. Mothers always want their kids to have easier lives than they did, so it comes as a shock once the day comes that everything switches. She might tell you she'd rather be institutionalized then cared for by us, but doesn't even a part of you think that maybe she was just telling you what you wanted to hear?"

"What's going on out here?" a voice asked heavily, and everyone turned around to see Gloria approach them. It was completely evident to her that she had just walked in on some form of confrontation between Red's kids, but she had no desire to get in the middle of any of this. It was exhausting and she had much more important things to be focused on right now.

She pointed at the brown bag and soda that Vasily was still holding. "Is that for me?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it's yours," Vasily replied stiffly. He handed her the bag and soda and then crossed his arms across his chest, mirroring Yuri who also was standing stiff as a statue. He hadn't reacted to Nicky and Lida's argument at all but had watched it back and forth like a tennis match. He thought they'd both had some good points but the main thing he could gather from it was just how awful it was that his mother had been reduced to this. She shouldn't have to suffer anymore.

Gloria walked over to the row of chairs and plopped down on the hard seat at the end. She unfolded the top of the bag and then pulled out the sub that had been put inside. "Thanks," she said to Vasily, as she popped the tab open on her diet Dr. Pepper. "I really needed some food and I was worried you had gone home and forgotten about me."

"We wouldn't do that," Lida replied. She'd let go of Vasily's arm and taken a step over to the chairs where Gloria was. "We were just...talking, I guess."

"Hmm," Gloria nodded. "When Maxim and Luca came into the room they said the rest of you were out here. So, I thought I'd give them some time alone with her and see what was going on. A little strange though, since I'd have thought the first thing you'd all want to do when you got here would be see your mother and ask how she was. You can talk amongst yourselves any time."

"Well, I just wanted to make some sense of all of this before I saw her," Yuri spoke up, walking over to the chairs. His hands gripped onto the back of the one two down from Gloria. He tilted it back on angle in agitation. "I wouldn't have even known she was in the hospital if I hadn't spoken to Vera. Nobody tells me anything anymore and she's my mother, I have a right to know."

"Of course, you do," Gloria said patiently. "I thought you did know. But in the midst of a crisis I think it's understandable that communication might get mixed up a bit."

"Or be non-existent," Yuri retorted.

Gloria sighed. "My point is that we're all here now," she reminded him. She brought her can of soda to her lips for a sip and then lowered it. "And your mother would be heartbroken if she found out that her accident was causing her sons to fight. So, can we just put that, and whatever else you guys were discussing before I came out, behind us? Do you want to know what the doctor said?"

"Yes," Nicky said loudly, coming to life again. She hadn't said a word since Gloria had come out. She didn't feel like wasting more energy arguing with Lida. She just wanted to know how Red was. Her heart felt like it was in her throat as she brushed past Lida to walk around to Gloria and take the seat beside her. Gloria took another big bite of her sandwich and nodded her head.

"How's her hip?" Lida asked anxiously.

"It's broken," Gloria said matter-of-factly once she had swallowed the food in her mouth.

"Oh, no," Lida whispered, though the news didn't come as much of a surprise to her. She'd seen her fall, saw the pain that she had been in, but it was still different to have it confirmed. It was her biggest fear and she felt terrible.

"So, what does that mean?" asked Yuri, tilting the chair in front of him back again.

"Surgery, probably a long hospital stay," Gloria said flatly. She shoved the remainder of her sandwich back into the back as though she suddenly couldn't bear to eat another bite. "They're going to operate tomorrow morning at nine." She pulled off her glasses and then rubbed her hands over her eyes. She was completely beaten down. It was taking all of her strength to sit there composed and discuss the matter with them when all she felt like doing was being alone right now.

"But she'll be okay, right?" Lorna asked anxiously. She walked behind Nicky and leaned over to wrap her arms around her neck in a tight hug.

"I hope so, Lorna," Gloria said quietly, as she replaced her glasses back onto her face. She suddenly looked every single one of her sixty-seven years and nobody knew what to say. They were all worried and yet at the same time it was difficult to configure just how their mother could get any worse. Confined to her wheelchair or to her bed, it wasn't as if she had much physical ability left to lose. She was helpless, which was not a word anyone would have ever expected to need to correlate with Galina Reznikov. This wasn't her. And it was incredibly cruel.

"I want to see her," Yuri spoke up finally.

Gloria nodded. "Room 304," she reminded him, as she pointed over her shoulder at the door.

Vasily watched his oldest brother retreat with a pained expression on his face. "I didn't mean to make everything worse today," he confessed to them all. "I know I should have called to let everyone know but I wasn't thinking."

"Vasily, it doesn't matter," Gloria said slowly. "Everyone's on edge so they're just looking to be mad at someone. Just leave it be."

Vasily nodded complacently. "Did she wake up at all while we were gone?" he asked.

"No," Gloria shook her head. Her eyes focused upon the cover of a magazine that was lying face up on the coffee table in front of her. "Which is a good thing, I suppose," she added. "Although I sort of want to talk to her. Did she say anything before I got here?"

"Yeah, we talked a little," Lida replied, noting the way Nicky looked back over at her with interest. "She told the nurse what was hurting and then she apologized to me for being so much trouble, which was heartbreaking…" She turned to give Nicky an apologetic glance. "That's why I guess I got a little defensive when you suggested that she wouldn't want me caring for her...I feel like hiring someone to take over would basically be confirming what she's thinking."

Nicky's expression was unreadable as she stared impassively back at Lida. "It's a tough situation," was all she said in reply. She wasn't about to be dragged into another conversation with her right now. It would serve no purpose anyway.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Vasily asked, directing his question at Gloria.

"Wait?" Gloria suggested weakly. "I'm going to spend the night here with her." She arched her back against the seat and yawned. "I know you want to see her but after that there's really no sense in all of us staying here. You guys can head home and I'll keep you updated." She was trying to be considerate, but she also was eager to just be by herself, alone with her thoughts. Even though they wanted to help, Gloria found it taxing to have them there. She wanted some space.

"I suppose we should get home to the kids," Vasily replied, sharing a look with his wife, who nodded her agreement. "If you don't need us, maybe Lida and I will go home right now. I'll come by tomorrow morning on my way to work."

"Sounds good," said Gloria easily. "The kids are probably worried."

"Yeah, we should go," said Lida, "but all us if there's anything you need." She looked back over at Nicky and Lorna who were now staring straight ahead in acknowledgement, and she knew they wanted her gone. "Well...bye."

"Bye," Gloria replied, but she was the only one who bothered to answer. Once their retreating footsteps died away, Gloria rubbed her fingers against her temple as she tried to work away the dull headache that was there. "I hope you didn't blame her, Nicky," she said sternly.

"Why would you say that?" asked Nicky with a frown.

"Because I could cut the tension between the two of you with a knife," Gloria replied, continuing to rub at her temple. "So, I'm going to assume if you two were fighting just now that it was because of Red."

"It was a disagreement," Nicky informed her matter-of-factly. "Because I don't exactly approve of the way she is with Ma-and I mean in general, I did not accuse her of being responsible for what happened today."

"I'd be lost without her," Gloria replied. "She's the only reason I'm able to leave the house or do anything I want to do for myself."

"There are other options," Nicky said, with a knowing look. "You're both killing yourself for a job she doesn't want you to do anyway. She shared her wishes with me, many times in the past, didn't she do the same with you?"

"Oh, Nicky," Gloria rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. "Not now." She wasn't about to be made to feel guilty for doing exactly what she knew Red would do for her in a heartbeat, had their situations been reversed. It wasn't a matter of what Red wanted since none of this was what anyone wanted. Sometimes your only choices were between bad and worse, and Gloria thought she was doing the best she could.

"Hey!" Yuri called to them, poking his head outside of Red's hospital room. "Will one of you go find a nurse? Ma's awake and she says she's in a lot of pain."

"Nicky, can you?" Gloria asked, already rising from her seat.

"I'll go," Lorna volunteered, giving Nicky another squeeze. "I know where the nurses station is."

"Thanks," Gloria replied. She gathered up her food and drink and then hurried into Red's room. Nicky hesitated before she slowly got up to follow her. She wanted to see Red, but she also didn't want to see her either, if that made any sense. She was conflicted. And the thought of seeing her in even more pain was enough to riddle Nicky with anxiety. But she did it anyway and stationed herself beside the door where she could see what was going on but maintain some distance.

"Lorna's gone to get the nurse so we can see about getting you something more for the pain," Gloria said calmly, as she sat down beside the bed in the chair Luca had risen from to offer to her.

"When did you get here?" Red asked groggily. She turned her head on the pillow over to the side so that she could look at Gloria while they spoke.

"About an hour ago," Gloria replied. "I came as soon as I heard. I don't think my cab driver ever experienced anyone with as much backseat road rage as me today."

"Hmm, well I'm sorry to have worried you," Red apologized, her eyelids drooping in heaviness. "But I guess this was bound to happen at some point, right? I'm falling apart."

"You're going to have an operation tomorrow morning to help put you back together though," Gloria teased slightly, trying to keep her tone light. "You're going to be fine."

"Hmm," Red murmured. "I hope so. Everything hurts."

"Well, the good news is that I spoke to your doctor, Ms. Reznikov," a young nurse, a different one from before, said as she walked into the room and stood at the foot of her bed. Lorna had trailed behind her and now took a spot next to Nicky and grabbed her hand. "He said we could up your pain relief." She walked around to the side of the bed and attached another bag of fluid to the IV pole. Once the line was flushed and she attached it to the port in Red's hand, she looked around the room with a frown. "There are too many people in here," she told them.

"Why does it matter?" Red demanded. "They're all my kids, I want them all."

"You need to get some rest," the nurse replied. "Your family can take turns sitting with you, if you'd like."

"Ma, it's alright," Maxim said, resting his hand across the bar rail of her bed. "You should sleep. I think I'm going to go home now and I'll come visit you tomorrow after work. We can talk on the phone more tonight if you want." Even in her bedridden and helpless state, Red still looked like she wanted to argue with the nurse some more, but she said nothing as Maxim stood up. He leaned over to kiss the unbruised side of her face and then walked back over to Luca.

"I guess I'll head out too," Yuri said, sounding apologetic. "We drove together," he explained to his mother. "I'll drop by sometime tomorrow too." He kissed her goodbye and then made for the door. The nurse was satisfied that some were getting ready to leave, so she left them be and went to attend to another one of her patients.

"Take care, Galina," Luca told her from across the room. "Do you two want a ride home?" he asked Nicky and Lorna, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

Lorna immediately began to accept, but Nicky hesitated. "You go ahead," she said to them. She glanced over at the bed. Red wasn't paying attention to them but was looking at Gloria, who was rubbing her arm and speaking so quietly that her words couldn't be heard on the other side of the room. "I think I'm going to stay a little longer," she explained.

"You sure?" Lorna asked, resting her arm over Nicky's. "I can too, then."

"No," Nicky shook her head. "You don't have to do that. Go with the guys."

"Okay," Lorna said skeptically. She kissed Nicky goodbye and then she and Luca walked out of the room to catch up with Yuri and Maxim.

Nicky stood uncertainly by the door for a moment longer and then slowly walked over to the bed. She didn't like being by her bedside under these circumstances but she felt the need to be there after what Lida had said to her. It was for her own reassurance as much as her desire to be there for Red.

"Hey, Ma," she said nervously, and Red's eyes immediately swept away from Gloria and landed upon her. Nicky raised her eyebrows in astonishment at the large bruise on Red's cheek and bit down hard on her lip. She looked so frail and weak, and Nicky could hardly bear it but she wanted to be with her mother anyway.

"Nicky," Red whispered, and she held out her hand invitingly. Nicky did not hesitate before she stepped forward to take it, like she knew Red wanted. "I must look awful," she said grimly, like her primary concern was that Nicky would be uncomfortable by how she looked instead of the injuries themselves. She always looked out for her girl, even now.

"Well, I don't think bruises across your face is a fashion trend," Nicky said, forcing herself to speak evenly, "but it looks kind of interesting. You feeling okay? That's the most important thing."

"I just can't move or it's very painful," Red replied.

"Well, the good news is that we're here to wait on you hand and foot," Nicky told her, sitting down in the chair beside Gloria. "You don't have to move. So, is there anything you want right now? I could sneak you in some good food, you know that those hospital meals are disgusting."

"I'm fine, honey," Red said slowly. Her shaking hand that was still being held in Nicky's squeezed suddenly as she held on tighter. "Won't you just tell me some stories?"

"Stories?" Nicky said, sounding confused.

"Yes," Red replied. "Tell me about your day or whatever else you feel like talking about. I'm not very interesting to discuss. So, how was work?"

"Work was chaos," Nicky exclaimed dramatically, deciding to try and make everything be as entertaining as possible for Red. Maybe get her mind off her own troubles for a little bit. "I've been busy trying to generate more funding into the programs. I did an interview with the news for-"

"I saw your interview!" Red said, with joy evident in her quiet tone. "We read it this morning!"

"I know, wasn't it great?" Nicky grinned, and she began to relax. It was apparently obvious that Red was just craving a normal conversation, one that was probably hard to come by when it was taken into account just how much everyone tended to fuss over her. Red didn't want that. She wanted what Nicky had to offer. Nicky made her happy.

"I forgot to tell you about it sooner but I'm really pleased with how it turned out. Anyway, so we have this new guy who's just settling in. He's only sixteen, so even younger than Alexei, and he's a ward of the state, just got out of juvey so that he could enter into our rehab facility. I've been working with him…."

She kept speaking about her day and the work that she was so proud of, while Red hung on her every word and Gloria gave her a small smile of thanks. Red's eyes were attentive and it was apparent that she had managed to be distracted for a little bit as she just focused on Nicky's voice. Their conversation could have been happening around the dinner table or in any other typical setting, with a mother who was strong and healthy, because Nicky still tried to pretend that she was. She treated her the same as always, which she felt was what Red needed her to be. Nicky reassured her that despite what was happening in her body, at least she could look into her daughter's eyes and know that reflected in them, she could still be the person she used to be.


	17. Chapter 17

The scorching sun that was shining down upon them forced Red to cover her eyes with her hand the moment she was wheeled out the front doors of the hospital. She hadn't spent much time outside in weeks and the sudden light was overwhelming to her. "Over this way," she heard Gloria direct the orderly who was pushing her wheelchair. Red peered through her fingers and blinked in surprise when she saw an idling taxi waiting for them.

"Why didn't you just ask one of the kids?" she asked in confusion, glancing up at Gloria who was walking faithfully beside her wheelchair and carrying her suitcase for her. Red didn't understand why not one of her children would have been on hand to help bring her home this afternoon. They'd always been good about visiting her and offering Gloria assistance wherever they could.

"Because I was feeling kind of greedy and wanted you all to myself today," Gloria said with a smile. She stretched out her free hand to brush back some of the hair that had fallen into Red's eyes. "You need a haircut," she teased her, as she ran her fingers through the choppy layers that were growing out now.

As they neared the cab, the driver climbed out of his seat to pull open the door for them and the orderly wheeled her chair as close as he could. "Alright, Galina, I'm going to put you in the car now, okay?" he said in a deep yet gentle voice. Red nodded her consent and the young man carefully lifted her as though she weighed next to nothing, though she tried to make herself as light and loose as she could to help with the transfer. Her daily physical therapy and recovery from the operation meant that her legs could bear weight without any pain, but the Parkinson's still made holding herself up independently impossible.

"Do you have someone to help you get her out at home?" the orderly asked Gloria, stepping back from the cab and rolling the hospital wheelchair with him.

"Yeah, it will be fine," Gloria answered him vaguely, though she understood his concern. As much as she tried to forget it, she wasn't exactly a young woman herself. Though she was still in pretty great shape, she found herself tiring more easily lately and could sense a need in herself to slow down.

"Take care," the orderly nodded, as he turned away to drive the now empty wheelchair back inside the hospital. Gloria leaned over to buckle her seatbelt for her, tightening the strap across Red's lap and then briefly kissing her cheek before she shut the door on her. She dropped the suitcase into the trunk the driver had popped open for her and then walked around the exterior of the car and slid into the back seat next to Red.

"I'm so glad you get to come home today," she said softly, rubbing her hand supportively against Red's upper arm. "I've really missed you."

"You still came to see me every day," Red said dismissively, though she turned her head slightly to meet Gloria's gaze and when she saw that her words were sincere, couldn't resist leaning more heavily against her. Relief swelled up in her as she got the affirmation she had been yearning for.

She leaned her head back against the seat while her hands twitched excitedly in her lap. There were times in her recovery when she'd been afraid this day might never come. She'd been worried that Gloria and her children might decide it was much more convenient to keep her in a facility to be cared for and decide to leave her there. Since, although she had frequently stated in the past that she wanted them to put her into a nursing home once she became to burdensome, she now was incredibly grateful that nobody had listened to her then. All she'd wanted to do since she'd arrived at the hospital in the ambulance with Lida, was to go back home.

She hadn't liked staying in a hospital where it was never truly quiet and the lights never went completely off. It reminded her too much about sleeping for years in a hard bunk in Litchfield. Although she'd gotten a private room and her hospital bed was as comfortable and akin to her one at home, the door stayed open all the time and hospital staff walked in and out constantly. Aside from the fitful sleep she'd been getting, the majority of her waking hours had been spent staring off into space and watching the clock. Her family had gotten her a television, but she'd had trouble seeing it from across the room and usually didn't bother to try. Something she had appreciated, was Yuri bringing by her CD player and collection of audiobooks from home so she could listen to stories. It was the next best thing to being able to read books herself, which was becoming more and more challenging as time went on.

"Thank you for taking me back," Red said softly, looking over at Gloria as the cab began to pull back onto the road. "I didn't like it there."

"Galina," Gloria dragged out her name, as she wrapped her arm protectively around her shoulders and held her close. "Nobody likes staying at a hospital. It was only ever temporary. You know that..."

"I wouldn't have blamed you if it wasn't," Red admitted quietly. She smoothed a crease from the loose-fitting chambray dress Gloria had changed her into before leaving the hospital and then scratched her nails anxiously against the material.

"Well, that isn't something I ever considered," Gloria said after a moment's silence. "Please don't worry about that. I'd never leave you." Red turned to stare out at the passing streets without a word, but Gloria could sense that a weight had been lifted. It broke her heart though, like she'd been a child dropped off at school and with serious doubts about whether she'd be picked up at the end of the day. She now realized that the lengthy hospital stay had been harder for Red than she had chosen to let on during Gloria's daily visits.

"We're going home," Gloria reaffirmed again and she watched her let out a contented breath. Red crawled her light hand over to rest on top of Gloria's lap. Their fingers intertwined together and Red turned to regard their held hands.

"I love you," she said very softly.

Gloria smiled. "I love you, too," she replied, lifting their joined hands up for a kiss and then pressing them against her heart.

"I didn't like it there," Red repeated shakily, whether for emphasis or because she couldn't remember that she had already said that, Gloria wasn't sure. She just squeezed her hand more tightly and watched as Red turned to stare back out the window again. Her few weeks spent on the nursing home ward had clearly made her homesick, despite receiving daily visits from Gloria, her children, and grandchildren.

It wasn't the same as being with them all the time. Being put into a wheelchair and then pushed down to the recreation hall to stare at a television with other sick and impaired elderly people because a nurse didn't want her to be isolated, could not compare to the simplicity of watching a favourite movie with one of her grandchildren or binging a new show with Gloria on a lazy Saturday. She'd been served bland and unappetizing meals with no consideration given for her preferences after suffering the indignity of having a large bib fastened around her neck so that she wouldn't make a mess of her medical gown. Each day she was washed, changed, and dressed by an array of medical staff that she could never remember the names of. Her powerlessness and inability to help herself made her feel exceedingly vulnerable and she had painfully missed Gloria and Lida, who at least always had made her feel loved in their care.

"Sooooooooo," Gloria drew out the word. She finished typing out a hurried text and then rested her chin against Red's shoulder. The car had just turned onto their quiet street and she watched as Red's tremors strengthened as she perked up in anxious anticipation. "I have a bit of a surprise for you when we get home in a minute," she whispered into her ear.

"What is it?" Red asked curiously. "I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one," Gloria promised her. She tilted her head up to run a few kisses gently along Red's jawline, not caring if the driver was watching them in his rear-view mirror or not. She really didn't care. Red turned her head to look at her and Gloria smiled teasingly as she caressed her cheek and then gently turned her chin away. "No, keep looking out the window, love," she murmured, "you won't be sorry."

Red stared at the quaint and cozy houses they passed through their neighbourhood until they finally pulled up in front of their own. It looked the same as always. Just as inviting as ever. The grass was freshly cut and a sprinkler was rotating between it and dousing the colourful flowers that had been planted along the walkway to the porch. Red had always dedicated a lot of time to her garden and now Maxim and Luca regularly stopped by to maintain it for her. She appreciated their efforts, but nothing she saw looked like it could be the surprise Gloria had spoken about.

"Gloria, what is it?" Red asked anxiously.

"Just a sec," Gloria murmured. She opened up her wallet and then handed a wad of bills to the driver who had turned around to face her expectantly.

"I didn't know Benny was home," Red commented, as she watched him burst out of the front door. He hurried over to the cab while pushing Red's empty wheelchair in front of him, so that he could collect her. Red had been taken to the hospital on a stretcher and there had been no sense in dropping off her own chair when there were plenty in the hospital she could use. He waved at her.

"He got in last night," Gloria replied, passing the driver some bills. She waited in excitement for Red to notice the other man that had just followed Benny out of the house and was heading towards them. His hair was cut short and he was cleanly shaved, wearing a pair of crisp blue jeans and a navy-blue t-shirt. His face broke out into a smile as he glanced over in the car's direction and then he broke into a jog, surpassing his brother on his way down the walk.

"Gloria," Red stammered, her hand shaking excitedly in hers. "Gloria...you never told me."

"Surprise!" Gloria exclaimed, with a gentle laugh, as her reasoning for not asking any of Red's kids to help bring her home suddenly became crystal clear. Julio hadn't been home to visit in years and Red had been too unwell to accompany Gloria when she had flow out to see him in California. Gloria wanted to give them time together today with minimal distractions.

"Are you impressed that I managed to keep it a secret?" Gloria asked her, "I am…."

She could already see just how happy Julio's arrival had made her. Gloria barely had time to unbuckle her own seat belt before Julio had flung open the door on Red's side and leaned down without hesitation to engulf her in an embrace. "So, did mom spoil it?" he laughed, glancing over Red's shoulder at his mother.

"No, she did not," Gloria answered for her, with a shake of her head. "I was just talking about how impressed I am by my own restraint."

"But, what are you doing here? How?" Red asked softly, looking up at her handsome stepson, who she hadn't seen in years.

"I got leave to come see you," Julio replied calmly. He pulled back slightly so that he could see her better, but still kept her hands held tightly in his. He was trying not to let his own shock show but he was quite taken-aback by just how old and frail she had become. Her spine was permanently curved, she sat hunched over always. She'd lost a lot of weight and with her lack of makeup and red hair, two thing she had always dedicatedly maintained, she looked like a completely different person. Her skin was pale and the bones in her collar and chest were more prominent than he had ever seen before.

"I've missed you, Ma," Julio told her, using the maternal name he and Benny had both begun addressing her by early on in their relationship. Since they had met her, she had always gone above and beyond to treat them just as she would her own children, and they loved her for it. Gloria was smiling to herself as she quietly climbed out of the other side of the cab and grabbed the suitcase out of the trunk.

"Hey!" Julio suddenly exclaimed, whirling around to face his brother who had drove the wheelchair forward until he intentionally bumped it against the back of his brother's feet. "You did that on purpose," he muttered, as he leaned back over to unbuckle Red's seatbelt for her.

"No, I didn't," Benny replied, "it was an accident."

But his older brother just rolled his eyes in response. He and Benny still saw each other a considerable amount of time since Benny often drove cross-country for work or flew out to see him. They were the best of friends always, but they still liked to tease each other just like they had when they were kids.

"Let me help you get inside," Julio offered to Red, who had begun shifting her legs slightly over the edge of the open-door frame. Julio wrapped his right arm around her waist and he left went under the bend of her legs as he lifted her up and then deposited her gently into the wheelchair that Benny was holding steady. He was a little disturbed by just how light she had felt to him.

"You're happy to see me too, right?" Benny teased, leaning down to kiss Red's cheek affectionately. "I'd have come see you in the hospital but I didn't get home in time." He wheeled her up the stone walkway and over to the ramp that was a life saver these days.

The good smells wafting from the kitchen was the first thing Red noticed when they got inside. "I made chicken soup for lunch," Julio explained. He held onto the arm of her wheelchair for balance as he kicked off one of his shoes and then the other. "Just the way you taught me before."

"Oh, that's nice," Red replied.

"I'm going to go unpack for you first," Gloria told Red, motioning to the suitcase she was carrying. It contained the CD player, audiobooks, her prescription pills, and the photographs and other comfort items Gloria had thought to bring her in the past few weeks. Gloria set off into their bedroom with intention to give Red some time alone with the boys. Aside from that, Gloria also wanted to shower and process a bit of what had happened. The doctors had instructed her to bring Galina back if she was too uncomfortable or began suffering any complications, but mostly they'd entrusted her to Gloria with vague advice for the two women to make the most of the time they had left.

Benny pushed Red's wheelchair down the hall and into the kitchen. A big pot of simmering soup was set on the stove and a loaf of bread was resting on a cutting board on the countertop. Benny brought Red up to the table and then set the brakes on her chair. Julio stirred the soup on the stove a couple of more times and then turned the heat on the burner down to a minimum. "I think it's ready," he smiled, turning around as he sensed Red's eyes upon him. "I hope you're hungry."

"What are you making?" Red asked innocently.

A frown etched across Julio's features before he could stop himself. "Chicken soup," he reminded her, as he threw his brother a questioning look. "I used your recipe…"

"Well, I'm sure it's not as good as hers," Benny cut in, trying to minimize the awkwardness. "But we appreciate the effort. You want me to slice this bread for you, Julio?"

"Sure," Julio shrugged.

"I went to your favourite bakery this morning," Benny explained. "I know from when I got my appendix taken out that the food in a hospital is awful. If I hadn't been off working, I'd have snuck you in some good stuff, but you must be hungry for it now."

His tone was light but there was meaning in his words. From the dramatic weight loss, it wasn't difficult to decipher that Red hadn't been eating much lately. Benny finished slicing up the loaf of bread and then added a light sliver of butter to two of the pieces. He set one on the table in front of her and then took a large bite from his own slice.

"Do you want some crackers in your soup, Ma?" Julio asked, as he dished out bowls for all of them.

"Okay," Red replied. And in another moment a steaming bowl of soup had been set in front of her with crumbled crackers mixed within. She hesitated. She wasn't necessarily comfortable eating in front of them but she also knew it would worry or offend them if she didn't at least have a little. Deciding the bread would be a safer bet, she picked up the slice with both of her hands and then concentrated on clumsily poking out the soft warm middle that was surrounded by a thick and delicious looking crust. She shredded a piece of it and then brought it to her mouth. Julio and Benny had both settled in the chairs on either side of her and had begun shovelling soup into their mouths with enthusiasm. They weren't studying Red too closely, so she began to relax. After finishing off the bread, she dipped the remaining crust into the soup to soften it and the began to cautiously nibble on that. Eating was taking up so much of her concentration that she hadn't been paying any attention to the conversation happening between her two stepsons. Until a question posed by Benny caught her interest.

"So, Meghan didn't want to fly out with you?" Benny asked his brother, referring to the woman Julio had been dating for the past two years out in California. She worked the front desk and cleaned rooms at a lodge that Julio sometimes visited with friends on days off from work. Gloria had met her when she'd flown out to see him the previous year and had returned to tell Red that she didn't think it was anything serious they needed to worry about.

Julio shook his head and swallowed the soup in his mouth. "Something came up," he answered vaguely.

"Whose Meghan?" Red asked. She had picked up her spoon in an unsteady hand and was poking it into her bowl of soup but hadn't yet brought any of it to her lips. "Are you seeing somebody?"

"Yeah," Julio replied. This time Benny purposefully avoided his gaze so Julio decided to act as though the question was not out of the ordinary. If Galina needed help remembering things then he would patiently tell her the same things over and over as much as she needed. After all, he reconciled to himself as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and swiped until he found a picture of his girlfriend to show her, it wasn't as if Meghan was a prominent person at the centre of Red's mind all the time. They had never even met before.

"That's Meghan," Julio said lightly, holding his cell phone up for Red to see. "She really wanted to fly out to meet you. Maybe we'll be able to come for Christmas this year."

"She's pretty," Red told him, squinting at the image of a young woman with long blonde hair, bleached from the sun, sparkling blue eyes, and tanned skin. "She looks like she spends all her time surfing or whatever."

"She's a California girl," Julio laughed, as he took his phone back to give the image of his girlfriend a smile. "She doesn't surf but we have been to the beach a few times together and once we went sailing."

"Sounds like you two have fun together," Red replied. "That's nice. She makes you happy?"

"Very," Julio said with a smile.

"You should give your brother a hand finding a nice young lady," Red told him, as she playfully brushed Benny's arm lightly.

"I don't need his help!" Benny retorted. "I do just fine with the ladies."

"Really?" Red asked in disbelief. "Because all I see you do when you're home is play videogames and drink beer on the porch by yourself. Sort of like Yuri...except I don't think the poor man has had date in years."

"That's my downtime," Benny replied. "But if you must know, I happened to meet a pretty great girl at the casino last night."

"Was she a stripper?" Julio teased.

"No," Benny shook his head. "She was a cocktail waitress."

"Maybe she just was flirting because she wanted you to leave her a big tip," Julio chided him.

"No way," Benny shook his head. "Once she finished her shift we played a couple rounds at the slot machines together and then we shared a cab home."

"Oh, really?" Julio raised his eyebrows. "So, you think you'll see her again?"

"So skeptical," Benny frowned as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and then stood up from the table. "I'm going to call her right now," he told them. He brushed his hand across Red's shoulder affectionately and after carrying his dishes to the sink, took off into the living room to phone his new girl.

"Is it still too hot?" Julio asked Red, noting the way she was still picking at her soup without having tried any of it yet. "You should be able to eat it now."

"It's fine," Red replied. She gripped the spoon tighter in her shaking grip and then to appease him, brought it up to her lips. She regretted it almost at once as the broth spilled off of the spoon and onto her dress before it had even gotten close to her lips. "See!" she said a bit desperately. "I can't."

Julio clamped his lips together for a momentary pause. "Can I help you?" he asked finally.

"No," Red said automatically. "I'm not very hungry anyway. Maybe later."

"You need to eat," Julio reminded her softly. He sighed as he stared down at the still full bowl of soup that was untouched. "Do you want me to go get mom for you? I think I heard the water running but she's probably out of the shower by now."

"No," Red said firmly.

Julio sighed, as he drew the bowl close to himself. Picking up the spoon, he watched as the broth fell from it back into the bowl. He could feel Red's eyes on him and he nervously began to shake his leg.

"Thank you for offering," she said softly. "I don't mean to make you upset...I just don't have much of an appetite right now."

Julio shook his head and picked up another spoonful of broth. "It's not that," he reassured her. "I mean, I am worried about you, but I'm not upset."

"Then what is it?" Red asked. A flush rose through her body and she suddenly felt guilty for not just giving in and letting him help her. When it wasn't possible for her family to act like she was fine, Red knew it made them more comfortable to at least feel like they were doing something to be of use. The best thing she could be at this stage was a good and cooperative patient who allowed others to care for her as they saw fit. However, even though she had become accustomed to Gloria and Lida, it was still in her very nature to be difficult about such things. And as happy as she was to see Julio at long last, it bothered her deeply to know that she must be such a complete disappointment to him in her helpless state. She wished he wasn't seeing her this way.

To her surprise, Julio cracked a smile as he twirled the soup around in the soup. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked mischievously.

Red chuckled as relief cooled down the shameful flush in her body. She nodded her head. "I love secrets," she told him.

"Okay…" Julio said slowly, smiling even bigger now as he regarded her. "I haven't told mom yet, or anybody actually, but I'm planning to ask Meghan to marry me."

"You are?" Red whispered, though she looked ecstatic and touched by the news. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Well, I didn't think mom was that crazy about Meghan when they met last year," Julio replied. "Although, I don't know why. Meg went above and beyond to try and impress her."

"She didn't dislike her," Red said informatively, and even though she had blanked at the girl's name mere minutes before, she seemed to be able to recall a conversation he had shared with Gloria over a year ago now. "I think she just wishes you'd have fallen in love with somebody who didn't live on the other side of the country. California is far away."

"I know," Julio said quietly, as he clinked the spoon against the side of the bowl. "I wish the same thing sometimes. But we've made a great life for ourselves there. I wish I was able to come home more, though. I'm going to start insisting on more leave. I'll be home for Christmas this year. I'm going to make it work somehow."

"If you're happy and in love then that's all that I care about," Red told him. "Those two things aren't easy to come by so when you find it you don't let go."

Julio smiled. "Well, I am happy," he told her, "and I do love her very much."

"Then I'm happy for you," Red replied. "Have you gotten her a ring yet?"

"No," Julio shook his head. "I've got some ideas but haven't decided yet. Maybe that's something we could do together while I'm here if you're feeling up to it. Go ring shopping?"

"Okay," Red nodded. "And your mother will want to come too. Besides, it isn't like you're moving to the other side of the planet, is it? And there's texting, phone calls, visits...the two of you will keep in touch. She just needs to get herself over to you more….and it's my fault she doesn't."

"It's not your fault!" Julio exclaimed. "Ma, her not wanting to leave you because you're sick is not your fault. You never asked for any of this and you need her more than me right now."

"Well, there needs to be a better balance, I think," Red told him. "Your mother wants to visit you more and Carmen is living all the way up in Canada, but she hasn't gone to see her yet. She has a conference for work coming up that she probably is planning on cancelling because of me, and I don't want her to do that."

"You need special care right now," Julio told her matter-of-factly, "and that is NOT your fault. Besides, you've been taking care of all of us since I met you. Maybe now you should let us return the favour."

"Well...anyway…" Red shrugged. "If your mother asks your opinion about anything, tell her I want her to go and that she should. She can't put her life on hold forever."

"Alright, I promise," Julio replied. "Now will you do something for me?"

"Hmm?" Red lifted her head up a little higher.

"Let me help you eat some more of this," Julio pleaded, motioning to the bowl of soup in front of him. "Or at the very least, have another slice of bread. I've got more to tell you after."

Red hesitated, uncertain whether being fed by her stepson was a humiliation she wanted to bear. She'd have liked to emit some strength and dignity, show him she was as capable as he remembered. She was beyond happy to see him but a part of her was sad that now when she died, these would be Julio's final memories of her. Hunched over, broken, and incapable of feeding, going to washroom, or even wiping the drool off her chin by herself. It was an awful existence.

"Please, Mama?" Julio coaxed, and at those words Red found herself nodding her head in affirmation. She rarely was able to say no to Gloria's sons when they referred to her as that. She'd been overjoyed the first time she'd heard it and it still made her happy now. She knew he was asking out of love and denying herself food when she was hungry would be a level of stubbornness Red no longer had the energy to maintain. There was no point anyway.

"Thank you," Julio replied. As he silently ladled a spoonful of broth up and brought it to her lips. She opened obligingly and he fed it to her. Brushing his hand off the side of her cheek to remove some excess, he then dipped the spoon in the bowl again and fed her another mouthful. She ate slowly and compliantly, and Julio paused every few mouthfuls to wipe her face clean with a washcloth that Gloria kept in the kitchen for such purposes. Neither Gloria or Benny had returned yet and he was glad about that. It wasn't easy to see her this way, but he wanted this time with her anyway. He knew perfectly well that this might be his final chance.

"So, what else did you want to tell me?" Red asked, once she had finished eating as much as she could. She hadn't eaten the entire bowl but she'd made a considerable impact and her efforts had worn her out.

Julio smiled and a blush brightened his cheeks the same way that Gloria's did when she had a secret she was excited to spill. "It's good news," he promised. Gathering up the dishes he went to toss them into the sink. "I'm a little worried about how mom is going to take it but I'm thrilled."

"What is it?" Red asked him, rubbing her fist against one of her eyes that was bugging her. "you're talking in circles…."

Julio exhaled deeply and went back down to sit beside her. "You're going to be a grandmother," he announced happily. "Well, a Grandma again... I guess I should say."

"Your fiancé, she's pregnant?" Red asked in astonishment. Lowering her hand, she gaped at him in astonishment. She hadn't really been expecting this.

"She's not my fiancé yet," Julio reminded her. "I still have to ask her...but yes, she is! About three months along."

"She'll say yes," Red told him confidently. "She'd be a fool not to. But three months along? You talk to me on the phone almost everyday and you kept that quiet?"

"But doesn't it sound better in person?" Julio laughed. "We've only known for a couple of weeks though. Meghan didn't find out she was pregnant until the morning sickness kicked in-that's why she didn't come this time, by the way. She wasn't feeling up to the trip so she said we'll try to come again in December."

"Are you supposed to travel when you're pregnant though?" Red asked him, with a touch of concern in her voice.

"I don't see why not," Julio shrugged. "And didn't you journey all the way from Russia when you were heavily pregnant with Yuri?"

"Yes, that was awful," Red shuddered. The paperwork had taken longer than expected and for the first few months of their marriage, Red and Dmitri had lived in an awkward sense of limbo and with a great sense of urgency that their first child, conceived on their wedding night, was on the way and they needed to be settled somewhere. Sometimes Red still couldn't fathom how any of it had ever worked before. "I wouldn't recommend it," Red told Julio. "But hopefully it does work out because I would like to meet Meghan before you two get married."

"You will," Julio said confidently. "And I'll send you and mom copies of the sonogram and everything, so you'll feel a part of it. I can't wait until we find out what we're having."

"Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" Red asked.

"I'll be happy either way," Julio replied, "I think I know more about boys so that might be better, but a little girl would be so sweet."

"My husband had really wanted a girl," Red told him. "But it had never happened. I had a feeling for most of my pregnancy that Vasily was a girl, just because my pregnancy felt a little different than with his older brothers and I was less sick. I wasn't disappointed when I found out he was a boy but I felt a little stunned. I'd picked out a girl name and everything but hadn't considered many boys."

"What would you have named a daughter?" Julio asked.

"Zoya," Red replied. "It was my Grandmother's name."

"Reminds me a little of Zoey," Julio commented.

"Yes," Red nodded. "I guess they are probably connected. I like the name 'Zoey' too."

"Zoey Mendoza," Julio said slowly, his mouth accentuating every syllable. "I kind of like that. I'm going to text Meghan and see what she says."

"Would you use 'Gloria' for a middle name?" Red asked him. "To honour your mother?"

Julio wrinkled his nose as he finished typing out a brief message to his girlfriend. "Maybe her middle name," he replied. "Because, no offence to mom, but I've never really cared for her name. I'm not sure what my Grandmother was thinking. Tia Lourdes once said that she'd tried to talk her sister out of it." Red giggled and Julio laughed heartily at his own words, just as Gloria walked into the kitchen and immediately eyed them both with suspicion.

"What are you two laughing about?" she asked them casually.

"Nothing," Julio said quickly, flashing Red a quick wink behind his mother's back. Gloria rolled her eyes as she poured a glass of water, although nothing could disguise the smile on her face. It was such a blessing to be able to turn a corner in her home and find her son there. Red seemed brighter to her too. There really was a void in their lives without him and she knew this visit would probably only make it harder when it was time for him to leave again.

"I've got your pills, love," Gloria told Red. She walked over to the table carrying the glass of water with a straw and a handful of pills. She placed one on the tip of Red's tongue herself before guiding the straw into her mouth. Red gagged as she tried to swallow the small capsule and failed in her first two attempts until Gloria gave her another sip of water. "There you go," Gloria praised her, rubbing circles on Red's back in support as she shivered when the pill finally went down. "You good?...More water?" she asked. They repeated the cycle until all five pills scheduled for that hour were taken.

"I think it's time for a rest now," Gloria said calmly, setting the glass on the table top. "What do you say?" she asked, stroking her fingers through her grey hair, brushing it behind Red's ear. She didn't want to break up the pleasant visit she was having with Julio, but she knew Red looked tired and an afternoon nap was part of her routine, which was never a great idea to steer too far away from. Yet at the same time, she was careful to word her phrase as a suggestion. She'd never force her to go to bed like a child if she really didn't want to.

"Okay," Red agreed. So, while Julio wandered off down the hall to the living room to see how Benny was making out, Gloria released the brakes on Red's wheelchair and took her into their bedroom. She was able to manage getting her in and out of bed herself, which made living alone with her possible. Gloria got her changed and set the rails up on either side of her before walking over to the window to close the blackout curtains.

"Is the fan too cool?" Gloria asked her, motioning to the ceiling fan which was on high.

"No, I like it," Red replied softly. Her eyes were already beginning to close and she was clearly exhausted.

"You've got your blanket anyway," Gloria conceded, walking back around to the bed and tucking the light covers around her a little more tightly. "So, the breeze is not directly on you." Taking a deep breath, she perched herself on the edge of the bed beside Red's feet.

"What are you doing?" Red asked her groggily, fidgeting slightly as she shifted over on the mattress.

"I just thought I'd sit with you until you fall asleep," Gloria replied. "Do you want to lie on your side?" When Red nodded, Gloria stood up to help maneuver her over to the side she'd been trying to face. She made sure her head was supported appropriately by her pillow and then stuck another pillow behind her back for added comfort. "Is that better?" Gloria asked softly.

"Yeah," Red breathed out a sigh of relief.

"One of those pills I just gave you was for any discomfort in your hip," Gloria informed her, sitting back down at the foot of the bed again. She rubbed her hand gently up and down the length of Red's leg. "Julio is going to be home for the next two weeks," Gloria said, "isn't that nice?"

She smiled as Red lightly nodded her head without speaking or opening her eyes. She was on the brink of sleep and seemed very relaxed, which was very reassuring to see after how depressed her stay in the hospital had appeared to make her. This was where she belonged and Gloria was committed to ensuring that the rest of her days, whether they be limited or plentiful, were spent in the home they had built together and surrounded by the family she had always been completely devoted to.

"Tsk tks," Gloria made little noises to coax Millie over just as the cat walked through the partially closed door after bumping it open with her head. "Hi, baby girl," she crooned, as she rubbed her hand over her head. "Are you going to be good and keep Galina company for me?"

The cat arched its back in want of more pets and once she was satisfied, padded away from Gloria and curled up protectively next to Red's leg. "You missed her, didn't you?" Gloria asked the cat softly. "You had to settle for sleeping with me for nearly a month!" She sighed. "Well, that's okay," she lamented. "I missed her too." She stood up slowly from the bed and then reached for the monitor that would alert her at once if she needed to come back. At this moment, everything felt as right as she could hope under these circumstances, but that didn't keep sadness from knotting itself deep within her stomach as she left the room. Gloria would have done anything to have just one more normal day with her wife.

XXX

"I thought you quit?" the disapproving voice of her son broke the tranquil peace Gloria had been enjoying. Sitting cross legged on the front porch swing, she'd been staring out at the colourful garden in front of their house and appreciating its beauty.

She had moved around a lot in her life and by far this house was her favourite place in the world. She'd never forget how amazing it had felt to decide to buy it. They'd been living in a small apartment rental for a little over a year, with Gloria's two sons, when they'd figured there was enough saved for a basic down payment on something that could be theirs. This house was small and simple, but it had been within their conjoined budget and was close to all of Red's children which had been a requirement. For Gloria, it had been a step that had solidified their union and made it crystal clear to themselves and the world that they really were forever.

"Old habits die hard, baby," Gloria replied. She took a puff from her cigarette and then exhaled a cloud of smoke. She gave him an innocent look. "If it makes you feel any better, I have drastically cut down."

"Well, I guess that's better than nothing," Julio lamented. He stepped further out of the house, the screen door shutting with a clang that made Gloria wince.

"Quiet," she hissed, shooting an anxious glance over at the still quiet monitor, "Galina is sleeping." All that could be heard on it was muffled gurgling, which were irritating sounds that at least could be equated with sleep.

"Sorry," Julio apologized. "Does she wake up that easily?"

"Sometimes," Gloria replied, taking another drag from her cigarette. "It depends…" She exhaled a puff of smoke and then patted the spot on the swing beside her. "Come sit with me," she urged him.

"Sorry, mom," Julio replied. "I'm not crazy about all the second-hand smoke." Gloria rolled her eyes but put the cigarette out in the ashtray next to her. Then she gave her son an expectant look.

"Ordinarily I'd say that was very smart thinking," Gloria said, once Julio had settled himself down on the swing beside her. "But then I just think about how I've smoked off and on since I was a teenager and I'm in my late sixties and nothing too bad has happened to me. And then I think about Galina. She's not a smoker, she never drank excessively, she acted like it was a cardinal sin if I suggested we eat out at McDonalds instead of enjoying a nutritious home cooked meal, and what did that get her?"

"I don't know," Julio sighed. With his feet he began rocking the porch swing back and forth carefully. "I guess she just got a raw deal."

"That's an understatement," Gloria scoffed.

"Yeah, it is," Julio nodded slowly, his eyes on the ground in front of him. He hesitated. "She's worse than I expected, mom."

"I tried to warn you," Gloria admitted quietly. "You haven't seen her in years. I knew this visit would be a bit of a shock for you. I was a little worried, but you did good with her. It made me very proud of you."

"I knew she was physically disabled, but I was surprised at how confused she seemed," Julio confided. "I wasn't expecting that."

"What do you mean?" Gloria frowned. "When I walked in you two seemed to be talking fine."

"We were," Julio nodded. "But before that she was asking the same questions over and over and she forgot things she already knew…. but then she could remember things from a long time ago."

"Yeah, she gets mixed up sometimes," Gloria affirmed. "But it's usually short lived and then she snaps back. She's talked at me in Russian for several minutes and then she would just look at me like I was an idiot when I didn't know how to reply."

"It's so sad," Julio said quietly. "I hate seeing her suffer this way and then I think about how you're here every day, taking care of her and watching her disintegrate and that must be heartbreaking for you, mom. You're so strong and I hope you know just how incredible you are. I don't know if you hear that enough."

Gloria choked on a lump in her throat as tears filled her eyes at her son's praise. "Not really," she stammered after a moment. She rested a hand on her son's shoulder lightly. "But thank you, Baby," she told him with a shaky smile. "Usually I just feel like a hot mess."

"If you didn't, I'd be worried," Julio replied with a smile. "You're doing the hardest thing ever. It's inspirational, actually, how you look after her."

Gloria hiccupped as she brushed her tears away with her finger. "She'd have done the same for me in a heartbeat," she replied.

"That doesn't make it anymore special," Julio argued. "I'd like to move home but I just don't know how I can make it work. I promise I'm going to visit more."

"Well, I hope you can visit more," Gloria gave him a shaky smile. "But you're creating a great life for yourself out there and you don't ever need to feel guilty for not being here. You call her all the time, you send her letters. Honey, she knows how much you love her."

"And do you?" Julio asked directly, staring Gloria directly in the eye. His toes braced against the cement porch and he halted their rocking. "I love you too, mom and I worry about you. You shouldn't over-do it." He gave her a small smile. "You're not exactly young, you know," he teased.

"I just like to pretend I am," Gloria replied softly. She sniffed. "But you don't need to worry about me, Baby. I've got lots of help. Your brother comes home every month and when he's not around, her kids do most of the work around this house for me. I barely have to lift a finger."

"You've got them well trained," Julio teased. "Impressive. What about Lida? Does she still watch her when you're away?"

"Well, it hasn't come up in awhile since Galina has been in the hospital," Gloria answered. "And Lida sprained her arm pretty badly during the accident. She had to wear a splint for several weeks but I think it's getting better now."

"Well, that's good," Julio replied. "I was just wondering because Galina told me you have a conference coming up in a couple of weeks and she wanted me to make sure you go to it."

"That woman remembered that?" Gloria exclaimed. "Jesus…." she rolled her eyes. "I mentioned it in passing to her once. The conference is in Chicago over the weekend. I can't leave her overnight."

"You left her for a week when you flew out to see me and Meghan," Julio reminded her.

"That was different," Gloria said stiffly.

"How?" asked Julio.

"She wasn't as bad," Gloria said sadly. "Vasily and Lida set up the fold out couch for her in their living room and I packed her a lot of luggage. She needed help dressing and supervision bathing, little things that now seem so minor, but Lida knew all about that and she was still able to get up with assistance. She played cards with her grandkids every night. She was fine."

"I know she's worse now," Julio agreed. "But Lida can handle it. You can't miss out on things that are important to you. There's ways to make it work."

"But what if I'm all the way in Chicago and there's an emergency?" Gloria asked him nervously.

"Then you get on a plane and come straight back," Julio replied. "But mom, she wants you to keep going. She told me that herself. She's just as worried about you as you are for her. She needs to know that you're going to be okay when she…. when she's gone."

Gloria swallowed and tapped her fingertips anxiously against the edge of the swing. "I'll think about it," she said finally.

"That's all I can ask for, I guess," Julio replied, recommencing the swings rocking. "But I'm going to keep bringing it up until you agree to go."

"Seriously?" Gloria rolled her eyes. "You're getting to be as pesty as your brother. Where is he anyway?"

"He's still talking on the phone to some girl he met at the casino last night," Julio replied. "At least now I know why he was late getting home to welcome me."

"Idiot," Gloria shook her head. "These shenanigans of his never end well. I wish he'd just find a nice normal girl and settle down."

"Like me, you mean?" Julio asked her with a shy smile.

"You?" Gloria blinked. "Are you still seeing that Meghan girl?"

"Yes, mom," Julio nodded. "And we're not just seeing one another we live with one another."

"I didn't really think she was your type though," Gloria said warily, scratching the back of her neck. "When I was down she was always trying to get you to go out and doing things and you're less flamboyant than her. I still don't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to f**king go parasailing. That's just an accident waiting to happen."

"It was fun," Julio responded. "She gets me out of my comfort zone. She makes me laugh like nobody else can."

"Well, I'm glad that she's been good to you," Gloria replied, patting Julio on the thigh affectionately. "I mean...she was very friendly when I met her. She seems like a nice girl."

"She's very nice," Julio nodded. "And I'm glad you think so because she's going to be your daughter-in-law, mom."

Gloria blinked and untangled her folded legs so that her feet touched the ground. "Come again?" she said.

"Well, at least I hope she will be," Julio reiterated bashfully. "I want to propose to her when I get back. I'm in love with her."

"Julio…." Gloria hesitated. "Marriage is...it's not always a good thing. You think you know a person and then you wake up one morning and it just _wham_ hits you, and you're left wondering what you did."

"It doesn't always end badly," Julio countered. "And I told Galina my plans this afternoon and she approved."

"Yeah, well you were talking to a woman whose son showed up with a black eye that his girlfriend gave him from a bag of change and she started pressuring him to marry her," Gloria replied. "Haven't you realized by now that your stepmother is kind of crazy?"

"You've always seemed to find her amusing," Julio smiled. "And Vasily and Lida have been married for...what? 15 plus years? I think she knew what she was talking about. Come on, mom. What are you really afraid of? Meghan's amazing."

Gloria sighed. "I just wish you could have fallen in love with a woman from the same state as the rest of us," she admitted. "I knew Meghan was the one from the moment I saw you two together and it just made me sad. I've just been holding onto the dream that you and Benny would move into houses a short walk from me and I'd babysit your kids during the day while you all were at work…. like Galina got to be for Vasily's kids."

"Mom," Julio sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and hugging her. "It's going to be okay."

"It's just…" Gloria sniffled. "I missed out on so much of your lives when I was locked up. It was my own fault, I own it, but I just don't feel ready to give you guys up yet. You're so far, Benny is always gone, Carmen is all the way in Canada….and Galina is going to die. I know that. And I'm going to be all alone." She wiped her face across her damp face and shuddered in her oldest son's arms.

"You're never going to be alone," Julio promised her. "Val is in New York and Gabriella. You're pretty much Vera's favourite person in the entire world. We're all in this together, mom."

"I know," Gloria said breathlessly. She shook her head. "I'm being silly. I don't know what I'm saying."

"It's okay," Julio assured her. "I'm going to start coming home more and someday, maybe, you'll be able to come to me. And when the grandchildren you get from me get a little older, who do you think I'll be sending them to in the summer?"

"Hopefully me," Gloria said, with a sad smile. "So, I can spoil them rotten and then send them back to you and their mom."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Julio smiled. "I've seen you with Gabriella and Vera...I'm familiar with your work."

"I'm a good Nonna," Gloria said casually, folding her hands promptly into her lap.

"Yeah, it's just kind of funny because you were so strict with us and then you let all the little ones get away with murder," Julio chuckled. "But that's okay...Grandma's privilege, I guess. And soon you're going to have a brand new one to fuss over."

"What?" Gloria exclaimed. She looked into her son's eyes with astonishment. "Meghan's pregnant?"

"Yes," Julio said happily. "She's about three months along."

"Oh, that's good news," Gloria said, making a sound halfway between a hiccup and laugh, as tears streamed down her cheeks. "For a second there I was afraid you were going to tell me Benny knocked some one-night stand up and that's why he's been on the phone all afternoon…. but you, aww baby, you'll be an amazing Daddy…. that's not why you want to marry her though is it?"

"Mom!" Julio exclaimed sharply. "No."

"Sorry," Gloria said, holding her hands up in surrender. "I just had to ask. Did you tell Galina about the baby?"

"Yes," Julio nodded. "She was thrilled."

"I can't believe she kept that quiet," Gloria looked impressed. "She must have been exhausted." Suddenly her happy face became sort of crestfallen. "I hope she gets to meet the baby," she whispered.

Julio's eyes lowered. "You think there's a possibility she won't?" he asked quietly.

"Hard to say," Gloria shook her head. "She's not...well. And things can happen so quickly." She shook her head as though to clear the painful thoughts threatening to overcome her and forced a smile onto her face. "I'm really happy for you, baby," she told him, cupping his cheek in her hand. "I'm still a little...stunned, to say the least, so bear with me. But I'm proud of you, and I approve, and I'm going to be there for you and your new family in any way that I can."

She resisted the tears still threatening to fall as she held Julio tightly to her. His news was shocking to her, but it shouldn't be. It was just a reminder that while she was in the trenches of caring for her wife, life was still going on around them. Where their lives were nearing the finishing line, their children and grandchildren's lives were growing and prospering as they made marks on their world that would hopefully be wiser and more substantial than the two mothers who had been there before. But that was what life did, Gloria had always understood. It went on.

Time had never ceased when her mother had died, when she failed in love, and brought babies into the world under less than ideal circumstances. It hadn't paused while she'd been incarcerated, watching the world go by and her children grow up without her presence and guidance. She'd endured it all. At long last feeling like she had found her spot, with the love of her life, in a home where her boys had thrived, and her soul had healed. Now those boys were grown up and gone, her wife was dying, and there was nothing she could do to stop any of it from happening. It was another trial to be endured. And even on her darkest days when she felt like giving up, Gloria knew she never would. Her son was getting engaged and, in a few months, she'd have a newborn grandchild to cradle in her arms. Yes, even in the darkest hours the world never ceased its spinning. It persevered and sometimes it could still be beautiful.


	18. Chapter 18

Coming home meant resuming a pattern of life not dissimilar to how things had been before she'd broken her hip. Perhaps she slept a little more than before, as the painkillers she was still taking had a sedative effect, but her family tried to keep her awake hours as full as could be in her limited state.

The first two weeks following her homecoming had felt like something from a dream, except it was even better than that because it was real. Like a flashback to one of the happiest times in her life, when she and Gloria had been vibrant and in love whilst enjoying the chaotic pleasure that came from having the two boys in the house. Having Julio back, even if only for a short while, had been the greatest morale booster that Red could have ever received. Just seeing him made her happy, and though she was weary and often in pain, it was adamantly clear that she didn't want to waste a moment of his visit being sick. So, they did their best to accommodate her.

The four of them went to movies, walks around the park, visited family, and checked out a neighbourhood festival together. Julio made Red come with him to the grocery store for ingredients and then had cooked up a storm for them all, using the tried and true recipes that his stepmother had taught him so many years ago. He'd still ask her taste test and to coach him along, and at the dinner table had success in enticing her to eat when she said she wasn't hungry. In the evening they'd play card games around the table just like they had before, and Red would sit up for hours in the living room talking with her two boys until she could no longer keep her eyes open and Gloria insisted that they all go get some sleep.

The two weeks flew by much too quickly and it had been with a grieving heart that Red said goodbye to Julio and allowed him to embrace her one final time. They'd spoken hopefully of Christmas and her meeting his soon-to-be fiancé at that time, but Red understood that it was a very real possibility that she might never live to see that day. She hadn't accompanied them to the airport. It would have been too much trouble to bring her along, so they'd parted at the house and then Gloria and Benny had taken him themselves. Maybe that was just as well.

Lida had come to sit with Red when they left. Her own injuries were healed and she smoothly regained her place as Red's primary caregiver whenever Gloria was away. She tried hard to keep things the same as before. Fortunately, her and Vasily's many visits to Red in the hospital had at least solidified that her mother-in-law in no way held her responsible for what had happened, so she had a handle on her guilt. The fall had been a tragic accident, one that hurt them both, and something Red was eager to put in the past. So, Lida obliged her and their routine resumed as though nothing had ever happened.

As a result, it was just another typical afternoon that found Lida sitting rigidly on the sofa in Red's and Gloria's living room by herself. Her hand was at her mouth, biting down on her already shortly clipped fingernails, while her eyes were glued upon the television, which was streaming an episode of "The Handmaid's Tale". She'd fallen behind on the show and was using her solitary afternoon hours to try and catch up. On either side of her were heaping baskets of laundry. Some clothes were already folded neatly in stacks on the coffee table but a towel lay across her lap forgotten and Lida had temporarily abandoned the task.

She wasn't in much of a hurry anyway. Though she was inclined to help Gloria with the chores on her days with Red, sometimes her own need for rest and relaxation took precedence. Lida had been there since nine that morning and time had been crawling. It was too hot and muggy to be outside and since Red had shown no interest when Lida had suggested a trip to the mall, they'd been stuck in the house all day.

It wasn't Red's fault, Lida knew she wasn't feeling well. She had come down with a cold a few days ago which was particularly debilitating for someone in her condition. When Lida had ventured out to the market with her yesterday, Red had wanted to go home almost as soon as they got there. Today hadn't been any better. The morning had dragged and after a failed attempt at getting her to eat some lunch, it had been something of a relief for Lida to help get her mother-in-law in bed for a predictably long nap. They both needed the break.

"You look intense."

The voice came out of nowhere. Lida hadn't heard anybody knock or come in. Already on edge from the show she was watching, Lida jumped into the air at the sound. "Oh my gosh! Your scared me!" she gasped, clutching her heart as her eyes widened in fright. She stared up at Nicky, who had emerged from the hallway with a flicker of a smirk on her face. She was dressed smartly, and quite unlike her usual style, in a knee length black skirt with a silky grey blouse that was buttoned to the throat.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Nicky said dryly. She walked over to the armchair adjacent from the sofa and lifted the basket of clothes that was set there. Dropping it unceremoniously onto the floor, Nicky turned around and sat down in its place.

"What are you doing here?" Lida asked in surprise. "I thought you weren't getting back for another week?" She lowered her hand from her heart and reached for the television remote. Her chest was still heaving in fright as she pointed it at the screen and paused her show.

"Yeah, well, plans change," Nicky said dryly, looking down at the floor. "We got in on Sunday."

"On Sunday?" Lida repeated, raising her eyebrows so high that they disappeared beneath her short fringe. Today was Thursday and she'd have expected Nicky to stop by to check on her mother as soon as she had gotten home. Nicky had been out of the country and hadn't visited since Red had been in the hospital. In fact, Lida was pretty sure that Red had been sound asleep the last night Nicky had dropped by her hospital room.

Pursing her lips, Lida glanced down at the towel still draped across her lap. She picked it up with her hands and began to fold it quickly. "You're wearing your shoes indoors," she observed flatly, as she set the towel on the coffee table stack and gave Nicky a once over.

Nicky rolled her eyes. "Thank you, _Gloria,_ " she mocked sarcastically. She crossed one leg over the other and kicked her foot out that had on a black high heeled sandal. Her toenails were painted black with white stripes.

Lida shook her head, "I'm just saying," she muttered.

"My shoes are clean," Nicky informed her. "These are hardly the kind of shoes I do heavy walking in." When Lida still didn't say anything, Nicky leaned forward in her chair and sighed. "Will you feel better if I sweep the floor?"

"No," Lida shook her head. "That's okay." She leaned over to grab another towel from the basket and began to fold it neatly. "How was St. Tropez?" she asked in a forcefully more upbeat tone.

"Pretty great," Nicky replied casually. She leaned back in her seat and crossed one leg over the other again.

"Must be nice to get out of the city during this heatwave we've been having," Lida commented flatly, as she deposited the folded towel down on top of the linen pile.

"Yeah, it was," Nicky nodded, her eyes narrowing. "If you wanted to get out of the city, why didn't you and Vasily take the kids up to the cottage for a weekend like before?"

Lida shrugged. "A lot has been going on here this summer, Nicky," she said pointedly. "We wouldn't have felt right taking off to enjoy ourselves when Galina can hardly do the same."

"She's been doing alright since she came home," Nicky argued. "I spoke to Ma a couple of weeks ago and she was thrilled that Julio was finally able to come home to visit. She probably just wanted some time with him. I don't see the point of standing around in the wings just so you can feel better about yourself."

"Yeah, well, she's been very down since he left," Lida replied shortly. "And then she got sick-"

"What do you mean?" Nicky frowned. "I thought she was doing better." She sat up a little straighter and gave Lida, who was now folding white cotton ankle socks together, a piercing stare. "They released her from the hospital..."

"They let her come home," Lida said tiredly. "That is true." She dropped the socks onto the coffee table in front of her and then glanced into the laundry basket for another matching pair.

"So, what's wrong with her?" Nicky asked worriedly.

Lida shrugged again. She looked up at Nicky. "You haven't spoken to her in a couple of weeks?" she asked harshly, with a look of incredulity on her face.

Nicky glared at her. "It's not like I haven't called," she snapped. "She just has always been asleep when I tried her. I talked with Gloria, and she never told me there was anything out of the ordinary going on that we have to worry about. So, what gives?"

"Well." Lida pondered vaguely. "What don't you know? She's still on pain meds for her hip that seem to be causing her some confusion at times. We've been having some struggles…"

"Like what?" Nicky asked impatiently.

"Like. Well," Lida sighed. "She's just tired, Nicky. It's like she's giving up. She doesn't want to do anything anymore."

"Maybe you're asking too much of her and it's wearing her out," Nicky replied. "Gloria told me that things were a bit rowdier around here with both the guys in the house, maybe she needs some more time to recover from that."

"Maybe," Lida conceded skeptically.

Nicky swallowed a lump in her throat as she felt the heat rise within her. Her fingernails clawed into the arms of the chair and within seconds the waiting was unbearable and she got to her feet. "I'm going to go check on her," she announced faintly. "Is she in her bedroom?"

"Yes, but she's sleeping," Lida replied sternly. She picked up the monitor that had been propped up beside her and held it out for Nicky's acknowledgement. "I can hear her on this," she told her. "There's no need-"

"What exactly is that? A baby monitor? Jesus…." Nicky shook her head making her wild curls bounce. "Why don't you upgrade to the model where you can watch her while she sleeps?" she asked sarcastically. "Doesn't the woman deserve some privacy?"

She headed off down the hallway to Red's bedroom without giving Lida a chance to reply. The door was slightly ajar, so Nicky lightly pushed on the wood and stepped into the darkened space. The curtails prevented any sunlight from hitting Red, who was buried underneath a blanket with just her face and one of her hands sticking out, even though it was warm in the house. Her face was so pale that it seemed to glow in the dark and the single hand that Nicky could see looked boney and frail, even from across the room.

"Oh, God," Nicky whispered, sucking in her breath as she felt a lump rise in her throat. Weeks had passed since she had last seen her and as she stood there watching Red sleep, Nicky was suddenly overcome with just how long a brief holiday could be when life was fading so quickly. She didn't move or dare to get any closer. She wasn't going to disrupt her nap or invade her space, but she'd still just needed to see her. "Never again, Ma," Nicky whispered, turning away from Red's sleeping form as she tried and failed to blink back tears. "No matter how hard this is...I'm not going to leave again," she sniffled. "I'm going to be here."

She turned to look back at the bed, to find two blue eyes staring up at her expressing what could only be interpreted as fear. Nicky forced herself to smile. "Hey, Ma," she said, brushing the tears from her eyes and taking a few steps closer. "It's me…"

The hand that was sticking out of her covers suddenly gripped tightly to the blankets and Red seemed to recoil deeper underneath them. "Wha-wha-what do you want?" she stammered. She shook her head rapidly from side to side, although it could have just been the tremors. "No...".

"I wanted to come see you," Nicky answered calmly. Yet at the same time, the most painful of realizations swept over her and her legs began to shake as she reached for the railing of Red's bed to steady herself. _She doesn't recognize me._

The blue eyes peering out at her from the bundle of blankets seemed paralyzed with fright and Nicky had no clue how to approach this unexpected situation. She cleared her throat and gave Red what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I've missed you, Ma."

Red hesitated. Her eyes were still transfixed upon Nicky's face as she trembled untowardly. She looked so small and uncertain in the large operable bed, which was currently lying flat. Nicky wanted to raise it up for her now that she was awake, thinking that might be a bit more comfortable but she didn't know if the movement would scare Red. She had never seen her like this and suddenly Lida's vague remark about Red being confused made sense.

Nicky wasn't sure what to do, but before she could react Lida's shoulder brushed against hers as the other woman skidded past her as she confidently approached the bed with Gloria and Red's old cat in her arms.

"You're awake!" Lida exclaimed cheerfully, and Red's nervous eyes moved away from Nicky and focused on her daughter-in-law.

"Lida…" Red said quietly, as her eyes softened with relief. "I…. umm...I…." her head shook involuntarily as her eyes fixated back upon Nicky once again. Lida glanced over her shoulder at Nicky and then turned her focus back to Red.

"Nicky's home," Lida told Red, emphasizing Nicky's name as an attempt to fill in some of the blanks for her. Red blinked in response and gave no other sign of recognition. She seemed to take Lida's calm response to Nicky's presence as a sign that there was nothing to worry about though. She trusted Lida infinitely by this point.

When you were completely dependent upon caregivers, being able to trust them so completely was essential for survival. Thus, Red's reactions to other people on days when she was feeling particularly lost, were often what she gauged Gloria and Lida to want from her. So, if Lida was fine with Nicky being there then Red wouldn't fret about it either. She still felt wary though and her mind felt fuzzy.

Red focused her attention back onto Lida who was clear and undistorted in her head. Her warm smile was comforting and engaging with the other woman by her bed right now felt way too overwhelming. She finally noticed the cat in Lida's arms, currently enjoying being scratched affectionately behind the ear. Red reached with light fingertips to brush the cat's colourful coat.

"Here you go, Mama," Lida said softly, as she set the cat down on the bed next to her. Millie meowed gently and nuzzled her head against Red's face lovingly.

"She would not stop pestering me for treats," Lida added. She reached into the back pocket of her denim capris and pulled out a small packet of _Temptation_ cat treats that she had stowed there. "Why don't you give her a few?" Lida suggested. She moved closer and reached for Red's hand, turning it palm up for her and holding it steady in her own. She sprinkled a few tidbits out. They watched as the cat nibbled them up and Red's fingers twitched in Lida's grip as the cat's whiskers tickled her.

"Some more?" Lida asked, waiting until Red gave her the slightest of nods. Then she dropped a couple more treats from the bag onto Red's hand for the cat. The room was quiet and Lida watched Red visibly relax as she was distracted by the task she had given her. It was a smart move. Although deeply upsetting for Nicky to experience, it had not surprised Lida at all that Red's first response to her present had been confusion and fear. Red hadn't seen her daughter in quite awhile and hadn't been expected or properly prepared for it in advance. It was why Lida had wanted to dissuade Nicky from going into Red's room alone when she was asleep. Nobody had their best wits about them immediately upon waking, especially when you were sick and on several different kinds of medication.

"We spoil this cat," Lida giggled. "She's quite demanding when it comes to all these indulgences. That's probably why she's getting kind of fat."

"Don't let Gloria hear you say that," Red said, looking slightly amused. She was beginning to calm down and sound more like her usual self.

"No, I would never," Lida laughed, as she placed some more cat treats on Red's open palm. "That would be like insulting one of her children, as far as Gloria was concerned."

"Probably worse," Red replied.

"Yeah," Lida laughed, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She glanced back over at Nicky who was watching their exchange out of eyes that looked like she was trying not to cry. Lida compressed her lips and then regarded Red again.

"You woke up a little earlier than usual," Lida told her, stuffing the cat treats into her back pocket again. "Do you want to try and get some more sleep? Or we can get you up and then you, me, and Nicky can figure out what we're going to do this afternoon."

Red didn't answer straight away. In absence of treats, Millie had begun to lick the palm of Red's hand for any residue. Her tongue felt scratchy and was a curious sensation which had stolen most of Red's concentration. "Hmm?" Lida prompted her, her hand naturally reached over the bars and rubbed up and down Red's arm through the blankets. "What would you like?"

"What?" Red asked blankly, staring up at her.

"Would you like to get up or to stay in bed and rest some more?" Lida asked her again patiently.

Red's hand clenched and unclenched fastidiously over her blanket as she seemed to consider the question. "I want up," she answered quietly, a moment later.

"Sure," Lida said pleasantly, giving her arm a squeeze. She stepped back from the bed and smiled encouragingly at Nicky as she passed her on her way to the bureau. "What should we all do this afternoon?" she asked them both casually.

"You mean you're not wanting recruiters to help you with the flood of clothes out in the living room?" Nicky asked Lida, forcing her voice to sound normal. "It's like nobody has done laundry around here in weeks."

"That's because nobody has, probably," Lida laughed. She had her hands full of supplies that she set at the foot of the bed. "Gloria doesn't wash clothes until she literally has nothing clean left to wear in the closet, isn't that right?" She smiled questioningly at Red who didn't answer.

"Ma, I'm just going to get you to lie on your back for me," Lida told her, as she reached down to lower the bar on one side of the bed. "Just for a minute," she added soothingly, when Red looked up at her with despairing eyes.

With gentle hands, Lida placed them on her shoulder and thigh and slowly shifted Red from her side to lying flat on her back. "I know, I know…I'm sorry," she sympathized as Red whimpered slightly. "Shifting positions is uncomfortable for her," Lida explained to Nicky quietly, as she lifted the blankets up that were covering Red's lower half.

"Oh," Nicky muttered, she tapped her fingers against the front of her black skirt. She exhaled slowly, as she watched Lida opening up a container of wipes and then reaching to lift up her mother's skirt. "I'm...I'll meet you out there, okay?" Nicky said distractedly, already backing out of the room. Her eyes were scanning around the room looking every which way besides at Red while Lida changed her. She retreated into the hallway before Lida could answer her. The moment she was out of sight the tears she'd been struggling to hold back poured down with a vengeance and she hurried into the bathroom for a bit of privacy.

"I can't do this," Nicky said out loud to herself, as she sat down on the closed toilet seat. Her voice was breathless, her heart rate was accelerating, and beads of sweat were mixing in with her tears. She felt like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs as she rapidly breathed, leaning forward to put her head between her legs to keep from feeling faint.

It had been a mistake to show up here. She'd arrived with a sense of hope and the best of intentions, which had all been vanquished as soon as she'd lain eyes on her helpless mother. Nicky had been consumed with a need to see her, after the tumultuous past few days she had endured. What Nicky still didn't want to accept was that Galina Reznikov no longer was the person she used to be. It was the greatest of tragedies. Being forced to mourn a person who wasn't even dead yet.

"Maybe it's better…" Nicky muttered, her chest heaving as she continued to pant. "She doesn't remember...she doesn't miss me-" Her voice broke. Sadness rose up again and this time loud sobs accompanied this next course of tears. She didn't even hear the gentle knocking on the bathroom door. She didn't even realize how not discreet she was behaving in her grief.

"Nicky!" a voice called through the wood of the door. It got her attention. There was a knock again. "Nicky, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Nicky croaked back unconvincingly, as she lifted her head back up. "Be out in a sec," she called out.

There was a pause. Nicky could almost see Lida pressing her head against the other side of the door in seek of more clues about whether or not she should press her further. She had Red seated in her wheelchair right in front of her though and that needed to take precedent. She was also relieved that at least her sister-in-law was now being quiet. The noise she had been making had alarmed Red the moment they'd come out into the hallway and she'd heard it.

"Okay," Lida called back hesitantly. She rested her hand on Red's shoulder and smiled down at her reassuringly, as the older woman looked up at her. "Nicky's fine," Lida told her. "Let's just give her a minute."

Nicky listened to the creak of the floor as Lida pushed Red down the hall. Shame prickled up in her for crying-for causing a disruption that could distress her mother in her fragile state and cause her more suffering. She felt like a failure of a daughter. She'd been gone a few weeks and already Red didn't recognize her, like they hadn't lived, shared, and loved with one another since the day they had met. It was Nicky's own fault. She'd chosen not to be there, but that was because she really didn't have it in her. It wasn't the way she was wired, or maybe it was because of how she was raised.

It was why she had pushed for professional nursing scare and disapproved of the way Gloria and Lida were insistent on tending to her themselves. The thought of them putting Red into such a vulnerable dependency upon them was uncomfortable to watch. She'd hated seeing Red cringe and show embarrassment towards the family she relied on for every basic need. She'd known Red had felt degraded for her lack of independence and had hoped hiring caregivers and reinstating her position of respect towards her wife and children would have been good for her emotional well-being.

Except those days were far behind now and ultimately Nicky was relieved that nobody had taken her advice in the past. She'd witnessed this afternoon how Red's eyes had blossomed with trust and comfortableness and that sort of relationship was the kind that had grown through time. Employing a nurse would not have had the same comforting effect as Red being in the hands of people who loved her. Now, Nicky was only sorry that she had allowed her own issues to impair her ability to be there for her mother in her time of need. Red had always tried to hide how sick and helpless she really was to her, only now she wasn't able to anymore. Nicky had been slapped in the face with the truth and she felt heavy with self-loathing. She'd neglected a woman who would have literally run through fire for her.

"Nicky," Lida's voice called through the door, announcing her return. She rapped harder on the door this time. "What are you doing?"

"Just give me a minute," Nicky groaned.

"You can't be like this here," Lida said impatiently. "I'm coming in, alright?"

"No, because it's locked," Nicky replied. She rubbed her hands over her face and bristled when she heard the door knob slowly turning. "Well...I thought I locked it," she conceded, exhaling loudly at the unwanted intrusion.

"None of the interior doors in this house lock," Lida informed her, as she opened the door more fully and stepped inside the small bathroom. "Gloria made Benny dismantle them all years ago because she was worried Galina would somehow lock herself in and they'd be unable to get to her."

"F*ck," Nicky scoffed, shaking her head so that her wild mane of curls bounced. "All the most basic things the rest of us take for granted...she's got none of that anymore. No privacy, no independence, incapable of doing all the things that she used to enjoy…."

"Is that why you're upset?" Lida asked, crossing her arms across her chest as she considered her. "This is so unlike you…. you don't cry. Mama heard you and I tried to convince her it was the TV but she knew better."

"Oh," Nicky said flatly.

"I realize this is hard," Lida said stiffly. "But you're not making this any easier. And she shouldn't have to be worrying about you right now. I know she's always taken care of you in the past, but she can't anymore. She's not well, Nicky."

"Don't you think I know that?" Nicky exclaimed. "I f*cking know that. And believe me, I feel as useless to her as you're implying I am. I haven't been there for her like I should have been. I didn't want to face the truth. Now, it's no wonder that she doesn't remember my name." Sniffling, she tore off a couple squares of toilet paper and used them to dab at her face.

"Nicky, you know that you can't take anything she says right now personally," Lida reproached her softly. "She's lost right now...she can't help it…"

"I know that," Nicky snapped. She balled up her wad of toilet paper and tossed it into the wastebasket across the small bathroom.

"Hearing you cry really upset her," Lida said disapprovingly. "She doesn't understand why you're upset but she kept insisting that I come back here to check on you. She even said your name. It was like a light bulb suddenly went off."

"Really?" Nicky whispered, blinking up at her sister-in-law.

"Yes," Lida nodded affirmatively. "You just needed to give her some more time. She'd just woken up-of course, she's going to be a little confused. Just give her a lot of patience and little reminders and she figures it out."

Nicky folded her hands together and looked down at the floor again. "Does she forget you too?"

"She can get mixed-up," Lida reasoned. She gave Nicky a pointed stare. "But maybe it would be easier for her to remember you if she saw you more often."

"Or it would stress her out more," Nicky shook her head.

Lida shook her head disapprovingly. "Well, you've got to do what you think you need to, but I don't understand how you could leave the country for a vacation when your mother is in the hospital with a broken hip, and then it takes you days to turn up to actually see her.

Nicky's mouth gaped open and she swatted herself under the chin to close it. "Yes, it did take me a few days to get myself over here," she agreed, "but it wasn't because I was avoiding her. I've been dealing with a whole other variation of hell."

"What do you mean?" Lida asked with a frown on her face.

Nicky sighed. "I had to finish burying one mother before I could come see my other mom disintegrating with no chance of getting better."

"What are you talking about?" Lida asked, looking puzzled. "Is this why you and Lorna got back from vacation early?"

"Marka died of a heart attack last Saturday," Nicky said bluntly, scratching an itch on the bridge of her nose.

"What?" Lida whispered, looking surprised.

"I..uh...I got a call in the middle of the night," Nicky sniffled. "The reception was so bad I could hardly understand and then Lorna got on the line to chat with whatsername...that girl Marka had hired to take care of her. Consuela! That's it…. anyway, apparently it happened overnight. Consuela found her dead in the morning."

"Nicky, I'm so sorry," Lida whispered. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Nicky shrugged, "this family has enough going on as it is. I didn't want to add to the load. Besides, it's not as sad as you'd think…. Marka and I weren't exactly close."

"She was still your mother," Lida reminded her.

"Some mother," Nicky said bitterly.

Lida sighed. "Sometimes that makes the grieving process more complicated, but you're still going to mourn her. I saw her at your wedding, she obviously loved you very much, even if she did make a lot of mistakes."

"Yeah," Nicky said quietly. "I know…. it's just strange to miss somebody I rarely saw anyway. And then it just made me really want to be with Red, because I haven't seen her in several weeks either. And that has to stop."

"Yes, it does," Lida agreed. "Because she needs you and if you don't spend this time with her now, someday you are really going to regret it, Nicky."

"That's why I'm here," Nicky replied. "But maybe it's too soon after Marka passing...I don't feel emotionally prepared to face all of this. It's so hard to see her this way."

"Well, you should be thankful that it isn't too late," Lida said pointedly. "Because she's dying, Nicky-that is a fact. It's something we all have to accept."

"I know, I know," Nicky stammered, reaching for another square of toilet paper so that she could dab at her eyes again.

Lida swallowed and motioned down at the black skirt and grey blouse that Nicky was wearing. Suddenly the somber clothes made perfect sense. "So, you're dressed that way because of Marka?"

"Yeah," Nicky sniffled. "Her funeral was this morning."

Lida shook her head. "If we'd known, we could have made arrangements to attend with you."

"You barely knew her," Nicky said dismissively.

"But we know you," Lida replied. "That's what a family is for...and we've all got to stick together, no matter what happens with Galina. She's not the only person in this family who cares about you, Nicky. You've got all of us…. I consider you my sister. You're my kids' aunt."

"Thanks," Nicky smiled. It was the gift that kept giving. Red hadn't given Nicky herself all those years ago, she had given Nicky her family. She was bound to people now that she would belong with for the rest of her life, long after Red was gone. She was never going to be alone again.

Lida sighed and reached up to run her fingers through her short blonde hair. "I need to get back to her," she said apologetically, glancing over her shoulder back down the hall. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah, I guess," Nicky replied uncertainly. She stood up and walked over to stare at herself in the mirror that hung over the sink. "Why didn't you tell me I looked like sh*t?"

Lida giggled. "Splash some water on your face and you'll look fine," she suggested. "I've got to go check on her…."

XXX

Though she'd braced herself for it, it was with a heavy heart that Nicky finally emerged from the bathroom and found Red alone in the living room, still seated in her wheelchair. The television was on, though Lida had switched from the darker show she had been watching when she'd gotten there and had put on a talk show instead. Red flinched at the sound of Nicky's heeled sandals clicking against the hardwood floors and then looked over at her. Nicky was tense with anxious anticipation. She didn't know what to expect at all right now and found it disconcerting to suddenly feel so uncertain around her.

"Nicky," Red said softly, and the sound of her name being spoken in the familiar Russian lilt made Nicky swell with relief inside. It was the best thing, to be recognized and acknowledged. She could look into Red's blue eyes and see understanding there, where before there had only been confusion and fear. As Lida had said, it was like a light bulb had suddenly switched on and things were clear. Nicky forced a smile on her face and came closer, but Red was reading a different story in her eyes.

"Honey, are you okay?" Red asked worriedly. She extended a hand which Nicky immediately took. She smiled as she examined the polished fingernails. The red colour bled slightly over the ordinarily neat edges but someone had clearly tried their best at giving her a manicure.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded. She dipped her head forward to kiss the pale hand in hers. "I'm good, Ma."

"But you were crying…." Red said hesitantly.

"Not really," Nicky chuckled. "I stubbed my toe...I was being dramatic."

Red shook her head. "That's not why," she insisted.

Nicky squeezed her hand, "I'm fine, Ma," she insisted. "Really." But Red still looked unconvinced.

"Was it because of me?" she asked.

Nicky's heart sank at the question and the tone of guilt and insecurity with which Red had asked it. It was clear why Lida had felt the need to be so tough on her before for making her sadness so blatantly obvious. In the moment Lida had seemed insensitive, but Red really needed reassurance that everyone around her was going to be okay. It was unfair and cruel to worry her when she couldn't do anything about it except feel like she was the cause of everyone else's problems. Lida was just being protective.

"No," Nicky whispered softly, shaking her head determinedly. She slid off of the couch and onto her knees on the floor. Resting her chin on Red's thigh, she looked up at her with a soft smile playing on her lips. "You never make me sad, Ma," she told her. "You're my favourite person in this entire world-tied with Lorna, of course," she winked.

"Hmm," Red nodded. She awkwardly lifted her hand, like it was very heavy, and set it on top of Nicky's golden hair. "So, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong," Nicky lied, "except that one of us should seriously speak to Lida about her dark taste in television shows. I mean really...I walk in this house and she has the most disturbing scene playing on the screen in here."

"What from?" Red asked curiously.

"The Handmaid's Tale," Nicky replied.

"Ohhhh," Red's eyes stared up at the ceiling as she thought hard about something. "It's a book, right?"

"Yeah," Nicky nodded, squeezing Red's knee as she got up and sat back down on the sofa next to her. "I mean, it's based on a book."

"I read it," Red told her. "A long time ago…"

"You might like this show then," Nicky replied. She picked up the remote that Lida had set on the coffee table and checked the guide. "And... Lida has all of them recorded and saved, no surprise there. Girl seems to be a glutton for punishment. You want to check it out with me?"

"I thought you said you didn't like it," Red said skeptically. "Or were you just saying that before because you don't think I can handle the truth?"

"It's not that," Nicky replied.

"Then what is it?" Red asked.

Nicky sighed, leaning over to rest her forehead lightly on Red's shoulder. It was hard and boney, devoid of the usual plump softness that had always been so comforting. Nicky turned her head slightly and examined Red's hand more closely. It was very frail too. The small diamond ring from Gloria seemed enormous on her slender finger.

"I'm a little down," Nicky admitted quietly, as she slid the ring, now several sizes too large, around Red's finger. "The last few days have been rough."

"Why?" asked Red, "what happened?"

Nicky sighed. She hadn't intended to tell Red the truth. She didn't want to worry her, although clearly, they were already way past that anyway. Besides, they'd always been honest with one another in the past and it would especially upset Red to be treated like she couldn't handle things now.

"Marka died," Nicky told her quietly. Still clutching Red's trembling hand, she gave her another squeeze. "I suppose I'm not quite over the shock or something. I'm not acting like myself."

"She died?" Red repeated softly. "How?"

"Heart attack," Nicky replied. "She went fast. There's no reason to think she suffered, so it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Red whispered.

Nicky shrugged, "it's really fine," she insisted.

"No, it's not," Red shook her head. "And she was a good woman."

"She had her moments, I guess," Nicky conceded, wrinkling her nose as she thought about her late mother.

"She did a lot for me," Red said quietly. "I probably wouldn't be here...at home, without everything she gave. I didn't want to accept, but Gloria insisted, and now I'm very grateful to her…"

"Marka had more money than she knew what to do with," Nicky said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It was pennies to her what she gave Gloria for your medical needs and bed."

"That doesn't mean it wasn't generous," Red replied. "If she was a terrible person she would not have offered."

"Yeah," Nicky agreed. "I suppose-I didn't know this, but her lawyer told me that she made a very large donation to the "Action on Addiction" foundation, out of her estate. Said it was to help me continue my great work."

"See?" Red said softly. "She was so proud of you...just like I am."

"Thanks, Ma," Nicky smiled, squeezing her hand right away.

"But why wouldn't you tell me this right away?" Red asked her, looking upset. "I shouldn't have to force something so important out of you."

"Uhhh," Nicky let out a hollow laugh, lifting her head off of Red's shoulder. "No offence, Ma, but I don't think you had a clue who I was when I showed up, so I wasn't about to spring anything like that on you."

Red looked confused. "What?" she said blankly. "I would never…"

"It's okay," Nicky told her reassuringly, immediately regretting the jest. "You're not the only person who needs a few minutes to become fully human after sleep."

"But I didn't," Red insisted. "I think about you all the time. How could you say I would-"

"I didn't," Nicky interrupted quickly. "I just meant that you were sleeping when I got here. That's all." Clearly pointing out Red's confusion was a mistake. She couldn't remember those instances and would deny them if brought up, so why mention it at all? Nicky should have acted like it never happened.

Red shook her head. "You think I'm losing my mind, don't you?" she stammered in an accusatory tone. "But I'm not. You think just because I'm-"

"I don't think that," Nicky replied, squeezing Red's hand tightly. "Please, Ma-I didn't mean anything. If I'm not making sense right now, then I'm sorry. It's just been a rough few days."

"You should have told me," Red said quietly, and her anger seemed to immediately dissolve. "That's so sad…"

"I know," Nicky said quietly, "I'm sorry." She was surprised how short lived certain emotions would play out in Red's mind. She didn't appear to stay in any mood for very long. Perhaps her attention span was too small to hold onto anything without reinforcement. Regardless, she was very easily influenced by the conversation and by the person who was speaking to her. With a little practice, it was astonishingly easy to redirect her. She could be very vulnerable to manipulation, Nicky realized sadly. Quite a tragedy for such an intelligent woman who had always been unbending and determined in her thinking.

Red nodded her agreement and then winced as she tried to shift slightly in her wheelchair. "I'm going to be gone soon too," she said guiltily. "Then you'll have lost two mothers."

"Ma!" Nicky exclaimed, "don't say things like that!"

"But it's the truth," Red said matter-of-factly. "And I can't hide it from you. I'm getting so tired, Nicky…."

Nicky sighed and leaned her head back against Red's shoulder. Her hand was still caressing hers, playing with the small promise ring that was the only jewellery Red still wore. "Ma, this band is too big on you now," she said to change the subject.

"What?" Red asked.

"Your ring," Nicky explained, as she spun it on her finger again to show the slack. "I guess it's because you've lost so much weight, it's become loose."

"Oh," Red said softly, glancing down at her hand. Her fingers were shaking, making the tiny diamonds gleam as the sunshine streaming through the open windows caught them. It had been a present from Gloria, a promise of forever that had been presented in private during their first overnight together as free women. All those years ago, they'd left the boys behind with pre-cooked meals to heat up and plans to go to a waterpark with Vasily and Lida so they wouldn't feel bored. Then Gloria and Red had driven off to spend a weekend away in a small town just the two of them. It had been their first getaway together, which had verified the commitment they both wanted. To be together until death, no matter what-Gloria had clearly taken that promise to heart.

"It needs to be resized," Nicky told her. "Otherwise I'm afraid it will fall off."

"I don't want to lose it," Red said anxiously.

"No, of course you don't," Nicky replied. "If you give it to me I can get it resized for you tomorrow?"

Red's fingers bent down possessively as her hand balled into a fist from which the ring would be impenetrable. "I like wearing it, though," she insisted. "I never take it off…" And she hadn't. Not in all those years. Just like Gloria still faithfully wore the ring Red had given her.

"You don't have to," Nicky said quickly. She withdrew the fingers that were still playing with the ring and smiled. "You can keep it. We'll just be careful, huh?"

Red hesitated, her hand with Gloria's ring was held out in front of her and her lips were quivering nervously. "But if it gets lost…" she said worriedly. She felt very conflicted and Nicky was suddenly aware that a very basic issue could seem paramount to someone in Red's state of mind.

"I've got an idea," Nicky told her. She reached down the collar of her grey blouse and pulled out a gold chain with a rose pendant. "It's a present from Lorna," she explained, as she unhooked the chain. "But what if we put your ring on this and you can wear it like a necklace until it gets resized?"

"Uhh…" Red hesitated.

"Do you want to try it?" Nicky asked, as she slid her pendant off of the chain and into the pocket of her pencil skirt. Red nodded her head slowly, so Nicky carefully helped her unclench her fist and then slid the loose ring off of her finger. She put it on her chain and then reached around Red's neck to fasten it securely. "How's that?" Nicky asked her.

"I think that's a very good idea," Lida said approvingly, smiling as Red clenched her hand around the necklace possessively. Red looked over at Lida, who had entered the room without catching either her or Nicky's notice. Red seemed to recoil at the sight of her this time, rather than seeking out her daughter-in-law like she had upon waking.

"I don't want that," Red said thickly, her eyes on the tray that Lida was carrying. It was laden with sliced berries on yogurt, a plastic lidded cup of water, and what appeared to be pureed pears. Nicky glanced between Red and the tray of food, and her mother's sudden reluctance was obvious.

"You need to eat," Lida told her matter-of-factly. "You haven't been eating enough to keep a bird alive lately…"

"Mmmm," Red shook her head. "No, Lida…"

"Come on," Lida sighed. "Just have a little for me." The tray the food was on clipped onto the wheelchair, across Red's lap. Lida fastened it in place and then sat down on the top of the coffee table before her.

"No," Red said again, a bit more forcibly. She reached up with a trembling hand and actually tried to push the food on the tray further away from herself, but Lida reached out a hand to stop her.

"You need to eat," Lida reminded her, while Red took a shuddery breath and grimaced. Lida sighed, and pulled Red's wheelchair closer to her so that their knees were touching. Her short unpolished fingernails tapped on the tray as she sat quietly before her.

"Don't try to force her," Nicky told Lida, with a frown on her face. She stretched out an arm to rub protectively down the spine of Red's curved back. "How would you like it if someone was trying to make you eat when you weren't hungry?"

Lida scowled at the criticism from Nicky, who she didn't feel was around enough to formulate any informed opinion. Besides, she didn't like feeling undermined in front of Red who was entrusted into her care-not Nicky's.

"Mama, you barely had any of your lunch," Lida reminded Red, choosing to ignore Nicky's statement. "And Gloria said you only had a few bites at breakfast. That's not enough."

Eating had become a constant battleground where Red was considered. She never wanted to eat, never even seemed to have much of an appetite to satisfy anyway, but her weight loss was a serious concern and they were all getting harder on her about it. Each meal entailed a lot of coaxing, just to get her to eat the smallest of portions. It didn't help that none of the food Red was able to eat was very appealing anymore. She had difficulty swallowing, so nearly everything needed to be mushed up and pureed and then she needed to be fed. She couldn't hold a spoon steady anymore and if she managed that, she'd find it impossible to reach her mouth without spilling everything on herself. Nothing about food was enjoyable now. It brought no pleasure, no passion, and no control.

"Not right now," Red shook her head, and Lida pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. She took a few deep breaths and then dropped her hand on the tray again. The food set between them, the source of sudden tension.

"If you don't eat something, we're going to have to go to the hospital to get you fed through a tube," Lida said bluntly, looking Red right in the eyes. "Remember you said you didn't want that? You promised you'd eat…"

"No…" Red shook her head, staring down at the bland blended food with revulsion.

"And Gloria's leaving for Chicago tomorrow," Lida said, "remember? You said you wanted her to go. But if you're not eating, she's going to be too worried to go and she'll cancel the entire trip. You don't want her to do that, right?"

"No…." Red answered quietly. Gloria had gone back and forth about attending her work seminar, having legitimate reasons for going and for staying. Red's health was critical and a big part of Gloria was tempted to quit life and devote every moment to being with her for their remaining time. Yet at the same time, with the encouragement of her family, Gloria had kept up a schedule of relative normalcy. She still went to work, spent time with daughter and granddaughter alone, and had decided to take the overnight work weekend. After all, Red would be in perfectly good hands with Lida, Vasily, and their kids for company and everyone was always to stressing the need for Gloria to take care of herself too. So, she was going.

"Gloria's going to Chicago?" Nicky asked in amazement.

"Yes," Lida nodded. "Just for one night. She's attending something for work, so I'm going to stay here for the weekend."

"Oh," Nicky murmured, stealing a look at Red who was still staring at the tray of food in disgust. "If you two are looking for something to do, you should restart the "Handmaid's Tale" with Ma. She read the book, so she probably would like the show."

"Yeah," Lida smiled at Red. "We could do that...we could watch one right now, if you'd like?"

"Sure," Red said tiredly.

"So, how about you eat something for me and then we'll watch an episode?" Lida asked her calmly.

"Lida…" Red said distressingly, shaking her head.

"Come on," Lida persisted, spooning up some of the pears for her. "Five bites? Four...alright three," she conceded, as Red continued to shake her head in refusal. "Three is as low as I can go...and then you'll just need to drink some water. Please? It's so hot out…we'll both be grumpy if we have to go down to the hospital when I know you can do this."

"Please, Ma?" Nicky spoke up, rubbing her hand down Red's back encouragingly. "That's not a low. Do it for me, please?"

Red sighed regretfully, but she finally parted her lips ever so slightly for Lida to spoon in a small mouthful of pears for her to eat. She ate a second spoonful, then a third, and then some more because she had either lost count or had forgotten that Lida had told her she could stop at three. That was sort of a good thing though. Red was skin and bones and she needed all the food they could coax into her. She nearly finished the bowl of pears before she refused anymore. Lida held her cup up for her to drink some water and then wiped her face off with a damp cloth.

"You did good," Lida praised her, as she unfastened the tray from the wheelchair. "If you want more later then just tell me, okay?"

"I don't," Red answered.

"That's okay," Lida reassured her. "You did a good job."

As Lida carried the dishes back into the kitchen, Nicky couldn't resist wrapping her arms around Red from behind and hugging her. Seeing her like this was excruciating, and Nicky had newfound respect for those who were here everyday taking care of her. "So, maybe I'll come over tomorrow and we can spend the day together?" Nicky said softly, into Red's ear.

"Hmm?" Red blinked.

"I'm going to come over tomorrow," Nicky said again.

"Oh, if you want to," Red shrugged. "I know you're busy. Aren't you leaving on vacation?"

"I just got back," Nicky replied patiently.

"You did?" Red asked. "Where was I?"

"I don't know," Nicky giggled, slightly. "But I'm not going anywhere again, so don't worry. I'm not going to leave you, okay?"

"Okay," Red nodded.

Nicky leaned over to kiss her cheek. "We're going to have fun," she promised. "It's going to be a beautiful day."


	19. Chapter 19

**This chapter was written by Johanna-002. Thank you so much for your help. We both know this would take me a year to write…or at least nine months ;).**

 **This story is reaching its end. One more chapter to go.**

Standing on the front porch, a cigarette in her hand, Gloria smiled as Lida slowly made her way to her. "Good morning," she said tiredly. Putting the cigarette to her lips she inhaled a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Smoke steamed from her mouth and nose and she rolled her eyes at the look of disapproval that flashed in Lida's.

"No coffee today?" Lida asked. "Just decided to go straight for the cancer?"

Gloria flicked the end of her cigarette into the ashtray on the window seal. "I have some in the kitchen. I would offer to make you a cup, but with an attitude like that, I'm not sure you deserve it."

Lida scoffed, but a guilty blush colored her cheeks. "I've already had two cups."

"It's 5:30," Gloria said dryly. "How long have you been awake?" She stepped off to the side and held the screen door open for the younger woman to enter before her.

"Technically?" Lida set down her purse on the bench and kicked off her shoes. "I guess I never really slept."

"I thought I was the only one," Gloria admitted quietly. She walked around Lida into the kitchen and over to the coffee pot.

"Before you drink that, did you check your sugar?" Lida asked her sternly. "You've been slacking the last couple of days. You haven't been taking your pill either."

Gloria rolled her eyes. "Yes, mother," she mocked. She poured a heaping of creamer into her cup. The liquid went from a rich black to an incredibly light brown. "Since when do you check my pills?" She asked.

"Since you don't remember to take them." Lida situated herself at the table. "Or since you refuse to take them. I can't decide which it is."

"I'm not refusing." Gloria brought the cup up to her lips and took a large drink. She didn't care that it was hot and nearly burned her tongue in the process. "My mind just hasn't been… where it needs to be."

"Maybe it's depression," Lida suggested. "Or you're just tired."

"Well who wouldn't be depressed?" Gloria walked over to the table to sit across from her. "My wife is dying. My son is having a baby, and getting married, and I'm not there. Benny even has a girlfriend now." She scraped her hand through her still damp hair. "In a matter of weeks everyone just moved on…. and I'm here. Stuck."

"You're not alone," Lida reminded her. "I'm here. We're all here." She placed her hand atop Gloria's and squeezed it tightly.

"Great," Gloria said dryly. "So, I'm stuck here, with you." Through her bitterness she managed a small smile, a sign she wasn't truly angry, and after a brief pause, she patted Lida's hand lovingly.

Lida smiled at her. It had been over a decade since she had first met Gloria and she was more than accustomed to her dry humor. Unless you were Galina, or one of the grandchildren, Gloria's sweetness wasn't usually displayed. In fact, if anything, Gloria seemed to have only regressed within herself the last couple of weeks. Lida didn't blame her, she could only imagine how hard it was to be in her shoes. She tried to lesson her load; she wanted to help in anyway she could, but she knew there was only so much help she could offer. She couldn't protect Gloria from her grief.

Gloria disentangled her hands from Lida's and wrapped them back around her coffee mug. She brought the cup up to her lips for another drink and sighed in content as the warm liquid flowed through her. She sunk back in her chair and brought her feet up to lay in the vacant chair next to Lida. She could have fallen asleep then and there.

"What about Val?" Lida asked softly. "She called me a couple of weeks ago, said you hadn't been returning her calls." She spun her wedding ring mindlessly around her finger. "You know you can't do that. You've worked really hard to get your girls back." She held up a hand as Gloria opened her mouth to protest. "She understands you're going through some stuff, but, when you get to Chicago you should try to find some time to call her. Gabby too."

"Gabriella," Gloria corrected her.

"Gabriella," Lida amended herself. She shook her head and continued to play with her ring. "She's studying in Europe this upcoming semester?"

Gloria made a face as she removed her glasses. She rubbed at her puffy, swollen eyes. "Yes, and Valentina is sending her to Canada for the summer to see Carmen."

"You don't sound pleased."

"Not particularly," Gloria admitted bitterly. "But I'm more upset with myself. She flew out a few nights ago… I didn't realize and I didn't get to see her before she left." She drummed her fingers against the table and focused her eyes downward. Everyday felt as if it were swallowing her and she felt as if she was losing her sanity. Distracting herself was no longer working the way it had in the past, if anything, it only made her feel worse. If life wasn't passing her by there, she was putting it on hold here.

Lida sighed softly and quietly stood up from the table. She took Gloria's mug and refilled it. Looking over her shoulder, she frowned. It was hard enough taking care of her mother-in-law, but watching Gloria appear to just give up ignited a sadness within her that she couldn't put into words. She grabbed a banana and a granola bar from the counter and carried them back over to Gloria with her coffee in hand.

"Eat that," she instructed her. "Drink your coffee, and then change out of your pajamas. Your cab should be here shortly. Are you all packed?"

"Damn it," Gloria pushed her glasses onto her head. "A cab…. I knew there was something I was forgetting." She began to stand up but felt herself being pushed down.

"It's okay," Lida consoled her, patting her shoulder. "I wasn't asking you if the cab would be here. I was telling you. I knew you wouldn't remember, or that you'd intentionally forget and make yourself late." She shook her head and squeezed Gloria's shoulder. "I called for one on my way over."

Gloria reached for the banana and made a move to stand. "You have very little faith in me," she told her as she cracked the banana peel. "I could have called a cab… I didn't, but-"

"No, you didn't, so I did." Lida pulled her phone from her back pocket. "It's 5:50, I told them to be here by 6:00. Go ahead and get changed. I'm gonna crash on the couch until she wakes up."

"Monitor is on the coffee table," Gloria told her as she followed her out of the kitchen. "Were you planning to hang around the house all weekend?" She asked. "She might fight you, but please make sure she drinks plenty of fluids." Gloria was slipping back into her caregiving role, her depression taking a backseat. "It's supposed to be really hot and I don't want her to dehydrate."

"I will," Lida promised. "We might go to the beach today, but I'll just have to ask her when she wakes up and see if she is still up to it." She grabbed the blanket from the recliner and settled herself on the couch. "Hey, Gloria," Lida called to her, just as the older woman walked into the hallway.

She propped herself up on her elbow as she felt Gloria reappear. There was a brief pause before Lida said, "I've been thinking… Maybe you should start going to church again. I know you don't like talking about what's going on with you, and how you're feeling."

"Lida-"

"I think it would be good for you," Lida continued. "I just… I want you take care of yourself. I'm sure Vera would go with you, if you didn't want to be alone."

Gloria licked her lips and averted her eyes down to her banana and coffee.

"I just," Lida stretched out on the couch and pulled the blanket up under her chin. "I've seen how hard Nicky is taking this, and it kills me. She has Lorna to look after her though, and that makes me feel better. Max has Luca, and I know I'll take care of Vasily and Yuri. I have my kids. I know we'll be okay."

"You're scared I won't be?"

Lida sighed. "You're not okay. We're not perfect by any means. It's going to hurt like hell… but we talk to one another. You don't. And you don't have to talk to me, but maybe you should at least talk to God."

"You know," Gloria said quietly. "I've had many, many, _many_ conversations with God and I've forgiven Him for a lot of things. II really felt like he knew what he was doing…" she shifted her feet on the hardwood floor, and exhaled a deep, shaky breath. "And I know Lourdes would kill me, if she heard me now, but I… I am really angry with him, and… I don't know how long it will be until I'm not." She shook her head to dispel the tears welling up in her eyes. "After this, I don't know if I'll ever _not_ be angry."

Lida opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out. Silence fell over the two of them, and whether Gloria had stunned Lida into complete silence, or she was simply working to digest the deeper meaning behind her words, Gloria wasn't sure. She brought her mug to her lips, and drowned the last of the coffee in her cup. Licking her lips, and without so much as another word, Gloria retreated into her bedroom.

...

The cool blast from the taxi's air conditioning was chilly. Gloria rubbed her hands up and down her bare arms to fight against it. There was a sweater packed away in her carry-on for the plane ride, but she didn't have the energy to search for it. Running her hands through her hair, she smoothed her hand down the back of it, flattening it against the base of her neck.

"Work, or play?" The cab driver asked her.

Gloria met his eyes in the rear-view mirror. "I'm sorry?" she asked quietly.

"Your trip," he clarified. "Work, or play?"

Sighing, Gloria turned her attention out toward the window. She propped her chin up on her fist and shook her head. "Work," she answered him monotonously. She angled her body toward the window and laid her forehead against the glass. She had too many other things on her mind to engage in conversation, as friendly and innocent as it may be.

Her metallic sandals tapped against the floor of the car anxiously and she watched the scenery boredly as they drove by. The picturesque rising sun, far out in the horizon, should have been the perfect backdrop for Gloria's brief break from reality, however, all it seemed to do was bring all of her buried thoughts and emotions to the surface. Looking at her now, you wouldn't have even known that there had been time when Gloria had actually been looking forward to her trip. The weekend had fun events planned around her work schedule, and she had been excited about the prospect of exploring Chicago. She had been excited to leave her life behind in New York. Even if only for a little while.

However, Gloria had only been out of the house for forty-five minutes, and before the cab driver had even pulled away from the curb, she had wanted to scream at him to stop.

 _What if Red woke up and doesn't remember?_ Gloria asked herself. She adjusted herself in her seat and rubbed her hands up and down the length of her arms. Rolling her head back against the headrest, she tried to block out the guilt she felt rising within her. She had reminded Red about the trip last night when she had been putting her to bed, and though she had been okay with it then, Gloria now couldn't keep herself from imagining ever worst-case scenario possible.

Red's memory had been askew more than usual lately. Every time she woke up, she'd a have a brief lapse, where she struggled to comprehend where she was, and who she was. Gloria hadn't wanted to wake her before leaving; she hadn't wanted to frighten her. As it was, Red had a hard-enough time getting to sleep and staying asleep. Now though, those excuses felt futile.

"This was a bad idea," she whispered, anxiously scratching her nails into her kneecaps. Despite how accommodating the family tried to be, Gloria just couldn't shake how wrong this was. In some ways, it almost felt like a betrayal. Which was ridiculous, she knew, but she'd said vows-she had meant them. She had promised to be there in sickness and in health. Not in Chicago.

 _What am I doing?_ She thought. She watched as the cab driver pulled into LaGuardia, and she instantly felt sick to her stomach. Where she was freezing just minutes ago, she now felt as if she were melting.

 _Take a breath. You can do this._ The voice sounded suspiciously more like Lourdes' than it did her own. _You deserve a break._

The only reprieve she ever got from the mundane, rigorous life style of caring for Red, was when she was at work. And as Lida had often argued with her, that wasn't enough.

"You needed social interactions!" Lida would exclaim. "You need to get out and not be surrounded by sadness all the time."

She had tried to do that. She really had. For awhile she had even been very successful. She'd found a great source of healing when she spent time with her grandchildren, and she found it in repairing the relationship with her oldest child, Valentina, but now, even that was starting to feel more like a chore than a source of enjoyment.

The older Gabriella got, the more she was gone, and Gloria found herself withdrawing almost entirely. It was such a strange sense of tug-a-war. She felt in a limbo between her family and Red's family, at least where the grandchildren were involved. She had always had a special connection with all of them, but lately she felt as if she were losing it-losing them. She hadn't yet decided if it was all in her head, or, if it was happening, if it was her fault.

As Alexei grew into a young man, he didn't have the desire to really bond with his Nonna. Lida was adamant that her children spend as much time with Galina, their grandma, as they could, so Gloria saw him all the time, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't there to see her, and accepting that, stung. Emilia, who had always been more Red's than Gloria's, had been having the hardest time watching her grandmother's health deteriorate, and she often went to Gloria for comfort. Gloria had reassured her as best she could, but it was exhausting. It was emotionally and mentally taxing to always be the strong one.

And if anyone had been more aware of her mood and worsening depression than Lida, or herself, then it was Vera. The spitting image of her grandmother, with the heart and compassion of her mother, Vera had the power to read Gloria like a book. With one look at her Nonna, Vera could tell when something was wrong. Her young granddaughter had been making a conscious effort to engage her. She called Gloria many times during the week to say goodnight, and she faced timed her everyday at lunch just to tell her that she loved her. She sounded so much like Galina, it was damn near painful. Her smile, her laugh- Gloria found everything about her to be bittersweet. But even through all the love and adoration that Gloria had for the girl, she found her relationship with her to be one of the hardest ones to maintain. If Gloria didn't catch herself ending phone calls early, then she was zoning out in the middle of their conversations. She didn't know how to stop herself, but she knew that if she didn't get a hold on her emotions, that Vera would eventually, and understandably, begin to see it as a personal rejection.

Bringing her hands up to rub at her throbbing temples, Gloria exhaled a slow breath. She felt an overwhelming sickness coil itself in the pit of her stomach.

"This is you, ma'am." The cab driver told her as he pulled over to the curb. He glanced at her through his rear-view mirror. "You better not get sick," he growled. "You'll pay for me to clean this thing out if you do."

She threw her hand up to silence him. "Just take me home," she pleaded. She couldn't do this. She couldn't get on the plane. She didn't want to. She pulled the purple duffle bag onto her lap and unzipped it. Frantically, she pulled out her wallet and pushed a wad of cash into the driver's hand. "Please… please just take me home."

...

The sound of the front door rattling on its hinges, as it was slammed to a close, pulled Lida from her task. "Vasily," she growled. "You're worse than your son. How many times do I have to tell you not to slam the door?" She dropped the sharp knife that she had been using to slice watermelon with down onto the cutting board. "What are you doing here so early anyway?" She asked, walking into the hallway. She stopped in the entryway at the sight of Gloria sitting on the bench, hunched over at the waist, with her head tucked low between her knees.

"What? Gloria, what are you doing back?" She asked in astonishment. "Is everything okay?" She glanced worriedly toward the front door.

"I couldn't do it," Gloria admitted quietly.

"You couldn't do what?" Lida asked, her brows furrowed in confusion. "Gloria, you're going to miss your flight."

"I don't care," Gloria said impatiently. Her voice was broken. "I just had to come back," she explained weakly. Her heart was pulsating violently and her hands were clammy.

"Are you alright?" Lida asked worriedly. She regarded Gloria carefully, and took a step toward her.

Gloria straightened up and shook her head. "I'm fine," she whispered. She rubbed her hands back and forth over her thighs and slowly stood to her feet. "I'm alright," she promised. She reached down for her duffle bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Where is she? How is she?"

Lida's lips were pursed in an o-shape, and she was looking at Gloria as if she had three heads. "Um," she cleared her throat. "She's fine, she's still asleep, Gloria. It's not even eight yet."

"Good," Gloria said distractedly. Her legs shook beneath her weight. She could only imagine how crazy she sounded. She hadn't even been home three minutes but being home had already taken a tremendous weight off of her shoulders.

Looking into the kitchen as she passed, Gloria halted in her steps. "Lida," she called to the younger woman in confusion. "Lida… what… are you going somewhere?" She stepped into the kitchen and looked around the room in puzzlement. A large cooler was set on the table with the lid off, and beside it was the large bag she used to tote around all of Red's supplies. .

Lida stepped around her and gripped the knife firmly in her hand. "The beach," she answered. She grasped the watermelon in her hand and began to cut into it. "I told you this morning-"

"Yes," Gloria interrupted her. She inhaled a deep breath and scraped her hair back. "Yes, I-I'm sorry." She pulled off her glasses and rubbed her hands over her face in frustration. Her eyes felt swollen beneath the pads of her fingers. "My brain feels like jelly right now."

Lida quietly finished her task and scraped the pieces of freshly cut fruit into the large Tupperware bowl on the table. Setting the knife down on the countertop, she reached for the rag and slowly cleaned the sticky, sugary juice from her hands. She leaned her body against the counter and gave Gloria a thorough look-over.

"So…" Lida prompted her, "You're not going." It was a question, not a statement. "You're cancelling your trip, just like that?"

"Yes," Gloria said confidently. "I couldn't get on that airplane and leave her now," she explained passionately. She looked down at her hands, at the ring on her finger. "I couldn't even get out of the taxi," she whispered. "It felt too wrong."

"Gloria," Lida let her name roll slowly over her tongue. Tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear she gave her an almost pitying look. "It's not wrong," she exhaled a deep breath and tossed the rag onto the table. No one had more respect, or more empathy, for what Gloria was enduring than she.

"You need a break and this is a great opportunity for you. You don't want to miss that." Her voice was motherly-soothing. It was the same tone that she used for her children. "Why don't you call the airline and reschedule your flight?"

"Because I can't leave her like this," Gloria replied firmly. She was adamant about this. There was no way that she was going to change her mind and be persuaded to leave Galina's side and take a break of _any_ form right now.

"Gloria, you have no need to worry," Lida assured her. "I'll take good care of her." She didn't want to take this sudden change of events as a personal insult on her caregiving abilities, but Gloria's sudden panic was concerning to her.

"Lida," Gloria whispered her name. She looked at the glasses that she'd folded in her hands. "Honey, this isn't about you." She tapped her frames on the back of the kitchen chair a couple of times, working to get her frazzled thoughts in order. "I just… I need to be with my wife."

Lida regarded her carefully, and slowly nodded her head in understanding. She reached for the monitor, where Red's gurgling could be heard, and switched it off. Utter silence blanketed the room, and calmly, silently, she resumed her task of organizing lunch for their outdoor excursion as Gloria made her leave.

...

Closing the bedroom door behind her, Gloria slowly, and quietly, dropped her duffle bag to the ground. Aside from a small night-light plugged into the far wall, the room was blanketed completely in darkness. Neatly kicking off her sandals, she reached a hand out to hold herself steady against the well. It took a few minutes for her failing eyes to adjust to the darkened space, but when they did, she walked confidently toward her wife's bedside.

Her hands grazed the railing of Galina's bed as she lovingly gazed down on her sleeping figure. Aside from her constant shaking, and the deep gurgling rattling in the back of her throat, she looked peaceful. A sad smile pulled across her lips as she watched the rise and fall of her wife's chest. She used to spend hours watching her sleep, now, the sight was almost too painful to bear. She reached a hand out and touched her fingertips to her wife's gray fringe. She liked it better this way. She'd never forget the fiery red-head she fell in love with, but she would forever more cherish the woman she had grown old with.

Gloria chuckled softly to herself and ran her hand through her own hair. Sometimes she still couldn't believe that she'd actually found someone crazy enough to want a life with her. Never mind that that someone had turned out to be a woman. She never thought she would experience a love so gentle, or so kind. In all actuality, she had never believed she was deserving of it. The path she'd chosen to take in life had been paved with a lot of mistakes. Sometimes she asked herself, _"If I knew then, what I knew now, would I do it again?"_

In a heartbeat.

With the exception of her children, where she wished she would have done better as a mother, where she should have tried harder, she wouldn't have changed a thing. Her relationships prior to Galina, as abusive and ugly as they got, made her more appreciative of the small things. She truly believed they had a hand in making their union as fruitful as it was. Dmitri too, despite how, on her crabbier days, Galina would be inclined to disagree.

Watching for any sign of disturbance to her wife's trembling from, Gloria quietly made her way to the other side of the bed. Grasping the bedside railing in her hands, she lowered it until it clicked into place. Lifting up the blanket, she crawled in beside her wife and moved as close to her as she could. She situated herself on her side and draped her hand over Galina's frail and thin waist.

Red's arms jolted of their own accord earning a whimper of discomfort from their owner's mouth. "Shhhhhhhhh," Gloria murmured, as she began to gently rub at the overactive muscles. She slid her hands down until they clasped around Galina's wrists, holding them firmly down at her side to suppress the twitching. When her tremors became too outlandish Galina was often unable to sleep through them, but by holding her tight Gloria was hoping to avoid that. The woman needed her rest if Lida's plans for her day had any hope of coming to fruition.

"There you go," Gloria whispered. As she sensed her beginning to relax, she lightened her grip on Red's wrists. Wriggling closer to her so that they were touching, Gloria bent herself around the curve of Red's body and pressed her cheek against the soft weight of her silver hair. The scent of vanilla invaded her senses, and she murmured a hum of approval as a peculiar sensation of euphoric calmness came over her. Red had used this shampoo faithfully on herself for as long as Gloria had known her and it always smelt so good.

Tilting her head back, she gazed up thoughtfully at the darkened ceiling. Some days it felt almost absurd to think back on a time when Red had been independent and healthy. She had always insisted on running all of the household errands. Turning their house into a home had been one of her biggest goals, and Gloria had to chuckle at how incredibly passionate she had been about it. Until Red had become unwell, Gloria could count on one hand how many times she had actually visited a grocery store. Her partner had always take care of that for her.

"Galina," Gloria whispered her name passionately, stroking her thumb back and forth over the skin of her wrist. "I love you." She brushed her lips gently against the side of her head. Her breath began to shudder and, without warning, tears slid down her cheeks and disappeared into Red's silver locks of hair.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," Gloria confessed. All of her feelings, that she'd been holding back for years, emanated into the large sob. This, next to missing out on her children's lives, was the most painful thing she had ever been through. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that this was the way things were going to play out, and that she had to watch the love of her life slowly slip away. It wasn't fair after everything Galina had been through, she now had to endure this.

Hadn't they both suffered enough?

She was angry, she was so angry. She didn't understand it. She had tried, she really had, she'd tried to find some meaning or reason behind why this was happening, but she never could come up with one. God wouldn't give her one, and she hated him for it. Now, everything she had ever believed in seem like a cruel joke. Her mother, her aunt, her wife... _Who was next?_ She asked herself bitterly. Would it be one of the kids, or god-forbid, one of the grandchildren. She hated herself for going there. She hated herself for even thinking about. If anything ever happened to anyone of them-to her children, Red's children, or their herd of grandchildren- she didn't think she'd ever recover. She didn't think she could bear anymore loss.

The tears came harder and faster, and she sobbed uncontrollably as the weight of it all-of all of the stress-crumbled around her. For years, since Red had first been diagnosed, and with each visit to her specialist, that only told them she was getting worse and worse, Gloria had been slowly building the wall up around her emotions. Drifting between her roles as a wife and caregiver, she thought she had been succeeding in making herself stronger. She thought she'd be more okay with saying goodbye. However, the truth was she would never be okay.

It was the truth. Plain hard truth. She would never be okay. She wasn't okay. She couldn't just say goodbye and lock it all away.

And if she were honest with herself, she would admit that had driven her motivation to cancel her trip. It wasn't because Galina had needed her, it was because of her own imperative need for closeness-for closure.

"I need you," Gloria choked out. She shuddered a breath, and pain rippled in waves through her chest. She had very rarely allowed herself to cry. Only a handful of times had she let herself go here, and every time she had, she had sworn she never would again. But safe in the knowledge that Red was asleep and that the monitor was turned off, Gloria felt a bit of freedom to bare her soul. It had never been any easy thing to do. Even in all of their years together, sharing secrets and comforting one another, Gloria had never mastered the art of advocating for herself and her needs emotionally. Of course, after so many years together, they had hit a point where she had never had to worry about communicating what she needed. Sometimes, even before she realized it, Red had just always known.

Held tightly in her embrace, Red began to fidget as she showed signs of waking up. Shaking violently in place, her hand weekly reached to cover her wife's where it was wrapped around her. "Gloria?" she muttered sleepily, seeming relaxed and comfortable at their closeness. There was a pause as Gloria worked to gather her bearings, and Red slowly eased into consciousness.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Gloria apologized. Her voice was a broken whisper. "I just wanted to be next to you."

Red's short nails scratched gently at the back of her hand. She smoothed her palm downward, over her fingers, and she clutched at them. The stones of Gloria's ring pressed into her hand and she exhaled a deep breath. She couldn't remember the last time she had ever woken up so content.

"You're crying," Red whispered.

Gloria chuckled softly and kissed the skin below her ear. She would forever love how much this woman loved her. "I'm okay," she lied. She squeezed her wife tightly but was careful not to hurt her. She pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her neck. Red's skin was wet from where she'd been crying against her. "I'm so sorry if I woke you."

"You're supposed to be in Chicago," Red reminded her gently.

The pounding of Gloria's heart rung violently in her ears. She looked up to the ceiling, and her bottom lip began to wobble uncontrollably. "You remembered." It wasn't often that Red recalled anything from the night before. Most mornings she didn't even know where she was, let alone who Gloria was.

"You told me… bye." Red shifted her legs beneath the comforter, but she didn't have the ability to turn herself over. After a few moments of restless moving, she grew still-as still as her tremors would allow. By this point in time, Red's immobility and inability to care for herself were no longer causes of frustration. Her complete dependence on her caregivers for her most basic of needs was accepted and rarely even spared much thought. She didn't usually have the attention span to think too long and hard about what was being done for her anyway. She no longer yearned for the ability to do for herself. It was what it was.

"Do you want me to put you on your back?" Gloria asked her. She propped herself up onto her elbows and looked over Red's shoulder in order to look into her eyes.

Red squinted at her curiously. It was too dark to be able to clearly see, but she knew Gloria well enough to know when something was wrong. She dug her short nails into Gloria's hand as hard as she could. "I want… you to... talk... to me." Her voice was still scratchy from sleep. "Did something... hap-happen?"

Gloria ignored her. Sitting up, she guided Red's frail figure onto her back. She reached for the remote that controlled the bed and she elevated them into a semi-upright position. She straightened her spine, and rolled her neck against her shoulders, stretching out her tense and tight muscles.

Red reached a shaky hand out to touch Gloria's back. She lightly played her fingers against her. Catching just enough of Gloria's shirt in between her thumb and pointer to hold onto her. "Gloria," Red repeated her name again.

"Yes, love?" Gloria said softly, "What is it?" She reached for the shaking hand holding onto her shirt and, after lying back down next to her, she moved it up over her face, just enjoying the simplest of touches. Though that part of their life had been over for many years, she had always yearned for it, and sometimes still, she found herself grieving for it.

"I miss... you…" Red admitted, sounding so innocent and uncertain in her tone. The pads of her fingers danced over Gloria's smooth skin, lined now by age and wisdom. To this day, she still thought she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. It took all of her focus, and all of her energy to maneuver her shaking hand in the direction she wanted it to go. It was a futile attempt, but she didn't give up in trying.

Gloria's heart swelled with love. She would _always_ love this woman. She would always be here for her, even if doing so killed her a little more and more every day. Galina, who had always gone above and beyond for her loved ones, needed her protection and comfort more than anything now. She needed Gloria to go above and beyond for her. She depended on it. And as fucked up and cruel as it was, Gloria had long ago accepted that she no longer had a partner in Galina. She was entrusted to her for love and care, things Gloria had promised to provide years ago when they'd made vows themselves in private and exchanged rings.

"You don't have to miss me, silly, because I haven't gone anywhere," Gloria reminded her. She slid Red's hand caressing her cheek, down to the column of her neck and then back up. She briefly remembered what it had been like when Red's hands had moved freely, learning and then re-learning every single part of her.

"I don't want... you... to be... be sad," Red whimpered.

Gloria felt fresh tears well her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere," she promised her. She brought Red's hand back over her face and kissed it lovingly as it passed across her trembling lips. "I'm here with you. Like I'll always be."

"I don't want… you to... go…"

"I haven't gone anywhere," Gloria consoled her. Her heart was in ruins.

Red shook her head and her voice broke. "You're gone," she told her. "You've… checked out." Her hand fell to Gloria's shoulder and she squeezed it with as much strength as she could muster. "I want you to… be happy," she whispered. "I want you... to be... okay."

With that, the flood gates opened. As quiet, and calm as Gloria had tried to be, she couldn't. It hurt. Everything hurt. "I don't want…" Gloria choked, "I don't want you to worry."

Red snuggled her forehead against the side of her head and hugged her weakly. "All I do... is... worry," she confessed. "Every...day I… I worry that… that you won't... be okay. I need…. I need you to be... okay." She clawed at her shoulder. "I need you to… to take care of everyone for me," she stuttered slowly. "I don't.. wa-want you to be... alone."

Gloria chuckled as she wiped the tears from her eyes. The irony of this whole screwed up situation was that Red was still worried about everyone else. She exhaled a deep breath as she dragged the back of her hands down her face. The skin around her eyes was puffy and sore and even her cheeks felt tender. "Between the two of us, we have enough kids we could have been made a circus," she joked. "I won't be alone."

"I mean…" Red's breath caught in her throat. "If you move on-"

"That will never happen," Gloria promised her.

Red trembled against her. "I never...thought I would… meet you," she confessed. "I… didn't think… we'd… fall in... in love." Her head shook. "Don't say… never."

Despite her wife's blessing, Gloria didn't think she would ever take her up on it. She didn't think she'd ever heal enough to even pretend to love someone. She would be content to spend the rest of her life a widow so long as she was next… so long as she didn't have to endure anymore loss before it was her own time.

She hugged her wife tightly in her arms. "I love you so, so, _so much."_ She kissed every inch of her face. "I would do it all again," she whispered. "I would do anything you wanted. I hope you know Galina, I would do anything for you."

"I love... you," Red whispered. She burrowed as close to her wife as she could get.

...

"Who invited you?" Gloria asked Benny dryly as she closed the car door. A coy smile pulled across her lips as she watched him walk toward her. He looked so happy, so carefree. She never would have guessed that her rebellious young son would become this fine, well put together youngman before her. No matter what had happened in the past; no matter how old he got, she would always see him as her little boy, her baby.

She adjusted Red's bag on her shoulder and her smile faltered as she finally noticed the woman walking behind him. .

"Hey, mom," Benny greeted her casually. He pushed the sunglasses he had been wearing onto the top of his head and embraced her in a hug.

Gloria returned the embrace stiffly, her eyes dancing over the woman's form. She was a pretty, young thing. She had a dark complexion, and her long brown hair was tied into a braid. "Is this your girlfriend?" She asked tightly. She was still struggling with letting go. Julio's proposal and pregnancy announcement had been wonderful, but she still wasn't exactly sure how to feel about her sons being so grown up.

Benny slowly pulled back from the embrace, but he kept a heavy hand on the small of her back. He gestured to his companion, but she spoke before he could utter a response.

"Elena," the young introduced herself. Her accent was thick, but clear. She pulled her own sunglasses off of her face and smiled. Her green eyes were mesmerizing, and Gloria instantly understood what had first caught her son's attention. "He and I met in the casino," Elena told her as she offered her hand. "By the way, your son sucks at Blackjack."

"He's also a cheater," Gloria chuckled. She instantly accepted Elena's hand, a smile of her own pulled across her lips. "It's nice to meet you, Elena. You picked an interesting day to come out and meet everyone." She turned to open the backdoor of Vasily and Lida's minivan, and was surprised when Elena stepped forward and reached inside for the heavy cooler.

"Benny!" Gloria chastised him. "That's heavy, don't make her carry that!"

"No, really, it's fine," Elena said as she set it on the ground. She picked up the handle and began to walk with it. It rolled easily behind her. "Hey Babe," she called over her shoulder. "Don't forget to grab the chips."

Gloria turned to watch as the girl's long, dark braid swung in time with her movements. "I think I'll like her," she said approvingly. She nudged Benny and motioned to the other grocery bags. "Grab those too while you're at it, _babe_."

Benny rolled his eyes but did as she said. "Where is everyone?" He asked.

"They were setting up, and getting Galina situated," Gloria replied. She turned her head to see down to the water's edge. Vasily and Maxim had taken their mother down there as soon as they'd arrived at the beach. She smiled as she saw Vasily gently removing her shoes before Maxim settled her in a plastic beach chair they had settled in the water. The waves crashed up reaching Red's shins but she seemed content and it would cool it off. Gloria watched from a distance as Red stretched her hand out so that her fingertips could brush the current.

Walking alongside one another, Benny glanced over at his mom and nudged her with his shoulder. "I thought you were supposed to be in Chicago?"

"Change of plans," she answered monotonously. She trained her attention on the spot where the family was gathered. "Where is Elena from?" She asked, watching as the young woman introduced herself to Lida and then to Yuri, who had just swam over to them.

"From the Caribbean," Benny answered.

Gloria turned her head in surprise. Noticing the way Benny was staring at her-studying her-she arched her brow. "What?" She asked him.

"You look… sad?" He tilted his head. Despite how much grief he had been known to give his mother in the past, he was her biggest ally.

"I'm okay," she said easily. A sincere smile touched her lips. It was the first time all day her words had been true. After the conversation she and Galina had, she felt in much better spirits. Her pain was still there-the grief would be challenging-but she felt okay. She felt at peace. She wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him to her side.

"I will," she assured him confidently. "I'll be okay." She moved her hand up to scratch the back of his head. She locked her fingers in his curls and playfully knocked her head against his own. "I've got you, right?"

"Always," He answered her. Depositing the bags down, as they approached the group, he pulled her into a tight embrace. He was aware of everyone's eyes on them but he didn't care. She was his mother. His work took him away, he traveled so often, that he hadn't been able to be there for her, or for Galina, as much as he really wanted to.

He knew his mom had been preparing him for it as best as she could, and he also knew she would, in her own time, come to accept it herself. Losing his stepmother would take its toll on all of them, and he had no doubt that his mom would be a complete wreck. As hard as things had been in the beginning, merging their blended family into one, he owed his life to Galina. She had gifted him with so much in the course of their time together, he didn't know if there ever was a way to repay her.

It was because of her that he was able to get his mother back. He was able to repair his relationship with her, and see a side of her that he would have never known existed. If nothing else, he had to at least try and repay that debt, and the only way he knew to do that, was to be there for his mom. Whatever she needed, whether that was to hold her and let her cry or indulge her in whatever renovation she wanted done to the house. His mother had always done her best to be there for him, and though her every attempt at doing so hadn't been perfect, he could never say she didn't try.

"I love you," he told her.

Gloria rubbed his back and nodded her head against his. "I love you too," she squeezed him tightly and then pulled back. She angled her head downward, ignoring the curious glances she knew the rest of the family was giving them, and rummaged in Red's bag for her glasses case. She quickly replaced her regular glasses with her prescription sunglasses, a lame attempt to hide the emotion welling up in her eyes.

Benny turned and walked the few steps over to where his stepmother was sitting with Vasily. Lightly kicking her feet in the water, he noticed the flash of red polish from her pedicure which stood out in the clear blue water.

"Hey, ma," he greeted her. He leaned down to kiss her cheek and embraced her tightly. "How you doing?"

"Okay," Red answered him quietly. There was a lightness in her eyes that he hadn't seen for a very long time. She brought her hand up to stroke his cheek, and he caught it in his hand. He placed a loving kiss to the inside of her wrist.

"I'm going to see what's going on over there," Vasily announced, pointing to where his children were standing out on the dock with their uncles and older cousins, Feliks and Ivanna. "Them all standing around that close to the edge, it's like they're just begging me to push them in." He chuckled mischievously as he started to creep up towards the kids and take them by surprise.

There was a moment of silence as they regarded one another, each seeming to understand what they couldn't voice aloud. Awkwardly clearing his throat, he nodded to where Elena was standing and motioned his girlfriend over.

"There's someone I want you to meet," he told her. He held Red's hand in his right and reached for Elena's with his left. He guided their hands to meet and cocooned them together in his larger one. "This is my girlfriend," he told her. "This is Elena."

Elena squatted low, her thumb stroking a gentle pattern against Red's skin. "I've heard a lot of good things about you," she told her. "You raised a good kid."

Red trembled harder at her words, and her nodding head was exaggerated. She glanced uncertainly up towards Benny who placed a supportive hand on her shoulder. "You're not American," Red told Elena softly.

"No," Elena chuckled, sharing a look with Benny. "But from the sounds of it neither are you."

Did I forget to mention that I'm also part Russian?" Benny joked. "Although I can't speak it except for a few bad words that Vasily taught me back in my rebellious teenager years." Red's frozen face contorted briefly as a gurgle escaped from the back of her throat, which might have been an attempt at laughter.

"Sure, you laugh now," Benny observed, squeezing their joined hands affectionately as he smiled down at her. "But where was that sense of humour when you told mom what I was saying and then threatened to smack me with the book you were reading?"

"It was...a… pa- paperback," Red stammered out in her defense, a mischievous glint in her eyes, which were so often glazed.

Benny sighed dramatically as he looked over her head back at his girlfriend. "See how mean she is to me?" he complained good naturedly.

Elena giggled. "You were probably a brat as a kid."

"I was adorable," Benny interjected. "I was just...misunderstood," he said, with a tilt of his head as he selected the appropriate word.

"I understood you," Red spoke up softly, "I always knew you were... special." She leaned her head back to look up at him and then shakily reached out her arm. Even though he was standing directly at her side with his hand on her shoulder it suddenly wasn't enough and she needed him closer.

"You always _made_ me feel special," Benny corrected her.

Instinctively, he squatted down to be at her level, kneeling in the surf. He rested his chin on the arm of her chair and then reached for her hand to guide it around the crook of his head. He had always liked it when she stroked his hair. Galina had always made herself available to him; to listen, give affection, or talk to him about whatever he needed. Now the situations were reversed and he was happy to be there for her, grateful to have the opportunity to share one of the most influential people in his life with his girlfriend.

Red seemed more skeptical though. She shot Elena a more furtive glance and then whispered softly to Benny, seeming to not comprehend that her words could still be heard by the woman on her other side. "That girl's not...going to try and drag you back... to her country... is she?"

"Mama!" Benny exclaimed in astonishment. He glanced apologetically up at Elena who giggled good naturedly at the disapproving tone the frail woman had used. In her helpless state, Red was hardly intimidating and Elena was not offended by her sharp words.

"Well, I just hope...you're not going to leave… her," Red said tensely.

"Leave who?" Benny asked, sounding confused.

"She's going to need... you," Red said seriously, her blue eyes piercing his and suddenly Benny knew what she meant. After the talk she'd had with Gloria that morning, it was no surprise to Galina that she was hypersensitive about who would be there to look after her wife.

Benny shook his head. "I'm not going to go anywhere," he assured her, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her cheek. He looked up again to share a smile with his girlfriend again, who looked very touched by what she was seeing.

"In fact," Benny said slowly, as he linked his fingers through Red's. "I was talking about trying to get another job. Just local transporting, so I wouldn't have to drive too far for work and could be home every night. So, if that goes through, I'll see her even more than I do now. Maybe I'll buy the house next door."

"Oh, that is... good... news," Red said softly.

"Yeah, just think of all the ways mom will find to keep me busy," Benny said, rolling his eyes dramatically. "Forget trimming the hedges, next year she'll probably coerce me into digging her a swimming pool or something else extreme."

"A swimming pool sounds heavenly," Lida exclaimed, as she walked over to join them. Nicky and Lorna were at her side.

"It's not fair," Nicky complained. "Gloria won't even cook for me, but she'd have Benny dig up her yard just so she could give the grandkids a waterpark."

Nicky had barely bent to kiss her cheek before Red felt the onslaught of rich lotion spreading across her cheeks and nose without warning. It smelled like coconuts. Red grunted as Nicky's hands danced over her face and through her line of vision. "Nicky…"

"Sorry," her daughter apologized. She looked over her shoulder and nodded in Gloria and Benny's direction. "If I don't put sunblock on you, you'll burn, and then you'll really be upset with me." She reached for the tube next to the wheel of her mother's chair and squeezed another generous amount into her hands.

"Well, you could have warned me," Red said with a disgruntled edge in her tone.

"She's right," Lida chimed in, giving Nicky a pointed look with her arms crossed. While she appreciated Nicky's willingness to help out more with Galina, sometimes it was hard not to micromanage. She was just so used to taking care of everything herself.

"Oh, don't start," Nicky rolled her eyes dramatically. "This stuff I'm using is the work of magic. Don't pretend it doesn't feel good on your skin. If it was up to Lida, you'd be using some greasy spray on sunscreen that she aims at her kids before they run out the door."

"It works just as well as the expensive stuff," Lida retorted. She burst into laughter as Vasily succeeded in knocking Ivanna, Emilia, and Alexei all into the water single-handedly. "Look at that," she shook her head. "I hope they all gang up on him next and drench him. He'd deserve it."

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Nicky chortled. She placed her tube of sunscreen lotion back into her beach bag and then went to set it in the sand. "Well, I'm feeling like a swim," she announced. "How about you, Lorna?"

"Yeah," Lorna nodded. "It's so hot."

"Besides, I think he needs reinforcements," Benny said to Elena. "You want to go?" Getting to his feet, he pulled his t-shirt up over his head and tossed it into the sand before diving into the water with his girlfriend behind him in a black sports bikini. They swam quickly after Nicky and Lorna.

"This was a good idea, hmm?" Lida asked Red. Standing up past her knees in the water, she bent down to dip her hands in and then washed her arms. "It's a perfect temperature." She straightened up as she heard the panting breath and thundering of her daughter's feet approaching them.

"Hi, Grandma, Hi Mom," Vera greeted them. She was wearing a baggy white t-shirt over her bathing suit, with her long red hair hanging loose underneath a black baseball cap. Without bothering to remove her shirt, she sat directly down in the water and leaned back against her grandmother's legs. "I am so hot," she told them, splashing water up over her face.

"Why weren't you swimming with the others?" Lida asked.

"I was with Nonna," Vera explained. "We went walking down the beach and saw a snapping turtle."

"Oh yeah?" Red murmured. Her hand gently reached to tuck back some of her granddaughter's stringy red hair. "Where…where's Nonna…now?"

"On the phone," Vera replied easily, pointing down the beach where Gloria was sitting by herself in the sand with her cellphone to her ear. "She's talking to Val."

"She is?" Lida asked with a smile. "Oh, that's good."

"I told Gloria that she needed to be better about keeping in touch with her daughter," Lida explained, at the questioning glance Red had shot her. "If we'd known that Gloria was going to decide to stay, we could have invited them to join us today."

"Yeah," Vera nodded, "we should have. I like Gabby."

"Next time," Lida told her with a small smile. "I'm going to grab myself a soda from the cooler. Do either of you want anything."

"No," Red answered softly. Lida pursed her lips slightly but did not push the subject. She didn't want to pressure her when they were all having such a pleasant day so far.

"Be right back," Lida told them both quietly. As she sped off, Vera tilted her head back to look up into her Grandmother's eyes. "Uncle Yuri said we could have bonfire for supper," she informed her. "Cook over the flames."

"That sounds..nice," Red murmured. She looked back over to the dock where everyone was swimming around or sitting. "Have you said..hello.. to your… cousins yet?"

"Not yet," Vera admitted. "I will when they come back in. But I don't know them very well," she reminded her grandmother. "I know Gabby better than them."

"I wish…you were…closer," Red lamented. She watched as her oldest granddaughter Ivanna perfected a swan dive off of the raft. Feliks was floating on his back in the water slightly away from the others. They were Yuri's children, but after he and his wife divorced they'd seen less and less of them. Their mother had had custody and lived a fair distance away which made visitation difficult. Red used to go see them a few times a year when she'd been healthy and spending a week or two at the lake with their father had always been tradition. Still, she was much closer to Vasily's three children and it showed. Ivanna and Feliks hadn't yet swum over to greet their grandmother and Red knew they probably wouldn't until Yuri brought them over. They were shy around her now that she was so sick. They never knew what to say.

"I love you, Grandma," Vera said suddenly. She leaned back against her legs as she pulled her large t-shirt down over her own knees.

"I love..you…my girl," Red told her affectionately. "And I always will…you know that?"

"Yes," Vera said quietly. Still focused on her t-shirt, she concentrated on tugging it down as much as she could. "Grandma-"

"And No…Nonna loves you too," Red continued.

"I promise I'll always visit her lots," Vera said, sensing where this conversation was heading, she suddenly displayed a wisdom well beyond her years. "And I'll still go with her to church on Christmas Eve and maybe mama and Daddy will let me go to California with Nonna after Julio's baby is born and I could help."

Red swallowed a lump in her throat. "Maybe," she said weekly, as she tucked a lock of Vera's hair behind her ear for her. "Will you watch…out for her, for me? Make sure she's…happy?"

"Grandma, of course," Vera nodded importantly.

"Don't let her lock herself away and be grumpy with everyone," Red warned her. "Well…you know how she can be…."

Vera giggled slightly. "Yeah," she nodded. "I promise, Grandma. We're all going to be okay. We'll stick together." She reached her arm back and took her Grandmother's hand carefully in hers.

Red's hand twitched in hers. "Don't ever forget how much I love you," she said softly. Her eyes switched back over to Gloria, who was still talking animatedly on her cell phone a distance away from everyone else. The rest of her family was out on the water, enjoying one another and the gorgeous day like they always did. She knew they'd be alright. They'd all stood by her in their own ways through all the tribulations of her life. This final chapter, this last battle with a disease that had stripped her of everything else besides their love, was nearing an end she felt ready to embrace. She was growing tired and they all knew it, but at least when all was said in done, they would have one another to lean on. This family she had loved and nurtured had all been brought together because of her. In them, Galina knew that she had done something good, and she was proud.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you Johanna-002 for helping with this chapter. And thank you to everyone who stuck through with this story to the end.**

Standing by the window, a cup of coffee cradled in both of her hands, Lida smiled as the first ray of sunlight began to stream through the clouded sky. Instantly, her heart felt lighter, and she sensed a wave of calm wash over her. For weeks, it had done nothing but rain and storm, a perfect replication for the heaviness, and the darkness that clouded not just her heart, but the entire family's.

At the sound of the front door closing, and light rustling in the hallway, Lida turned to look over her shoulder and smiled as her husband appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. As he always did, when he stopped by his mother's house, Vasily had brought fresh flowers; this week was a bright, vibrant arrangement of yellow, orange and red flowers in a sea of green foliage.

Silently, Lida set down her coffee and helped him empty out the last lot of dead roses and refilled the vase with fresh water. When the flowers were displayed in all their glory, Vasily put an arm around the girl who had completely changed not only his life, but his mother's, for the better.

"You look beautiful," he said, kissing her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," Lida whispered.

"She loved you too, you know." He told her sincerely.

Nodding her head in understanding, she inhaled a deep breath in order to keep her emotions at bay. "I know," she said emotionally. "It just… brings back a lot of memories. I was so young when my mother died. I never expected to feel this way again."

"I know, baby." He squeezed her rightly. "She would be proud of you though, just like I am. We wouldn't have survived this without you. You were always so worried about taking care of her, and everyone else, you never really looked after yourself. I promise to do a better job of that." Vasily said gently. "Because you're important too."

"She was your mother," Lida smiled sadly. "I should be the one asking if you are okay."

"I'm okay," he reassured her. "As long as I don't think about the fact that I am officially an orphan."

Lida smacked him in the middle of the chest and shot her eyes up at him. "Don't talk like that," she hissed.

"It's true," he exclaimed.

Sighing, Lida pressed her lips before licking her tongue across them. "Where are the kids?" She asked him quietly. "Did they seem okay to you?"

"Honey," he consoled her, "They're fine. The girls are with Valentina and Alexei was going to come with Yuri."

"Okay, okay," Lida exhaled a deep breath. "I just can't stop worrying, "she confessed.

"I know," he told her sympathetically.

"My mind is everywhere," she confessed. "I am so worried all the time."

"Why?" He asked her, rubbing his large hand up and down the length of her back. "There's no reason for you to worry."

"I just can't help it. I worry for you, your brothers, I worry for Nicky, but I worry especially for Gloria." Lida rolled her eyes heavenward. If she had thought Galina was exhausting, then Gloria was a near nightmare. Lida dropped her arms from around her husband and rubbed a frustrating hand over her face. "She's not doing good," Lida told him. "I'm worried about her."

Vasily kissed the top of his wife's head. "Has she said anything?"

Lida shook her head. "She just came home and went to her room. I think she might be asleep."

"Well," Vasily shrugged, "Honey, she probably needs it."

"All she does is sleep," Lida whispered. She turned to look at the bare kitchen table and leaned back against the counter. "I want to start setting out the food, but I'm almost nervous to. I don't want her to sleep the whole time and miss everything"

"Why don't you go check on her?" Vasily suggested. "I'll get the food ready. We still have at least another forty-five minutes before everyone arrives. Maybe you could talk to her?"

A small smirk pulled across Lida's lips. "You could try talking to her," she nudged him. "All I do is talk to her. I'm pretty sure she's getting sick of me."

"She could never get sick of you," he told her unconvincingly. Their eyes met and they broke into a small fight of laughter. "Alright," he relented. "She might get a little sick of you, but she loves you, and she scares me," he admitted. He scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. "She never looks happy to see me."

"That's Gloria," Lida said affectionately. "Especially these days. She hardly even smiles at Vera anymore."

"Our girl is persistent," Vasily said confidently, "I'm sure Vera will at least get her to grin. Besides, Gloria is strong. She just needs a little time."

Lida nodded and granted her husband a small smile before leaving the room. She knew he was right. Everyone dealt with grief in their own way, and she couldn't rush Gloria. The last ten months had been very trying and difficult for everyone, and she had to respect the way each person chose to handle their grief.

It was only with a heavy heart, and the best of intentions to honor Galina's memory, that she was even able to get out of bed in the morning. She still had a family and a household to run, and she knew her mother-in-law wouldn't approve of her moping around and pitying herself. Some days, like today, overcoming grief seemed possible, but then, there were days that made getting out of bed feel like a chore.

Aside from her own mother's passing, when she was just a little girl, Lida could never recall a time when she had ever felt so heartbroken. Galina had made an imprint on her life that she would never forget, and if she had learned anything from her, it was that there was so much joy and happiness to be celebrated, even in the darkest of time. Somehow, it felt oddly appropriate that be the lesson she kept close to her heart, as she had always been the girl to find a silver lining, no matter the situation.

As she approached the closed door of the bedroom that Gloria had shared with Galina, Lida touched her hand against the wood. She counted backwards from ten in her head, and without knocking, she slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open. The room was cocooned in darkness, thanks to the blackout curtains that had been hung years ago for Galina's comfort.

Lida reached her hand out to feel against the wall and easily flipped on the light switch. She watched from the doorway as Gloria stirred in her sleep, her brows furrowed together angrily before burying her face deeper into the pillow.

Walking around the bedroom, Lida took her time to scrutinize every inch. She had been in the room so many times over the years, but today felt so different. The private quarters that her mother-in-law had shared with Gloria had taken on so many renovations, that Lida almost didn't blame Gloria for being so tired. She didn't know how anyone could possibly get a decent night sleep surrounded by so many memories.

The day after Red's passing, Gloria had cleared the entire place out. It was the first thing she did, sparing no thought for the funeral. The hospital bed, Galina's medical equipment, her medications-all of it was just gone. Gloria had ordered an elaborate canopy bed for herself to be delivered that same afternoon and had replaced the two matching bedside tables with a single oak night stand that made it abundantly clear that the woman who lived in this room was alone now.

To this day, Lida could still remember how angry Yuri and Vasily had been when they'd walked in on Gloria directing the clean up crew. It had been an ugly exchange of words, the boys feeling like their mother's memory was being disrespected, in that she hadn't even been dead a whole twenty-four hours, and Gloria was throwing all of her stuff out.

Gloria, on the other hand, had been incredibly insulted that they would even entertain the thought of their mother wanting her to live like this. "Surrounded in her misery," she had told them.

From the very moment she had been diagnosed, Galina had been nothing but miserable, and Gloria didn't want her spirit to feel that way a moment longer. The embarrassment and the shame that had reduced her beloved partner to a mere shell of existence, was not something she wanted in her home. It wasn't something she wanted in their bedroom. When they had planned their life together, this hadn't been in the plans-Parkinson's hadn't been in the plan.

So, despite Red's children's opposition, Gloria had set to work erasing the memories of the painful final years of Galina's existence. When the evidence was cleared and Gloria felt like she could breathe properly again, she turned her focus to everything else that remained of hers in the home. The clothes, the books, the jewellery, the photographs-all the possessions that had described her life and been cherished by the woman. Now all Gloria felt when she held Galina's items in her hands was longing. There was a gaping hole in her heart that Gloria knew couldn't be filled with stuff. The presence of everything only hurt her more.

With deep care she had begun taking apart the house that felt unbearable to live in with all these reminders. Piece by piece, Gloria had removed her clothes from the dresser and closet and boxed them up. Their tastes weren't alike, they weren't the same sizes. There was no sense in keeping them and it only hurt to remember now. Especially in the later years when Galina had been completely dependent on her to dress her each day. Gloria's hands had clenched around the white sweater that had been the final thing she had changed her out of before they'd put her in the hospital gown she would die in. The night of Red's passing, Gloria had gone home and worn it to bed. It had still smelled like Galina and it was hers now. The rest had been put away.

Perhaps she should have included the family in the process a bit more, but every part of her had just wanted to be shut away alone and left to grieve in the way that made sense. She took no comfort in their presence. They all were just too much like their mother and grandmother, and in all honesty, to Gloria they were poor substitutes. A flash of Vera's red hair, a perfectly timed roll of the eyes from Nicky, the smells from the food her children prepared that were just too familiar for her to swallow-Gloria had needed to look away.

For awhile she had only communicated with them when they approached her first. Even her own side of the family had had difficulty getting her to formulate more than single worded responses. She refused most invitations and barely left the house. Most of her time, once she had finished going through all of Galina's stuff, was spent lying in bed with the tv on for company.

She had called them all to the house about a week after the funeral but aside from that she'd mainly kept to herself. She had wanted them to pick up the items their mother had bequeathed to each of them. It had been an immense relief to Gloria that Galina had been so insisted years ago when she had gotten sick, to have their wills taken care of. Thanks to her organization, there had been no question of what she would have wanted. Red had made her wishes clear about who she wanted to receive what. She'd done her best to be fair and had tried to choose what she thought would mean the most to each person. Benny and Julio had been honoured to be included, officially recognized among Red's own beloved children. She had been their bonus mother almost as soon as they'd met and they missed her dearly.

Lida smiled as she reached out a hand to brush the top of a familiar cherry wood jewellery box that had been hidden away for the past several months. She looked back over her shoulder at the form buried beneath a lavender duvet and then turned back to the box. Gently lifting its lid, she looked down at the beautiful pieces kept tucked away in there. Most of her mother-in-law's jewellery had been passed on by this point. She herself was now wearing a delicate silver necklace that Galina had wanted her to have, and she had her family ring and several other sentimental pieces in trust to pass down to her children when she felt they were old enough. What remained in Galina's jewellery box was most of the pieces that had been gifts from her wife, of which Gloria did not feel ready to part with. However, they had all been hidden away until recently. Now as Lida looked around the room she recognized several of her late mother-in-law's possessions returned to their former places.

"It's nice to see Mama's favourite books again," Lida spoke out loud, walking over to touch the white small bookcase that held some of Galina's favourite volumes. "I can almost imagine her walking over here and picking out one she's already read about twenty times," she laughed. "It was her favourite way to relax."

As it became evidently clear that she was not going to be able to ignore Lida's presence any longer, Gloria sighed and poked her head out from under her covers. "Galina hadn't read in years," she reminded her darkly. "The last time she tried she got mad and tossed the book across the room. I forget if she was having trouble seeing, holding it, getting confused…."

"Yeah, that was hard," Lida sighed. Backing up she perched herself down at the foot of Gloria's bed, earning herself a critical glare from the older woman who seemed to feel she had crossed some invisible boundary. "But I used to read to her out loud before she'd go to sleep," she smiled. "Sometimes we'd read the ones in Russian together and then she'd tell me my accent was really bad and I needed to practice more. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I only understood about half of what I was reading anyway. I used to google the plot so I could comprehend the jist of it...but I did it for her."

"You were good with her," Gloria said softly. Sighing, she used her hands to maneuver herself up into a sitting position. "You made her feel safe."

"And you made her feel loved, protected, and more," Lida reminded her. "I think we got her through the worst of her situation with as much grace and dignity as we could give her. There's nothing more we could have done, Gloria."

"I know that," Gloria said quietly. Underneath the duvet, she tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them tightly like she was hugging herself. It had been awhile since she had been held. She didn't exactly exude the warmth that made everyone inclined to embrace her. She had been hugged by everyone at the funeral but since then had seemed to do her best to keep everyone at arm's length, even the grandchildren.

"So, what made you decide to put her stuff out again?" Lida asked. Leaning back against her arms she fixed Gloria with a searching look. "You were so adamant about not wanting any of it in sight. Is it getting easier?"

"Not really," Gloria scoffed. "I suppose I've just accepted that I can't hide away all her stuff and pretend like she was never here. It doesn't work that way."

"You can't cheat grief," Lida said sympathetically. "It has to run its course."

"I didn't expect it to hurt this much," Gloria said honestly. Shaking her head as she tightened the grip of her arms wrapped around herself. "I mean...let's be real. Even when she was alive, she hadn't exactly been "there" for awhile. I thought I had dealt with losing her before it officially happened."

"Perhaps you did in some ways," Lida said softly. Tilting her head back as she considered her, "but not in all the ways. I think how you're feeling is completely normal, but it worries me how much you have been isolating yourself. You need people, Gloria."

"I've been surrounded by people all day," Gloria reminded her. "I can't get an hour to relax before everyone arrives for the dinner?"

"Why are you so tired all the time though?" Lida frowned. "Do you think you're depressed?"

"I think I'm an old lady," Gloria said dryly.

"A grouchy old lady," Lida giggled. "You're not in bed because you needed a rest. You came in here to hide from us."

"And yet here you are," Gloria said smoothly, raising her eyebrows to fix her with a pointed stare. "If you want to monitor someone's sleep then why don't you do something about Nicky? I think there's something wrong with someone in their forties who can't get out of bed before almost noon."

"Well, that's what they get for letting her choose her own hours at the clinic," Lida giggled. "But how do you even know that? Nicky said she hasn't spoken to you even on the phone in over a month."

"I haven't," Gloria agreed. "I just assumed not much has changed with her. The girl's pretty predictable."

"Maybe not that predictable," Lida said mischievously. "I've always found her pretty surprising-she's got some exciting news. You should ask her about it when she gets here."

"Yeah," Gloria said gloomily, not looking at all intrigued by Lida's vague remarks about Nicky. Sighing, she tilted her head to look over at the digital clock set on her new nightstand. "What time is it?" she asked, squinting at the fuzzy illegible red digits.

"Here," Lida offered. Leaning back, she reached for the clear framed glasses that Gloria had set on the dresser before crawling into bed. Gloria accepted them wordlessly, perching them on the bridge of her nose as the numbers 3:34 came into view. "Better?"

"I guess I should get up and start setting things out," Gloria sighed. "They'll all be here soon."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Lida said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Vasily's got everything under control. But you should get up. Do you want to change your clothes?"

"My clothes?" Gloria blinked, staring down at the black midi dress she was wearing. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing, you look good," Lida said quickly. "It's just very dark. You look like you just came home from a funeral, but a grandchild's christening should be a happy occasion. Maybe you should wear something brighter for the pictures Julio and Meg want to take? They thought outside in front of the garden…"

"Galina's garden," Gloria said quietly. The garden beds were still overflowing with colourful flowers in bloom. Gloria hadn't done so much as lift a watering can all season, but when Maxim and Luca had offered to plant them this spring she hadn't had the heart to tell them no. She knew that for them it was an integral part of keeping their mother's memory alive. Galina had always taken great pains when she was well to make their home a beautiful place to be.

"Alright," Gloria relented. Shrugging the duvet down off of her legs she slung them over the side of the bed. "What do you want me to wear?"

"How about your blue dress?" Lida suggested. With the confidence of a person who had clearly spent a lot of time in this house and felt no hesitation about going through things, she walked on over to the closet door and slung it open. Although Red's clothing was gone, along with all the medical supplies they had discreetly stored in there for her, the closet wasn't really any emptier. Gloria had a pretty vast wardrobe of her own and during her redecoration quest had moved all of her belongings out of the closet in Benny's bedroom. It was nice to have all her things in one place.

"Alright, the blue," Gloria agreed, extending her hand out. "Give it here."

"I'll go see how Vasily is making out," Lida told her, as she tossed the dress onto the bed. "See you out there in a few minutes?"

"Yes, yes," Gloria sighed. She got to her feet and then reached around her back for the zipper of her dress. "You're just as bossy as your mother-in-law was, you realize."

"Well someone needs to keep everybody in line," Lida replied with a smile.

"That used to be my job," Gloria said quietly. She succeeded in gripping the zipper and started to tug it downward.

"Well, I think you've earned a bit of a break," Lida said quietly, tilting her head to the side as she watched Gloria struggle. "Do you want some help unzipping?"

"No," Gloria scoffed. "I got it zipped up this morning myself, didn't I?"

"Just asking," Lida chuckled, as she turned to head for the door that she had kept partly open a crevice.

Gloria made sure Lida was gone before she unzipped her black dress with some difficulty and then let it fall to a heap on the floor. Hands on her hips Gloria abandoned the blue dress on the bed as she walked around the room. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the full-length mirror and creased her brow at the sags and wrinkles that she somehow always seemed to forget were there now. The years of stress hadn't been kind to her, and in the past few months alone Gloria thought she had aged more than she had in the past decade. She now looked every bit of her seventy years and it didn't much matter to her anyway.

Bringing her hand up the length of her creased neck Gloria smiled into the mirror as her brown eyes stared back at her. She looked old, worn, and tired but Gloria had also never felt more beautiful in her life. She hadn't minded aging, growing older with a woman who had never missed a chance to tell her she was gorgeous. Because of her, Gloria had learned to embrace her flaws as just another interesting component of herself. She felt better about herself than she ever had during her younger days. She had grown in confidence. If she wasn't always so sad, Gloria knew she would have been unstoppable right now. There was nothing besides her own memories and thoughts holding her back.

Lida had been right to urge her to change into a more cheerful dress. Lately Gloria had been dressing to match her mood, which was nearly always dark. She also liked the symbolic expression of black clothing, a physical sign of the grief that was still blackening her heart. Even for a joyful occasion, so as today, Gloria seemed unable to strip herself of it and that was wrong. It wasn't the way Galina would have wanted her to be.

Stepping back over to the bed to fetch the dress Lida had selected, Gloria kept her eyes on her reflection, lowering her gaze until they descended upon her chest which was covered by a dark bra where only a discreet outline of the portable insulin pump she now had to wear continuously was kept hidden. Compressing her lips, Gloria slipped the dress up over her head and then checked vigilantly to ensure the pump was still undetectable. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to it.

"Alright, I'm here," Gloria announced with a smile when she finally emerged from her bedroom and into the living room that was brightly decorated in pink and white for the Christening party. A table with a white linen tablecloth had been pushed against the back wall. In the center of it was a large white Baptismal cake that had been baked by Maxim. As for most of the main food, well Gloria had barely had to lift a finger. Lida and Valentina had take care of most of the preparation for her, as Gloria had been only too happy to let them do.

Sweeping the living room floor, Gloria paused as she caught sight of the backyard through the screen door. The decorations and fold-a-way picnic table and chairs that had been set up last night would encourage everyone to congregate outside and keep the house from feeling too small. It was the perfect compliment to the warm and sunny day they were having, and as Gloria looked around herself her soul began to feel free. She couldn't help but smile as she imagined the sea of happy faces that would surround her as they celebrated the christening of her and Galina's youngest grandchild, Zoey Mendoza.

"No sign of my baby yet?" Gloria asked Vasily as he entered into the living room with a bouquet of balloons in his hands that his wife had told him to tie. "Z" for Zoey was inscribed on them-for the granddaughter Red had unknowingly named on Julio's last visit home before her passing. It had always been known that they would honour his late-stepmother with this child in some way. Choosing a name she had expressed love for so innocently seemed like the purest way to forge a connection between Galina and this baby. Julio and Gloria had both cried after Zoey was born, because it seemed so tragic to accept that the two of them would never meet. Undoubtedly, Galina would have adored this baby. She'd loved being a Grandmother.

"Julio texted that they were on their way," Vasily told her with a smile. Glancing around the room scrutinizing his eyes fell on the cabinet set behind a comfy armchair. "I guess I'll put these over there, and then Meghan can sit in that chair with the baby while they open all the presents."

"Do you want some help?" Gloria asked, walking closer behind him and gripping the strings holding the helium balloons above Vasily's hand.

"Thanks," Vasily told her. "I'll just knot them here so they won't fly away." He swiftly tied them and then took a step back. Looking down at Gloria, he thought she seemed paler than usual-like she hadn't been spending enough time outdoors lately. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," Gloria said automatically. "And I really appreciate everything that you guys have done for this Christening."

"It's nothing really," Vasily said with a shrug.

"It's not nothing," Gloria told him bluntly. "You guys were over here for four hours last night setting everything up and you didn't have to."

"We wanted to," Vasily brushed off her gratitude. Awkwardly he clasped his hands together and rubbed his thumb soothingly against his palm. "It's what she would have wanted," he reminded her quietly. "She wouldn't have been happy to know how much you've been keeping to yourself. She wanted us to still be a family."

"We are," Gloria told him. She raised her eyebrows in surprise at the sincerity and openness with which Galina's youngest son was expressing himself to her. Such a thing had never really happened before, besides in a burst of temper. "It hasn't been personal, I've just needed some time to myself."

"I understand," Vasily replied. "But I hope that changes soon. The kids miss you. Vera especially-she's struggling."

"I know," Gloria swallowed a lump in her throat. Her mind pictured the beautiful girl whom she had shared a special bond with since they had met. She had been at the Baptismal ceremony that morning, of course, but Gloria had barely managed a quick hug and kiss before she had shooed her step-granddaughter off with Valentina, who had planned to take the girls back to her house until they all met back up for the party.

"I'm going to do better," Gloria resolved. "I'll come around more. I never wanted them to feel like I was avoiding them or anything. I was out of town for a month when the baby was born and I have been dealing with some health issues since then."

"Health issues?" Vasily perked up, looking concerned. "Is it your diabetes?"

"Yeah, but it's being handled," Gloria said vaguely. She regretted mentioning any of this at all. She had purposefully kept all of them in the dark this entire time because she didn't want attention drawn to her illness, or rather to the lack of care she was giving herself. It was too much to think about most days. Now that she had lost the necessity of keeping herself in good health for the sake of being able to look after Galina, being in top form just didn't seem important. She had lost the incentive to eat when she wasn't hungry or abstain from a treat that she really wanted. There were times she went days without checking her sugar levels because she hadn't wanted to prick her finger. She'd been hospitalized for a brief stint two months ago when the doctor had prescribed her the insulin pump to off stand her own neglect. Gloria's own children had been furious with their mother for her disregard, but she had succeeded in keeping Red's family well in the dark then about the whole situation. She hadn't thought it was any of their business.

"Gloria, if something is wrong then you can tell me," Vasily reminded her. "You can call me, or any of us, at anytime. We'll always help you."

"I'll keep that in mind," Gloria said softly. "And thank you."

"If you aren't feeling well then we'd like to know about it," Vasily said pointedly. "We care about you."

Gloria nodded. Blinking rapidly to offset the tears that were threatening to pool into her eyes. She smiled sadly at him with her lips stretched tightly. It was painful how much of Galina Reznikov remained behind in her family, but perhaps instead of running from the reminders, she should be thankful that she still had them. "I have to wear an Insulin pump all the time now," she confessed. "It's no big deal and I don't think you can even tell that I have it on."

"No, I can't tell," Vasily assured her. "Why do you need that? Are your levels getting too hard to manage?"

"Something like that," Gloria said vaguely. "I have a doctor appointment next Friday. I'll probably learn more about how it's been working out then."

"Well, that's good," Vasily replied. "Do you want someone to go with you?"

"No," Gloria shook her head. "Valentina already offered to drive me. She's been really supportive through everything."

"That's nice," Vasily smiled. Valentina had been his wife's best friend since they were young girls and as a result he knew that Gloria and her daughter had been on a bumpy road to get to where they were now. "But don't forget, if you ever need a stand in then any of us would be happy to help."

"Thank you," Gloria said again, with a sincere smile. "You're a lot like her, you know? Your mother. You have her spirit."

"Well, I'll take that as a high compliment," Vasily told her. "Even if I always considered Mama's spirit to be on a bit of the dramatic side."

"You should," Gloria replied, with a giggle. "And that's just part of it. You two also shared a very special ability to make people you care about feel like they truly matter. You've got a good heart, and a beautiful family. Your kids are growing up to all be incredible people."

"Just make sure you come around enough to see it," Vasily reminded her. "Don't disappear for weeks after today. You need to start showing up to their stuff again."

"I promise," said Gloria.

And she meant it. She knew she had to keep on living and she also understood that the family she had gained through Galina was something meant to be cherished. She shouldn't push them away because they reminded her too much of her, that in itself was a gift. It meant life went on and Galina's soul would never die. Suddenly Gloria didn't view this gathering of family crowding up her home as a chore to endure, but a time to enjoy. And she did.

As her children, stepchildren, beloved grandchildren, and the newcomers from Meghan's side of the family that had flown in for the Christening arrived at her door, Gloria was happy to see them. This was how you honoured the dead and she felt Galina's presence very strong in their home and her heart.

"So, tell me the latest," Gloria said candidly, settling herself down into a garden chair and fixing Nicky and Lorna with a curious stare over her glass of white wine. "Lida was telling me earlier that I better check in with you? Something about exciting news…"

"My whole life is a blur of excitement," Nicky retorted with a laugh. "Actually, what I think Lida was hinting at probably leans more towards the side of terrifying, than exciting."

"Then it's probably good for you," Gloria replied, taking a sip from her glass.

"Well, they always say you're supposed to do one thing a day that scares you," Lorna perked up.

"Who says that?" Gloria asked, raising her eyebrows inquisitively.

"I don't know," Lorna shrugged, "but somebody said that."

"Well, the more we discuss it the less terrifying it seems to become," Nicky said. To Gloria's astonishment a pink blush had marred Nicky's cheeks and she looked almost bashful as she averted her eyes to her lap. "I've been looking at fostering," she admitted shyly. "Well, we have-Lorna and me."

"Fostering?" Gloria repeated in surprise. "That's not what I was expecting. Can you do that?"

"I'm not sure yet," Nicky admitted. "With our records, they might tell us no. But I've told Riley that even if we have to wait until she is officially 18 for her to come live with me, it's going to happen. I want to take care of her."

"Whose Riley?" Gloria asked, looking confused.

"She's a girl I know through the center," Nicky replied. "She's on a bad path right now. She's been in seven foster care homes in the last four years and spent a few months in juvie for drug possession a few months ago. Now she's living in a group home and mandated to come to the clinic for outpatient therapy. I've been working with her."

"Sounds like the two of you might have a lot in common to talk about," Gloria said honestly. "How old is she?"

"Seventeen," Nicky replied. "I know it seems crazy but the moment I laid eyes on this girl I knew that it was my job to look after her. And she's so smart. If she got her life under control, someday she could really be someone."

"I don't think it seems crazy," Gloria said bluntly. "I think you've fallen in love with this girl and now maybe understand something about what all us mother's go through for our kids, blood or not."

"Yeah, I guess," Nicky shrugged with a smile. "Sometimes Riley says or does things and I'm not sure whether I want to hug or smack her, but I know that either way I'll never leave her."

"That's how Red felt about you," Gloria reminded her gently.

"That's what I said," Lorna smiled sweetly. "And it seems like such a special way to honour her memory."

"Yes, it does," Gloria said quietly. "I definitely think the universe brought this girl into your life for a reason, Nicky. I hope everything works out."

"Look, there's Nonna, Zoey," a tall blonde woman crooned to the baby in her arms. Walking across the grass in a white dress that set off her golden tan and complemented the baby's Christening gown, Julio's fiancée Meghan walked confidently over to where Gloria, Nicky, and Lorna were sitting. Her face broke out in a dazzling smile as she reached them.

"Is she awake?" Gloria asked eagerly. Setting her glass of wine down in the grass, she held her arms out eagerly in anticipation for her granddaughter.

"Yeah, she just finished eating," Meghan replied. Leaning down, she gently placed her daughter into Gloria's waiting arms.

"Hi, beautiful girl," Gloria whispered, as she kissed the baby's rosy cherub cheek. "Let's fix your bow, hmm?" she murmured, as she adjusted the large white oversized headpiece. It looked adorable in Zoey's full head of brown hair.

"She's going to need a haircut pretty soon," Meghan announced. "It just keeps growing."

"No, don't cut it," Gloria said quietly, kissing the baby's alternate cheek now. "Such pretty locks of hair."

"Well, it is beautiful," Meghan admitted. She smiled over at the two women seated with Gloria. "Nicky and Lorna, right?" she guessed correctly. "I'm trying to keep everyone straight but it's difficult when Julio has such a large family."

"You're doing good," Lorna smiled at her. "It must be pretty overwhelming to meet so many new people at once. At least we won't be strangers at your wedding now though."

"Is that going to be in New York?" Nicky asked.

"No," Meghan shook her head. "I think we'll do that in California," she announced apologetically with a nervous glance at Gloria. Gloria had taken off the little white party shoes that Zoey was wearing and was now tickling at her toes, coaxing belly laughs out of the little baby. "I hope everyone will still be able to attend, though."

"Of course," Gloria said calmly. She planted a kiss on the ball of Zoey's foot and then smiled up at her almost daughter-in-law. "I could come out a few weeks earlier so that I can be there to help with all the preparations."

"That would be fantastic," Meghan replied with a smile. "We were thinking sometime next January. You could come out and spend Zoey's first Christmas with us too."

"I would love that," Gloria said sincerely. Adjusting the squirming baby on her lap, Gloria resumed tickling her feet again to keep her laughing and occupied. "And thank you for having the Christening here. It's nice that everyone was able to be here for it."

"You're welcome," Meghan smiled. "My mother has always wanted to see New York. We're going to see the Statue of Liberty tomorrow if you'd like to come. Julio promised us a full tour of the city before we have to go home."

"Sure," Gloria nodded, as she smiled down at the wiggly raspberry blowing baby. Looking into her granddaughter's eyes and the innocence that was there seemed to be restoring her faith in a higher power. Though her anger was still very much at the surface, she knew only God himself was responsible for such tiny perfection. Ten finger and ten toes, and wild hair that stood straight up-reluctant to being tamed, Gloria caught a small piece of Galina in her granddaughter's presence.

"Nonna!" exclaimed a beautiful girl with long curly brown hair as she rushed across the lawn towards her. Vera and Emilia were at her heels. "Can I hold the baby now?" Gabriella pleaded. "I haven't gotten a chance yet."

"Of course, you can," Gloria replied. As Gabriella sat down eagerly next to her Grandmother, Gloria handed the baby over to her.

"Aww, she's so cute," Emilia squealed, kneeling down in the grass and tickling at the baby's bare toes. "Look at her tiny feet!"

"I know," Gabriella laughed. "I want one…. someday," she finished quickly, at the stern look her Nonna flashed her. "After college-"

"Keep talking, girl," Gloria chuckled. She smiled over at Vera who was standing a little further away, watching the scene unfold with a curious expression on her face. "Vera, do you want to hold the baby?"

"No," Vera shook her head, making her red hair bounce from side to side. "Maybe later."

"Vera doesn't like babies," Emilia offered up as explanation.

"That's not true," Vera shot back at her sister. "I just don't know what to do with them until they start walking and can play. What am I supposed to do? Shake a rattle in her face?"

"You could," Meghan giggled. "She actually does like that."

"Well, good," Vera replied. "Because I'm pretty sure my mom picked one out to go with our present. She said everyone should come inside soon to open the presents and eat the cake, by the way."

"Well, I guess we better get in there then," Gloria said gently. "You want to help me up, _Florescita?"_ she asked, using her pet name for Vera.

"Is it because you've been drinking wine or because you're getting old?" Vera giggled, as she held out a hand to help Gloria stand up.

"I'm already old, love," Gloria reminded her. On her feet she reached out to wrap an arm around Vera as she looked down at her two other granddaughters who were still playing with baby Zoey. "I don't care what any of you say," she told them. "Nobody is changing out of their church clothes before I get a perfect picture of all the cousins together. It's going to go up on my living room wall."

"Tell that to Alexei," Vera replied, pointing across the grass to where her older brother was talking with his uncles. "He already ditched his tie in the car."

"Typical," Gloria shook her head. "But Uncle Benny didn't even wear a tie to the church this morning. He thought I wouldn't notice."

"Always the rebel," Meghan laughed. "Julio has told me several stories about his brother's shenanigans over the years."

"It's why I keep him," Gloria replied. "He's still a handful but at least he gives us all something to talk about at parties." She squeezed Vera closer to her as the girl laughed, trying to put a lot of unspoken sentiments into the affection. As they all began to make their way back indoors, Gloria felt in better spirits than she had done in months. She was also ravenous and fully intended to get a second plate of healthy foods to munch on while the others enjoyed the cake.

It hit her just how much her life still mattered and how much she stood to lose by not taking care of herself. Galina would have given anything to be here savouring this time with the family she had poured her heart and soul into. It seemed much more necessary to cherish this time rather than hiding away from them all and losing out. It was what Red would have wanted her to do, and even more, it was what she would have expected. Gloria knew she would miss her love every day for the rest of her life, but life was going to keep going anyway. And she knew that it would be okay.


End file.
